ONE. Britney's documentary was pretty wonderful! It was soooo heartbreaking, mostly because she was TRYING to be so positive-- nothing touches my heart like sincerely doing everything you can to make the best out of a situation!! But it was so obvious that she wasn't happy a LOT of the time.
Today I got an issue of Entertainment Weekly (50 Sexiest Movies -- VERY disappointing) and there was an article about how entertainment reflects the political climate. For the past ... many... years movies and shows have been reflecting drama and conspiracy and sadness. And now that Obama is here, the climate is about hope and change... and so people are probs going to be willing to watch a more pro-government or happy ending or hopeful stories.
ANYWAY, I was thinking about it and Britney is totally on this trend. I mean, considering how she's regular talented and regular beautiful and regular smart... but she is just SOOOO good at being a performer and being at the right place at the right time and ... cueing in to the mass needs. Now I'm not saying her specific LIFE is better or worse because of it... BUUUUT I do feel like it could be right for her to come back out and be a performer again when our nations spirit is one of revival and openmindedness and happy endings. I just feel like a comeback is in the stars for her. I hope so. I think she's great!
When I started writing this, I was totally engulfed in the anxiety that comes after total relaxation. Like, I can tell that I'm in a mentally better place than I was before break. I'm definitely feeling more introspective and ready for positive changes (not because life's not working now... just because positive change is always the healthy way to look). BUUUUUT, I got this huge wave of anxiety this morning and it climaxed a few minutes ago. I was just like "what if I fuck it all up NOW!!>??" I'm refering to this semester. I don't know. I'm ready for a few more weeks of HARD work and then a big break! And even BETTER than the break... is just starting all over. That's the best because you're not locked into your decisions. Now I keep thinking that I'm going to mess up and fail something after all of this work and when I can't do anything about it anymore. I know that I just need to breathe. Be strong like Britney.
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Mmm... Nothing Really..
1) BRITNEY'S NEW DOCUMENTARY TONIGHT!! 10pm, MTV, be there!
2) I did literally NOTHING yesterday and woke up with anxiety about stuff I probably have to do today! PLUS I thought I woke up at FOUR, but it turns out I lost power and I actually woke up at like... 1:40pm which... I know isn't crazy-better but.... it makes ME feel better. THATS BECAUSE I'M NOT SLEEPING AT NIGHT ANYMORE! Tonight I have to make sure I go to bed at 2am LATEST!
Can you even believe that the semester is almost over??!! I'm pretty sure my only final is Dec. 17.... which is like 2 weeks from now!
Ugh, I'm watching 13 going on 30 and ... ugh with Mark Ruffalo. Could you put SOMETHING into your performance, sir!? Glad we're not into him anymore because he got way too many leading rolls!
2) I did literally NOTHING yesterday and woke up with anxiety about stuff I probably have to do today! PLUS I thought I woke up at FOUR, but it turns out I lost power and I actually woke up at like... 1:40pm which... I know isn't crazy-better but.... it makes ME feel better. THATS BECAUSE I'M NOT SLEEPING AT NIGHT ANYMORE! Tonight I have to make sure I go to bed at 2am LATEST!
Can you even believe that the semester is almost over??!! I'm pretty sure my only final is Dec. 17.... which is like 2 weeks from now!
Ugh, I'm watching 13 going on 30 and ... ugh with Mark Ruffalo. Could you put SOMETHING into your performance, sir!? Glad we're not into him anymore because he got way too many leading rolls!
Friday, November 28, 2008
BLACK Friday...
Here are some things I don't understand.
1) Why are we OBSESSED with "family values"?
I don't know why I chose this point first, but I just watched Milk (which I'll talk about in a bit), and one of the main anti-gay arguments is that it attacks the idea of the "family." Now obviously I'm obsessed with my gays, but when they tell us that they're going to teach our children about being gay, we argue that they won't. We don't say "WHO CARES???" or even better "GREAAT!! THEY NEED TO KNOW!!!" I know that I'm blurring points, but a HUGE portion of us don't even have a ... regular? is that the right word? family!
