Positive Blythe! And Seal It with a Quiz

I feel WAY better today, probably because I spent it almost perfectly. No guilt. 

First, I did sadly wake up at 1pm... which is sad both because it's late AND because it's really early considering my more recent schedule. Wah-wah. But I did sleep through the night. AAAND I was very pleased because often, when I am awake at night, there is a point between 1am and 3am (changes day to day) where I get pretty sleepy... like if I fall asleep I'm done for the night... but it's a VERY easy bridge to push through (unless I'm writing a paper or studying for a test--then it is quite tricky) so I usually do and the sleepy doesn't come again until between 6am and 8am. 

Note: I understand that this is the stupidest thing EVER! I need to go to life rehab... 

ANYWAY last night at 2am I felt it coming and, even though I was in the middle of a movie, which I almost never interrupt, I shut my computer and went right to sleep. Done! (Go ahead and count. That's 11 hours of sleep. I'm not ashamed...)

Anyway, I woke up and had a yogurt and a banana. I went grocery shopping yesterday and I think I got the perfect amount of groceries... because usually I under shop... which I know is weird.. but I get paranoid about over buying so I usually go to the grocery store right after eating. Then I end up cutting things that I don't feel like I need at the time because I'm not only not hungry, but I'm actually repulsed by the food. Then 3 days later I have no food. People don't warn you about under shopping the way they do about over shopping. 

SOOO I today I spent a long time on craigslist and ended up emailing two more job offers, which I know is not a lot but it's something. Neither were TV related... but neither were Superfresh-like jobs. Also, I registered for several of those companies that call you do go out and be surveyed for market research for like... $50 ... so ... we'll see. Maybe I'll be pleasantly surprised, but it couldn't hurt. 

THEN I went to the gym! That's certainly the real reason I'm happy for several reasons:

1. endorphins (which SURELY the lack of has been contributing to my recent sadness (which I was very aware of but hesitant to admit)

2. I'm slowly proving to myself that I DO have control. Maybe I just needed a gradual start... MAYBE it just takes a few days to get all the sloth out of the way and feel shitty enough to REALLY make some changes. That's good enough for me. 

Plus I'm also happy because:

1. My book, The Time Traveler's Wife, is glorious!! Although I am going to need a new book in 2-4 days. 

2. It's my 21st birthday on Wednesday!

3. Amanda is coming (because it's her routine on Tuesdays) and is staying for my birthday!!

New and old things to do:

1. Scrapbook. For real. Maybe I'll invite people over and we can have a little craft party!

2. Get my boxes from Caroline and Cayla. I actually feel a bit guilty that I haven't already. Plus I can start retrying to play the guitar. Really those boxes are full of my more fun, or at least less embarrassing, ways to enjoy myself. 

3. Make the dvds of my movie. Maybe I can take it to a place to get done. I just don't know how because it's too big to email and too big for my flash drive. Although I do have it on my big drive. We'll see. 

4. Keep working on the job hunt. 

5. Do some sort of financial thing with my mom. I don't know but it's probably a priority. 

6. Write some thank you emails. 

Miraculously, neither grocery shopping, laundry, OR cleaning are on this list. Yes, I have been keeping a clean house. It's a great situation because while Pat has yet to really be here, I keep THINKING he will be and I don't want him to come home to a dirty house. Although the tub is still an issue. I'm thinking of getting a mat (the grime is slippery... I know. Gross.) and then at least being able to wash the mat semi-easily. 

On another note, I've already done over 200 entries! July 14 will be the one year anniversary of this blog!

Lastly, someone that I know did this survey thing as a note and I really loved it. BUUUT I don't like doing notes because I get self-conscious so I'm going to do it here (don't be surprised if I DO make it as a note later though).

Using only song names from ONE ARTIST, (cleverly) answer these questions. 

Pick your artist: Bob Dylan

Are you male or female?: "Just Like a Woman"

Describe yourself: "Times They Are A-Changin'"

How do you feel about yourself?: "Blowin' in the Wind"

Describe where you currently live: "Oxford Town"

If you could go anywhere, where would you go?: "Gates of Eden"

Your best friend is: "Mr. Tambourine Man"

Your favorite color is: "It's All Over Now, Baby Blue"

You know that: "A Hard Rain's A-Gonna Fall"

What's the weather life?: "Summer Days"

If your life were a TV show, what would it be called?: "All I Really Want To Do"

What is life to you?: "Like a Rolling Stone"

What is the best advice you have to give?: "Don't Think Twice, It's Alright"

If you could change your name, what would it be?: "Quinn the Eskimo"

Too Much Angst for Such a Gorgeous Day-- I'm Sorry!

I really dislike using the word "productive" because it bums me out and it makes me feel like people aren't living to live. That being said, I have to start being much harder on myself. My improvements have been minimal but my guilt is getting to be unbearable... which is a good thing really. 

So, on the PRODUCTIVE front (and... I must admit that it's a very loose definition of "productive" at that), yesterday I decided to look on craigslist for a job. 

Aside from the problem of getting up at a reasonable hour (so that I can actually have time to interact with people who aren't getting inebriated... not that that's the worst thing.. but still...), I also have the problem of where to apply... mostly because I keep thinking I should just apply to Star Market or the Regal again, which I REALLY don't want to do. I honestly don't know if I'll miss an opportunity by grabbing the first thing I can get (that will inevitably be... less than fun) or if I'm being a fool by waiting. 

I always notice that people I know always feel so qualified to do things. Not in an arrogant way.. but it makes me feel like they got something from their life so far that makes them qualified for things. 

Last night I was watching David Letterman online and he was doing these science experiments with children. In my entire life, I can't remember being interested in any science but astronomy. I have friends who went through the same chemistry class that I did and found it so interesting and mind blowing! Now, I don't think I've ever really come out and told anyone that science isn't interesting because I'm sure that it is. But all I remember is doing experiments where I either knew what was going to happen right away or I didn't know what was going to happen but it didn't seem to thrilling anyway... I wasn't solving anything for anyone, you know? I've always just assumed that these people had some background in science that made everything more interesting for them. And I've always assumed that if I saw that interesting thing or read that interesting book or really understood a great concept, I would be hooked too... but as it is, nothing has grabbed my attention. 

THAT'S how I feel about people being qualified for things. They got something that I didn't and it's not something to lament over... it's just the way it is. However, sometimes I allow myself to think that maybe they just have some confidence that I don't. Maybe my friends who love science didn't have any other significant experience... maybe they just wanted to love science and so they did. And then they got this confidence because they chose it to be what they are uniquely (eh) interested in. It's THEIR subject. I don't believe I have MY subject. 

In addition, I can't honestly say that I think that there is anything that I can do that anyone else can't. I don't think it gives me low self-esteem because... I don't think that I have low self-esteem. But sometimes it gives me a sense of... being undeserving. And while on the one side, I very often feel lucky with everything that I get and every opportunity allowed to me, I also get these bouts of feeling like I'm not pursuing things enough... that I'm supremely unmotivated... I don't have the confidence to have very big dreams. Although I'm usually (I think) very grateful for what I do have... and of course, I hope, quite dedicated to my responsibilities.  

So here I am, wondering if I'm being too selfish about what I want. What if I'm waiting for something that isn't going to come my way... and that maybe I just don't have the balls or the personality type or the motivation to go and earn it. I just feel like recently my brain has been repeating the mantra of ONE LIFE. There isn't any way to not make this sound stupid... so I won't even really try... but ONE LIFE!! I have this ONE CHANCE to do what I want. If I want to know how to play the guitar, I need to make it happen NOW because I'm not going to get another chance. If I really want to be a writer, I have to take all of my opportunities now! I should go and ride some horses. See the redwoods again. I SHOULD go abroad. And right now I feel like I SHOULD try to take advantage of Boston. 

