Desire to Escape Brought Back the Movie Section

Continuing the moving saga.

I seem to remember living in 4 separate apartments throughout my life, not counting dorms or my current situation, which falls more closely under the category of torture chamber (wild exaggeration I know, but you can't explain to people why you're moving and why you don't owe money for more than 20 days in a row without becoming irrationally bitter). However, I was wrong. Even including my current living conditions, I have actually been living in carefully controlled (mostly financially) living quarters that happens to have it's own kitchen and bathroom. Which is why I am bewildered at how much money I'm paying. Thank GOD my grandpa rightly overestimated the amount I'd need by more than 3x! Today I learned that I need to pay a deposit for electricity!! A $205 deposit. Plus a $20 service fee. Granted, it's split between two, but still! Also, while I have a parking space, they snuck in the fact that I have to buy the remote. There is no way to enter the garage without said remote. $25. Each. Plus, I still have the move, the refrigerator, the rent, and the internet to set up.

On the bright side, there is no shortage of people offering me crap. The person with the couch also offered me dishes with the ominous note: you should bring two cars. Two cars of dishes?!! I only expect a max of 5 people coming over to use dishes at any given moment... and my cooking skills would be stretched to capacity for sure.

I also collected a small bookshelf, a surface that I will use as a bedside table, and a lamp. There were more options, but I picked the lightest things that I felt would fit into my car because I'm far lazier than I am materialistic.

Our dream for a kitchen table is to find a cheap or free wooden one online and then paint it! Probably purple and aqua marine-- let's be real.

In movie news (I'm escaping hard this month, it seems):

Breaking Upwards. Netflix recommended. It was REALLY great!! VERY well written. I spotted zero flaws in the writing. The only criticism is that the guy comes off a smidgen gay, but REALLY that probably made me like it more.

Chasing Amy. Highly enjoyable. As always, it reaffirmed my belief that Kevin Smith is the Woody Allen of the 90s. Probably the most I've ever liked Ben Affleck. Also, probably the least predictable romantic comedy I've ever seen. Also, I've finally watched enough Kevin Smith movies to spot the references. They're pretty obvious, but I was still pleased.

Words and Words and Words

(If you want even MORE today, please look at June 17, which I JUST reposted because I'm no longer scared of future landlords googling me)

I had a pretty active weekend.

I had a brief talk with my roommate who brought her price down to $85 for the cleaning (further explanation is in the June 17 post). She is still unaware that I'm not paying it at all, although I have given her many reasons why $85 is fucktarded (not my exact wording). The point is, at some point between now and Thursday, she is going to approach me and try to go through the entire apartment together and try to convince me that I owe her $85. I am scared shitless. I KNOW that I'm right for the following reasons:

1. Nothing is destroyed. NOTHING.

2. I am cleaning the apartment (although she thinks that the difference between "cleaning" and "sanitizing" is at least a $50 one)

3. I did not sign a lease

4. She did not take a deposit or cleaning fee.

5. I spoke with not only many friends about this, but my grandparents, my roommate's mom, and the boss next door who rents a guest house, and they ALL agreed that I'm right (the latter said $35 would be nice, and if Davida has asked for that, I wouldn't have batted an eyelash).

6. While she insists at every moment that she gave me an amazing deal and telling me that the room is worth $975 a month--

-I can't flush the toilet after 11pm, use the shower before 7am, use her trash cans (the outdoor ones-- I have to shadily dump my trash in dumpsters).

-I FEEL like I can't use her kitchen or laundry room.

-She comes into my room (twice in the middle of the night-- I caught her because she thought I was asleep).

-I feel like the neighbors are watching me, for good reason (I want an article on the many reasons why I feel like the neighbors are watching me to link to because I read SO much cracked.com and it seems appropriate-- alas, I would have to write that article first).

-I can't have guests without talking to her first and she even charged me for the water Natalya used for showers for the 6 days she was with me (kind of-- she SAID she was going to charge me $10, but Natalya and I took 4 showers between the two of us for the entire stay (literal) and Davida later told me (twice) that she decided not to charge me as a Christmas gift (fucker!@)).