I don't even care. I'll just say it. I basically HATE traditions. I just think that tradition makes you feel like things are RIGHT. Like... you can't break away because it's so comforting because we, as beings, are programmed to repeat successful things. Like... if you sleep on one side of the bed, then you want to keep sleeping on that side because it worked. BUT the problem is that you don't see what's affecting other people... or what works BETTER! And you argue this stuff steadfastly ... the longer you've been practicing the same stuff! And you get depressed when things don't happen traditionally anymore (holiday suicide rate... hello?).
I think the what we need to remember is that our society is built off of the idea that we want to be in a society where we do what we want. That's why we don't incorporate religion into our laws. And all of these movements are for being an individual. We want to be ALL individuals living safely in one society. So you can wear a navy blue top, black slacks, 14 inch red heels, dreadlocks, confined in your shack in the forest eating nothing but grass and fucking anything that gives consent. And that's FINE! You can live here! And I'll bet we'd find out that life is a little better if we not only allow these things, but we understand, accept and love them. And then we don't even have to worry about family values. People can just love the people around them, and receive all that love back, and make babies that they can care for, and everyone can help raise them. That would be a beautiful place.
2) Black Friday.
This was actually going to be a pleasant entry until I read about a temp at Walmart getting trampled to death in the name of shopping. WALMART SHOPPING! He lost his LIIIFE!!! And not like our troops losing their lives. And not an accident. And not even a vendetta. None of those are okay at all... but this was because people cared more about their... half price electronics?? How the fuck can this be a season of love and giving when it get's this INSANE!!!??
Anyway, I'm pretty sure I'm going to start volunteering. I don't know why I don't volunteer already to be honest. I just can't decide what I want to do! What do I want to support? I think maybe I'll send out some emails and see what meshes with me. I was thinking maybe I would work in a kitchen for AIDS... because I can't drive, and I'm afraid that I wouldn't mesh with children too well, even though I would love being with children. The other thing, which I think would be more of a challenge, and more of a learning experience would be to teach English to immigrants. It's quite a committment, but I see no reason to not dedicate 2 to 3 hours a week to someone. Anyway, if anyone wants to volunteer with me, here's the site that I was looking at. http://volunteerboston.org/HTM/VolOps.shtml
Or let me know if there is something worthwhile that you think I should dedicate my time to.
So Milk was pretty good. It wasn't GREAT though. I particularly didn't like the beginning... I felt like everything went SO fast and then the part they focused on went a little slowish-- not TOO slow... but INFINITELY slower than the beginning when I thought there was good stuff in the beginning. BUUUUUUT the acting was superb. I LOVED Sean Penn but I REEEEAAAALLY loved Emile Hirsch. He for SHIZ has some gay friends... because I KNOW the person he played-- he stood perfectly and he had perfect sass and he ... he was great! I just liked how they played gay because... it was more real then other interpritations. I'm sure they ALL have gay friends and/or are gay themselves... but I thought it was a better movie to look towards for the gays then Brokeback Mountain, which I thought was slow and not really representative (not that that was the entire intent of that movie). But this interpritation was that the gays are strong and smart but they are still gay and they act gay... like they weren't saying that the gays are just like straight people who like guys.. they are a community and they are wonderful and loving and fun and most of all, they want their rights and they deserve to have them! And all the gays weren't the same, but they didn't shy away from the cliches either. And they were not too shy to do some serious, almost gratuitous, sex and making out, which I really enjoyed. Surprisingly, I wasn't obsessed with James Franco, who I ASSUMED was going to be the light of my life after this movie. The story wasn't as much about love as I thought it would be. It was good, but I think they could have dramatized the love. I would have.
So, I actually woke up at like 2pm today, and VERY shortly afterwards, my grandma JoAnne called me, which was a treat because we don't talk that often, but I love her so much!! BUT I missed the 1pm and 4ish showing of Milk. So I decided to go to the 7:15 showing but it was sold out! But at that point I basically NEEDED to see it, so I went to the 10:15 showing. The Coolidge theater is BEAUTIFUL though! I am inclined to perhaps go there like... once a week, given my renewed love for independent films. Then I would have to become a member, I imagine.
Hopefully tomorrow I do some work -- I'd like to do the dishes before Katherine gets home since I've made a bit of a mess. Maybe I'll do it tonight!
