Very VERY Strange and Explicit Dream

Warning: Very explicit info a comin'. 

Last night, I dreamt that my mom had a penis!! We were sitting cross-legged, in front of a bed, and watching a very small TV, and then she whips out a penis. And I kind of look at it and she tells me it's a benign tumor. Then she kind of touches it a little... and then this gay guy on the bed, who was sleeping with my step-dad, Ernie (who is either asleep in the dream, or just not talking) (sex WAS implied), sits up on the bed and tells my mom, in a very "gay" voice, "oh please" and tells her, in a crude way that I don't remember, to jerk it off! Then my mom gives him a look (she doesn't jerk it off), and tells me that she bought 3 medium packages of toilet paper and one small one, and now she has more money so she'd like me to return all of the toilet paper and get a really big package instead. Then she gives me $5. 

Then I go to the store and in the parking lot, in huge chalk letter is: 

I'M A DIRTY TOOKEL

ON A DIRTY TSOOKCKS 

(the nouns are not exactly what it said... the words didn't make sense in my dream)

In my head, I wonder if the saying is from a gang. 

Then I go in the store, easily carrying all this toilet paper, and for no reason, I dramatically wake up at 5:30am. And, when I wake up, I look around for the $5 on my bed for a for like... several seconds before I realize that the $5 obviously didn't exist if I'm in my bed. 

HOW FUCKED UP ARE MY DREAMS LATELY??!!!

On a side note: I canNOT believe that I have NO MORE CLASS FOR JUNIOR YEAR!!! I didn't even reflect on it!! I didn't realize the end was near. It just HAPPENED!

Correspondence with My Daddy

Correspondence with my daddy (after I sent him to the link to the "While My Guitar Gently Weeps" video): 

Not only do I love that song, I loved the way you performed it.  Who arranged it?    Thanks so much for sharing.  Asiana says she thought it was brilliant!    I’m going to check out some of the others.

When are you done with school and what’s you plan?  No pressure… just curious?

We  (asiana and I) spent 2 weeks in Costa Rica last month.  What  a wild trip!  We saw active volcanoes,  ran rivers, went deep sea fishing, hiked through jungles, stayed in hot springs, played with monkeys, surfed (boogy board) across some great beaches,  rode ziplines thru the tree canopies, and saw some amazing things…    …and did it without hardly any possessions.

We got totally robbed the day we arrived and got our passports, drivers license, money, creditcards, bankcards, phones, Ipod Touch, and Camera all stolen.  Talk about an excellent challenge!  Anyway, all is well except I feel I need a vacation to help me relax from this one.

Again, I love your singing!

Big Love,

Daddy

Thank you!! That trip sounds like such an adventure!!! I remember when I was really obsessed with Hawaii and you told me to change my obsession to Costa Rica because it was just like Hawaii but with monkeys. So... I hope you saw some monkeys!

My friend Pretty arranged the song. I LOVE the arrangement!

My plan for the summer... is pretty up in the air. I haven't told my mother exactly what's happening yet, but I'll tell you because I feel like you won't judge my decision... but basically, I have an apartment that I'm getting for $400 a month, sharing with my friend Pat. I saved enough money to afford it so instead of doing an internship, I think I'm going to get a very part-time job... maybe 15 hours a week, and spend the rest of the time eating well and sleeping well and exercising and painting and reading and really utilizing Boston-- seeing free shows and concerts and festivals... doing what I want. I think I'm going to put all of my stuff in storage except a few shirts and pants and my computer... and my dvds probably... go from there.

I know it's a LITTLE irresponsible... but actually, I just want to do what I want during my last summer before I have to enter the real world. I mean, in my life, it's not going to make one difference if I get an internship now or if I just do one during next year. And I don't want to have ONLY done what everyone told me to do all the time. In a way, I think it's very responsible... because I really only have a responsibility to myself... and I only have one life.

Anything is subject to change... and that's the way I want it to be.