When I was applying to colleges, I'm ashamed to say that I was significantly helped by Sarah Coletta, who basically guided me through the entire process so that ... while I actually filled everything out and wrote the essays ... and obviously had previously done all of the things that I was able to put on my applications, the DOING IT wasn't really shouldered by me. 

I just want to be the kind of person that DOESN'T have to succumb to what I already have been. If I want to give up soda, damnit I HAVE to do it. I HAVE to because I can't be confined by my own fences. I shouldn't even say things like "I'm bad at directions" or "I am supremely unmotivated" because those things should only define what has happened in the past... and things that I can commit to changing if I want to. 

After all of that... here is what the real situation is. I'm sitting on my bed at 1:08pm after not sleeping the whole night and spending the morning in the park... doing nothing... because I'm unemployed. And then I come back because I'm exhausted, even though that is ridiculous and absurd and I feel like I should have more control over myself than this. Yet here I am, blogging my feelings, which are really only elaborate excuses... explaining why I'm still unemployed and ashamed instead of doing something about it... which makes me even more furious with myself. 

And really, who is to say that being a video camera operator assistant will be any more fun or beneficial than working at another grocery store. Maybe I could meet some new friends at the grocery store, note some interesting personalities. Who knows? 

I'm probably just putting off getting a job because I like not having responsibility... but the guilt is weighing a little too hard to let me enjoy my sloth. 

ANYWAY ANYWAY

I wrote a resume yesterday and sent it to ONE PERSON. And I felt good about myself, until I realized it was a bad sign that I let myself off the hook for something so useless. 

Plus I drank a soda today AND yesterday. Yesterday's was the most honest-to-god accident ever... I didn't even THINK about. Then today it was in an effort to make me live through my morning excursion. I'm confident that it won't become a problem. 

I got birthday cards from my grandparents (the bitchy ones) and my dad. They all gave me money to live their fully supported life of leisure... well my dad said it was for me to get super drunk. It made me feel guilty also. 

The last time I slept, I had a dream that my dad and I were on a super futuristic airplane type thing and it was about to crash. I got in the front and ended up in the emergency exit compartment which, in my dream, was a little pod that just shot straight down into the ground where you crash horribly. But in my dream this was actually the safe way to land in an emergency. I actually crashed on a bridge in the futuristic city. And obviously I survived but I felt terrible because my dad wasn't in the safe emergency part with me. For some reason I'm pretty sure I thought he wasn't dead... I just felt bad that he wasn't with me. Then, in my dream, there was some sort of after-crash ball. Like everyone in the crash was in a hotel and we were dressed up and everything. I see my dad and somehow I know that he ended up parachuting off the futuristic plane, which in my dream was the worst way to exit the plane (although in non-dream life there is no question that it would be safer to parachute from a plane than to be forcefully projected towards the ground and crash). So I went up to my dad, who was sitting at a table with a lot of people. I sit next to him and I tell him how sorry I am that I left the plane without him, and as I tell him, I smile as though it's some misunderstanding. Then he says "yeah, ok" and turns to talk to the other people, clearly upset with me. I was heartbroken (my dad, in life, has never been upset with me). I think I woke up then. 

You know, maybe I'm being too hard on myself... but I'm pretty sure that I might be being too easy on myself, as I so often am. 

These are the things I want to do (not all of these are angst-y... some are just regular items to be done):

1. Obviously get a job. Then I can stop making these huge sweeping angst-ridden blogs where I treat myself like I'm suffering so much... when I'm really suffering the least you possibly can (I'm trying to get some credit by acknowledging my own ridiculousness... but I don't expect anything because.. I'm doing it regardless of my knowledge).

2. Get a birthday card for Mr. Besser

3. Get groceries.

4. Get checks from SED and deposit birthday money. 

5. GO TO SLEEP BEFORE 3am. Honestly I'm going to be PISSED at myself if I don't. 

6. Start junior year scrapbook.

7. Start a painting. 

8. Start living my summer plan already!

Yucky Tub, The Cougar and more

I have to take back the stuff I said about The Cougar as far as my shitty recommendations go. The show really covers a lot with their online supplements.... which I have watched all of... and I am adequately ashamed. BUUUT it made me feel much better about watching the show because I believe them more now. They actually DO have a camera that just the boys use and they act quite natural. 

Although here is what I think... and what has struck me throughout the entire show (and it's probably super obvious anyway): Stacy probably SHOULD just be with someone who is her own age... not because it's weird having an older woman with a younger guy, but because men in their 20s are ridiculous... making super elaborate bets with each other with like... ground rules and stuff. I thought it was cute as hell... but you can't marry that. You can't settle down with that because they aren't settled people. You'd just take them away from their playful life too soon. You can't give children to a 21 year old guy who bets 10 other guys (that are dating the same girl as him) that he can get the girl into the jacuzzi... and the penalty is drinking a shot of beer a minute for an hour. I'm not saying there is anything at ALL wrong with that (as far as elaborate bets... the drinking thing was a little much)... but you can't give him a 40-year-old wife and 4 kids. 

Also, I would be totally bummed out if I was Stacy and I had to go to bed while all the mens were having fun downstairs. Lame. 

A few more things: 

1. Away We Go is coming out on June 5 and I need to know why John Krasinski doesn't seem to be doing any late night spots for it. 

2. Pat is home, although I haven't seen him yet. I imagine I will help him move in tomorrow. I'm so glad he's back!! Then I will have someone around... and of equal importance is that I'll probably be inclined to do more things when someone actually knows when I'm at home. 

3. I started the first few pages of The Time Traveler's Wife and I can tell that it's going to be glorious (/I don't know if I mentioned, but I finally finished my David Sedaris book while I was at home, and I just finished that Craig Ferguson book the other night. Sedaris was exactly as I expected- hilarious and amazing. Ferguson... it was good, I enjoyed it, but I probably won't read it again). 

4. I really love the apartment, particularly the temperature which is perfect always so far... I don't want to jinx it... but it is wonderful. However, my one grievance is that our tub drains really REALLY slowly so that nothing actually ends up in the drain when the water is finally gone... like all of the dirt and stuff just leaves this huge ring around the bathtub (making me feel WAY dirtier than I ever have thought in the past). But it's actually super gross and really hard to clean because I'll scrub it with comet but I still need to put water in the tub to clean it and the cleaning water never drains... so I'm left with dirt AND comet residue (and in the name of honesty, hair from when I shaved my legs... ... very very gross). I guess I'll have to talk to Vanessa about it.

The Hole

Ok I'm definitely in a hole. 

First things first, I need a job asap. I don't know what I was thinking about with this idea of a free summer! My grandpa called me two days ago and I couldn't even muster the ability to call him back until today because I was so embarrassed by my position. The last time I talked to him was over a month ago (longer gap than usual) and I was in far better circumstances. Today I finally did call him but I talked to him in that unnatural way where you know you have to explain something and you want it to sound like it's under control but it's clearly not. It was wretched... and while he wasn't upset, I could tell he was disappointed. 

So I thought to myself, the only way that I can make the internship thing right is by going to LA for the spring semester... which I wanted to avoid because then I'd have to say goodbye to everyone before the year is over, including Chords, which would/will be heartbreaking. 

But regardless, if I go to LA, I NEED to know how to drive, no exceptions. And if I go back home to learn, it will cost me money going back and forth. Plus I HATE being at home. 

So I looked up driving schools here. If I take an actual class it will cost me $595... which I can't afford unless someone pays for me. And they probably won't. If I did a thing where I did 10 hours of lessons, it would cost me $360... which I also can't actually afford... but could probably find. Plus I think it's $100 to take the actual test. 