1) Why are we OBSESSED with "family values"?
I don't know why I chose this point first, but I just watched Milk (which I'll talk about in a bit), and one of the main anti-gay arguments is that it attacks the idea of the "family." Now obviously I'm obsessed with my gays, but when they tell us that they're going to teach our children about being gay, we argue that they won't. We don't say "WHO CARES???" or even better "GREAAT!! THEY NEED TO KNOW!!!" I know that I'm blurring points, but a HUGE portion of us don't even have a ... regular? is that the right word? family!
I don't even care. I'll just say it. I basically HATE traditions. I just think that tradition makes you feel like things are RIGHT. Like... you can't break away because it's so comforting because we, as beings, are programmed to repeat successful things. Like... if you sleep on one side of the bed, then you want to keep sleeping on that side because it worked. BUT the problem is that you don't see what's affecting other people... or what works BETTER! And you argue this stuff steadfastly ... the longer you've been practicing the same stuff! And you get depressed when things don't happen traditionally anymore (holiday suicide rate... hello?).
I think the what we need to remember is that our society is built off of the idea that we want to be in a society where we do what we want. That's why we don't incorporate religion into our laws. And all of these movements are for being an individual. We want to be ALL individuals living safely in one society. So you can wear a navy blue top, black slacks, 14 inch red heels, dreadlocks, confined in your shack in the forest eating nothing but grass and fucking anything that gives consent. And that's FINE! You can live here! And I'll bet we'd find out that life is a little better if we not only allow these things, but we understand, accept and love them. And then we don't even have to worry about family values. People can just love the people around them, and receive all that love back, and make babies that they can care for, and everyone can help raise them. That would be a beautiful place.
2) Black Friday.
This was actually going to be a pleasant entry until I read about a temp at Walmart getting trampled to death in the name of shopping. WALMART SHOPPING! He lost his LIIIFE!!! And not like our troops losing their lives. And not an accident. And not even a vendetta. None of those are okay at all... but this was because people cared more about their... half price electronics?? How the fuck can this be a season of love and giving when it get's this INSANE!!!??
Anyway, I'm pretty sure I'm going to start volunteering. I don't know why I don't volunteer already to be honest. I just can't decide what I want to do! What do I want to support? I think maybe I'll send out some emails and see what meshes with me. I was thinking maybe I would work in a kitchen for AIDS... because I can't drive, and I'm afraid that I wouldn't mesh with children too well, even though I would love being with children. The other thing, which I think would be more of a challenge, and more of a learning experience would be to teach English to immigrants. It's quite a committment, but I see no reason to not dedicate 2 to 3 hours a week to someone. Anyway, if anyone wants to volunteer with me, here's the site that I was looking at. http://volunteerboston.org/HTM/VolOps.shtml
Or let me know if there is something worthwhile that you think I should dedicate my time to.
So Milk was pretty good. It wasn't GREAT though. I particularly didn't like the beginning... I felt like everything went SO fast and then the part they focused on went a little slowish-- not TOO slow... but INFINITELY slower than the beginning when I thought there was good stuff in the beginning. BUUUUUUT the acting was superb. I LOVED Sean Penn but I REEEEAAAALLY loved Emile Hirsch. He for SHIZ has some gay friends... because I KNOW the person he played-- he stood perfectly and he had perfect sass and he ... he was great! I just liked how they played gay because... it was more real then other interpritations. I'm sure they ALL have gay friends and/or are gay themselves... but I thought it was a better movie to look towards for the gays then Brokeback Mountain, which I thought was slow and not really representative (not that that was the entire intent of that movie). But this interpritation was that the gays are strong and smart but they are still gay and they act gay... like they weren't saying that the gays are just like straight people who like guys.. they are a community and they are wonderful and loving and fun and most of all, they want their rights and they deserve to have them! And all the gays weren't the same, but they didn't shy away from the cliches either. And they were not too shy to do some serious, almost gratuitous, sex and making out, which I really enjoyed. Surprisingly, I wasn't obsessed with James Franco, who I ASSUMED was going to be the light of my life after this movie. The story wasn't as much about love as I thought it would be. It was good, but I think they could have dramatized the love. I would have.