-She nags me about my muffler (lack of) consistently and has, in the past nagged me about what I eat, what vitamins I should take, that I should clean more (obvious), what bank to get, what bluetooth to get, what jobs I should take, how I should take care of my fish (that included a highlighted online article and a passive aggressive note (she thought I accused her of killing my fish by keeping the house too cold. I thought I was making conversation)).

- I had to buy specific, name brands of toilet paper and cleaning solutions for the floor vs the toilet vs the windows, which sucked WAY harder during my poor weeks when I almost exclusively ate bread and bananas (true story)

-And this last point REALLY shouldn't be underestimated-- you canNOT talk to this woman for 5 minutes. It is ALWAYS 45 minutes. I gave her a note, officially announcing my departure and then had to listen to her talk at me about every fucking thing that occurred to her for the next HOUR! Actual time. For REAL. My new building manager told me that she has NEVER talked to someone for so long for just a verification-- this included a lengthy and detailed description of her homeopathic medicines, which you might note has literally NOTHING to do with me. What I'm saying is that I spent the last year carefully timing my arrival home in hopes that I wouldn't catch her while she was outside, which is hard because the ONLY thing she does is take care of her horse.

I wanted to move 3 months after I arrived (production jobs distracted me for a while), I FINALLY have enough money to do it (barely and with much help from my family) and I'm not giving her another fucking PENNY for torturing me! I can't even tell you, guys. She tells me ALL THE TIME how lucky I am to live there and how I'm like her daughter while I alternately praise myself for having more self control than Mr. Miyagi and berate myself for being a pussy as I smile through my teeth and agree with her.

Anyway, do you see why I'm scared shitless of telling the most long winded, cheapest, screamiest, most entitled woman who believes herself to be the arch angel for poor renters in need that I'm not giving her any money and she can't make me? And if it's tonight, I have no choice but to stay in that house anyway until Friday (and I have thought long and hard about my alternatives). I accept that it's happening and my reward is relief and bliss and fun and so much money saved.

But I hate this week.

In other news:

-Moved the bulk of my crap to the new apartment, including books

-did the less crucial laundry of crap that I vaguely realized I had and stuff to give to Goodwill (good sign that I'm really on the ball)

-I finished reading Wasteland by Francesca Lee Block, which I REALLY enjoyed. I tried to read another one of hers, but it was lame and I put it down after 10 pages. Good thing Wasteland was good because I was worried that Francesca is only good if you don't go on a spree (I read Blood Roses and Echo this month)-- she reuses themes and images a lot and I worried they might seem cheap after a while. But not so.

- Watched a French movie called Shall We Kiss. I rated it 3/5. It was cute but the female characters were all annoying.

- I listened to the (500) Days of Summer soundtrack at LEAST a full 6 times.

- I got 24 crayons and printed some coloring book pages of unicorns and fairies and colored for a while. It felt therapeutic.

-picked up some electronics from my office and took them to the electronics recycling place only to find the recycling place closed. 2 hours wasted (I didn't really care, though).

- Due to some movie passes Corina had, I saw Bad Teacher and The Art of Getting By.

Bad Teacher: Cameron Diaz was great. Jason Segal was great but I needed more. Justin Timberlake was, unfortunately, kind of dead weight. Although I had an asthmatic laugh (read: very hard laugh) at one JT scene. At his face. I won't spoil it, but if you see it you'll know what I'm talking about. Mostly Cameron's character was so selfish and heartless and I liked it and then she had like.... 2 randomly placed scenes in which she had a TINY bit of heart (maybe the writer just couldn't handle someone completely soulless) which didn't really fit. And then they used that bit of heart to justify the ending, which just tasted weird to me. I'd watch it again if it came on TV. Better than I Love You, Man.