Say I actually do the 10 hour thing and take and pass the drivers test, which already seems like a stretch since I have absolutely no way to practice outside of these lessons, then I have to go through first semester with no more practice. Then I have to practice as much as I can over winter break. PLUS buy and car AND insurance. And then drive to LA and spend the rest of my life as a driving citizen. WTF! How will that work??

PLLLLUUUUUSSS all of these things cost a shit-ton of money. So I would have to get a job that pays well this summer... which means that I'll probably have to work full time. Which means that at the very least I should have just done OCS because that pays well (better this year since it would be my next year) and is pretty fun. BUUUT what I'll PROBABLY have to do is work at the grocery store, which will 1000% pay way worse, I'll have to spend my life there to make any sort of money, nullifying the reason why I even chose this path for the summer which was to have some time for myself, AAAAND I will get zero experience because I've already worked in a grocery store for 3 years. 

While I can clearly see how all of these things are 1000% my fault and no one else's, I don't know how, after maintaining a good GPA and regularly having jobs etc... I just went crazy and decided to be unprepared for the summer... and seemingly I've fucked everything up. 

Maybe it just looks really bad because I just discussed it with my mom who was part helpful and part telling me I-told-you-so which was both nasty and also, in my recollection, false. Not that it's her fault... but I am pissed and I am undeservingly directing a lot of that anger towards her. 

And I'll tell you the exact money situation. 

I have $500 in the bank right now. I JUST put in $431 in checks yesterday. But I also wrote a check for $600 for my rent for the end of May and June. Plus at some point I have to pay utilities. I have MAYBE $70 in checks waiting for me at SED. My birthday is in a week and I'll probably get money from a few people, maybe up to $300. My mom told me she'd give me some money for an overdraft that I did... I have no idea how much. I have $800 more to pay for the summer, plus I have to eat, plus I have to pay utilities for the other months. 

THAT is the situation. 

I think admitting to myself that I have a bit of a situation is important... and a little relieving... maybe. Also, if anything, I should think about what I wanted to do for a month over the year which was to live a little more on the edge. I was craving shitty jobs and problems to solve, obstacles to overcome. I know Bob Dylan would think I was pretty lame to see my situation as anything but life. And someone more optimistic than Bob Dylan would see it as an opportunity to see what I can do. 

Ok. It's ok. 

Daddy's Dance Troop

This is my dad's new dance troop that he joined. Apparently he is in this video, although I have no idea where. 

Cool Brother

I secretly think my brother is really cool. (He's the one on the right)

Email Procrastination

The thing about putting off writing emails is that you feel shitty that you haven't done it yet, but unlike other things, you don't really feel good when you finally do it. You just wonder what the point of putting it off was. 

Setting the Summer Course

My accomplishments:

1. Sleeping through the night for two nights. 

2. Not spending any money for two days. 

3. Waking up before 9am for two days. 

4. Not drinking any soda for two days.

My... let's not call them "failures" but...:

1. Not leaving my apartment for two days. 

2. If not sleeping, then essentially doing no better than sleeping during my time. 

Now, obviously this is unacceptable and I obviously can't be trusted to ... live... without having a plan. So starting tomorrow, I'm going to follow a stringent schedule to get things on track again. These are the things that I need to do:

1. I need to do my laundry. I should think about doing that tonight even (although Wolf's going away party is tonight so... we'll see)

2. I need to get groceries so I can save my money. 

3. I need to deposit some money. 

4. I NEED TO LOOK FOR A JOB. FOR REAL!

Plus I need to remember the reason why I decided to take such a relaxing summer. It's okay now, but I can't let the lazy get out of control. 

Honestly, I should be judged right now. I'm sitting in the dark on my bed in my pajamas at 8:23pm. Tomorrow will be the new beginning. 

My New Friend Rick

Written, but not posted, last night: 

NOW I'm back in Boston. I actually got in yesterday. 

So before I left, as per (the now) usual, I did not sleep at all... but my mom, who gets home at 2am sometimes and I went for a walk and she ended up staying up with me until after 4am. That was great. I don't feel like telling this uninteresting story play by play (Really Blythe? Yes really. ) but I ended up getting to the bus station two hours early for my bus at 9am. I got a soda and sat down, reflecting on how you usually don't meet interesting people as much in the morning as you do at night. So I started reading my book and this guy asks me to borrow a pen, so I obviously give him one. A few minutes later he asks me about where I live etc. 

We end up chatting for over an hour and we discussed the following things: 

1. Stuff about me. My major. Loans. Boston..  Whatevs. 

2. He dropped out of college after 2 years. 

3. He's trying to get a job but it's hard in this economy. At the time, he was sitting there trying to get a job AT the greyhound station. 

4. He's interested in designing t-shirts. 

5. He told me that you can get a free email address if you go to the library. That it's something like yahoo. I couldn't decide if I should explain that you don't need to go to the library to have a free email address and run the risk of sounding arrogant or if I should just nod. I went with the latter. He told me that I should do it and I told him that I get a free email address from my school. I need to say that this guy was pretty young, maybe late 20s and NOT crazy... how many people do you think don't know about email?

6. He also told me that he really likes horses because he got to spend a week riding one and learning about one when he did the reenactment of the Battle of Gettysburg. I asked him how he got that opportunity and he asked me if I really wanted to know. I told him I did and he said it was because he was in a juvenile detention center for a while. 

7. At some point during our talk he took out a little packet of raisins and asked me if I wanted some. I told him I was alright but he told me they were great for you. So I agreed and told him I'd have a raisin. He ended up giving me half of the packet. "50/50" he said. It was really nice. 

When I had to get in line for the bus, he asked me if there was any way he contact me later. As always, I have a difficult time knowing the safe distance to be from strangers so I ended up giving him my hotmail email address because my BU one has my last name and I thought that probably would be wise (in accordance with 3rd party perspective... because he seemed great to me). He told me his name was Rick and he would email me in a week or two. But since he doesn't have an email address yet, I can't put him into my contact list... and it's almost 100% likely that my email will filter him into the junk mail. So now I have to remember to check my junk box for something that looks like it might be from Rick. I just hope I remember so he doesn't hate me forever. He also gave me his phone number and told me that if I get an answering machine, I should definitely leave a message and he'll get it. In my head I wondered what he thought I would possibly call him about.

Anyway, that was nice. 

Then I got back, exhausted. I waited at Caroline's until I could get my key. Then I went to my apartment and briefly put some stuff away. Then I went right back to hang out with Caroline and Wolf. Before I came home for the last time, I got a packages of yogurt, a bunch of bananas, toothpaste, shampoo, conditioner, soap, and a coke (my last one?). 

Miraculously, I actually slept through the night!!!!! For the first time in weeks!!!

Change of Plans at 3am

I've decided to stay in PA for an extra day for the following reasons:

1. Due to a series of unfortunate circumstances (not really a series... just one), I am extremely low on moneys. But I have checks that contain some. So I decided to wait until I get the checks in the bank so that I can buy shampoo, toothpaste, and sheets and not awkwardly try to avoid them for a few days.

2. Along the same lines, I would like to eat.

3. There's no reason why I have to go back tomorrow except that I greatly dislike (hate) being at home (unless I'm with my friends which, unfortunately, cannot be all the time) (sorry for the pessimism... but if I didn't say it, I would straight-up be lying by omission...)

4. ... uh... The Cougar is on tomorrow... and I won't have a TV when I get back (more of a factor in my decision than my ego enjoys...)

5. It's 3:52am and I don't feel like doing my laundry...

6. I'm a flexible lady who does not have to abide by my own plans if something wiser comes up.

Done.

