YES. MORE.

I NEED TO SAY that I just essentially finished That '70s Show. The ending SUCKS! All I can think about is how Dawson's Creek definitely bested That '70s Show in terms of endings. And Dawson's Creek is usually mysterious because it bests no show... and yet I still love it (except best kissing-- Good lord, Joshua Jackson!). Anyway, take THAT That '70s Show!

ALSO I decided that I HAD to own Love Me If You Dare. HAD TO! So I went on amazon.com and the cheapest copy was like... $30!! which I can't pay even if I NEED a movie. So I decided to check ebay, which I've never used before. I found it for $16! Done. I knooooow I shouldn't buy movies, but everyone knows it's my heart's desire and I really haven't bought any movies in a long time! "But you DID buy 2 books and a concert ticket AND a standup comedy ticket, Ms. Blythe..."

Fine! I love myself! I want me to be happy! Is that a crime!? Get off my back!

You know who else wants me to seek happiness in movie shopping? Best Buy. Hours after I bought my movie, I got a ticket from the Best Buy rewards club for a free $10, on which it says that it can be used like cash. It only took me 3 years of membership, but I got $10. Regardless, I get to buy ANOTHER movie tomorrow!!! WHOOOOOO!!

I'm seriously considering High Fidelity or Being John Malkovich. Or Amelie if they have it. Tomorrow's going to be heaven!

What we've learned today is that I apparently need three separate blog posts in about 12 hours. I need a post per every 4 hours.

Something a Little Funny (I Think)

Just a little flip book I made about potential and kinetic energy when I was in 7th grade (there were a few more pages of it, but you'll get the jist. I had a bit of an obsession going on at the time...)

+

In my phone if you type in "hah" in order to get "haha," this is the list of possibilities you get (in this order):

ha4

gage

hair

gain

haggis

ichthyologist

icier

hah

And you never get "haha" even though I probably use it most, whereas I probably have never said "ha4" and I KNOW I've never typed "ichthyologist."

Lame.

AAAAAAND I probably/... almost definitely? will be going to L.A., which wasn't too clear in my last post. I've already essentially told everyone and have been judging everyone's frowns to see if they're fake (that's right). So... beginning of the end.

...

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Dreams and Reality

The other night I had a VERY brief dream in which I was panicking about whether or not I would get into the L.A. program. So I was freaking out with worry that I wouldn't get in and then I open the email (and I DID reflect on the sadness of opening emails in my dreams) and I DID get in. But the wave of relief never came. I just continued my line of panic in another direction. But... despite the dream, I do feel like I've been getting braver. Sometimes I have waves of optimism. Which leads me to this:

I DID get into the L.A. program! I just found out today. Good lord.

Instead of talking about that, I'd rather mention that I am also INCREDIBLY likely going to graduate with a minor in Anthropology. When I say "incredibly likely" I mean... I'll have to actually die or get amnesia in the process of doing the paper work for it to not happen. So... that's cool, albeit a little useless. But... I also thought taking AP tests was useless when it was actually the opposite. So you never know what good can come from a minor in anthro. At the very least, it tells people that I'm a half-expert on humans.

I didn't watch any late night TV this week because The Daily Show and The Colbert Report were on hiatus for the week (it WAS torture, yes). So... it turns out that if I don't have the impetus of Jon Stewart, I don't need to spend the whole night with Letterman and Conan and Ferguson. Instead, I've essentially watched 3/4 of the entire series of That '70s Show, which is my 15-year-old sister's fave. It is pretty golden, but not enough for me to fall head first into obsession.

Bob Casey, our (PA's) junior senator, wrote me back (/his interns did). He's already for health reform but I did learn some stuff. In my first draft of this blog (yes... I may have drafts...), posted an excerpt from his reply, but then I realized that no one would read it. Basically, he mentioned a HELP committee bill, which I hadn't really heard of, that had a lot of great things INCLUDING a public option, although it said that it will NOT require everyone to have insurance. I thought all public option bills were killed though, so I need to do some research on what he's talking about.

