Doin' Okay

So... last night I had a hard time sleeping. 

Here is what I have for this week: 

Due Wednesday: 

-Final children's show project, including pitch. This is... ... a LOT done... and yet not much done at the same time. It needs to be heavily fleshed out, probs 4 hours work. 

-5-7 page Chinese Anthro paper. Have not begun. Have not read anything. Have not picked a topic. I did this on the last paper, wrote in one night, and got a B... so I'm not TERRIFIED... although I'm equally proud and not proud of that fact. Also, these topics are more fun than the last ones... because this is more about Chinese tradition and everyday life and less about government stuff and timelines. 

-Rough draft for final script, not to be turned in, but to be workshopped. It's supposed to be 8 to 10 pages and it's already 7 and a bit... but that stuff needs to be worked on. If it comes down to it, I could not change it really at all... but I would really LIKE to get as much workshopped as possible. 

Now, it is almost 9pm on Monday and I have no class tomorrow, BUUUUT I am singing for Corina's class and have to meet them at 11:30am. Then I'm having a lunch with my boss at 12:30pm (I hope she offers me a job for the summer or something... because, no offense to her, and it is a lovely gesture, but... it's a waste of time. I don't need food that much). Then I have to go to work for 3 hours. Then we have the Chords pitch party which, if I REALLY fuck up tonight (PLEASE DON'T FUCK UP, BLYTHE!), then I won't be able to go. Hopefully it will be less time than our scheduled practice. 

THURSDAY after 5pm, we're shooting the rest of my movie... so I have to have storyboarded (and possibly rewritten the end of the script.. /DEFINITELY rewritten it) the screenplay. 

FRIDAY my final script is due at noon. Also, Kevin is coming. 

SATURDAY we're recording all day... and then some REAL fun with Kevin and probs Amanda and whoever else wants to join. 

SOOOO back to where I began with how I couldn't sleep last night. It was totally my fault, and surely due to the fact that I ate a lot of chocolate at like 3am. Plus, I wanted to have been doing work... but wasn't. Because I can be a real fool. 

At 5am I was so serious about going to bed, it hurt... but at 6am I started to really panic. At some point I did fall asleep and at 10:30am, my alarm work me up. I don't have class until 2pm, so I decided I would go to work after class and sleep until then because I'm obviously going to have to stay up late tonight and I don't want to have had only a few hours of sleep. As I was deciding, I thought I should write down the dream I had because... last night after I wrote my blog I decided to keep a notebook next to my bed to record my dreams. 

This is what I dreamt: 

It was night time and I was leading some boy down a hill away from somewhere.. I don't know where... that he wanted to be. I was telling him things to make him forget that I was leading him away... like whispering in his ear... and it was working... he was completely dazed... and I really did feel sneaky, definitely trying to manipulate him. 

Then we come across a restaurant that advertised their wine on the outside. I thought that if I could get him to this restaurant, he would definitely forget about the other place and would probably come with me to the city. So as I'm pointing to the wine and I guess trying to convince him that we should go in... and he's kind of agreeing with me... these two women, dressed in like... Jane Austen attire (that in my dream was appropriate for the restaurant) came out slowly and said "hello" in kind of a scary-ish way... and he definitely knew the women... and I knew he knew them and that they were bad. So I look at him and he looks sad. I ask him if he wants to go back to where we originally were, the place I was leading him away from, and he nods, relieved, and says "yeah." Then I wake up. 

I'M the creepy one in THAT dream!

ANYWAY, as I'm writing the dream down, I get a series of texts. So I semi-respond to the texts. Then I'm finishing writing my dream when there is a banging on my door. So I put my clothes on, but before I get to the door, the people already come in to take away the refrigerator (I told the school about it last night at like... 8pm... VERY prompt. Also, I spent like... an hour and a half REALLY cleaning it with comet and everything.... I was proud). So then I move stuff around for them. Then I go to the bathroom. Then I go back into my room, take my clothes off again, and lay back down because the people took away the refrigerator while I was in the bathroom. 