(Also, I forgot to mention that the Sims 3 is coming out on June 2. That will be the end of the outdoors for me. Except that I have a laptop... so it'll be the end of people respecting me when they see me outdoors, playing the sims for hours, trying to remember to reapply my sunscreen...)

McAvoy and Butler

James McAvoy. Dreamy and cute.
Gerard Butler. Dreamy and hunky.

I (obviously?) wouldn't pick one over the other... but... I believe I have a point about this.

Some Film Reviews from the Week

I am returning to Boston tomorrow.

BUUUT I have to mention that I took this break to watch a bajillion films:

Harold and Maude: AWESOME! I really enjoyed it. And also, for a reason that I can't pinpoint completely, it reminds me of a very dark The Graduate.... just in tone. I think it's from the silences and the soundtrack.

Star Trek: Super awesome! I was so impressed because they offered so much information while not seeming jam packed. I've never seen anything about Star Trek before but I wasn't confused at all... and it was still REALLY funny! And it wasn't impossible to understand. And, even though I can't make this exact judgement, it's VERY impressive when you can please existing fans... especially trekkies who seem to be pioneers of the obsessive audience.

Frost/Nixon: It was good but I wasn't THAT riveted or impressed. Maybe it was because I lost the gravity of what Nixon did... because what is tapping into the democratic committee when George Bush tapped into everyone? Although, considering the story that they were trying to do... which involves a lot of sitting and reading things and being angry... and then talking on camera, I guess they did alright. It just doesn't have that much going on to me. I honestly think it would have been better if Frost was a more dynamic guy. But he just seemed blah to me. And I was confused about the purpose of the girl in the story. I would have nominated Wall-e way before this for best picture...

Made of Honor: Obviously it was awful. Although saying that proves that I wasn't totally unbiased. It was exactly My Best Friend's Wedding except the ending... and without Rupert Everett who likely made that movie... AND I HATED the ending of this one. Maybe I was being picky, but I imagined submitting that in my screenwriting class, which obviously is NOT full of script geniuses... but I thought that if we workshopped that script, everyone would be like "Wtf is with that ending? Why did you stick that there? For that lame fucking joke? You just ruined all the catharsis of the film!" Maybe I'm being harsh...

Also, we need some better leading ladies. And in order to get the really good ones, we need to see some scripts that aren't romantic comedies for the sake of being romantic comedies. This wasn't fooling anyone. I only get so upset because once in a while, all you want to watch is a romantic comedy... but the whole genre is being made a fool by all of these SUPER shitty ones!

Same goes with slapstick comedies.

If Lucy Fell- Sometimes I like to watch movies with major actors that I've never heard of because I KNOW they're going to be pretty shitty. This one is a 1995 Sarah Jessica Parker film with a little bit of Ben Stiller and Elle Macpherson about two plutonic friends who are quirky who live together and decide to kill themselves if they don't find people to be in love with in a month. It ends exactly the way you think it would. Although it was better than it sounds from my description. Don't worry about watching it... but I WOULD recommend picking out random movies to watch and treasure. Also, Scarlett Johanson was in it and she was like 12. It just made me feel like SJP was super old... Not that I care that much. I still like her.

Pride and Prejudice (Kiera Knightly version): It could have been a mood but I was EXTREMELY annoyed with the camera work. It kept doing those tracking shots where they follow a character and then it grabs another character and follows them... and those shots are pretty great for quickly looking seeing what's going on in a room and what other people are doing... and I do really like them sometimes. But they KEPT doing it and I kept getting dizzy from it. And then I just thought they were being pretentious about it. And then I saw everyone as doing this heavily choreographed dance around the room and it became less natural for me. I'm POSITIVE I was being crazy picky on that... but I couldn't help it. I almost never notice the camera so much.

Also, it was less real because everything was SO grandiose that it seemed more like a fairy tale than a real story. Like her looking off a cliff in a totally deserted place. Or that huge palace. It seemed like a Cinderella situation instead of a Jane Austen one... but I guess Pride and Prejudice is like... the official most romantic story and if you're going to make anything sweepingly and unrealistically fantastical, I guess it should be this film. They definitely got the style across.

I didn't hate the acting or anything.... although on a personal level, I find it difficult to enjoy some Jane Austen stories because they are so sorry for themselves, even the protagonist, Elizabeth, and yet they have so many servants that don't even get to be characters. Even though I try to accept it as the times, I have a hard time feeling as sorry for them as I feel the story wants us to be. Although I do really like Emma and Sense and Sensibility...

Also, I felt like the VERY ending was hot, but the part right before where they were asking the father for permission was drawn out too long considering we KNOW for a FACT that he's going to approve.

27 Dresses: Also pretty poor but NOT as bad as Made of Honor. In this case, it had a little more plot and Kathrine Heigl and James Marsden were much more convincing... and the like... one time they kissed after this drunken "Bennie and the Jets" scene... it was very hot. I'd probably watch it again if it was on TV... which I would probably NOT do with Made of Honor. It's a shame because I really like Patrick Dempsey... but I kind of like him better in the late 80s when he's the tiny little underdog boy... instead of the hot one.

And I already mentioned them but...

Grey Gardens (the HBO version): Amazing! It's the perfect supplement to the documentary because it really nicely explains exactly what happened.. and without being on the nose about it, you really get the mindset and relationship between the mother and the daughter. Also, knowing how their lives turned out is very relieving... I was far less depressed than when I just watched the documentary. AND Drew Barrymore and Jessica Lange were FANTASTIC!!! They nailed it!

P.S. I Love You: I LOVED it. It was NOT a romantic comedy for the sake of it. Plus, I did NOT know Gerard Butler was so dreamy! He's like... a beefier (in a HOT way) version of James McAvoy. And Hilary Swank is such a chameleon. How can she be in the Karate Kid 2, Boys Don't Cry AND P.S. I Love You?! And I'm sure she was also genius in Million Dollar Baby. And actually, Gerard Butler is an even bigger chameleon. How can he be the phantom in Phantom of the Opera, that guy in 300 AND the dream man in P.S. I Love You??!! Amazing. You know who is NOT a chameleon? Lisa Kudrow (also in the movie), who always plays the same character... but she does it so brilliantly... that I don't even mind at ALL!

And also... I got new pants! Mission complete.

And we got to see Natalya's new place... and her brother's chinchillas, which seem like super cool pets!

Surged with Emotion... Over Pure Fiction... But I Don't Care...

Ok. It's 5:45am. And I just started my time of the month (that's important). And I started the night watching the HBO Grey Gardens... which was MAGNIFICENT! It really was sooooo well done! And then afterwards, I watched P.S. I Love You... which made me want to shoot myself in the face... in the best way!! I was so emotional afterwards that I thought that maybe I should cherish it a little longer and not watch the season finale of The Office until tomorrow (/after I wake up again today)... spread out the joy, you know. But then I decided fuck it and watched The Office anyway.

YES!

Oh YES!

STUPID FINALES!!! WHY DO I HAVE TO WAIT!!??

WHHHYYYYY!!?

(btw... I'm never sleeping again. I'M SO PUMPED!!)

A Whole Lot About The Cougar

Today I made an effort specifically to watch The Cougar, which is a TVLand reality show like The Bachelor except it's an older woman (40) and younger guys (20s). Now, I've been watching the show for a while, which I started because it comes on very late at night (not much competition). In fact, it's a little weird because I would not consider myself an avid reality show watcher... although I certainly don't have a problem with them... and they are captivating. Nevertheless, this is the first time that I've known The Cougar was coming on and REALLY wanted to watch it.