So, I actually woke up at like 2pm today, and VERY shortly afterwards, my grandma JoAnne called me, which was a treat because we don't talk that often, but I love her so much!! BUT I missed the 1pm and 4ish showing of Milk. So I decided to go to the 7:15 showing but it was sold out! But at that point I basically NEEDED to see it, so I went to the 10:15 showing. The Coolidge theater is BEAUTIFUL though! I am inclined to perhaps go there like... once a week, given my renewed love for independent films. Then I would have to become a member, I imagine.
Hopefully tomorrow I do some work -- I'd like to do the dishes before Katherine gets home since I've made a bit of a mess. Maybe I'll do it tonight!
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Thanksgiving Day
GLORIOUS Thanksgiving!
So I stayed up until about 5am, probs because of my 15 hour sleep the night before, and also because I LOVE IT, last night. So I woke up to my mom calling this afternoon at about 1:30pm. So I had a nice chat with my mom, my sister, Ernie, and my brother, who's first words to me were "the Phillies won the world series." Then he told me how they went to the Phillies parade on Halloween. I was like "How could that POSSIBLY be the first thing to come to your mind when you talk to me?" It was a month ago, it's Thanksgiving, and there is no reason why the thought of me would trigger the thought of baseball. But whatever. Then I asked him what grade he was in and he told me SEVENTH!!!! And I was like WTF!?? THAT CAN'T BE!!!
Turns out it really can't be. He's in 5th grade. But he didn't miss a beat when he told me so I really was fooled!!!
As I was talking to my mom, my grandpa called. So I called my grandpa back and spilled the beans about my painting for him. Then he told me about a wonderful movie that he said was really good and he thought I would really relate to the character. The movie is called Happy-Go-Lucky and it turns out it is still in theaters.
So after I talked to him it was about 3:45pm-ish. I took a REALLY long shower (singing a shit-ton of tunes), ate a TON of stovetop stuffing and a tuna bagel sandwich, watched an episode of Punk'd, and found a theater that was showing Happy-Go-Lucky.
The closest theater was the Kendal Square Cinema, which I've never been to and involved some very shady directions (walk through the lobby of the Marriot... I was like '...really?'). Also, I really wanted to watch the whole episode of Punk'd, which would go until 5pm, but I was afraid I was going to be late for the 6:30 movie if I didn't leave at 4:30. OBVIOUSLY that was retarded and even though I left at 5 because I NEEDED to know how Brittany Snow was going to react, I still got there 40 minutes early. I never mind because I bring my iPod and a book everywhere, but I have to reflect on how retarded I am with time.
So the movie was EXCELLENT!!!! I loved it SOOOO much!!! The thing about independent movies is that they are SOOOO FULL of PASSION!! They usually reflect a story about a person whose story NEEDS to be told, and the people who made it spent a JILLION dollars of their own funding because the story was THAT important to them!! But it was just about this woman that ... was so happy and cheerful and lighthearted and understanding amongst all the people around her. I was so flattered that my grandpa thought of me when he watched the movie because it's the kind of attitude that I definitely aspire to have!
Also, I LOOOOOOVE movies! I LOVE them!!! After the movie I was in that characters place... and I wanted to walk briskly and bravely home and admire and appreciate everything around me and befriend strangers and be happy and dance-y!
I think they should have a movie therapy. Like, the therapist listens to your problems and what's up with you and then they pick movies that they think will give you perspective or hope or whatever you need... like ... 3 times a week you just sit in a little 12 seat cinema room and watch and then discuss it! It would be way more than an hour per session, but III think it would be great!
Anyway, after the movie, some guy on a bike wished me a happy Thanksgiving! And then I got a 12-pack of coke and some Pirouette hazelnut/chocolate cookie things. And now I'm enjoying myself.
Tomorrow I think I'm going to see Milk (FUCK YEAH!!) and maybe I'll go to the park and read some scripts. Beautiful.