Also, a while ago, I watched Citizen Kane, which I wasn't looking forward to because it seemed really Joni Mitchell. Well... I gotta say it was pretty great! It wasn't a snooze-fest like 2001: Space Odyssey or Lawrence of Arabia, both of which I actually couldn't finish because I was fighting unconsciousness... and lost.

Lastly, Claire frequently writes about a site called etsy.com, which is all handmade stuff. Well, the other night when I was writing faux journal entries in my notebook, I realized I should buy a new diary on that site.

ETSY.COM IS AMAZING!!/ I don't know how I'll ever EVER be able to choose!!!

I shall be frequently updating on this dilemma.

Also, I passed my 300 entries mark on this blog!!! Crazy.

ALSO, I ACCIDENTLY ERASED MY FREE CELL HISTORY!!!! I was REALLY upset before I decided that I was a little TOO attached to it, and erasing it is probably healthier in the long run. PLUS, it'll give me a chance to win more than just 59% percent... after I'd played SOOO much, there was basically no hope in improving my stats. If I go back to 59% though, we'll know that it's a very accurate representation of my free cell skills.

Shared Night Panic

Heavenly This American Life.

Today I listened to one about fear of sleeping. At the end, Ira Glass (the main guy) talked about how he always associates sleeping with death and he's always surprised that not everyone feels that way. Then he had a bunch of people say a few things about their nighttime panic attacks about death that are EXACTLY like mine. And III'M always surprised that everyone doesn't do that too. I've been having them since I was very very young, but I've discussed them with several people and a lot don't really know what I'm talking about.

Here's what some people on the show said:

"It's like a complete instant panic attack where I'm just clutching the sheets and going 'oh God, oh God, oh God, oh no.'"

"I'll just hang onto the bed and go 'no no no no no no no' and I'm just wanting to scream"

"There's something about being half-asleep specifically that causes the realization to actually take effect"

"When this wakes me up in the middle of the night it's because I'm right. It's going to happen."

"It's not an irrational fear. It's like you understand that you're mortal. That your life is going to be over at some point."

"I cry and I just get really sad and I try to breathe, I try to breathe real deeply and I just think 'there's nothing I can do.' The terror is overtaken by sadness. I just want it to not be true."

There's no reason for it to feel better to hear other people describe my exact experiences... but it kind of does. Here's a poem by Philip Larkin about it:

Aubade I work all day, and get half-drunk at night. Waking at four to soundless dark, I stare. In time the curtain-edges will grow light. Till then I see what's really always there: Unresting death, a whole day nearer now, Making all thought impossible but how And where and when I shall myself die. Arid interrogation: yet the dread Of dying, and being dead, Flashes afresh to hold and horrify. The mind blanks at the glare. Not in remorse - The good not done, the love not given, time Torn off unused - nor wretchedly because An only life can take so long to climb Clear of its wrong beginnings, and may never; But at the total emptiness for ever, The sure extinction that we travel to And shall be lost in always. Not to be here, Not to be anywhere, And soon; nothing more terrible, nothing more true. This is a special way of being afraid No trick dispels. Religion used to try, That vast, moth-eaten musical brocade Created to pretend we never die, And specious stuff that says No rational being Can fear a thing it will not feel, not seeing That this is what we fear - no sight, no sound, No touch or taste or smell, nothing to think with, Nothing to love or link with, The anasthetic from which none come round. And so it stays just on the edge of vision, A small, unfocused blur, a standing chill That slows each impulse down to indecision. Most things may never happen: this one will, And realisation of it rages out In furnace-fear when we are caught without People or drink. Courage is no good: It means not scaring others. Being brave Lets no one off the grave. Death is no different whined at than withstood. Slowly light strengthens, and the room takes shape. It stands plain as a wardrobe, what we know, Have always known, know that we can't escape, Yet can't accept. One side will have to go. Meanwhile telephones crouch, getting ready to ring In locked-up offices, and all the uncaring Intricate rented world begins to rouse. The sky is white as clay, with no sun. Work has to be done. Postmen like doctors go from house to house.

