My Arts, My Crazy

First of all, finished Running with Scissors. What I didn't completely realize was that it was autobiographical. I knew the author's name and the main character's name were the same, but... Jesus Herbert Christ! What an interesting childhood! And funny as hell. So, even though I've heard the movie isn't good by word of many mouths and much print, I'm doing it. It just seems like it COULDN'T fail!

Finished Freaks and Geeks. What a GEM! Every single episode was pure gold. Plus I really love the characters so much... because they're stereotypes but they're all layered... which is exactly how people kind of are-- the categories are largely arbitrary... but they're there and they make a statement about you whether it's really much usable information at all or not. And I think they do a good job with the subtleties of relationships too. I kind of think it's nice that it's only the 18 episodes. I could have watched a jillion more, but it bookends really nicely. AAAnd obviously half of those people went on to become cinema gold. Plus the series made me like Judd Apatow more (not that I had ever gotten to the point of dislike) because... I like that he's so sensitive. Well... I like his emphasis on man love... the plutonic kind. It's so endearing and I don't think it gets old. I could watch man-buddy movies all day long. BUUUUT a girl is the lead, which is nice that Judd takes the time with them too. I give the credit to Judd even though many people were obviously apart of it. 

ALSO I'm giving blood on Tuesday. NAY, I'm SELLING blood on Tuesday. So great...

So... it's my last year of school coming up and I'm trying to decide what I want to do with everything... what I'm going to do next year and where I want to head when I graduate. So this morning I was pretty pumped up for no reason ... likely I was inspired by the finale of Freaks and Geeks. So at 6am I went to the esplanade and did some writing to myself about what I wanted to do. Every few days I keep having these thoughts that I can only describe as key thoughts. Little eye-openers trying to figure out what's going to happen... what I like and what I don't like. What I really want verses what I think I want. So I was having some key thoughts this morning and I wrote them in the esplanade. 

But the thing is, I spend SOOOOOO much time alone that I have no idea if I'm going crazy or if my thoughts are real. And there's no one to ask because... not that I want to do anything enormously radical, but I have two types of people in my life. People who would support anything I wanted to do... which is great, AWESOME,  but no help in determining if I'm being stupid or not. These are the people who say you can be anything you want to be, which I believe is true, but little do they know that I don't want it THAT much.... and thus... it's not going to happen. 

And the other type of person would for sure say that I AM being stupid. Try to counsel me back in the right direction. OR they would IMPLY support but I know they're rolling their eyes in their head... judging... betting against me... probably going to tell their mom or a close friend about me and they can both talk about how I'm his or her floaty little friend, talking out of her ass about big ideas that'll never happen... in an endearing way. Ugh. The people who can't even fantasize about going off "track." I don't hate these people. I love them. But not for sharing my dreams. I like their other unrelated qualities. Otherwise they wouldn't be my in my life, obviously.

Regardless, I wrote my thoughts and then I stared into space for a while. Then I listened to some comedy on my ipod. And I WANTED to stay until 10am because that's when the library opens and I want to read Lord of the Rings. BUUUUUT I started to starve around 8am. I probably should have had enough foresight to realize that I couldn't stay somewhere for 4 hours without a book. And without food. However, it's hard when you don't sleep at night. I'd decided I was going down there at 3:30am. I waited until I saw sun and then I was outta here. 

Now it's 10:40am but I'm too tired to go back down now. Maybe before 11pm when it closes.  We shall see. I think I'll try because if I don't get the book, sometime tonight I'm going to need to read something, and I don't want to start a different book because I'll never drop it for Lord of the Rings. And if I start rereading the Harry Potter's that I brought back... well that's a whole new can of worms. And I'll have to wait for storage to come back before I can even touch the 4th and on. I do not want to go down that road. 

(Oh my trials! haha)

MOVIE SECTION:

Kramer Vs. Kramer: A very great depiction of what I imagine divorce.. and marriage to be like. Very sad. Also, I LOVE Dustin Hoffman!! Although his character... well done... and I DID like him kind of... but also he made me never ever want to get married. Simultaneously. It took talent. Bravo.