The Creek-- Hardly Mentioned but... I'm in It

Got sucked into the Creek again. Damnit Pacey!

Bought myself a fish. I think it's because after I decided against the CA license thing, I was craving something to attach myself to this place. The reason I never got a fish in Boston is because I never knew where I would be 3 months from any given time. Although it's possible that I will move again very shortly. But... I think my fish can take it.

The best thing about picking out a fish is that... it's a perfect, finding-your-chi, moment. Out of all the fish in the store, I picked this one. This one called to me. Very powerful... or... at least medium powerful. Or maybe it's just kind of cool.

I saw a one-woman show yesterday. It was FANTASTIC! I don't think I'd ever seen one before, but she was amazing. It wasn't about her life-- it was a little play and it was HILARIOUS! My former (wah wah) supervisor invited me to go with her. In fact, I'll just call her Saralyn now. At the reception-ish thing at the end, two separate people told me that I had the best laugh. I LOVE hearing that. Not to sound self-aggrandizing, but I remember my more theatrical friends telling me that all the time in high school and it makes me feel great. My purest pleasure giving others pleasure. Fantastic.

My dad is spontaneously coming to visit next week. I may have overreacted about thinking he was pissed. In fact, I strongly suspect that I got a bloated head from how kind everyone has been to me in the past few weeks. Maybe anything less than innumerable gifts and kudos left me oversensitive-- not a good place to be. Although I do think that it's weird that there was no note attached to my birthday gift. But... I'm over it.

I really hate not working. All of my tiny anxieties get pushed to the front line. For instance, I got anxiety about the number of messages in my voicemail, which I don't mean to sound cool because there were only 3 and it was over SEVERAL days. One of which was from my dad about whether or not he should visit. I called him like... 6 days later, which is lame and unacceptable.

I got another work check yesterday, which was AWESOME because I forgot that I still get a check for my last week of work. I REALLY have to get on the job stuff. I'm helping out for 2 more days on the production I was doing before, which is awesome. Also, Saralyn's husband told me that he wrote me down as someone to call about the next production he's doing. All good work. Starting Monday though, I'm getting my damn resume out to the agencies and looking for temp places. I don't want to get in a rut.

Lastly, after all the STELLAR reviews of Toy Story 3, I HAD to see it. And I gotta say, it was pretty great. Although, I'm not positive that I would rate it higher than the first one. Also though, at some point during the film, I became so grateful that I knew this was a Pixar film and thus would almost definitely end happily. I got nervous about it on many occasions.

I also watched Brief Interviews with Hideous Men, directed by John Krasinski. It was actually VERY good. Very thought-provoking. I would definitely recommend if you have the time... instant viewing on netflix. Plus, I'm glad I've been using netflix because when I don't for a while, it makes me feel guilty that I'm paying for it. I've had Good Hair, the documentary by Chris Rock for like... MONTHS. I should really watch that instead of Dawson's damn Creek! Pacey!!

Update and Mild Living Situation Grievances.

Today was LITERALLY the first day of having nothing I need to do. I slept until like... 3pm. I'm AMAZED that that happened. Even on the weekends, I've only been sleeping until 10:30. Whatevs. I just hope I go to sleep on time.

The production I worked on for the last 2 days was incredible. Mostly it was awesome knowing exactly what was expected of me on my first day. "Do you know how to use walkies?" "YES! I really really do!" It was also awesome to see different people performing the various positions. In my head I was like "that's not how Nino would do it. That's different than how Anne ran things."

Yesterday I went to the TiMER DVD release party which was AWESOME and, again, surreal. Corina and I had a beautiful, hilarious chat with Eric Jungmann who played the Duckie-like character in Not Another Teen Movie (amongst many MANY other things (including TiMER)) AND he is going to be in an episode of True Blood-- thus marking the JILLIONTH sign that I need to watch that damn show! There were other notable people there, but I don't feel like it would be very cool of me to list them. But it was an open bar and the waiters, all probably trying to make it in acting, were GORGEOUS. Like... almost TOO good looking. But the best part, for me, was getting invited to such an event and being able to bring someone! Surreal. My life hasn't ceased being surreal.