The Art of Getting By: Boyfriend from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is either a bad actor or made a character choice that makes it look like he's a bad actor. I'm really confident that it's the former, but it worked in the way that Keanu Reeves pulled off Neo in The Matrix. Also in many parts the dialogue was so on-the-nose about introducing characters and describing who they are that I wanted to die a little bit. However, I was really attracted to the idea of the story and in the many dialogue-less moments, I thought it was genius. Although every time I heard the dialogue, I had to wonder whether I was just attributing too much of what I saw as the actual intentions of the filmmakers. There was a line in the movie in which an artist says "some people think it's bullshit and some think it's genius. I don't really know the difference." And that's how I felt about the film. IIIII really enjoyed watching it and my mind was reeling the entire time. I can't say whether everyone would see what I saw, so I can't convince you to spend $12 on it, but I had a good time. Nothing to say about Emma Roberts. The dialogue was bad so she sounded bad and she didn't have much character depth and she was kind of annoying, but they had a lot of stylized shots of her that made her look awesome... so I was okay with it.

How to Make Panicked Rambling Seem Like Attributes for Producing

Did I already mention the conspiracy in which everyone makes moving seem like pie? Even past Blythe seemed to take no issue with moving, although to be fair, past Blythe didn't have furniture. Elaboration: Past Blythe didn't have to drive all over town in a UHaul trying to collect random furniture for cheap, not having seen said furniture.

I am going to have a celebrity person's couch though. Although yesterday I spent many solid moments panicking about moving said famous couch out of famous home. Champagne problems, perhaps.

In fact, I've been consistently panicking for many days now and then feeling guilty because this is supposed to be a happy moment and also feeling worried that I'm so much more concerned than anyone else involved or anyone from whom I've sought council. How can I be a producer if I'm freaking out about every detail? Yesterday, however, I decided that maybe this means I'll be a GOOD producer. Panicking is the first step towards planning and a good producer should foresee as many problems as possible and make sure they have the provisions to fix it.

Can kids carry a huge couch curvy stairs without damaging walls? Will it even matter if we have 5 hands if they aren't particular strong ones since we have to navigate stairs? Will a truck fit on the small roads of Bel Air? Particularly turning around on said road. What is the maximum amount of time we will need to make all three stops? Will UHaul stick me with secret charges like insurance? How much will gas cost? Who can even drive a truck? (Me??) What happens if the refrigerator we choose is deficient? How long will we have to wait and/or when can we afford another truck? Will I have enough money!!!???

What a good producer I am (maybe).

APARTMENT!!!

APARTMENT PROCURED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The last couple of days have been TORTURE while I waited to see if we'd been accepted. Even though I felt PRETTY SURE, I couldn't write a blog until I got the call. Tonight we're giving the building manager the remainder of the deposit, HOPEFULLY signing the lease, and we can POSSIBLY begin moving stuff this weekend! (I may be running wild with my fantasies, but these are definitely possibilities).

This is my biggest accomplishment since I got my job 10 months ago! If I was still playing mitzvah, I would be through the ROOF with points!! However, I learned that when you're actually busy doing stuff, adding up points for said stuff is kind of a needless task.

Features of my new apartment:

About 1/3 closer to work than before (possible underestimation)

2 sizable bedrooms and 2 bathrooms

2 parking spaces

sizable kitchen and living room - tiled.

Balcony with access from the living room and both bedrooms (!!!)

$1395 for first 3 months and $1495 for the rest.

Laundry facilities in the building.

Things that still need to be taken care of:

-Purchase a refrigerator. About half the apartments in LA don't come with a refrigerator. The upside is that a lot of people are, therefore, getting rid of their refrigerators for cheap.

-importantly- MOVE said refrigerator

-Move our beds and stuff

-figure out how to get our bills in our name (gas and electricity)

-get some internet

These issues are kind of big ones, which is emphasized by me having almost no money. I, unfortunately, underestimated the amount our deposit would be by more than half! I thought it was half of the rent, but that was only on approved credit, which means EXCELLENT credit. And I have NO credit. And presumably, neither does Corina. I admit this was a sizable mistake, but I was INITIALLY expecting to pay full rent as a deposit so.... actually it was pretty okay.

