How great does Good Hair, the documentary by Chris Rock, look? Unfortunately, it came out October 9th and is now in zero theaters near me. LAME!

I decided to dress up as "Blythe watching the 'No Rain' video by Blind Melon," which I think was a success/no one really asked. I seem to always forget that in addition to me consistently bitching about holiday anxiety, I ALSO consistently have a great time during holidays and feel stupid that I bitched so much. Damnit!

I want to mention that my other costume ideas were "Business Blythe" or "Blythe in a skirt." Elena pointed out the narcissism of my only costume ideas being other forms of me.

Today at the Hillel, there was excessive throwing of challah (bread) in the trash from long distances. At one point, Pat threw challah at Doug while his hands were full of other things and this was the dialogue that took place:

Pat: You forgot to catch, son.

Doug: You forgot my hands were booked, son.

My hands were booked! What a great phrase! I can't comment on the "son" part, which is also hilarious, but... I don't think I could ever pull that part off... and I don't think anyone would argue with that presumption (what is the difference between "assumption" and "presumption?"). I would write a paper on it, maybe, if I was still in Linguistic Anthropology.

Also, I talked to Julia, who is from L.A., about my self-consciousness about my clothes. Julia assured me that Boston is way more judgmental and if I can survive here, I can certainly do it there. THAT is the first testimony that I really believe and makes me feel WAY better. My grandpa also said something along the lines of L.A. being more laid back and where my people are (the way I feel about Portland), but... what does he know? He's the most east coast man around.

Yes. I feel much better now that I've talked to Julia.

Lastly, let's just watch "No Rain." I just love it so much!!

L.A. Entry 2.0: Adding a Dash of Optimism

I realized, given my trouble sleeping and my anxiety, that I need to reassess my attitude towards L.A. Therefore I decided to make a series of new rules for myself:

1. I am going to try and stop discussing my anxiety so much. I feel like it's exacerbating the problem--just sending negative energy out.

1b. I'm going to try and focus way more on the fact that this is actually a very exciting thing to do. Change is scary, but in a much more real sense, being on the move is very relieving and fulfilling. Plus, I was frightened to come to Boston too, and that turned out SUPER SUPER SUPER awesome. So great.

2. I'm going to stop thinking of L.A. in terms of the rest of my life, and think of it ONLY in terms of the 3 1/2 months that I'm obligated there. MUCH less pressure. I have to remember that if I don't like it, I can EASILY try to use my new connections to find work in New York. Or I can hang with my family in Colorado for a while. OR I can go up to Portland (my secret dream location) and take the civil service exam and do some government work for a while. I'll start thinking about the future a month into my L.A. experience.

3. I have to have a little more perspective on how this simply isn't the most stressful experience in comparison with what other people do. A HUGE amount of my friends came to Boston from California and they are just fine. Plus my mom had a 2-year-old when she was my age (me). Plus, Natalya can go off to the Amazon or Ecuador or on a three month, cross country bike ride. Plus... there's always that kid who built the windmill in Africa.

4. I also have to remember that even though I'm afraid that L.A. people will judge me, I really like BU people in television... and they are going to make up a lot of the people that I hang out with. Plus, I really love Julia, Devon, and Corina and they are all from L.A. I need to stop thinking of them as exceptions-- maybe I am being excessively prejudiced as my mother suggested.

5. I bought and am going to read a recommended travel book about L.A. I think that will relieve some of my anxiety... make me feel a little more secure.

6. I am going to try and shut all of the thoughts down at night. Life, L.A. or not, seems surprisingly bleak at 4am.

Much better, right? Right.

I finally decided I could talk to my grandpa about L.A. (he called on Monday). Did it, and ... it was OKAY, except there were a lot of car issues that I hadn't really thought about. Buuuuut... I'm going to take it one problem at a time, and I'm not going to freak out anymore. AND I'm going to try to take as much advantage of Boston as I can while I'm still here-- which I think I'm doing well with.

Whew! DECIDING to return to optimism is sometimes the trickiest part.

Also, I think I've decided how I'm going to find my soulmate. I'm going to find a man that blogs as much as I do. We'll procrastinate together, talking indirectly through our own narcissistic mediums. That's the premise. Then we finally get together, but we end up writing too much about our hot sex in our blogs. But we shall overcome, presumably through a series of hilarious misunderstandings and complications. Then we can have a blog together... that will obviously be updated every 20 minutes. Cue romantic music swell.

Done.

Not One of My Better Entries...