Then, right when I lay down, I hear a banging again. So I put my clothes back on and get the door because they forgot to bring the key and they were also delivering the new refrigerator. So this time I stayed in the doorway so I could thank them, but they had a hard time getting the new one in, so it was a while. I thanked them as they left, but they forgot their little metal lift-thing so I ran to give it to them before they left. Then I get back in bed.

But now I'm REALLY awake... so, even though I usually don't have this problem, it was REALLY hard for me to go back to sleep. I end up deciding to skip my class... which MIGHT have been stupid, but I've only skipped the class one other time... so whatever. 

I took so long describing all that, that all my left-out stuff will be in bullets. 

-Pat and I officially have a new apartment now. And it's WAY better than the other one because it's a) cheaper, b) has furniture.... we don't need to sleep on air mattresses, c) we can move in before June 1st so I probably won't need someplace to keep my stuff, d) she's leaving her bike and Pat can use it for the summer instead of buying one, and e) no other roommates. 

-Chords concert went great. I thought we were dressed really lovely. Also, it was the first day that REALLY felt like summer. The whole day was pretty surreal because I wore my dress (senior prom dress... glad there was a reason for me to bring that here after all) and I felt really pretty and the perfect temperature. Plus, we didn't even need a jacket in the evening... and EVERYONE was outside, both because of the weather and because Warren Towers like... burned down leaving the approx 1680 kids stranded for 1.5 hours... but they didn't seem to mind too much because it was such nice weather. Plus, people I didn't know were complimenting me on the street. AND the Chords game night was fun because we played the write a sentence and then draw the sentence on the next page game!! And everyone was REALLY into it! And there were 16 people so it was REALLY funny. 

-While I'm still grappling about the summer, I've been having secret fantasies about what to do ever since I decided that I no longer care (which I'm positive has lowered my blood pressure a great deal). BUUUT today was the first time that I actually voiced them. I told them to Elena and she seemed to think that it was perfectly viable... which was REALLY encouraging. I was also going to talk to my mom about it today, but when I called, she said she was sick and I decided to wait. Although, when I was walking with Pat the other day, he seemed to have everything really put together and he was STILL worried about it... and it gave me a LITTLE anxiety... but I think it's going to be okay. 

STILL HAVE TO GET NEW PANTS!

Telling Dreams?

Two nights ago, I had a dream that I remember being very complex but I only remember that in the very end I was sitting on these stairs, naked except my underwear... but no bra, and out of the window I see Robert Downey Jr., who in my dream, I know from a while ago I guess. Then he sees me through this open window and he starts kind of taunting me like "well look at what we have here... look what you've become" remarking on my nakedness... like saying... I don't know.. that I was a whore or something. And I don't say anything at all. I'm completely silent even though in the dream I remember having a perfectly "reasonable" (probs not.. but in my dream it was considered reasonable) reason for being naked. Then, he comes really close (but he's still outside and talking to me through the open window) and uses his fingers for emphasizing some point, I don't remember what specifically, and I try to kiss his fingers... and then I remember being shocked at myself for trying to kiss someone that's berating me and as I'm thinking this, I wake up. 

It kind of reminds me of a dream I had like.. a week ago where I kept making out with this guy who was saying things that I thought were really unattractive. And my thoughts in the dream (not a reflection afterwards) were shock that I kept hearing ridiculous things but I kept like... ferociously making out with him afterwards. 

Hmmmm... 

Unfortunate Personality and More

I feel like I spend so much more time alone now that I'm constantly being caught off-guard with people and thus have like... 15 minutes of what I'm going to call the unfortunate personality. And in many cases, I don't get the 15 minutes to warm up and I just leave people with the taste of the unfortunate personality. (Note: I'm SURE it's not this complex, but... it's how I feel every day)

For instance, today, I went to Chinese anthropology class for an hour, worked (alone in a room typing) for two hours, and edited (alone in a room) for about 2.5 hours. No people in my scheduled day. However, at some point I ran into a girl from another a cappella (is it really two Ps in "cappella"? Mac, you blow my mind) group, who, first of all, has infinite more energy that I do at any given moment, and ran at me with a hug... which was nice.. but I'm already awkward... plus the hug... and of course the unfortunate personality.  I start fumbling around trying to think of what a cappella group she's in (trying to make myself not take a guess!!! Which I do WAY too often (and I've brought up the affliction with many people now)) and trying to think about if her concert has passed or if there is any likelihood that I WILL go to her concert, as she is assuring me that she's coming to mine. It was too much. I came off looking like I can't control the personality (in my head... I doubt I'm ever any different to her). 