Fortunately, my grandparents are helping me, and I had a little extra from my birthday. But the money stress is a little unpleasant.

After that, I need to start seeing how much money I save when I don't eat all of my money. This is very important because:

1. My mom thinks I need to let CA know that I'm here. $300 (ish)

2. plane tickets and dress to procure for wedding at the end of October

3. Loan payments to begin in November. Nearly $300 per month.

And now a list of things I will eventually need:

1. Couch

2. Table and chairs

3. Book shelf

4. dresser

5. dishes and silverware

And new shoes. My shoes, that I bought less than a MONTH ago are almost unwearable!

Things I want:

1. Blender (smoothies and margaritas)

2. Toaster

3. Fabric to start fairy land in my room

4. Pyrex pie dish

5. Crock pot?

(I'm actually a little excited to look for a lot of these eventual needs and wants at goodwill and for free or little money on craigslist.)

I'm not trying to be a Debbie Downer on new apartment day. But having the new apartment is highlighting all of the other things I need to start tackling now that I have the ability.

Also, I'm trying not to be super pissed at Davida for holding me back for a year and trying to charge me out the ass at the end (infamous (in my head) $125 room cleaning fee)) and recognize that this is what happened and that it was possibly for the best. It's so easy to start mentally projecting anger at easy targets when you're concerned.

Okay, wait wait wait.

NEW APARTMENT!!!!

Talking on the phone in my house! Spaghetti and eggs and guacamole and pork chops and tuna casserole and rosemary chicken and baked potatoes! People coming over for dinner! Visitors sleeping on my couch instead of in my bed or at a hotel! Cold sodas!

This will be a glorious new beginning. Especially since the closer and closer I've gotten to moving, the more I've realized that this past year BARELY counted as living independently. It more closely resembled living with my mom... if my mom got 100x more anal and started charging me for said services.

Ugh, the bitterness.

Side note: Pavarotti Pizza-Perogi died. It was the same day as Barney and since I cared about it 1/1000 of how much I cared about Barney, I forgot to mention it. Although I do want to note the selflessness of Pavarotti-- dying just in time for me to not have to worry about moving him around.

Rambling About Moving

This makes me feel good:

http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-reasons-life-actually-does-get-better/

The only picture I took while my visitors were here. It's a pretty important one, probably.

We are really at the count down for moving now. I am going to start slowing trickling my things over to Corina's house so we don't have to move next weekend since July 1 is a Friday. Still don't have a place, but... hopefully after this weekend we will.

Amazingly, I'm not really procrastinating on the preparation. My room has been getting slowly cleaner and my things are getting slowly more organized. I am also slowly fighting the allegations that I owe my roommate a $125 cleaning fee. I talk about this stress daily to 3 key people in the hopes that I won't wimp out at the last minute. It might be a little premature to talk about it on here, but I just decided I don't care. Let me just tell you.

I have destroyed nothing in the apartment. There is zero damage. Except possibly the toilet, but (I know this is gross, but it's important) she doesn't let me flush the toilet after 11pm so shit (literally) just sits in there overnight. After a year, this has taken a toll. I refuse to pay for this.

I also did not give her a deposit and I did not sign a contract, we just learned. (Funny (to me) story-- 3 months ago, I would have sworn up and down that I hadn't signed a contract and I had DEFINITELY not received a copy of one. Yet a week ago, I could almost REMEMBER signing one. But thanks to cracked.com, I recently learned how easy it is to forge memories in your brain, and so remained completely torn. Learned two nights ago-- there is a contract that I have never seen nor signed. And it's like... 5 pages long. And I'm kind of pissed because she's been referring to said contract all year and I couldn't remember shit about it, but I didn't mention that because I wanted her to stop talking and leave me alone. I digress...).