I hate to tamper with this post by adding negativity, but I'm starting to recognize my extreme discomfort about where I live. It is DEFINITELY my own neuroses, which makes it even worse to admit.

1. Davida is ALWAYS home. And she ALWAYS wants to chat. Which means that I purposefully don't go home at times when I know she might be outside. The worst is that she usually does her horse chores around 9:15pm, but it's not that reliable. So I won't come home between 8:15pm and 10:15pm. And I feel guilty about it because I know she wants to chat with me so I try, every 3ish days to make sure I say hello. I don't know if anyone else would ever have these problems. It's just, I don't want to do my laundry while she is here. And I DEFINITELY don't want to cook when she is here. And she's ALWAYS here. I'm pretty sure these are problems I took with me from home. I ONLY got things done when no one was around because then I wouldn't be bothering anyone and no one would be looking over my shoulder and giving me advice and... judging things. And sometimes I don't want to have a chat. When I say sometimes, I mean almost all the time. I've been chatting ALL DAY!

2. (really 1b) In the morning, I like to sit on my side stoop and read or ... whatever. However, one of the dogs has finally learned this and barks to come and see me. So then Davida knows I'm around and awake and I have to go back inside. Own neuroses. I know, I know!

3. Davida, as I've possibly mentioned already, is VERY involved in everything I do. Which I HATE, even though it is so nice and kind that she's taken an interest in me. Regardless, today was my FIRST day of not working. I'm still actively going for a talent agency, and I'm going to look into temp places blah blah. However, today she brought up a friend who wants someone to work in her office for $15 an hour, which I've never made in my life. Davida said that it is a production job because they do the production for all of these horse shows... although I don't believe they are televised or anything like that. I just... don't want to do that. I don't want to end up spending the next 3 years doing something that will mean nothing on my resume. But Davida already called and... I don't know how to tell her that right now I don't want her help. She acted like it was the best thing ever because even though it's not movies, it's only a few blocks down. How do I tell her that proximity is actually a downside.

I just... don't know how long I should stay here. I know I wouldn't have these problems if I was living with a peer. It's just my own mother was not NEARLY so active in my life. I just don't know how to talk to this woman when all I want is for her to like me. And she calls me her daughter all the time. Ugh. And I fully intend on trying to get some men in my life soon, and if I can't even cook in my house, how is this going to work? I don't even want Davida to know that I drink soda! Today she mentioned her shock that she slept until 9am, and I told her that I slept WAY longer than that. She was surprised. Surprised that I would wake up later than 9am. She doesn't know me at all, and that's TOTALLY not her fault.

The point is, I spend LARGE quantities of my freetime in various grocery store parking lots. I read, eat, and talk on the phone there for HOURS every single day. I only recently realized that if someone was to see that in a movie, it would look really sad.

In better news, I might get to work with my supervisor (EX-supervisor-- WAH WAH)'s husband for a few days, which would be AWESOME!! And if I don't have a job by next week-- likely-- I might work more on the production I just helped with the past two days. By the way, they even made me drive the actress, which was bizarre since that was my job for The Perfect Family. I wonder if two days of PA work is enough to put it on my resume.

Making Up for Lost Time with a Whole Lot of Mundane

So, I've decided that I am NOT going to get a CA license and plates because it might fuck up my insurance. To be honest, I'm a little bummed. I wanted to be California official. But, I guess it's a nice conversation starter to talk about PA when I'm being carded... and actually the other day this guy on a motorcycle pulled up to my window at a stop light and asked where in PA I was from. That was cool. Although it was a little awkward because we ended our chat when the light turned green, but then 2 blocks later, we ended up next to each other at another red light. I pretended to fiddle around with something in my car so we didn't have to have an awkward "here we are again" talk.