So I stayed up until about 5am, probs because of my 15 hour sleep the night before, and also because I LOVE IT, last night. So I woke up to my mom calling this afternoon at about 1:30pm. So I had a nice chat with my mom, my sister, Ernie, and my brother, who's first words to me were "the Phillies won the world series." Then he told me how they went to the Phillies parade on Halloween. I was like "How could that POSSIBLY be the first thing to come to your mind when you talk to me?" It was a month ago, it's Thanksgiving, and there is no reason why the thought of me would trigger the thought of baseball. But whatever. Then I asked him what grade he was in and he told me SEVENTH!!!! And I was like WTF!?? THAT CAN'T BE!!!
Turns out it really can't be. He's in 5th grade. But he didn't miss a beat when he told me so I really was fooled!!!
As I was talking to my mom, my grandpa called. So I called my grandpa back and spilled the beans about my painting for him. Then he told me about a wonderful movie that he said was really good and he thought I would really relate to the character. The movie is called Happy-Go-Lucky and it turns out it is still in theaters.
So after I talked to him it was about 3:45pm-ish. I took a REALLY long shower (singing a shit-ton of tunes), ate a TON of stovetop stuffing and a tuna bagel sandwich, watched an episode of Punk'd, and found a theater that was showing Happy-Go-Lucky.
The closest theater was the Kendal Square Cinema, which I've never been to and involved some very shady directions (walk through the lobby of the Marriot... I was like '...really?'). Also, I really wanted to watch the whole episode of Punk'd, which would go until 5pm, but I was afraid I was going to be late for the 6:30 movie if I didn't leave at 4:30. OBVIOUSLY that was retarded and even though I left at 5 because I NEEDED to know how Brittany Snow was going to react, I still got there 40 minutes early. I never mind because I bring my iPod and a book everywhere, but I have to reflect on how retarded I am with time.
So the movie was EXCELLENT!!!! I loved it SOOOO much!!! The thing about independent movies is that they are SOOOO FULL of PASSION!! They usually reflect a story about a person whose story NEEDS to be told, and the people who made it spent a JILLION dollars of their own funding because the story was THAT important to them!! But it was just about this woman that ... was so happy and cheerful and lighthearted and understanding amongst all the people around her. I was so flattered that my grandpa thought of me when he watched the movie because it's the kind of attitude that I definitely aspire to have!
Also, I LOOOOOOVE movies! I LOVE them!!! After the movie I was in that characters place... and I wanted to walk briskly and bravely home and admire and appreciate everything around me and befriend strangers and be happy and dance-y!
I think they should have a movie therapy. Like, the therapist listens to your problems and what's up with you and then they pick movies that they think will give you perspective or hope or whatever you need... like ... 3 times a week you just sit in a little 12 seat cinema room and watch and then discuss it! It would be way more than an hour per session, but III think it would be great!
Anyway, after the movie, some guy on a bike wished me a happy Thanksgiving! And then I got a 12-pack of coke and some Pirouette hazelnut/chocolate cookie things. And now I'm enjoying myself.
Tomorrow I think I'm going to see Milk (FUCK YEAH!!) and maybe I'll go to the park and read some scripts. Beautiful.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Beginning of Thanksgiving Break
So here's the deal. Even though I ALREADY write a shit-ton... it's going to be Blythe-blog-overload this weekend! I have nothing else to do! And no one to talk to but myself (I'm being dramatic... obviously)!
So last night I was REALLY BUMMED OUT! I couldn't decide if I was ALREADY sad about being alone for Thanksgiving (which I didn't think I was sad about to begin with... but how can you really tell until it happens?), or if it was something else. I took to my written journal to talk it out and I realized that NOTHING is going badly in my life (which is great!):
So, I went to the store, which was a LITTLE unhappy because I only have $30 in the bank (until all of my new money clears). Then I had a tuna sandwich and a $.50 burrito and some pickles (which is an excellent, cheap meal, I think). Then I started watching Bourne Identity, but about half way through I had to pause and take a little rest. Then Katherine came in to ask if I wanted to hang out with her and her friend, but I obviously didn't because I was basically asleep. So she turned off my TV and the lights.
