Ok
This week is heavenly.
1. Got the moneys (except STILL not officially... but enough that I celebrated with a double helping of guacamole (except I apparently do not seem to have the capacity to eat more than 2 avocados at a time (thank GOD!))).
2. It is SUMMER here. Yes, my intention is bragging. But it's actually hot. Today I took a walk and sweat was involved. Awesome.
3. I had/continue to have practically zero class this week. Monday was off for the presidents... although I still had work. However, I got off early which was ESPECIALLY lucky because I had so little money that I couldn't even afford a soda... so I fell asleep at 5pm that day (soda's bad blah blah, I shouldn't be dependent on it. Whatever. I'm just stating the facts). Then I had our speaker class today. Then my lame class was cancelled for Thursday. AWESOME!
4. My Present Pictures people invited me out to get margaritas with them this Friday! I'm such a grown-up!!!!
5. Also, this week, because of the moneys, I'm going to do some things that I've been putting off way WAY too long.
-I need headphones (I haven't had headphones for over a month... living with 2 roommates. INSANE!).
-I need my oil changed (I've had ACTUAL nightmares about the oil changing).
-I need at least two more shirts as I have been rotating the same three for a MONTH!
-Which brings me to laundry... you can guess the state of that situation.
-AAAAND I am getting a new bag so that I don't look like an asshole with my stained, bright orange and pink tote. It's embarrassing and I wanted a new one for LA... but it never happened.
-PLLLUUUUS after I get my oil changed I can call my grandpa! I've only called him once since I got here, and that was an INCREDIBLY brief exchange... and I haven't called him since because I know he'll be upset about the oil changing. I need to tell him so much!!!
-And I'm getting one new book.
If you think I'm going crazy with the spending, you should know that according to my calculations, I've spent a total of $220 so far in LA! EVERYTHING included... like GAS! In a month! I think that's pretty incredible. I'm pretty sure I've eaten 48 eggs in that amount of time... which is relevant because eggs are a cheap meal. Do you get it? 48 eggs in a month! Crazy.
(Although I am grateful that I even have good food like eggs and guacamole. I really am.)
So today we had guest speakers. Actually we had a screening of a movie and then the writers/directors and the producer talked to us. The movie was a horror movie, a genre that I don't gravitate towards to begin with. It was OKAY (I'm not telling you what it is because they are still in the process of trying to sell it and I'm not sure what the rules are about talking about it... sorry). Actually I wasn't on board for about... the middle 20 minutes... but then I was okay with it. But after the guys talked to us, I was so impressed, I was essentially brought to tears. It was hard to be objective afterwards. AND like always, I was subject to another psychological breakdown comparing how impressive the people before me are, to how unimpressive I am-- not to be a downer on myself.
The issue is, I've never REALLY thought little of myself on a broad scale, but whenever these people come in, all I hear are things that I feel I'm too flawed to accomplish. But I refuse to define myself by things that I think I am good at and things that I don't think I am good at. After all, it is impossible to know what I will be able to change about myself, right? But actually that's exactly what I'm going to do right now because...I think I need to start somewhere.
Let's start with good (glass is half full). I am good at:
1. Not being a jerk/ not having a temper.
2. Enjoying what I do and what I have (although I'm not exactly a princess at this (yeah, princess), but I think I'm PRETTY good at it).
3. Doing things for other people, especially deserving people.
4. Writing this blog every day (I do consider that a skill).
5. Having the patience to learn new things like painting or juggling.
6. Obsessing over worthy (in my opinion) things and people.
7. Remaining calm and working things through when a decision has already been made.
8. Accepting what is in the past.
9. Staying focused.
I am not terribly good at:
1. Willing myself to be with other people, particularly people I don't know-- I just get exhausted.
2. Directions.
3. Having any ambition at all-- I tend to see myself serving other people in even my wildest fantasies.
4. Making BIG decisions (colleges, going to LA... any sort of thing that will affect me for a long time).
5. Self-motivating (which is MOST of the reason I don't think I could actually be a writer, despite what I CONTINUE to tell people).
6. I seem to be wretched at showing what I consider to be the REAL Blythe to people right away. I think in real life I can be pretty funny, but all I can seem to show is Superfresh Blythe. Damnit. This is kind of the second reason why I'm pumped about margaritas... hopefully I'll loosen up a bit.
I'm positive that I'm not great at MANY more things... and I'm probably good at other things also, but these are the qualities that I think of when it comes to getting a job. I need to understand these things about myself, figure out which of the bad things I can work on vs. which things will probably never change, and learn what kind of job I should get based on this rough estimate of who I am (even though I cringe to define myself in these parameters (because I'm pretentious, apparently)). And then I need to pursue some skills so that I can do it. This is what I need to do.
Honestly, I just feel like there is a HUGE gap in my knowledge. I know about a JILLION people now who are becoming teachers. Like practically half of my closest friends. And they go and student teach and learn curriculums and stuff. I feel like they are SET when they get out of college. But I am not good at ANY aspect of television. And I need some skills!
Still, at least I got to LA! And I have my foot in the door! SOOOOO lucky! I am almost positive this trip will become one of the top best decisions of my life. And it is a heavenly week.
Also, not to get weird, but I want to say that I am SOOOO glad that Kevin is a regular fixture in my life again! I don't know what I would do without him! And I'm pretty sure he is heavily HEAVILY contributing to my happiness! When he left for Australia, I cried for an ENTIRE day, and I don't think I was the same since... honestly.
I really do miss all of my friends, though! A LOT! A LOT a lot.
3 comments:
I find it odd that you do not think of yourself as impressive in any way. When I think of you, I instantly think of uniqueness - like, a truly unique person - which is something that I consider very impressive. It isn't easy to be unlike most other people. It's so easy to fall into conformity - and I guess that without even knowing or probably caring about it, you manage to avoid it. To this day, you are the only person with whom I can have a conversation about completely ridiculous, seemingly pointless aspects of life and feel normal. I don't think that I'll ever meet someone quite like you; which seems impressive to me.
Also, you are good at singing.
You are an ANGEL and make me blush (except not literally because my face doesn't come with that feature).
Also, I hope you know the gravity of my joy that you have started a blog! I am SOOOO PUUUUMPED!!! I honestly feel like if I could pick anyone to start a blog, it would be you! That is a COMPLETELY sincere statement!
I literally laughed out loud when I read that your face doesn't come with the blushing feature! That's the most ridiculous way I've ever heard that statement expressed.
Post a Comment