I forgot to mention this yesterday, but WTF on the Pope front. If you haven't heard/read, there is a lot of dissent in the Anglican community over the Anglicans allowing women and openly gay clergy. Soooo the Catholics have decided to allow the Anglicans who don't want gays and women in high places to join Catholic priesthood while keeping some of their Anglican-ness, INCLUDING their ability to be married!! W.T.F. I honestly never thought they'd allow married priests, and certainly not so soon. But way to fuck it up by doing it because they want to welcome (more) sexists and homophobes. Lame lame SUPER lame! Here's an article from the Huffington Post.

ANYWAY, last night I had a LOT of trouble sleeping, which usually isn't the case for me. But it SUPER sucks when it just won't happen and you're calculating the hours of sleep you have left and what you can get out of the next day so you can have a snooze.... fine. In the past. BUUUT in addition to that, I've had two successive dreams about tarantulas.

The first one was that my friend Amanda was coming out of a door to tell me a story and she mentioned that she had a tarantula. I freaked out and told her not to come out, but she did anyway and put the spider in my hand. I freaked out and threw the spider into a room. But before I could close the door, the spider SHOT back and me and was freaking out and crawling frantically all over my body. I screamed at Amanda and kept trying to get the tarantula off, but she smiled and kept telling me the story.

THEN, during my nap today, I dreamt about my "step brothers" and either another sister by my father or Indigo as a baby. Really hard to say. While this dream was pretty complex, at the end of the dream, I went into Cole's bedroom and he had a tarantula loose in there. I freaked out, obviously, but I also remembered my Amanda dream IN this dream. In the dream I wanted to call Amanda to tell her that my Amanda-tarantula dream was a premonition for the current encounter with a tarantula.

I THINK I'm a little stressed... and I THINK I know why....

(L.A. L.A. L.A. L.A. L.A. L.A. L.A. L.A. L.A.)

Yesterday I found an application on my laptop called FRONT ROW, which... may do other things, but what captured me was it's ability to show me movie trailers! Oh HELL yes! I'm not going to list all the movies I want to see because I'm pretty sure I was using this application for like... an hour last night. But ... be prepared for when I can't resist anymore. Also, perhaps you should look into this application. Seriously... I almost died.

Actually, there is one that I must mention. Apparently they've decided to make what seems to be another For Richer or Poorer, but with Hugh Grant and Sarah Jessica Parker as the leads (as opposed to Kirstie Alley and Tim Allen). It's called Did You Hear About the Morgans? and it takes place in Wyoming instead of Amish country. LAME!

PUMPED about Toy Story 3 though...

LASTLY, one of my previous anthro professors comes into the hillel pretty regularly and today I told her that I am officially an anthro minor. COINCIDENTALLY, for the first time, she attempted to give me a tip. Shameless.

Small Triumphs

Officially accepted L.A. Back out west I go, even if I'm shoved... or pulled there by a tractor (I know the phrase is actually "tractor beam," but I changed it so that it implies my resistance rather than L.A.'s irresistibility. Maybe I should've gone with different wording... but it's my blog).

I slept about a BILLION hours this weekend. Miraculously, it put me in an excellent mood instead of a groggy one. I must've needed it.

We got a new chef at the hillel for Saturdays. I met him two Saturdays ago briefly-- he's tall, about 45ish, and has Vince Vaughn's voice exactly--it's weird. ANYWAY, this week I saw him and he hugged me, which made me feel really weird and uncomfortable. But then he gave me a cookie... so my attitude changed. By the end we were essentially in love and he gave me 6 rolls of challah, 2 tomatoes, a little tupperware of roast beef, one with potato salad, and one with watermelon, AND 6 baby pumpkins for decoration. Awesome!

I talked to my mom before accepting L.A. and I told her that one of my biggest concerns is that they are going to judge me about how I dress, even though I am for sure buying new clothes. Still... said clothes are certainly not going to be the epitome of chic. My mom told me that I was being prejudiced and that people from L.A. are not different than people here. To which I replied that they absolutely ARE different. I told her that to say they weren't is like when people suggest that you can't tell if men are gay or not because a straight man can be super flamboyant and a gay man could be... not. But really, even though there are always exceptions, to say that there aren't patterns is to be turning a blind eye completely. Yes of course there are many kinds of people in L.A.... but there is also an L.A. culture that isn't the same as northeast culture-- to say they are generally the same is wrong. Then she got pissed and told me that I was prejudiced about gay people. Ugh.

In other news, I chose High Fidelity as my Best Buy movie. I'm pleased with the choice. I think I needed it. It was PRETTY fun choosing, but they don't have a terrific movie selection at Best Buy-- only a half an aisle for ALL of their comedy and drama films. They used to have an entire aisle. Lame. Although I REALLY wanted Being John Malkovich. I was not at all surprised that they didn't have Amelie, though.