Also, today, I ran into one of the actors in my movie in the elevator going to the editing room. I tell him that I'm about to edit the video and he says he's going to come and see what I've done so far... which was 

a) REALLY disconcerting, considering NO ONE has seen what I've done so far... and also I'd have to explain what I'm going to change in everything so it's better... because it obviously looks like... crap right now. And rightly so. It's like if someone wanted to look over a paper that you haven't finished yet... like, maybe you wrote out BASICALLY what you want to do but didn't put in the quotes or write a conclusion or proofread it at all. What's the point? It can ONLY make you frustrated.. and waste time. 

b) I had GREAT personality when I met this guy. I was fueled on SOOOO much caffeine and adrenaline and I was SUPER prepared to make everyone like me so they'd work well and feel like they were having fun. 

So when I met him this second time... most unfortunate personality. I was dismissive... and also was trying to make him not want to be there because... ... I didn't want him to be there. 

Also, I'm VERY confident that my entire personality changes when the sun goes down. I don't want to be dramatic about it (except that I obviously do), but... ya know... it's true. 

What I'm saying is, I should only be judged only starting 15 minutes after I've been with people and after dark. That's all I'm saying. I'm a diva. 

In other news:

1. Pat and I are going to try and find a cheaper place to live. 

2. Kevin is visiting the weekend of May 1st. WHOO!!!

3. I don't even CARE about the damn internship anymore. I don't even care. 

4. Concert is Saturday, photonics, 5:30, I still have 2 tickets. 

5. AFTER the concert, Chords is probably going to have a JUST CHORDS GAME NIGHT!!! HEEELLZ YEAH!!! (I may have emphasized the "game" part of the night more than anyone else in chords... but it's basically my dream. I'm going to think about bringing some edamame... it will be my wildest fantasies come true!)

6. The Office today was GREAT! At least I thought it was!

Tidbits: 

If you're interested, I really enjoyed this segment from the Daily Show. It's about socialistic Sweden. REALLY GOOD!

Also, Caroline and I watched this Mariah Carey video like... 1000 times yesterday and I am STILL impressed! How can she do that LIVE!! No big thang!

Also, I have to say, I would HIGHLY recommend that if you don't take advantage of free podcasts... perhaps you should look into it because it is MIRACULOUS! I've been regularly listening to Real Time with Bill Maher (I don't get HBO) and This American Life (thanks to Elena) and President Obama's Weekly Radio Address. It's a blessing.. and free. 

Great Week, Weak Book, Shoe Conception

Well, I feel fine despite the hot dogs. Good news. 

Also, I finished Perfect Fifths today. It was enjoyable to read at the time, but I would overall rate the book as pretty poor since it was basically a summary of the first four books and ended the way you'd assume it would end. Nevertheless, I was able to read the entire thing in a day and a bit... so it wasn't that boring because I'm not a very fast reader. 

Also, this week is GLORIOUS:

Monday: No school

Tuesday: I don't have any class naturally (although I did have a meeting with a professor, so I had to do some work for like... two hours this morning).. and then I just have work and chords. 

Wednesday (my big day usually): my first class is CANCELED so I don't have to go to class until 2pm. And I don't have to read anything for class... but I do need to email a draft of my screenplay to my group by noon (which I'm going to do tomorrow morning so I might still be a little snoozy). Then dinner with Amanda, then extra chords practice. Then Demetri Martin and then the usual shows. PLUS I'm getting the next disk of Mr. Show on netflix. 