Reinstating the Movie Section

First of all, in case you didn't understand my previous definition of "Joni Mitchell," here is a concrete example. This beer is the most Joni Mitchell beer I've ever seen!

You see, it could be very great. Who knows? (actually I do... and it was pretty fine) BUT it looks unBELIEVably boring! Would you pick this out of a lineup of beers? Nay. In the same way that you wouldn't jump to take a class on colonial times in a lineup of history classes. COULD be good, but SEEMS too boring. It's Joni Mitchell!

ANYWAY I saw two movies this weekend. Yes, after my well-over-a-month movie (in the theater) drought, I am finally going to start catching up.

MOVIE SECTION

1. Where the Wild Things Are-- Obviously getting a lot of hype. I thought it was VERY well done in terms of making a largely plotless book into a movie with a very discernible plot but, impressively, not compromising the integrity of the book. It was also visually stunning. BUUUUT I think the BEST part of the movie was that it was, I'm pretty sure, the BEST portrayal of a child and a child's world EVER! Or at least the best I've seen.

You know how most movies that have children in it take the "kids say the darndest things" approach? What I mean is that they treat children like idiots to the world, not in a mean way but in a way that doesn't match with my experiences being a child and being with children. But children really DO observe the world and have an understanding of things. They just aren't jaded by experience like we are because they haven't experienced the redundancies in life. They can still make connections that we can't see. They still see possibilities whereas we jump ahead to outcomes because we've seen it all before. ANYWAY, the point is that this movie REALLY captured that. And it REALLY captured the way children live in the moment so much where they can be having a blast and then the next SECOND they're crying or they're scared. It really got the energy (the child is ALWAYS running around) and the disregard for danger that children have. It got what I think is the exact level of sympathy and compassion that children have-- self-focused but just STARTING to understand and care about how other people feel. Plus all the monsters had very distinct, child personalities that were VERY true to life, I thought. And all of the monsters and Max had incredibly complex and real types of relationships.

-- SLIGHT SLIGHT SLIGHT SPOILER NEXT! (although it's not like you haven't read it...)!!--

Max doesn't even hug every monster when he leaves... even monsters that are nice... because a kid wouldn't.

--SPOILER COMPLETE--

Plus, Max's plans were child like. His relationship with his mom and sister were amazing. The way he reacts to everything was perfect. I really TRULY thought this movie is unmatched as far as insight into children. I could go on and on and on about all of the child real-ness! AMAZING!

Now, I did think that the ending was a LITTLE abrupt, but I didn't really mind. If they had drawn it out or made him too sad about leaving the world, it might have cancelled out some of the amazing child-realness (I can't think of another word). Also my friend Franki said that she was a little disappointed that the monsters weren't as carnal and beastly as they were in the book--instead they were just a little sad and frustrated with the world and their relationships (mirroring Max's sadness from life). That didn't bother me though.

BUUUUUT visually the movie was amazing!! And the child reminded me of Joseph Gordon Levitt... except maybe a better actor than Levitt was at that age.

So... I recommend.

The Invention of Lying-- I WAS really pumped about it because it was written, directed by, and starring Ricky Gervais, who is genius. Plus Tina Fey was in the previews. THEN I heard that my grandpa read mixed reviews, which included disappointment that Tina Fey was hardly in it at all. So I went in with shmena expectations. SO for the first... maybe 20 minutes of the movie, it was funny but a little much. Not only does no one lie, but they also blurt out everything that they're feeling right away. It was funny but after 3 minutes, I was over it. Although I must admit that that plot line is a brilliant way to get through exposition without seeming too contrived-- you knew where everyone stood right away. Although that's kind of the reason I got bored with it so quickly.