Love,

Blythe

I guess it’s much easier to talk about not judging things than actually not being judgmental.  That being said, I’m thrilled you are taking the opportunity to play for the summer.  Life should be enjoyed and when you can find the time and resources to not be responsible I think you should take it.  Too many people are working and saving for the future and not living in the present.  The future never comes and by the time people are done working they have to spend the rest of their energy overcoming poor health that come with getting old.

I hope your plan works out for ya and you have a rockin’ summer.

So, I guess I judged your idea as “great”.

Big Love,

Daddy

MADE IT!

I am my own biggest hero. 

Diva. 

AAAHHHH!!

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Okay... it's gonna be okay...

Doin' Okay

So... last night I had a hard time sleeping. 

Here is what I have for this week: 

Due Wednesday: 

-Final children's show project, including pitch. This is... ... a LOT done... and yet not much done at the same time. It needs to be heavily fleshed out, probs 4 hours work. 

-5-7 page Chinese Anthro paper. Have not begun. Have not read anything. Have not picked a topic. I did this on the last paper, wrote in one night, and got a B... so I'm not TERRIFIED... although I'm equally proud and not proud of that fact. Also, these topics are more fun than the last ones... because this is more about Chinese tradition and everyday life and less about government stuff and timelines. 

-Rough draft for final script, not to be turned in, but to be workshopped. It's supposed to be 8 to 10 pages and it's already 7 and a bit... but that stuff needs to be worked on. If it comes down to it, I could not change it really at all... but I would really LIKE to get as much workshopped as possible. 

Now, it is almost 9pm on Monday and I have no class tomorrow, BUUUUT I am singing for Corina's class and have to meet them at 11:30am. Then I'm having a lunch with my boss at 12:30pm (I hope she offers me a job for the summer or something... because, no offense to her, and it is a lovely gesture, but... it's a waste of time. I don't need food that much). Then I have to go to work for 3 hours. Then we have the Chords pitch party which, if I REALLY fuck up tonight (PLEASE DON'T FUCK UP, BLYTHE!), then I won't be able to go. Hopefully it will be less time than our scheduled practice. 

THURSDAY after 5pm, we're shooting the rest of my movie... so I have to have storyboarded (and possibly rewritten the end of the script.. /DEFINITELY rewritten it) the screenplay. 

FRIDAY my final script is due at noon. Also, Kevin is coming. 

SATURDAY we're recording all day... and then some REAL fun with Kevin and probs Amanda and whoever else wants to join. 

SOOOO back to where I began with how I couldn't sleep last night. It was totally my fault, and surely due to the fact that I ate a lot of chocolate at like 3am. Plus, I wanted to have been doing work... but wasn't. Because I can be a real fool. 

At 5am I was so serious about going to bed, it hurt... but at 6am I started to really panic. At some point I did fall asleep and at 10:30am, my alarm work me up. I don't have class until 2pm, so I decided I would go to work after class and sleep until then because I'm obviously going to have to stay up late tonight and I don't want to have had only a few hours of sleep. As I was deciding, I thought I should write down the dream I had because... last night after I wrote my blog I decided to keep a notebook next to my bed to record my dreams. 

This is what I dreamt: 

It was night time and I was leading some boy down a hill away from somewhere.. I don't know where... that he wanted to be. I was telling him things to make him forget that I was leading him away... like whispering in his ear... and it was working... he was completely dazed... and I really did feel sneaky, definitely trying to manipulate him. 

Then we come across a restaurant that advertised their wine on the outside. I thought that if I could get him to this restaurant, he would definitely forget about the other place and would probably come with me to the city. So as I'm pointing to the wine and I guess trying to convince him that we should go in... and he's kind of agreeing with me... these two women, dressed in like... Jane Austen attire (that in my dream was appropriate for the restaurant) came out slowly and said "hello" in kind of a scary-ish way... and he definitely knew the women... and I knew he knew them and that they were bad. So I look at him and he looks sad. I ask him if he wants to go back to where we originally were, the place I was leading him away from, and he nods, relieved, and says "yeah." Then I wake up. 