It was about 9:30pm. I slept straight until almost 1pm today! Today I feel great! I guess I was just really tired! I ALWAYS do that when I go home for breaks. I get home and I pass out for HUGE amounts of time! I thought it was the traveling... but maybe it's just that having a huge break gives me enough ease to just pass out. Either way, I bet I was REALLY tired. My body is always soooooo good to me! It lets me stay up for HUGE amounts of time and I hardly feel the reprecussions. It deserves a nice 15 hour sleep.
So last night I was REALLY BUMMED OUT! I couldn't decide if I was ALREADY sad about being alone for Thanksgiving (which I didn't think I was sad about to begin with... but how can you really tell until it happens?), or if it was something else. I took to my written journal to talk it out and I realized that NOTHING is going badly in my life (which is great!):
"My classes are going great. I have a lot of great friends. I have a job that is less stressful than any other job I've had. I feel good about going into television (reasonably speaking). Obama is going into office."
So, I went to the store, which was a LITTLE unhappy because I only have $30 in the bank (until all of my new money clears). Then I had a tuna sandwich and a $.50 burrito and some pickles (which is an excellent, cheap meal, I think). Then I started watching Bourne Identity, but about half way through I had to pause and take a little rest. Then Katherine came in to ask if I wanted to hang out with her and her friend, but I obviously didn't because I was basically asleep. So she turned off my TV and the lights.
It was about 9:30pm. I slept straight until almost 1pm today! Today I feel great! I guess I was just really tired! I ALWAYS do that when I go home for breaks. I get home and I pass out for HUGE amounts of time! I thought it was the traveling... but maybe it's just that having a huge break gives me enough ease to just pass out. Either way, I bet I was REALLY tired. My body is always soooooo good to me! It lets me stay up for HUGE amounts of time and I hardly feel the reprecussions. It deserves a nice 15 hour sleep.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Money Money Money
Good day today. I went to work and counted books forever. But it wasn't a very tricky wake-up even though I went to bed at 4am and woke at 8:30am. That was lucky.
So work was fine, but that room is CRAZY dry! Everytime I walk in I have to put lotion on because my hands feel very uncomfortable. But it's not aweful because I keep lotion in my Vogue Espana bag.
Then I went to class and handed in my script for our final project, which was VERY aesthetically pleasing because we just turned in our Sex and the City scripts, so I have a whole bunch of shit that is only useful for binding scripts. Anyway, I DID like my story! It is, to me, reminiscent of my Superblake Saga, if anyone remembers that.
AND while I was in class, I MIRACULOUSLY found a check for $65.71!!! SO LUCKY!! Although I have to wonder why I keep finding checks. Why am I not taking care of them?? Especially when I'm ACTUALLY HONESTLY hungry some nights because I can't afford to eat. I kept bragging about my poorness before... but now it's pretty real.
SO I deposited 3 checks ($180 ish) and then I counted ALL of my change-- I rolled the quarters and nickels, but they didn't have the paper for pennies or dimes so I separated them into $.50 and $5 respectively so they'll be easy to roll later. I ended up having $59.53 in change!! And I had $2 in bills... so that's pretty great.
I hope I don't starve.
So work was fine, but that room is CRAZY dry! Everytime I walk in I have to put lotion on because my hands feel very uncomfortable. But it's not aweful because I keep lotion in my Vogue Espana bag.
Then I went to class and handed in my script for our final project, which was VERY aesthetically pleasing because we just turned in our Sex and the City scripts, so I have a whole bunch of shit that is only useful for binding scripts. Anyway, I DID like my story! It is, to me, reminiscent of my Superblake Saga, if anyone remembers that.
AND while I was in class, I MIRACULOUSLY found a check for $65.71!!! SO LUCKY!! Although I have to wonder why I keep finding checks. Why am I not taking care of them?? Especially when I'm ACTUALLY HONESTLY hungry some nights because I can't afford to eat. I kept bragging about my poorness before... but now it's pretty real.
SO I deposited 3 checks ($180 ish) and then I counted ALL of my change-- I rolled the quarters and nickels, but they didn't have the paper for pennies or dimes so I separated them into $.50 and $5 respectively so they'll be easy to roll later. I ended up having $59.53 in change!! And I had $2 in bills... so that's pretty great.
I hope I don't starve.
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