Regardless, it just shows how friendly people are here. I really think it's the perpetual sunlight. I got a cold a couple of weeks ago, but I never really FELT sick because I was outside in the sun, playing around, smelling the sweet sunscreen aroma, the scent of which STILL makes me feel like I'm about to go to the zoo. Even when you're sick during a sunny period in the east, it just feels like the weather is mocking you. The sun's like "ha ha! I'm only going to shine for the 3 days that you're inside. And I'm going to make everything muggy and ... lame!" Here the sun is like "hey, you're not sick at all! Come out and play like we do everyday!! I'll warm up some avocados for you!"

Anyway, the plates and license goal has been replaced by my new scrapbook goal. I wonder if I'll scrapbook when I no longer am marking college years. I have to assume that I won't because it won't occur to me. HOWEVER, I bet I'll do something equivalent. After all, before I started scrapbooking, I had those quote books in high school. And before that, I wrote entire notebooks worth of notes to my friends. And before that I cut out pictures of celebrities and pasted them into notebooks and wrote dialogue for them. (I JUUUUST told all of this to my supervisor today. It's on the brain.) My fantasy is that I'll channel some of this life-documentation energy into some screenplays. That's my dream.

So here's the news. The two women who work for another production company in my office are doing a shoot on Monday and Tuesday. It's a long story about why it's only two days, and more importantly, one that I don't want to talk about because of confidentiality. The important part is that I'M going to be a PA (production assistant) for them for those two days! AWESOME!! I love my life!

Then Tuesday night is the TiMER screening/party. And after THAT, I get to be depressed (or optimistically, SUPER MOTIVATED). BUUUUUT I have so much faith that I'm not going to lose Present Pictures forever. SO MUCH. So much that I barely even cried at all when I said goodbye to my producers. So much confidence. Although it helped that I'm going to have lunch with them in July. It's in the books. Yes!

Also, even though we are still forging ahead with trying to get a job at an agency, they also gave me other ideas about working for a temp agency for a while. Then I could kind of explore some different realms. Also, Davida gave me the number of her former roommate who works for an animation production company.

OOOO!! I just remembered that Carrie the caterer is catering for this movie that I'm helping with on Monday and Tuesday! AWESOME!!!

Also, I basically finished all of the commentaries on Freaks and Geeks. I'm going back and doing the ones I skipped. Turns out I can't live without them. My next show to buy is going to be the first two seasons of Skins. Definitely. Although not now because I'm hyperaware that I need to be saving money.

I also need to mention that facebook now has a Family Feud... app? Whatever facebook games are called. So, if anyone recalls the hours and hours and HOURS that Kevin and I spent on the Feud freshman and sophomore (did you know there were three "o"s in "sophomore?" I feel like that's a joke that my Mac spellcheck and google are playing on me) year, you might be able to guess the gravity of my excitement. Interestingly enough though, it has actually been making me really frustrated. I keep seeing people who do better than me and wondering to myself how that is possible! I've spent literally DAYS of my life playing that damn game. I am an expert. Why am I not the best?! Kevin has shared similar grievances. Kevin and I used to get SO PISSED at each other playing that game! "Why the FUCK would you say 'chicken?!' Obviously 'watermelon' is going to be the heaviest thing someone buys at a grocery store!!!!" Don't even get me started on fast money!

Goals and Shiz

Goals for upcoming unemployment period:

1. Get CA license and plates. I'm here for the long haul.

2. Clean my room. I really thought I was going to be tidy here, but... failed. In fact, I've succumbed to my old standby of having an ENORMOUS box in the middle of my room in which I place EVERYTHING. Dirty clothes. Sometimes clean clothes. My pocketbook. Trash. Recycling. Books. It's a big buh situation.

3. Watch some movies. I'm ready.

4. Call some of my friends. I miss my friends!

5. Actually cook in my house/ put food in my house. I really don't have an excuse anymore for not eating here. I'm just secretly afraid of doing things in my place now. For instance, should I bring my own pans in? I don't want to go through Davida's stuff, but she might be offended or disturbed that I won't use her cooking things. Plus, I don't know if I'm going to have to make her food when I make myself food. Yesterday she offered to make me some chicken, but I didn't want to blur the already blurred lines of our relationship by having her cook for me. I couldn't even go to the store because she insisted on driving me if I do (obviously because of my lack-of-car situation) and I didn't want that to happen, so I only ate a banana for dinner. This is one of those social situations that I KNOW I'm too neurotic about but... it's far too uncomfortable for me.