Also, when I was little I used to watch this live action version of Snow White that I was obsessed with. About two years ago I REALLY tried to find out what it was but I couldn't. I asked about it on yahoo answers and someone gave me a title of a german film that seemed like it might be the one, but I could only find one picture so I couldn't be sure.

For whatever reason, I tried to find it again today. I went back to the yahoo answers (which told me I last posted a question two years ago-- that's how I know) and got the title and looked it up. Now there are MANY postings of the movie. I found some pictures. I found a trailer. I even found a site that had the entire film that I could watch... but it didn't seem to work on a mac. Regardless, I'm so amused because it was totally dubbed in English and I guess I never noticed as a child. Also... it's like... the worst production quality ever. But it was SUPER neat seeing and hearing it again. It was veeeery nostalgic to hear the wicked witch's theme song and feel more fear than I would have if I was just seeing this incredibly lame movie for the first time. If you'd like to see what I'm talking about, here's the trailer. The movie was made in 1955 and I have NO idea why I had a tape of it or why it was clearly one of my most frequently watched movies as a child. Here's a picture:

I kind of want to paint it...

ANYWAY, I need(ed?) to come up with a story for The Big Bang Theory. I basically came up with the whole thing in... not that long (although it HAS been floating in my mind for a while). I'm SHOCKED because I thought it would be harder than The Office, given that I'm not QUITE as intimately familiar with The Big Bang Theory as I am with The Office. Turns out... that's not really the factor. The Big Bang Theory only has about 10 scenes per half hour, whereas The Office has...

40!!

Plus... The Office really is much more intricate... and has many more people to incorporate. This, of course, is assuming my Big Bang Theory idea is any good... Hope so.

+

In my phone if you type in "hah" in order to get "haha," this is the list of possibilities you get (in this order):

ha4

gage

hair

gain

haggis

ichthyologist

icier

hah

And you never get "haha" even though I probably use it most, whereas I probably have never said "ha4" and I KNOW I've never typed "ichthyologist."

Lame.

AAAAAAND I probably/... almost definitely? will be going to L.A., which wasn't too clear in my last post. I've already essentially told everyone and have been judging everyone's frowns to see if they're fake (that's right). So... beginning of the end.

...

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Dreams and Reality

The other night I had a VERY brief dream in which I was panicking about whether or not I would get into the L.A. program. So I was freaking out with worry that I wouldn't get in and then I open the email (and I DID reflect on the sadness of opening emails in my dreams) and I DID get in. But the wave of relief never came. I just continued my line of panic in another direction. But... despite the dream, I do feel like I've been getting braver. Sometimes I have waves of optimism. Which leads me to this:

I DID get into the L.A. program! I just found out today. Good lord.

Instead of talking about that, I'd rather mention that I am also INCREDIBLY likely going to graduate with a minor in Anthropology. When I say "incredibly likely" I mean... I'll have to actually die or get amnesia in the process of doing the paper work for it to not happen. So... that's cool, albeit a little useless. But... I also thought taking AP tests was useless when it was actually the opposite. So you never know what good can come from a minor in anthro. At the very least, it tells people that I'm a half-expert on humans.

I didn't watch any late night TV this week because The Daily Show and The Colbert Report were on hiatus for the week (it WAS torture, yes). So... it turns out that if I don't have the impetus of Jon Stewart, I don't need to spend the whole night with Letterman and Conan and Ferguson. Instead, I've essentially watched 3/4 of the entire series of That '70s Show, which is my 15-year-old sister's fave. It is pretty golden, but not enough for me to fall head first into obsession.

Bob Casey, our (PA's) junior senator, wrote me back (/his interns did). He's already for health reform but I did learn some stuff. In my first draft of this blog (yes... I may have drafts...), posted an excerpt from his reply, but then I realized that no one would read it. Basically, he mentioned a HELP committee bill, which I hadn't really heard of, that had a lot of great things INCLUDING a public option, although it said that it will NOT require everyone to have insurance. I thought all public option bills were killed though, so I need to do some research on what he's talking about.

Also, a while ago, I watched Citizen Kane, which I wasn't looking forward to because it seemed really Joni Mitchell. Well... I gotta say it was pretty great! It wasn't a snooze-fest like 2001: Space Odyssey or Lawrence of Arabia, both of which I actually couldn't finish because I was fighting unconsciousness... and lost.