I know that The Cougar is probably the lamest of all the reality shows I could watch, but what I like about it is that the main girl... well woman... is NOT extremely ostentatious or anything. Like... when someone says something foolish, she doesn't make a face or anything. She doesn't even really remark on it. She's very polite and she seems pretty real. And she isn't terribly dramatic... although now she's getting a little emotional... but I'm still with her. And she chooses the people that I would choose. Also, she's very pretty, but she DOES NOT look botox-y or anything. I'm not saying she hasn't had work done, but I would believe it if she said she hasn't... and if she has, it was tasteful. Also, the tasks that the guys have to do are sometimes silly, which I forgive because... it IS television... but they aren't things that are like "why would you make them do that??!!"

So every time I watch the show, I feel conflicted and here's why. On the one hand, I'm right with Stacy, making decisions with her, finding things out about these men. But the other part of me feels like I'm being played the fool. If I watch a sitcom, I can rest assured that my thoughts about a character are correct. The camera is omniscient and I can trust that the camera caught everything that I need to know about these people. If someone has an outburst, I know that about their character. If someone has troubles with their parents... I know when it's relevant. But in a reality show, I WANT to be there making the decisions, and despite myself, I become very interested and opinionated, but then I have to stop myself because they are real people... and ... their entire lives DO play a factor into this story, but neither I nor the camera knows about it. It's too complex and when I watch it, I can't help but think about how I don't really know all the information at play. Basically, when I watch the finale of Friends and see that Ross and Rachael are together again, I trust that they will be happy and that it was best for them. The show doesn't lie. But if Stacy chooses my favorite person (Colt), it's irrelevant because in the end it's all just an entertainment sham. And I know that shouldn't bother me... but it does.

What I think I would enjoy more (maybe...?):

1. If they had more awareness of the camera. Like... I'd like to here someone go on the show and say EXACTLY why they are there... taking into account that there must be a reason why they want to do this on TV.

2. I would like less competition and more personal fun time. Like... how can I choose the right man for her when I really don't know anything about her other than she likes younger guys? And I need to know the same things about the guys. What movies do they like? What do they talk about when they aren't talking about the future or their personal history? Not things like "I like to play music." I want to hear what they joke about. Do they watch the news? Politics. Quirks. Maybe religion (although that might be too much for TVLand). Then someone wouldn't have to fuck up to get pushed out. They could just not mesh as well... which is legitimate.

2b. In the same vain, I would like all the guys to be able to hang out with her for a whole day... or maybe half a day or something. I know there are budget issues. And I know that it would be an extremely long episode. I don't care.

3. I would like them to not pretend that they are instantly into her. And I would like all the guys to have a specific opportunity all the time to leave if they want. People should be regularly leaving, I think. There would be drama in that if she liked someone and they left because they weren't feeling it...

4. I would like the cameramen to be a part of the show so that the people could be more relaxed. Like... maybe the guys all sit around, having a chat, the cameramen put in their two cents. Or maybe the guys hold the cameras. Hmmm. I just would like things to sound less like they are off of queue cards. I just don't know how to make non-actors do that.

I know that this isn't realistic because it wouldn't make good television. Also, it's pretty clear that I should probably not worry about it and just stick to scripted sitcoms... because even with all my adjustments, I probably still wouldn't trust the show. Plus, I'm pretty sure my adjustments would make the show only appeal to people who have the patience for The Sims. That is, the patience to just watch people live regularly (instead of actually doing it...?). Wah-wah.

Anyway, I am home.

And David Cross left halfway through the show my mom was at.

On the Bus

Written at 2:30am on the bus last night.

First of all, I’m pretty sure there is nothing more glorious for a person who no longer sleeps at night to take a red eye bus! Recently I’ve been watching episodes of Three’s Company, The Brady Bunch, Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, or Roseanne at night, playing freecell, and, during commercials, reprimanding myself for doing something that couldn’t be more physically or psychologically useless. This is infinitely more stimulating!

BUUUUT today, I spent the whole day packing. ACTUALLY, I was KIIIND of packing yesterday. I ended up not sleeping again (surprise) and then I woke up at like 2 or 2:30pm and in my sleepy daze, decided to rush to visit Caroline at Temptations before she got off from work (it was very delicious). Then I got my boxes delivered at like... 3pm. Then I spent several hours trying to decide what movie I was going to watch while packing/I probably did other things but it’s hard to say. At around 8pm, I put in Juno and then started on my desk. It took nearly an entire trash bag (more like half... but let’s be dramatic) to empty the TRASH off of my desk (which is NOT where I keep my computer... I actually keep my computer UNDER my desk (on top of my other computer, which is broken...)). But after the trash was gone, you still couldn’t see the top of the desk.

It was fun starting to organize the desk stuff, but then Caroline decided to come over, and it was more fun talking to her. And then Matt Cobb came over too, so I completely abandoned the packing and instead watched videos of Britain’s Got Talent on youtube. Around 11pm Matt left (helpfully taking a lot of my kitchen stuff that I don’t need for the summer) and I decided to make a $1 frozen burrito, a cup-a-noodles, and an entire bunch of asparagus that I had in the refrigerator. And, to enjoy my food, I put on The Parent Trap, which I watched in it’s entirety without any further packing. Then I decided, after The Parent Trap, and I was going to watch Garden State (note that I KNOW this is me being a fool... but I’m not complaining... I’m just EXplaining).

Side note: Garden State is a really fun movie to watch. I don’t remember enjoying it in the past as much as I did last night. Although I remember thinking that Natalie Portman’s character was amazing, which I still do. Also, throughout the movie, I kept imagining John Krasinski playing the lead character, not because of my obsession (well.. likely a LITTLE because of my obsession... but not intentionally), but because he would probably actually do a great job. Then I felt bad because I guess I kind of type-casted him. And I decided that Zac Braff is good in it because he isn’t as charming or attractive as John Krasinski... and even if the movie was the exact same in tone and everything, it would be a completely different movie if the character was even a bit more innately charming and attractive. I also tried to think of John Krasinski playing all Zac Braff characters and wondered if he could pull of the character in Scrubs. I didn’t want to underestimate him again, so I just left it up in the air.

ANYWAY, at 4 or 5am I decided I should HONESTLY start packing. I almost put on The Birthday Girl, but I decided enough was enough with the movies. At 7am I’d packed 2 out of 4 boxes for the storage people who were coming between 2pm and 4pm. Then I decided to take a snooze.

I woke up at 11am, and finished packing the last 2 boxes. I finished a little after 12:30pm, which was lucky because then I got to eat with Chords at Temptations again. Delicious.

When I got back to my place at 2pm, I fell asleep until the storage people came. I have to say that they were so nice and incredibly swift. I highly recommend StoreUrDorm.com. Also, in addition to the boxes they gave me, I got bubble wrap and tape. It was wonderful. And they came right to my room and picked up the boxes. And I only ordered them like... 3 days before hand.

ANYWAY, after the storage people came, continued to snooze until 6:30pm when my mom called me to tell me that she was in NYC, at a show, and sitting DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF DAVID CROSS!!! I was SUPER jealous!! She also suggested that we take the train together from New York to home, but I was looking at all my stuff and decided I might just stay an extra day-- spread out the packing misery (not to be too pessimistic... but there is really no denying how un-fun it can be).

However, right after the conversation, I looked up how you can stay extra days and you had to have applied by May 8th... but... I wasn’t super shocked. So I just had to get moving. Basically, in the HUGE abyss of all my crap in my room, I picked out the stuff I wanted to keep, organized it, and left the rest (covering my WHOLE floor... I’m REALLY embarrassed) to be thrown away later.

Then I took my stuff, got a blue cart, and at 8pm, traveled from South to Cayla’s place passed Packards (sp?) Corner. She generously took some of my things and showed me some of her incredible art.

Then I took another portion of my things to give to Vanessa, where I’m staying, which is right across the street from Cayla’s. On my way back, I got some Uburger.