Oh... and 6 (really #1). Get a job.

Today I picked up my car and it only cost me $200!! This is for a new radiator, replaced radiator fan, AND oil change!! I'm positive that this was the best deal ever!

I get to go to a TiMER screening and cocktail with the director and actors. I'm really pumped about it, especially since I really like the movie. That's lucky. But now I'm SUPER excited because I got to invite people to come so Corina and Devon are coming!! Plus, I think some people from our production are coming too.

By the way, the movie that I just worked on is called The Perfect Family. In fact, I'll even tell you that it stars Kathleen Turner, Emily Deschanel, Jason Ritter, Michael McGrady and Richard Chamberlain. I'm positive that is okay to mention since there was an article about it in Variety.

!!!

An Ish-Bad Day

Now it's REALLY my last week of work, which is scary and awful and super sad. Ugh.

So here was my day. Started out fine-ish. I had to run some errands in Santa Monica, so I wrote down all of my addresses and phone numbers and instructions in a notebook, yadda yadda.

Then I arrive at my first destination but this thing I was supposed to get wasn't there. Fine. And then I start to go to my next destination and realize I forgot to actually BRING the notebook with addresses and numbers with me. LUCKILY the addresses were on my computer, so it was fine. The phone number wasn't there but I miraculously got internet connection at my second stop, so I could look up the number. Problem solved.

Then I get to my third destination, which was right by the beach. That was heavenly. So I sit in the grass and eat my lunch. Then I do what I have to do. Then I get back to my car. PARKING TICKET!! First ticket I ever got! And it was so stupid because I read the sign and consciously saw that it said you can't park from 12pm to 2pm on Tuesday. For whatever reason, I was CONVINCED it was Wednesday. Laaame.

So as I'm on my way back to the original place, my car starts to smoke from the hood. A LOT. And it started to smell. So I get off at the next exit on the highway and look up a jiffy lube. But it is smoking a LOT so I didn't even want to go the 3 miles. Instead I miraculously find a car body shop and pull over there. They tell me to wait a half hour before they even look at it so that hot water doesn't explode in my face or something. So I wait and then ask again. They look under the hood and see that my radiator is cracked. Double lame.

I call AAA and do the dance to get towed. As I'm calling, the strap on my pocketbook breaks-- definitely incurable. Damn.

However, a lot of it was made up because I had a great conversation with the guy who towed me. He was from Afghanistan and told me his beautiful story about how awful his country was so he worked in Pakistan for $190 (US currency) per month for working 7 days a week from 6am to midnight Then he came here and worked pretty much the same hours at two jobs, sending $1000 per month back to his country to support 4 families. But then he was able to buy a small house in Santa Monica. And then, when the housing was still great, he sold his $275,000 house for $800,000. And then he bought a condo and rents that out. And then he was able to bring his wife back here and now he has twin, 6.5 month old daughters. He showed me a picture! He was so happy. It was a wonderful story. My eyes seriously began to well up... but I kept it cool (probs...).

He told me that a guy he met from his country when he got over here told him 3 pieces of advice:

1. Follow ALL the laws. Don't do anything illegally.

2. Don't get a credit card.

3. Don't get a girlfriend.

Anyway, that was great. It was like... a 1.5 hour conversation because traffic was awful. At the end we were essentially in love. He gave me a lot of advice--everything from saving my money to not acting too excited when I'm at the mechanic so that they don't over charge me -- a likelihood since I am young, nice, clearly an idiot about cars, and most importantly, a woman. He also told me that I should get a boyfriend so that I can have some fun and feel good when I'm so far away from my family. I assured him that I was working on it. This is not something I need to be reminded of, people!

So I got to Davida's mechanic and it's going to cost me about $200 to get a new radiator. Plus I'm getting my oil changed-- I was about due.

I would say the day was OK. Definitely not heavenly as usual.