I'M the creepy one in THAT dream!

ANYWAY, as I'm writing the dream down, I get a series of texts. So I semi-respond to the texts. Then I'm finishing writing my dream when there is a banging on my door. So I put my clothes on, but before I get to the door, the people already come in to take away the refrigerator (I told the school about it last night at like... 8pm... VERY prompt. Also, I spent like... an hour and a half REALLY cleaning it with comet and everything.... I was proud). So then I move stuff around for them. Then I go to the bathroom. Then I go back into my room, take my clothes off again, and lay back down because the people took away the refrigerator while I was in the bathroom. 

Then, right when I lay down, I hear a banging again. So I put my clothes back on and get the door because they forgot to bring the key and they were also delivering the new refrigerator. So this time I stayed in the doorway so I could thank them, but they had a hard time getting the new one in, so it was a while. I thanked them as they left, but they forgot their little metal lift-thing so I ran to give it to them before they left. Then I get back in bed.

But now I'm REALLY awake... so, even though I usually don't have this problem, it was REALLY hard for me to go back to sleep. I end up deciding to skip my class... which MIGHT have been stupid, but I've only skipped the class one other time... so whatever. 

I took so long describing all that, that all my left-out stuff will be in bullets. 

-Pat and I officially have a new apartment now. And it's WAY better than the other one because it's a) cheaper, b) has furniture.... we don't need to sleep on air mattresses, c) we can move in before June 1st so I probably won't need someplace to keep my stuff, d) she's leaving her bike and Pat can use it for the summer instead of buying one, and e) no other roommates. 

-Chords concert went great. I thought we were dressed really lovely. Also, it was the first day that REALLY felt like summer. The whole day was pretty surreal because I wore my dress (senior prom dress... glad there was a reason for me to bring that here after all) and I felt really pretty and the perfect temperature. Plus, we didn't even need a jacket in the evening... and EVERYONE was outside, both because of the weather and because Warren Towers like... burned down leaving the approx 1680 kids stranded for 1.5 hours... but they didn't seem to mind too much because it was such nice weather. Plus, people I didn't know were complimenting me on the street. AND the Chords game night was fun because we played the write a sentence and then draw the sentence on the next page game!! And everyone was REALLY into it! And there were 16 people so it was REALLY funny. 

-While I'm still grappling about the summer, I've been having secret fantasies about what to do ever since I decided that I no longer care (which I'm positive has lowered my blood pressure a great deal). BUUUT today was the first time that I actually voiced them. I told them to Elena and she seemed to think that it was perfectly viable... which was REALLY encouraging. I was also going to talk to my mom about it today, but when I called, she said she was sick and I decided to wait. Although, when I was walking with Pat the other day, he seemed to have everything really put together and he was STILL worried about it... and it gave me a LITTLE anxiety... but I think it's going to be okay. 

STILL HAVE TO GET NEW PANTS!

Telling Dreams?

Two nights ago, I had a dream that I remember being very complex but I only remember that in the very end I was sitting on these stairs, naked except my underwear... but no bra, and out of the window I see Robert Downey Jr., who in my dream, I know from a while ago I guess. Then he sees me through this open window and he starts kind of taunting me like "well look at what we have here... look what you've become" remarking on my nakedness... like saying... I don't know.. that I was a whore or something. And I don't say anything at all. I'm completely silent even though in the dream I remember having a perfectly "reasonable" (probs not.. but in my dream it was considered reasonable) reason for being naked. Then, he comes really close (but he's still outside and talking to me through the open window) and uses his fingers for emphasizing some point, I don't remember what specifically, and I try to kiss his fingers... and then I remember being shocked at myself for trying to kiss someone that's berating me and as I'm thinking this, I wake up. 