BUUUUUT then it got really good! Now reviews mentioned that there was a bit of a metaphor about god (again, reviews according to my grandpa as I don't typically read reviews and if I do, not until after I've seen the film)... but it was a HUGE, not even metaphor, about god. And obviously I can't know this, but I really don't know that you could enjoy the movie as much as I did without being an atheist. And what I really liked was that he introduced god into everyone's life, kind of on accident, and it kind of changed everything... but it also kind of didn't. It just sort of changed the purpose people had for being who they are. It was also a commentary on looks. And, of course, it was a commentary on love.

Basically, I thought it was pretty clever, but I thought it was even more honest. Ricky Gervais has great sincerity to him that is a little judgmental but is much more self-pitying and self-deprecating. For instance, Bill Maher constantly points out how everyone is stupid, but Ricky Gervais approaches the world in astonishment like "does everyone see this madness as clearly as I do?" coupled with "it's so unfortunate that I can see how crazy everything is but in the end I'm destined to walk and be judged as a chubby guy who's kind of funny." I hope you KIND OF understand what I mean... even though I see that my words aren't terribly clear.

Also, I don't know why the reviewer was upset by Tina Fey only being in it for a bit. It was obviously a cameo and there was no reason for her to be in more of it. Edward Norton, Philip Seymour Hoffman, AND Jason Bateman all made cameos as well... and they were all BRILLIANT!! I love when cameos are brilliant!!

Basically, all in all I didn't get too much insight from the movie, but it reflected, essentially, how I see the world... but in a funny and less depressing way. So... I liked it.

ALSO, I want to point out that both movies dealt with fantastical solutions to not major or abrupt crises, but general sadness and frustration with things that aren't anyone's fault but still suck. I don't know if this is, perhaps, a tone of the people... or if I seem to be gravitating to those movies... or if it's a coincidence.

A Little More Hanson and a Bit on Food

I just need to add that while it would have been nice to have someone with me at the concert to evaluate the opening bands-- Sherwood, Steel Train, and Hellogoodbye (all quality, but I particularly liked Steel Train), it was ultimately golden that no one was with me because then I didn't have to be ashamed as I danced and screamed (SCREAMED!) like a maniac, knowing all the words to semi-obscure Hanson songs... just like everyone else there. I need to point out that the entire audience sang EVERY WORD to "Crazy Beautiful" from their 3rd album (how many people in the ... normal? world even know Hanson has a third album? (and a 4th)...). I'm talking ALL VERSES. That's CRAZY! (/beautiful... heh)!

In other news, I'm nearly finished with the week of crazy. I have to write my reason for wanting to go to LA and a 3-5 page paper for health care sociology (which ISN'T a research paper... which I find strange and wonderful) and I'm academically in the clear. ALTHOUGH, I am unfortunately not gold on the readings anymore. C'est la vie. It the homework reading proficiency didn't seem likely to last forever.

Other things:

1. I lost my wallet this week. Well... not so much lost as dropped it and then had to go on a goose chase around campus to get it back. What's weird is a few hours before that I forgot my notebook at work and a few hours later, I left home without my keys. It was a forgetful/materials lost sort of 24-hours.

2. I made irish potato soup. Honestly the odds seemed stacked against me-- mostly of my own doing. All I knew was that I wanted irish potato soup like the kind I get at my favorite restaurant in PA (Maggie O'Neil's). I looked up 3 or 4 recipes and then did what I thought would be the least elaborate way to make the soup, which isn't too smart, especially considering my less-than-delicious cooking past. But miraculously, it was GREAT!!! Even Elena thought so (although her words may not have included "great," and she did concede that if it wasn't good, she would still tell me it was good... what I'm saying is that she isn't a reliable source ;) ).

3. Last week I had a salad week. One week of DEFINITELY getting the right amount of vegetables. I did enjoy it. The only problem (can I call it a problem?) is maintenance. I can't buy 2 weeks worth of vegetables because they'll go bad, so I have to go to the store almost every day to replace something that I finished up. Lame. I finally ran out of spinach two days ago. Thus endeth salad week.

Also, 30 Rock premiere tonight at 9:30pm after The Office on NBC!!!

Also, I'm seeing David Cross on Monday!!!