Also, I looked up the California State landlord handbook and it said that:

A landlord cannot routinely charge each tenant for cleaning carpets, drapes, walls, or windows in order to prepare the rental unit for the next tenancy. instead, the landlord must look at how well the departing tenant cleaned the rental unit, and may charge cleaning costs only if the departing tenant left the rental unit (or a portion of it) less clean than when he or she moved in. Reasonable cleaning costs would include the cost of such things as eliminating flea infestations left by the tenant’s animals, cleaning the oven, removing decals from walls, removing mildew in bathrooms, defrosting the refrigerator, or washing the kitchen floor. but the landlord could not charge for cleaning any of these conditions if they existed at the time that the departing tenant moved in. in addition, the landlord could not charge for the cumulative effects of wear and tear. suppose, for example, that the tenant had washed the kitchen floor but that it remained dingy because of wax built up over the years. the landlord could not charge the tenant for stripping the built-up wax from the kitchen floor.

ANYWAY, I'm confident that I'm not wrong about this but I'm trying to make sure I'm not a dick about it either. I don't want to be a dick or a pushover. But if I have to choose, I want to be--against my entire personality and all precedence--the former.

But mostly I'm SO HAPPY that no matter what ends up happening, in 3 weeks, I will be writing entries of new freedom. My coworker, in a bummer-inducing moment, pointed out that the novelty of my new place will wear off quickly, and that I shouldn't put all my happiness eggs in that basket.

But I don't care. I'm gonna do it. And it WILL make me the happiest lady on earth forever and ever.

Barney

Barney

Who ruined me for all other dogs

Who would race me to my house during the last leg of our walks

and always win

Who would only go to bed when the last person was asleep

and only stay downstairs when the last person safely woke up

(which means he was always with me)

Who's favorite toy was his rope, of which he wore through several

playing tug-of-war with my mom for the win

and purposefully losing to my brother and sister to boost their confidence

Who learned to look both ways after his youthful car accident

Who loved cats

and approached kittens with care and patience

Who knew the words "vacuum" and "gentle" and "excuse me"

Who loved to go for joy rides with my mom to get hamburgers

Who protected me when I was attacked by a dog

and my brother when in the presence of the pizza delivery man

Who needed me to sleep with him when he was too sick to climb to the bedroom

Who knew when I was sad

Who didn't know how long I'd been gone, but was so glad I was there now.

Who always ALWAYS got a slice of cheese

I remember his velvet ears, one straight up and one forever floppy.

I remember his silly, shaggy tail that curled up with long hair dripping down like a mane.

I remember his soft, never smelly or greasy, fur that would shed off in black cotton balls that were impossible to vacuum.

I remember how cute and tiny he looked the few times we ever got him shaved.

I remember his smart face that makes me always love shepherds the most.

I remember occasionally catching him jumping off the couch, which he wasn't supposed lie on. It was our secret.

I remember he would stand on his hind legs to greet and hug you when he was young and excited.

I remember the last time I saw him and I said goodbye to his cataract eyes and his bony body.

And I'm glad I wasn't there to see his final months of pain.

I will never love another animal as much as I love Barney.

Every time someone tells me they know the best dog, they're lying. I don't always say it--I don't want to be rude-- but Barney is the best dog. He is the best dog. The BEST dog.

Whining About Moving

Even though I KIND OF feel like I'm being tortured this month (VERY liberal interpretation of torture), the light at the end of the tunnel is the shiniest, prettiest, warmest light I've seen in a while. I'm referring to the moving process.

The other day I took to my journal, which is kind of bad news because I only write privately when I'm REALLY existentially upset (my in-between is notes to people that I never send (yet)). But then at the end, the entry took a pretty optimistic twist. So what I'm saying is... what I just said in the last paragraph. Visible light.