Then I returned my blue cart, got a vacuum, and returned to my room, where I started furiously putting crap in trash bags. Although, unfortunately, I had an unusually large amount of things that seemed terrible to throw away, but that I really couldn’t do anything with: a pyrex mixing bowl, the large-ish pot that Nathan gave me, my colander, some pasta, a can of tuna, a can of cream of mushroom soup, some band aids... I’m sure there is more. PLUS a LOOOOOT of books. I ended up putting them all in boxes and leaving them on the street. I hope someone takes them. I REALLY feel bad about the books though, because I really knew that I wasn’t going to be able to keep them and it would have been only a little extra effort to get them some place where they would be definitely have a better chance of being used again.

Also, at some point, I told my mom that I WOULD meet her in New York. AND we agreed that the best time to take the bus was the 2:15am bus that will arrive in NY at 9am. That made this entire extravaganza a little more crazy.

So I vacuumed, got rid of the trash (LOTS of useable things in there too... but not necessarily things that strangers would want), and then brought my movies, my guitar, and a fan over to Caroline and Wolf’s place.

When I got back, I was about ready to leave when I realized that I’d forgotten to put my jade plant anywhere. It was too late to ask anyone to take it, so I ended up hiding it in some grass. I think there is a 75% chance I’ll be able to retrieve it when I get back. I don’t think anyone will notice AND pick up a plant.

Just to mention some things that occurred to me while packing

1.If I could fill 4 boxes of things that I will not use at all during the summer, why do I have all that stuff in the first place?

2. Putting things like packing off until the last minute is weird because every decision is riding on the mood your in while your packing. For instance, today I decided that to save room, I’d throw away some of my huge amounts of cups. Basically, all the clean cups got packed into storage and whatever cups were left out, dirty or on the floor (abyss), were going to get thrown away by default because I wouldn’t have room for cups anywhere but in my storage boxes. However, I’ve been using one cup exclusively (despite the abundance) for at least several months. It obviously fell under the category of dirty or on the floor (being the former) and in most other moods, as I’m not insanely sentimental (and I have 2 of that same cup), I would have thrown it away. But for whatever reason, today I couldn’t bare to throw it away. And it’s especially interesting to me because sometimes when I want to do things irrationally like that-- like if I go to a store and use one dressing room and then I get something else and feel INCLINED to go to the same dressing room again-- if I notice the inclination, that doubly makes me want to do the opposite... so in that case I would, and often do, specifically try to use a different dressing room. So, I think it’s ESPECIALLY interesting that I wouldn’t throw this cup away because... under most circumstances, me not wanting to do it would make me want to do it more.

The point is that... what other decisions did I make in this mood that I would have changed in a different mood? Or that would have gotten several mood perspectives had I started packing days earlier and could change my mind? Like... I’m pretty sure it was my mood that determined that I only bring ONE SHIRT home for my 8 day trip. That probably wasn’t a great decision...

But it’s all in the past.

I am NOT sorry to babble on as I am on a 6+ hour trip. So continuing...

Predictably, I ended up getting to the bus station so early that I was on time for the 1am bus to NYC which would arrive at like... 6am or something. I decided it was best to not have to wake my mom and opted to stick with the 2:15am bus. I sat down and a little later this black lady with very long dreadlocks and a neat hat sat down and started knitting. At some point she started talking to me and she was VERY riveting. She was on her way to court because she was being sued for a car accident. She told me about how her mother makes a lot of money but won’t help pay for college but WILL help pay for thing for her niece, how she’s turning 39 in a few weeks, about this guy she’s friends with that she visits everywhere... including Brazil and perhaps Nigeria, about how she loves rap but the guys there are weird, about her concussion from the accident, about how she’s graduating college in June from a college in California with an associates in engineering, about twitter. It was an amazing conversation. I’m so glad that I met her... and especially that I met her at night when I have a better personality. We talked for like... 40 minutes and near the end she was telling me about how she’s friends with this guys mom and she explained that her and the mom “got along like...” and then she did the hand wavy thing that implied her and myself. I was so flattered that she liked me so much. Also, at some point, she opened her bag and all that was in it was yarn. I thought that was super cool!

When the bus came, she ended up asking the driver about where she needed to go and it wasn’t where she wanted to go. They ended up discussing it for a while and I couldn’t decide whether I should stay with her until she sorted it out, or if I should go because technically she’s a stranger. I stayed for a while, but then the driver got confused as to why I was just standing there so I left, only saying “good luck.” It was actually super sad. I hope everything works out for her.

Maybe I’ll use some of her in a future screenplay!

Grades

Got my grades. 

Screenwriting- B+

Chinese Anthro- B

Television and Childhood- B

Video Production 2- A

I'm ESPECIALLY pleased about video production because I thought I was going to get an A-... so I think my professor DOES know how much work I put into that last project! 

Mother's Day

Mother's day.

Day O' Fun

Big day today. 

So I DID choose to not sleep. I got on the T and I couldn't decide what I wanted to do first. It was 8:30am and I thought I should probably go to the market first to get the best fruit, but on the other hand, I would have to carry around fruit all day. Plus, I wasn't sure where I should get pants. 

So while I was on the T deciding, this couple came in that looked JUST LIKE John Krasinski and Maya Rudolph in Away We Go and I really wanted to take a picture of them. They even had big backpacks. However, they were all the way on the other side of the T so I decided I would go to the Lechmere mall because I would probably have the best luck getting pants there (because it's like... a regular mall... not an upscale-y one) and then I could stay on the T for the whole green line and then I could take a picture of that couple as they got off the train (I wouldn't even admit to being such a creep... but...I don't care. Plus, I went back to reading my David Sedaris book, and he always has interesting and borderline creepy interactions with strangers and sometimes I like to channel the arts that I'm reading (or viewing)).  I decided that I would just skip the market because I fully intend on going every week over the summer anyway. 

Anyway, it turns out that because of an accident yesterday, the T was only going to Park Street, which was an even BETTER opportunity to take a picture of this couple... although I did fail.. I don't know why. But I decided to walk around downtown crossing and see if I could find anything there. I found T.J. Maxx, which was lucky. So I went in and that place is TERRIBLY depressing! Although the workers were very nice. I tried on one pair of jeans, got incredibly bored, and ended up buying stretchy pants that I could just wear under my own pants. Good enough until I go home and get the pants that I want. Right after I left the store, I found $10 in my bag that I lost a few weeks ago.

Then I walked to the market and bought two cartons of strawberries for $3 total. VERY good deal. I didn't get anything else because I'm leaving soon... but they were good. 

Then I went to Faneuil Hall and sat in front reading my book and waiting until 11am when I could legitimately get some food. While I was sitting there, this very old man, walking very slow with a cane passed me. I smiled at him and so he decided to tell me that he hates the trash compactors because they used the tax payers money. I said "oh" and he, while still walking, told me the same about the tables with the umbrellas. He said he wanted to rip them out himself... which seemed implausible since... this whole conversation took place while he was walking... which... was very very very slow. 

Then a saxophonist started playing and it was very nice.. but THEN this guy came over to him and totally harassed him, insisting that they would make a fortune if he rapped to the music. Please picture this. A 20 year old (that's a fact, I heard him tell the guy), black boy in a nice blue striped button down shirt playing beautiful jazz saxophone while a... I would guess 35 year old white guy, definitely NOT homeless, and with a heavy Boston accent raps obscenely about the government. It was hilarious... except I felt TERRIBLE for the boy, who acted EXACTLY the way I would. I briefly considered trying to get him out of the situation by going up to him and pretending we knew each other... and then we could fall in love (obvs).... but I didn't for the following reasons: 

1. the kid would probably think I'M crazy too. 