In other news, I finished Freaks and Geeks (second completion). And I finished watching the commentary on all the deleted scenes. I'm working my way through episode commentary (I think I've watch 4 so far, but I'm not watching every one. Only the ones that feature people I want to hear). Obviously I've watched all of the other special features. So what I'm saying is, I am almost finished with the first steps to absorbing a show. Next step: watch interviews of actors on the show. Watch entire shows that only feature one of the actors. Read biographies (that last step is HIGHLY unlikely. I doubt I'll delve past interviews. Don't fear.)

In unrelated news, I went to a used book store with Corina and it was AWESOME. You know how you hardly EVER find something you actually want in a used book store. You end up getting excited about something obscure and buy it and then never read it. That's what I do, at least. Well this one was AMAZING!! It was just about EVERYTHING I would ever want to buy in one stack. You didn't even have to peruse the entire store. This is what I got (remember it was JUST my birthday. I'm not going crazy with the moneys (mantra to myself)):

-The Lovely Bones (Claire recommended)

-On The Road (Claire nearly did a thesis on Kerouac-- I think (know) I'm missing Claire)

-The entire Lord of the Rings trilogy. I KNOW my future husband is going to be obsessed with LOTR. This is an investment in my future.

-The Time Traveler's Wife. I know I already read it, but I gave my copy to my sister and then... realized it was a mistake. Although she did read and enjoy it.

-Harry Potter 1. Guys, I needed that. Where did mine go??!! I can't just have all but the first one! Especially when my secret dream is to read them all twice a year (a fantasy that miraculously gets half accomplished annually). Plus, my new way of describing my love for this series is as follows: if I was trapped on a desert island, but I had all of my Harry Potter books, I'd think "eh... this isn't THAT bad." If I had only one of the books though, I'd be like "FUUUUUCK!! HOW AM I GOING TO GET OFF THIS ISLAND!??"

Awesome.

Other things:

1. I'm having another "all my technology is breaking at the same time" period. I've just learned that my ipod is... broken? What I know is that it doesn't play when I use my headphones. Obviously the car... buh. Also, I'm having problems with my computer charger. If I finagle it for a bit, I can get the charger to work. However, I KNOW that that's a bad sign. I'm giving it another 3 weeks before it becomes priority number 1.

2. The date of June 15 has been standing out in my mind as an important date. I hate when that happens because... it was important enough to stick but why can't I remember why?! However, I realized today that June 15 marks the air date of the first episode of The Young and the Restless in which I haven't already read the story. Whew! Although this is a landmark. Am I going to watch the show and inevitably become addicted? That is an hour of dedication per day. OR am I going to lay that show to rest in my past? Impossible to say. Although I can't even get the energy to watch True Blood which I KNOOOOW is going to be AWESOME! So... I bet we'll go with the latter (royal "we").

Not a Thorough Update...

Life has calmed significantly. Weirdly, working 8 hours verses 12 or 14 seems to make me much more tired. Or maybe just sluggish. Or maybe it's because I went right back to eating one meal a day-- wah wah.

I've been working at the office this past week, and I get to stay yet ANOTHER week, which was/is a HUGE relief. I would definitely have had a panic attack if I had to go from constant work to nothing at all. Plus, we've been going over my resume etc, so the goal is still to move onto an agency. I'm scared y'all. In addition, I've been trying to maintain some relationships. Tomorrow I'm going to see a screening of Beetlejuice at a cemetery! HOW COOL IS THAT?! (Also, how annoying is it that the movie is spelled "Beetlejuice" but when they spell the name in the movie it's spelled "Beetlegeuse." AND I'm pretty sure the star is spelled "Betelgeuse.")

For my birthday, I got myself the entire series of Freaks and Geeks. I LOVE that show. I just finished the part in which Jason Segel sings "Lady" by Styx. I think it's one of my favorite scenes of anything. I kind of want to make that list-- I'll put some thought into that. I think one of the best parts about the show is that it is the least on-the-nose plot ever. Like... HALF of the content of that show is JUST in the faces of the actors. In fact, 25% is just in Linda Cardellini's face. And god, they are SUCH multi-dimensional characters! GREAT show. Plus the music is killer.