Lastly, Claire frequently writes about a site called etsy.com, which is all handmade stuff. Well, the other night when I was writing faux journal entries in my notebook, I realized I should buy a new diary on that site.

ETSY.COM IS AMAZING!!/ I don't know how I'll ever EVER be able to choose!!!

I shall be frequently updating on this dilemma.

Also, I passed my 300 entries mark on this blog!!! Crazy.

ALSO, I ACCIDENTLY ERASED MY FREE CELL HISTORY!!!! I was REALLY upset before I decided that I was a little TOO attached to it, and erasing it is probably healthier in the long run. PLUS, it'll give me a chance to win more than just 59% percent... after I'd played SOOO much, there was basically no hope in improving my stats. If I go back to 59% though, we'll know that it's a very accurate representation of my free cell skills.

LA?

I don't usually read signs (life signs, that is. I can certainly stand to read a few "beware of dog" signs) and I don't technically believe in them either. BUUUUUT I'm getting signs that I should go to LA next semester:

1. ALLEGEDLY my grandpa is going to give me his car. WOW! I can't even believe it! My grandpa ALWAYS comes through for me! I feel like I'm abusing our relationship! Plus, this is the car I learned to drive on, and thus my day dreams of driving around LA are INFINITELY less terrifying now that a specific car is in place. Plus it alleviates money issues (that's actually the most important part).

2. I not only got the solo I wanted for Chords ("Right As Rain"), which is a miracle because everyone was so good!! but I also got the solo for "He Can Only Hold Her." The reason I take this as a sign is because these will officially be my last solos for the rest of my days in Chords (BAH!!) whether I stay the second semester or not--you can only have two solos at a time.

3. Today in class, the guy came through to encourage us to go to LA. I've seen his presentation at least twice before, and I'm obviously increasingly interested each time. He told us that it SIGNIFICANTLY increases your chances of getting a job after you graduate, ESPECIALLY if you go as a second semester senior. All you need to apply is a 3.0 or higher (done), $50, a short essay on why I want to go, and a recommendation from one professor (and I will NOT be afraid to ask Professor Loman, my TV comedy and TV comedy writing professor). AND it costs the same amount as going here (which I already knew).

3b. After class, I stopped to chat with Pat on my way out of COM. As I was leaving the building, the guy who did the presentation was also leaving the building and asked me where the SED building was. I told him and he asked if that's where I was going... and it was. So I walked with him to SED and we had a short chat about how I'm probably going to apply and him asking me if I was scared and me talking about driving. He was obviously very encouraging on the matter.

Those are pretty hefty signs, I think.

I was talking to my mom about how I was worried... which I HAVE to stop doing because there isn't a single thing someone can say to me about going to LA that isn't going to piss me off. A lot of people scold-ish me. They tell me that decisions HAVE to be made and that I need to get over it. My mother falls in this category. There are people who think I'm having a nervous breakdown and encourage me to not fall over and die over my decision. My grandpa did that. There are people that tell me what I want to hear. There are people that don't listen at all-- they just say something cliche and change the subject (I don't blame these people... but it IS annoying). I can't really blame any of these people because III know that I don't want to hear it. I don't want advice.

I think the biggest hinderance is that I'm so comfortable here. I don't want to be sappy about my home life, and hopefully I won't, but I think it's pretty clear that I don't take any pleasure being at my home or with my family. "Uncomfortable" is a mild term for how I feel in my home. Fine. But HERE I'm comfortable. I have goals here. I have friends. I can go home and relax... and even though I know it has to end no matter what, it's scary to think of deserting it before I absolutely have to. Because... if and when I leave, I don't have any safe haven anymore. All of my friends from here will become the equivalent of my friends in PA-- most of them will completely disappear out of my life and I'll still think about 2 or 3 of them.... but even then, they'll serve as a partner in nostalgia and maybe I'll keep ONE friend, maybe ONE person who I will actively think about and actively want to be with.

More importantly, I don't think I'll come back. Likely never to Boston again, and I already hardly go back to PA and I only live 7 hours away right now.

Of course, there are golden opportunities. If I go to LA, I am more likely to get the job of my dreams than if I take any other path. I may meet the most terrific people and be more comfortable there than ever before. Maybe my vacations will be to Colorado, and then I can cultivate more of a relationship with my dad. I'm closer to Seattle and Portland, my dream cities.

And the incredibly neutral truths:

1. I'm going to have to leave Boston anyway, so it might as well be for next semester when it's most beneficial to me.

2. I don't have regrets, but if I don't go, it might be one.

I'm getting pangs of sadness and I haven't even decided yet. Although... it kind of looks like I have...