2. I was afraid of the crazy guy. 

3. I was wearing a Hanson T-shirt and my eyebrows are out of control (I honestly did bring my eyebrows into account... they were probably the most prominent deterrent).

Finally the guy stopped, although he did continue to talk to the kid for another like... 15 minutes, including putting his hand on the kid's shoulder. After he left, as I was going towards Faneuil Hall, I gave the kid $2. 

Then I went into Faneuil Hall and got a gyro and some clam chowdah (that's how they spell it there), and when I came out, the amazing acrobatic family was just about to start there show. This was the 3rd time I've seen them... but I stayed because... they are very entertaining... and VEEERRRY ATTRACTIVE!! It's like... unbelievable how attractive they are. Plus they're English. Although, I didn't have any cash to give them, so I felt bad... but also, I'm POSITIVE they make BANK! They get a HUGE crowd. Plus, this little kid was standing in front of me... a boy, probably like 8 or 9 years old... and he was SOOOOOO gleeful about this show. It was the cutest thing EVER! I always feel like when little boys are amused, it like... consumes them completely. Like... they are TOTALLY with you and pleased from head to toe. Whereas, if a little girl is amused, she always seems to be mostly with you, but she's also keeping an eye on everything else... like judging other people's reactions and your reaction. She doesn't surrender herself the same way. A little boy, if he's excited, he'll totally hop or like... laugh or say "YES!"... because no one else is there. It's just him and whatever is amusing him. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. They aren't even there. It made me miss my brother.  

Then I went back to my seat, ate my food, and read more of my book. And then I decided to go home and get my nails done at the St. Mary's nails place. I got a manicure and a pedicure, which was great. Especially the cuticle clipping. Also, they were playing Bicentennial Man, which I watched once a long time ago, but, while I hardly remember anything about it, I always remember it being a TERRIBLE movie because it NEVER EVER ENDS! Like... there are a hundred places where it would be perfectly reasonable to end but then it shocks you and keeps going for another hour. And... it's not entertaining enough to not piss you off when it does that. Anyway, when I got there, the main lady was dying and I was like "oh, I must've missed the whole movie." BUT THEN it kept going for the entire like... 40 minutes that I was there... which I found to be hilarious. I don't even think it was over when I left. 

By the time I got home it was like... 1:30pm... which is like... a little earlier than I usually wake up... but I already did like... a million more activities than I would do in a day. So I read a little more and then fell asleep for 4 hours, during which I had a dream that I was walking with my grandpa and I came across Monique Cucchi who told me that I totally betrayed her. I start to explain myself and she just calmly tells me "no" and walks away. I start to cry and my grandpa kind of awkwardly pats my back and tells me it's not this big of a deal and I tell him that he doesn't understand and that it's totally my fault. 

Anyway, I woke up, had dinner with Matt and Elena, and .... now I have no idea what time I'm going to fall asleep.... which is actually good because maybe I can manipulate myself into thinking I'm tired when I'm not... or something. I don't know. 

Anyway. Big day! I'm so excited for the summer because that's how I want my days to go!!!

The Ramblings of a Sleepless Lady

First of all, everything is OFFICIALLY done! HELLZ YEAH!! Today is going to be great because PERHAPS I will start packing my stuff up to figure out what I want to put in storage. MAYBE!

Also, I realized that I could put my movie onto my computer because we changed the format of it before I turned it in. Unfortunately, I can't upload it on anything yet because it's 2.3GB which is 1.3 GB too many to upload onto either youtube or facebook. C'est la vie. 

Lastly, I have to officially admit that I fucked up my sleeping schedule... as it is 7:40am and I have not yet slept tonight. And that is 1000% my own fault... ESPECIALLY because yesterday, because I didn't go to bed until 7am, I slept until 4:30pm. 

BUT, I've decided enough is enough and I will not sleep at all today and then hopefully I'll go to bed at like... 11pm tonight out of exhaustion (/I will limit any snooze I take to two hours (I don't want to torture myself)). 

Although, I did decide to write down my mind-wanderings during the night:

1. Is there a time of morning when, even if it's not light outside, a woman wouldn't be a fool to take a walk outside by herself? Like... 4:30am? Can we assume that rapists and muggers are all asleep at 4:30am? It just doesn't seem like an early-to-rise kind of crowd... although I don't want to put them in a box. 

Side note: I almost always evaluate my decisions, NOT on whether I feel safe doing whatever I'm doing, but instead based on what I'd imagine the third party perspective would be. Was it a horrible and completely unpredictable tragedy? Or was it sad but... Blythe really shouldn't have been doing _______. For example, one time Natalya and I were playing tennis (broad definition of the term "tennis"... but we were using a tennis ball and tennis rackets in a tennis court) in a storm that included large amounts of lightning. I felt fine doing it, but then I thought, "If by chance I die of electrocution right now, people are just going to think I was being an idiot by holding a metal rod in a lightning storm, aren't they?" And then we decided to lay down flat in the open and not hold the rackets anymore until the storm passed (although I'm actually not sure what the exact right thing to do is in that situation... but it seemed wiser). BUT ANYWAY, that's the reason I don't walk around alone at night, even though I OFTEN want to and I don't often feel unsafe. If I got killed, I would just be the fool who walked alone at night. 

2. DO we have an internal clock that correlates to the sun? Because... it seems to be a little TOO easily altered and thus... it might just be a myth. 

3. Why do I have blue marker on me when I have no recollection of encountering a blue marker recently?

4. In reference to the woman who died by drinking too much water to win a contest, would your body ever be actually thirsty enough to drown itself? If I'm thirsty and I drink like... 8 glasses of water in a row, do I have to worry about accidently drowning myself? I'm going to assume that the answer is no... but what if you took some weird drug that makes you thirsty? That would suck SOOOOOO MUCH!! If your choices were either being unbelievably thirsty or drowning yourself. 

Also, I need to say that the last episode of this season of The Office will be next week... which I'm pretty sad about, but also, it will be a good opportunity to relax with The Office... maybe put it away for a while. And it's already signed on for a 6th season so... I don' t have to worry about that. AND the season 5 dvd will come out over the summer too... so that's nice. Also, I KNOW that I'm being a creep about The Office, but actually, if you go to their website... it's just SO much weirder than I can be about the show. So many blogs and ... create your own words and... take pictures of your own office. I feel like I'M scraping the ceiling on show-obsession... but I'M not even interested in that stuff... and it makes me really wonder who is...

(I, unfortunately, do not feel confident that I will not have to take that statement back someday... although I didn't just discover it (obviously, as I watch the show online all the time)... and I've still never been compelled to delve into the site).

On a separate but related note, John Krasinski and Maya Rudolph's new movie Away We Go is coming out on June 5... which is AWESOME! It seems like they are trying to make a Juno for people that are a little older, which is a concept that I embrace... but I can't tell if they did it well. But I LOVE Allison Janney! And Catherine O'Hara! Yet... I really dislike Maggie Gyllenhaal. It's all irrelevant though because I'm definitely seeing it and DEFINITELY because I love John Krasinski. 

And, if you watched that trailer, you should go ahead and get pumped about Zooey Deschanel and Joseph Gordon Levitt's 500 Days of Summer, which comes out July 17... and I have quite a bit of faith in!!

Lastly, I need to point out that being awake at 8am is incredibly not fun when I don't have anything that I NEED to do. I mostly feel like I'm waiting around for noon to come around. Although actually, maybe I'll go to the italian market, which is open on Saturdays, but I'm never awake early enough. Or maybe I'll buy some new pants! I'm not even going to erase that first part of this statement so you can know that I just changed my perspective on 8am as I was writing this. When I'm down there, maybe I'll go to a movie. OR GET GYROS AT FANUEL HALL!! How fun!!!