Thursday: MONDAY SCHEDULE which is awesome! Even though Thursdays aren't really BAD at all, Mondays are even BETTER! I don't have to wake up early and I get to do the work that is more fun (Monday and Tuesday work is more fun than Thursday work). Then THE OFFICE and 30 ROCK! HOPEFULLY we don't have chords because I need to edit my movie. 

Friday: Regular day but nothing really due. I just have to read the screenplays. 

Of course, I need to do a lot of other things that aren't necessarily DUE this week but will make me literally CRY if I wait until next week. Still, it is beautiful. 

Although, today, since it rained, I realized that my very thin boot soles have worn through and ... there is nothing between my sock and the moisture. I don't care that much... but I FREQUENTLY don't care about these things and then the hole gets bigger and I find myself wearing bags over my feet... and then, before I've grasped the gravity of the situation, I'm basically wearing more of a shoe-concept than an actual shoe... (it's happened TWICE... the two most recent pairs of shoes that I've had)

We'll just see how it unfolds. 

Bad Decision? We'll Soon Find Out.

I no longer want hot dogs... as I just ate four VERY questionable ones.

I hope I don't vomit (but if I do, I understand that I deserve it).  

Spring In My Step

First things first, Pat and I are LIKELY going to share a room this summer!! One problem solved!

Second, Perfect Fifths came out, which I knew was coming but the actual catalyst was it's advertisement on facebook. I got it... maybe this morning or something and ... it's alright. I was OBSESSED with those first two books, but I really remember even less of the other two than I thought. In fact, I THOUGHT the last book ended with the two main characters together. Turns out, not so much. ALSO, I don't remember the form that the last ones took, but I know the first two were in diary form. This one is in third person and I feel like it makes it a LITTLE more stale. Also, I'm on page 106 and the location hasn't changed. 

Today was marathon monday/4/20. I KIIIIND of celebrated last night... but today I woke up at like 10am and was like "okay... do I want to 'celebrate' by watching people who trained for months and are in better physical condition x 2 than I will EVER be (and that's pretty much a fact... and not one that I'm all that sad about) while I scream at/with them with people I see every day whilst being wasted out of my mind... OOOOR would I like to sleep in?" The answer was clear. I woke up at 1pm, read my book for a few hours, went BACK to sleep until like... 6pm, and then SEMI got groceries. 

When I say "got groceries" I mean that I got SOME food so that I don't spend soooooo much money eating on the go. I haven't really used my refrigerator in several weeks (note: now is a good a time as any to mention that having a mac makes my spelling infinitely better because it spell checks everything. For instance, why have I always thought that "refrigerator" had a dg instead of just a g in it?). 

ANYWAY, I put my stuff in the refrigerator, which kind of has a smell to it now, and go to read or watch TV or something. Then, about an hour later I go back to get some food and see that our refrigerator is, in fact, not cooling things. The ice is water. Gross. I called emergency buildings and grounds but the ORL just has to replace it. We'll do that tomorrow. BUUUUT I think all of my food is going to go bad before that. I only spent like $25, but still... lame that I LOST instead of SAVED money. And LUCKY that I can just CALL someone about my refrigerator instead of having to deal with it on my own. 

ALSO, this weekend (this entry is not in order), I saw Songs for a New World, which Matt directed. Apparently they had a lot of very unfortunate occurrences-- what I heard was that one girl got a trestle dropped on her and broke both of her legs, something else, and had to get reconstructive surgery on her very disfigured face. Another person got a piece of wood in their eye, scratched their cornea, and had to go to the hospital. AAAAND three hours before the show, people came and told them to change the set because it violated fire codes and if they didn't change it they would be shut down!

You never would have known, however. All of the people were super talented and I really enjoyed the show! 

Also, I had a great time eating tapas for Amanda's birthday. Very fun. 

CHORDS CONCERT IN PHOTONICS AT 5:30 THIS COMING SATURDAY (25th). GET TICKETS AT THE LINKS oooor from me directly as I must unload 5 tickets. 