I'm SO GLAD I'm reading Francesca Lee Block now! She talks about the LA area so much, and in Echo, which I'm reading now, Echo has what I can only assume is a bohemian, fairy apartment in Silverlake which is where I'm trying to move!! And I know where the fabric district is now, so I can go and buy $15 of cheap, shimmery fabric to drape everywhere. And I went to an acoustic guitar, lady show the other day with my friend Saralyn and I bought their CDs (because they're cheap and I want to support), so now I have all of this calm, acoustic music. And I have my Venice beach skull. And some incense that I still have from Boston. I'm all set. I'm all inspired to make myself a perfect ambiance.

And maybe I'm running wild with my ideas, but if my room was an Echo-inspired, bohemian fairy land, I bet I'd be tidier. And I bet I'll want to eat brown rice and hummus and berries and seaweed all the time. Or at least some of the time.

Or maybe I'll just start watching network TV in the living room and eating my own tuna casserole. Either way, it's a step up.

And either way, all of this fantasizing is helping to push through looking at apartments and cleaning my room and worrying about my crazy roommate and worrying about whether I'm going to get out in time and worrying about my funds and surprise expenses and worrying about asking my grandpa for the extra money to make all of this happen (even though he offered).

I know that this stuff is perhaps less stressful than the finals and papers I had last year. Although the stakes are homelessness rather than an F. Although we all know that neither of those would ever happen. It seems probable in foresight and completely stupid in hindsight.

Must have more perspective!

2 Near-Wishes

I ALMOST want to make 2 wishes.

1. One of our clients is missing a major event for an audition (with his family's blessings). Please let him get that part!

2. Please let the apartment Corina and I look at on Saturday be the one.

Moving

I told my roommate that I'm moving.

To answer your question, I do NOT have a place yet.

I'm so scared. But I feel it's been like... a year in coming and I need to light a fire under my butt.

Reasons I think it will be okay:

1. Bed procured. That was a big one! Thanks to Corina's sister on that one.

2. Roommate, Corina, is on board and aware of the urgency.

3. Grandpa offered to loan me deposit money if needed.

4. Mom held off on the birthday gift for pending money necessity.

5. Room is... basically clean.

6. Corina and I have narrowed the area we want to live in. Silverlake or Los Feliz. We went casually searching on Sunday.

23 days is enough time.

It has to be.

In other news, I woke up feeling great today. No particular reason, but it was especially nice because I have either a VERY mild cold or some allergies. I assume allergies.

Reasons I probably feel good:

1. Sunny day (always the case, except for yesterday).

2. Dreamt about Jon Stewart. We were in either a cargo plane or ship. I wanted to tell him that I watch his show everyday, but I don't anymore (must be remedied!) so I just beamed at him and we sat awkwardly with occasional conversation. Stephen Colbert was there as well, but barely spoke (LOVE Stephen-- have had separate dreams (one dream) with Stephen alone. I felt I should clarify). Still, it was a good dream because it felt like real time. Just a lot of waiting while my mind reeled over being with Jon Stewart.

3. I found $6 on the street yesterday. It was lucky because I was down to $16 available in my account (now that checks have cleared, I'm solid).

4. Saw a play called STANDING ON CEREMONY starring Harriet Harris, Wendie Malick (Hot in Cleveland), Jack Plotnick, Kurtwood Smith (dad in That 70's Show), James Patrick Stuart, and Nicole Sullivan (the girl that I consider the face of Madtv (RIP)). It was about gay marriage and it was a real pleasure!

If you want to feel GREAT, read this cracked.com article.

Birthday

I know it's only 11am, but I'd like to give a birthday update.

23. It either hasn't sunk in, or I don't REALLY care.

But I was concerned because your birthday, more than other days, makes you try to read the signs and predict whether your day will be good or not. Not that I believe in magic. But your brain is hardwired to make connections and hypotheses!

It started off looking not so good. I had such an AMAZING and PERFECT week last week. It's going to sound cheap because 2 of my visitors regularly read my blog (and that's out of an estimated 4-ish readers... myself included.), but due to my reclusiveness, I had like... 100,000 imaginary conversations, imaginary dreams and plans and the trip fit those dreams PERFECTLY. Do you understand? Even though I don't believe in magic, it always seems like your luck will turn straight downward after such perfection. Which is only fair.