Glorious End of Junior Year Day

Is there anything better than being finished with finals? It's certainly better than Christmas!!!

It has actually been a GLORIOUS day so far (it's 1:40pm now). I'll tell you what. I secretly (/openly on the internet) really enjoy studying for finals. Here is my tale: 

Yesterday I spent like... 4.5 hours editing my movie (to near completion) and when I got finished, all I wanted to do was watch The Office (shocking...). 

Side note: The other night, after watching The Office until 6:30am, I had an AMAZING dream involving joking around and playing pranks with the following people: 

1. John Krasinski at age 20 (he was a little shorter, a little less mature (in a good way) than I imagine him to be in real life, and a little... thinner or something. He was definitely younger.)

2. Rainn Wilson, also younger. 

3. B. J. Novak, maaaybe younger. 

4. Pat Shaner.

5. My brother, Matt. 

6. Pam Beesly (NOT Jenna Fischer.)

It was like... the most ideal repercussion of watching late night TV ever. I laughed a LOT in that dream. 

Anyway, I had a big dinner (in both number of people and quantity of food) and then Kevin stayed with them so I could study... and so he could have fun. I went home and instead of studying, I watched The Office. Then I took a nap. Finally, Kevin came back at midnight and that's when I left for the library to START studying. BUUUUT I wasn't even REALLY worried because... I didn't read the books and I just decided... I'll do what I can and I won't really worry about it at all. Plus, I take, what I would consider, exceptional notes in class... and I usually remember a lot. And I think I'm a pretty good studier. I'm not saying that to brag as much as to say that... this is my system and it's not slacking... or rather... it's systematically slacking. ANYWAY!! (I don't need to defend myself) (except I obviously do) (I'm a good student). 

ANYWAY!!

I got to the library and I got some prime real estate considering how crowded it was. I was right near the bathroom and an outlet (which are actually EVERYWHERE in the library) and a trash can. Plus, coincidentally, I sat right near Farrell, Tyler, and Alex Shuck. 

BUUUUT here is why I secretly like studying. 

1. I LOOOOVE having a reason to drink so much caffeine. It feels great to be so full of fake energy and adrenaline and going towards a goal. 

2. I love how it's this awesome community... we're all in this together sort of thing. 

3. I love being up really late. 

4. I really like seeing how other people study. 

5. I very secretly love writing by hand in very tiny writing, which I do to study. I do enjoy typing more, but I can type with far less brain power than when I'm writing by hand, so I don't type to study. 

6. I love feeling accomplished at the end. 

I ended up finishing my studying at like... 6am, which was pretty solid since my test was at 12:30pm. When I got outside, I ended up watching the hawk eat a VERY large, living rat, which was pretty neat. Although I looked like a fool standing in the middle of Marsh Plaza staring... although only like... 2 people saw me because it was 6am. Also, I didn't watch him/her finish the rat because ... she/he took forever. 

Then I got to have jolty sleep... which is very dreamy (although I don't remember these dreams) and also... very accomplished-feeling. Plus, 4 hours is SUPER solid for a test day. 

Then I had the test, which was... shmena but okay. If nothing else, I knew what I was talking about for sure. Then we got our papers back and, despite spending about 4 hours total on it, and doing an ENTIRE other project that night... and doing it all between 10pm and 10am... I got a B+!! So basically, I'm not worried about the final because I got a 93% on the midterm, a B on one paper and a B+ on the other... so.... I think I'm pretty golden. (Go ahead and judge my low standards.)

So now I have to add the credits to my movie and do the screening at 6pm... which is in the basement of COM. Anyone is welcome to come, although NO ONE should feel obligated, especially as I'm pretty sure I'll be embarrassed the whole time. Although it would be kind of nice. 

After that, Caroline and I are having a rosemary chicken, relaxing time. Also, new episode of The Office and 30 Rock, although I'll probably watch them online tomorrow (morning at 5:30am when NBC posts them? Perhaps.)

Another note: I must be in a super mood because... I'm not sure that I would always describe jolty sleep in a positive light... but it's hard to say. Maybe I really do love it. 

Finals Week Update

In short, Kevin has been here since Friday. Great fun. His bus leaves at 1:30pm this Thursday. We have literally done nothing all week. AAAAAND, I already had this unfortunate affliction... but, even though I'm SURE I can help it... when other people are around me, I feel a compulsive need to go to sleep after them. And not just a LITTLE after them. Like... several hours after them. I used to do this every night that I lived in Warren... which almost zero exceptions in the two years that I was there. 

ANYWAY, it's especially difficult with Kevin because he goes to sleep as late as I do... so if he falls asleep at 4am... I fall asleep at 6:30am. This has happened... the entire time he's been here. Today we woke up at 4pm which was almost extremely unfortunate because I had work (which I can do at any time but... it's a little awkward when it's late...

ALSO, I was supposed to help edit today. So I woke up, pretty upset with myself, decided to put work off until tomorrow (which would be TERRIBLE because I have my only final and my movie screening on Thursday) and edit until 9pm with Shira. 

WELL, it turns out that they close editing at 5pm during the study period so I decided to go to work. It's actually fine because I can spend the day editing tomorrow... and I don't know how that makes it better because mathematically it doesn't make sense that an early closing would make it better... but it does in my brain. BUUUUT what is REALLY great is that I looked at what Shira's done so far and I thought it was pretty AWESOME!! Not near done... but I was very impressed. PLUS she did things that I don't know how to do at all... so it was really great. Also, Sheri, the other person in my group, made a really cool opening title... which is awesome because I've never had a cool one on a movie before. 

Basically, I need to come up with some music to put in the back (which is actually, for me at least, really hard. ESPECIALLY since there will only be two movies in the class and the kid in the other group actually composes his own music for his movies.... which is like... the luckiest thing ever-- our professor is nice at not comparing the two musically... but still, it's difficult to watch a masterful soundtrack right before or after a... not-so-masterful one..) and put the final scene in order... which will probably be fine. 

I HAVE TO MAKE SURE I DON'T PUT OFF STUDYING FOR MY FINAL!!

Thursday after 7pm is going to be the best! Caroline and I are having a rosemary chicken relaxing time. The next day I have nothing except:

1. make sure I get storage (maybe I should do that sooner) 

2. ACTUALLY try to get my things back from people... like send messages or something

3. finalize my plans for getting home

4. Make sure I work out all the stuff I'm storing vs. stuff I'm letting people use for the summer vs. stuff that I'm keeping for the summer. I need to talk to Vanessa (the girl who rents the apartment we're subletting) about what cooking stuff she has. 

5. START MY JUNIOR YEAR SCRAP BOOK!!! That'll be wonderful!!!

6. BUY NEW PANTS AND NEW SHEETS!!!

Then LATER I'm going to have to find a job. 

Also, my 21st birthday (June 3) is officially less than a month away.

Also, I started re-watching The Office AGAIN!!!! Which, if you've been keeping up, I JUUUUUST DID like... 2 weeks ago!!!! Less than, maybe! I think it's because the new episodes keep me wanting more so I keep looking back. Plus, I already watched EVERY episode with commentary. It's just so sad. I'll try to keep the details to myself this time. 

DON'T READ WHAT'S NEXT IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF SHIT TO DO AND YOU HAVE LITTLE OR NO SELF CONTROL!!!!

Ummm... if you're bored, visit sporcle.com. My friend Kelly told me about it yesterday and I spent... probably two hours playing around... and after I finish this, I'm going to have a very serious debate with myself over whether I would like to watch more episodes of The Office or play on that site again. It's amazing. 

The Only Thing I'll Say About Swine Flu

http://doihaveswineflu.org/