My personal goals for the week: 

1. Get my resume to at least THREE places. 

2. Fix refrigerator. 

3. Clean room-- I'm serious. It's out of control.

4. Campaign to get my stuff back from people I loaned to. 

5. Start devising a plan on what to do with me AND my stuff between May 13 and June 1 / Let my mom in on the plan. 

6. Make sure I remember to think of something to wear for our concert. 

7. Finish rough cut of my movie. 

8. Work on my children's show, screenplay, and chinese anthro paper so that I don't have a heart attack next week. 

9. Get new pants. (Although, the leg problem is basically solved. I still FEEEL it when I walk... but it doesn't KILL thanks to some helpful advise... I'm a fool when it comes to taking care of myself.)

The last thing I want to say is, other than today, the weather has been so beautiful and I'm very grateful! It's spring-in-my-step weather!

(Added 2 seconds later: Since I bought my new computer around February 19th, I've played freecell 1048 times. I won 599 times.

And lost 449 times...

That means that I play about 17.2 games a day. I win 9.8 games a day. 

And I lose 7.4 times...)

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Bob Dylan (in Projects)

Several years ago, I was at my dad's place and he highly recommended Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon to me. This was RIGHT after he recommended The Matrix, which I saw and was obsessed with, so I was thrilled to have another gem to watch. However, I fell asleep almost instantly after I put it in the dvd player.

THEN, last week, my teacher told us we were going to watch Crouching Tiger, which I was excited about because... surely it was a fluke that I couldn't get through it the first time. NAY! I fell asleep AGAIN...and I have never fallen asleep in that class before! We only watched the first 15 minutes. I was pretty shocked and concluded that I must not mesh very well with that movie.

WEEELL yesterday we watched the middle of the movie, maybe an hour or so, and ...

IT WAS AWESOME!!!!

I was incredibly enraptured and REALLY impressed because, particularly in fantasy movies, the gender roles are often distinct and kind of unfortunate... but this movie DEFINITELY has some KICK-ASS WOMEN (literally AND figuratively)!! Not to mention that the whole world is visually and psychologically awesome. My professor turned it off at the end of the second act and I was SOOO PISSED! What a terrible way to watch a movie.

Also, today in video production, the professor wanted to see what we've shot so far for the movie... and I was pretty nervous because it's not really fun looking at raw footage for the first time WITH your professor. I was particularly nervous about how the lighting turned out since I believe that to be a personal weakness... and I feel like I'm FAR from alone on that. ANYWAY, the footage was GREAT!! The lighting was actually, in my opinion, ESPECIALLY good considering what we had to work with. PLUS he was REALLY pleased that we didn't use an actual room and thought the basement set gave it a lot of character!

THE OFFICIAL SCREENING WILL BE MAY 7 AT 6PM... if anyone wants to come.

Also, this weekend is probably going to be good because I'm seeing Songs for a New World on Friday, which Matt directed. Very excited. Then on Saturday I might make a rough cut of the movie ... why not? AAAND we're going to dinner with Amanda for her 21st birthday on Saturday. AND we have no school on Monday because it's Marathon Monday ... and 4/20. We'll see how that goes.

In other news, I had to come up with a final screenplay idea for yesterday and I had a REALLY difficult time getting inspiration. I was worried that I would have to use an old idea that I already rejected, which would be embarrassing. HOWEVER, an hour before my class, I got an idea based on Bob Dylan, which I think might be pretty good. However, that means that EVERY final project that I'm working on, now includes aspects of Bob Dylan.

Video production: One of my character's climactic obstacles is him trying to find a Bob Dylan CD for his girlfriend (whilst on acid).

Children and television: My series is about a 13 year old girl who moves to New Orleans and ... kind of discovers folk music as a way to communicate her emotions and a way to be a part of a community.

Screenwriting: The entire project, as of now, is based on an interview with Bob Dylan, kind of about this crazy guy who wants Bob Dylan to be more conscious about how he's living given that he speaks to so many people.

If only I could incorporate Bob Dylan into Chinese Anthropology....