Some Relief

After I wrote the entry about being upset with my "entrapment," two things happened: 

1. I felt like a fool being melodramatic. I almost erased it twice. 

2. I went to a Chinese anthro lecture where I was reminded about what REAL entrapment is. During the tumultuous years ... somewhere between 1949 and 1967, those people were REALLY trapped. My professor told me a story about these Chinese peasants who tried to escape their village because they were STARVING. AAAAND in China you couldn't just get a train ticket because you need official government permission to leave where you are. SOOO these people got caught trying to leave. Their hands were put behind their back in the handcuff position... and then they were HUNG that way all day. Then they tried to escape again. They were hung that way AGAIN! Then they tried to escape AGAIN, this time with a baby! They succeeded. But, unfortunately, even when you get into the city you were shit out of luck. Even when there weren't food shortages, people were given food coupons for their food... that way the government could subsidize food and everyone gets what they need for very little (and if you really want more and can afford it, then you can buy more at a much higher price). SOOOO you only get food coupons from your place of work. AAAAAND your work also controls your housing.... and you can't get work unless you BELONG where you are. SOOOO all the peasants ended up being this illegal, begging population. 

AND ACTUALLY in this story, one of the local officials couldn't have babies so he basically bought these peasant's baby from them in exchange for papers so they could get a job. The baby was in the hospital for malnutrition for 4 months!!! AND THEN when the kid was 10, the reform happened in China and all the cadres (officials) were then made to work. So the wife of the cadre got into an accident in the factory because she'd never done anything other than... sit around. So her accident was so bad that she was bedridden for 6 months and then she died. And then the husband killed himself right afterwards. So the boy was 10 and all of these red guards (intense student communist activists (they're all communists though)) came and took over the house... so then the kid ended up being a red guard. This is a STUDENT that my professor had. I forget how he actually got to America... but it was some crazy fucking miracle!

Anyway... THAT's an example of being trapped. 

Does that nullify my feelings? No. But I think I have to redefine it to remember how lucky I am. Which, I'm pretty ashamed that I forgot... but I feel like I usually am pretty good about perspective. The real issue is that I semi know what I want... what I want to make sure I do... and I felt SCARED. And I was blaming society for that. Which is ESPECIALLY unfortunate because... we have a damn good society... especially with King Obama... but even without him it was and is pretty amazing. 

In other news... Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert are so important in my life... AND they are on spring break this week!! Yesterday Sonya and I simultaneously screamed from our respective rooms when we saw it was a rerun. 

ALSO, a few weeks ago, my boss told me that I could come into work whenever I want when I asked her to move back a shift for a lecture. Now... that obviously makes sense because... she's not even there when I come in. I just go into a room and chill entirely by myself for my entire shift. SOOO NOW instead of waking up at 8:30am on Mondays and Tuesdays, I can wake up... whenever I want. It's PRETTY nice... but now I'm just awake even LESS during the day! It's making me pretty lazy. 

ALSO I STILL HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING FOR SCHOOL. 

BUUUUT I have done a good job with the guitar...

Ok... my goal was to have everything done by April 1st. So here is what I need to do.. probs even before that!

1. I need to meet with my TV and childhood group, watch 4 more kids' shows for my analysis and wrap up that project. 

2. I need to figure out what to do about this movie. I'm a little upset because I feel like a LOOOOT of the weight is on my shoulders and ... I feel a LITTLE uncomfortable delegating because I'm not sure if my group is going to think their part is more difficult. What we need to do is actually NAIL the actors and the times... and I need to storyboard, write a line script, write the actual script (which is already done) and make a set diagram. Now, I would like to make THEM to the actor stuff... but I don't know if they'll be upset... but I feel like I'm already responsible for all of the written stuff AND the actual set which is going to be "built" in my basement. BUUUUUT I NEEEEEED to make this happen ASAP!!! And even though it is totally my fault because I haven't been doing that much so far... they've done NOTHING... like... I just wrote the script... but ... they have literally done zero for our project. I'm not angry yet... only concerned. But I can feel the anger getting ready. 

3. I have a paper for Chinese anthro due next Wednesday. That's hopefully going to be the weekend. It's only 7 pages. 

4. RESUME! THIS WEEKEND, BLYTHE!

I might be screwed.