I just need to reflect on the fact that it is mid-June, RIGHT after I graduated and I am where I am. I can't even BELIEVE it!! I am completely incredulous! Even my room is perfect. The other evening I decided to watch Peter and Vandy (Jason Ritter) and I realized that my TV is right to the side of my door. So I opened the door and put the ceiling fan on lightly and stacked my pillows up to lay on. I almost died of perfect ambiance. IN FACT, right after my birthday, when I was about to explode of love and adoration (and sadness, a little), I got some chinese food and this was my fortune: "Generosity and perfection are your assets - and they show." I was like "if I get one more kind word, I'm going to .... DIE!" If everyone could be as lucky as I feel right now.

Although I have had some bank issues. I already told the tale about 8 times, so I'm over it. Maybe I'll tell tomorrow when I go BACK for the 3rd (!!) time. Lame.

Also, I'm pretty sure my dad is pissed at me because he sent me money for my birthday or graduation but it wasn't even in a card or with a note. It was a check, alone in an envelope. I know that sounds like an overreaction, but... I'm almost positive I'm right about this. Even when I used to mail my mother checks to deposit in my account that we discussed on the phone the day before, I'd still write a note. Whatever whatever.

(Except actually I really care and I keep thinking about it and getting pissed.)

HEART EXPLOSION

I'm going to explode! EXPLODE!!!

I want to write quickly because I'm going to buy a new dress today, so this may be very unorganized... or it might be regular. Impossible to say.

The production is OVER! I'm beside myself with grief! Tonight is the wrap party and then... ...

I had the best birthday!!!! Everyone wished me a happy birthday all day! My friend Sarah got me balloons and the executive producer gave me a beautiful necklace (I'm going to miss her so much). I specifically didn't tell Carrie the caterer that it was my birthday because... I didn't want her to think she had to do something about it. At the end of the day they had me stand in for lighting, which is a totally normal job, although not one I usually do. While I was standing in, everyone stopped everything and sang Happy Birthday to me and brought out Carrie's cake! They filmed it and the set photographer took pictures. My heart could EXPLODE!

Also, and I wouldn't write this except that I have to remember later when maybe I'm not feeling as good, but a girl on set told me that she has been working in the industry for 7 years and has had her birthday on set probably 5 times. She said the cast and crew has never stopped everything for her! Another guy told me that too. That is SO NICE! I really think I may die of over-kindness.

Also, the cake was PHENOMENAL! Carrie is starting a pie restaurant in October and anyone who ever comes to California after that time is going to this restaurant. I am in love with Carrie.

After work, I chatted with my grandma for a year-- AWESOME. Then Devon and Corina took me to a funny bar called The Cave. I love them SO MUCH and am so appreciative that they are here in California, helping me to not be alone during my transition--- and being AWESOME.

Also, I do NOT get to keep my job at Present Pictures. BUUUUUUUUUUT (oh god I can't even believe how nice everyone is), my producer called the person she worked for at the Gersh Agency and they told me to send my resume and cover letter. My producer is going to go over them with me! My plan was to try and work at an agency for a year if I didn't get to stay at Present Pictures. My producers both did it, and a ton of the speakers we had in our classes did it as well. Everyone says it's an invaluable experience because you learn EVERYTHING in the industry and you make a ton of connections.

However, EVERYONE also says that it is a terrible, demoralizing job. You're on call 24/7 and they make you cry. You go for a year, get your experience, and split. I compared this, quite obviously, to The Devil Wears Prada to someone and they said it was worse. I've mentioned my plan about the agency to a number of people, and I never fail to get a really sad/concerned face. Some people told me that they are worried it will break my spirit or make me really jaded. However, my producers really trust that I can do it and I think I'm WAY tougher than I appear.

The best part is that after a year (or whatever-- when they can I assume), Present Pictures wants to take me back!!!!!

I'm going to EXPLODE!!!

Also, my friend Liz has actively called me about helping me to find a job. Everyone wants to find me a job. I can't even take the kindness. I really can't, guys.

HOW CAN IT BE OVER?!!!