It kind of reminds me of a dream I had like.. a week ago where I kept making out with this guy who was saying things that I thought were really unattractive. And my thoughts in the dream (not a reflection afterwards) were shock that I kept hearing ridiculous things but I kept like... ferociously making out with him afterwards. 

Hmmmm... 

Unfortunate Personality and More

I feel like I spend so much more time alone now that I'm constantly being caught off-guard with people and thus have like... 15 minutes of what I'm going to call the unfortunate personality. And in many cases, I don't get the 15 minutes to warm up and I just leave people with the taste of the unfortunate personality. (Note: I'm SURE it's not this complex, but... it's how I feel every day)

For instance, today, I went to Chinese anthropology class for an hour, worked (alone in a room typing) for two hours, and edited (alone in a room) for about 2.5 hours. No people in my scheduled day. However, at some point I ran into a girl from another a cappella (is it really two Ps in "cappella"? Mac, you blow my mind) group, who, first of all, has infinite more energy that I do at any given moment, and ran at me with a hug... which was nice.. but I'm already awkward... plus the hug... and of course the unfortunate personality.  I start fumbling around trying to think of what a cappella group she's in (trying to make myself not take a guess!!! Which I do WAY too often (and I've brought up the affliction with many people now)) and trying to think about if her concert has passed or if there is any likelihood that I WILL go to her concert, as she is assuring me that she's coming to mine. It was too much. I came off looking like I can't control the personality (in my head... I doubt I'm ever any different to her). 

Also, today, I ran into one of the actors in my movie in the elevator going to the editing room. I tell him that I'm about to edit the video and he says he's going to come and see what I've done so far... which was 

a) REALLY disconcerting, considering NO ONE has seen what I've done so far... and also I'd have to explain what I'm going to change in everything so it's better... because it obviously looks like... crap right now. And rightly so. It's like if someone wanted to look over a paper that you haven't finished yet... like, maybe you wrote out BASICALLY what you want to do but didn't put in the quotes or write a conclusion or proofread it at all. What's the point? It can ONLY make you frustrated.. and waste time. 

b) I had GREAT personality when I met this guy. I was fueled on SOOOO much caffeine and adrenaline and I was SUPER prepared to make everyone like me so they'd work well and feel like they were having fun. 

So when I met him this second time... most unfortunate personality. I was dismissive... and also was trying to make him not want to be there because... ... I didn't want him to be there. 

Also, I'm VERY confident that my entire personality changes when the sun goes down. I don't want to be dramatic about it (except that I obviously do), but... ya know... it's true. 

What I'm saying is, I should only be judged only starting 15 minutes after I've been with people and after dark. That's all I'm saying. I'm a diva. 

In other news:

1. Pat and I are going to try and find a cheaper place to live. 

2. Kevin is visiting the weekend of May 1st. WHOO!!!

3. I don't even CARE about the damn internship anymore. I don't even care. 

4. Concert is Saturday, photonics, 5:30, I still have 2 tickets. 

5. AFTER the concert, Chords is probably going to have a JUST CHORDS GAME NIGHT!!! HEEELLZ YEAH!!! (I may have emphasized the "game" part of the night more than anyone else in chords... but it's basically my dream. I'm going to think about bringing some edamame... it will be my wildest fantasies come true!)

6. The Office today was GREAT! At least I thought it was!

Tidbits: 

If you're interested, I really enjoyed this segment from the Daily Show. It's about socialistic Sweden. REALLY GOOD!

Also, Caroline and I watched this Mariah Carey video like... 1000 times yesterday and I am STILL impressed! How can she do that LIVE!! No big thang!

Also, I have to say, I would HIGHLY recommend that if you don't take advantage of free podcasts... perhaps you should look into it because it is MIRACULOUS! I've been regularly listening to Real Time with Bill Maher (I don't get HBO) and This American Life (thanks to Elena) and President Obama's Weekly Radio Address. It's a blessing.. and free.