Which is why I wasn't at all shocked when I got pulled over by the police for the first time two nights ago. I turned right on a no-turn-on-red. It was scary, but... I was actually secretly pleased that I broke my pulled-over cherry. Plus, it went super smoothly. And not to be pessimistic, but I haven't YET come into any sort of money and not had to spend it on something retarded and unexpected since I've been here. It could be worse because it at least I can actually pay for the things that come my way. I never get ahead, but I never really fall behind.

Yesterday went fine at work. My bosses took me out to lunch with Jasmine (the other assistant) because my boss wasn't going to be in today. I had clam chowder, which was delicious. I really do love my boss.

I went home, talked to Kevin in the car in front of my house, and got into my room where I promptly lost my phone. I searched my room and my car and my purse and the areas between all of those things 4 times each. I even took into serious consideration that Davida's friend may have pick pocketed me as she left the house. Or possibly that the dog cleverly snatched it while I was petting her. Finally, I had to go to CVS and buy an alarm clock.

When I came back, I got yelled at for something I'm too embarrassed to talk about (too soon), but I did cry and I was shaken for the rest of the night. I ACTUALLY had problems falling asleep, which is very unusual for me.

So I stepped into my birthday cautiously. I woke up right away, too afraid to reset my alarm because I was too scared I would oversleep. Thus, I was ready for work about 5 minutes early. It wasn't until I reached Beverly Hills that I felt it was going to be an okay day because I saw Daniel Craig riding on his bicycle right in front of my car! Then, since I was especially early, I went across the street and got a chai tea latte and a cookie from starbucks with my birthday gift card.

Then Jasmine gave me a gift, which I wasn't expecting! 2 cokes, a brownie and a coupon for a free sandwich at my favorite sandwich place (the grocery store...)! And then, the bosses gave me pickles and gushers (!!!) because of a description of last Sunday at my birthday lunch. I can't think of anything else I desire! They actually gave me other things too, but I don't think this is the classiest forum to discuss it.

And then I found my phone. In my PURSE!! I searched through my purse forever, but apparently in an act of spaciness, I put my phone in an outside snap pocket that I never use because I find snaps suspicious and useless. It reminds me of the time I was looking for my keys in my car and I looked through everything but this little bag in the car. And in my head I kept saying "I checked under my seat, I checked the passenger seat, I checked my purse, I know they're not in that little bag, I checked my glove compartment...." And after like... 20 minutes I was like "wait... HOW do I know they're not in that little bag?" and I checked it and there they were.

Anyway, it seems I've paid for my happiness already. So 23 will probs be good. Now what should I consume!? Brownie? Gushers? Pickles? Coke?? Definitely coke....

Claire. Elana. Sarah.

Chronicle.

Wednesday night:

-Said my hellos to Claire and Elana.

-Introduced my guests to the lovely lovely Granville, where we ate.

Thursday:

-9.5 hours of misery (work) while waiting to see my friends again.

-Barney's Beanery for dinner where we experienced the miracle of potato nachos (yes!), presumably among other things.

Claire and Elana spent the day at the Grove and saw Mario Lopez. Then they walked Hollywood Blvd, including a stop at Madam Toussaud's.

Friday:

-Went to Griffith Observatory but the inside was closed (we might have been too early. Hard to say). I showed Claire and Elana the outside and told them things I knew about Los Angeles (possibly false information, but they'll never know. Neither will I.)

-took them to take pictures in front of the Hollywood sign

-ate In N Out. Not bad.

-Intended to take them to the Santa Monica pier exclusively, but when we got there, I couldn't bear to have the fun of Venice beach just a short walk away, so we did both. Muscle beach in between.

We saw the skateboarders and the crazies and the weed doctors and the child street performers and the weird animal owners and the freakishly strong, freakishly pale and freakishly ginger men (man). Elana and I bought aviator sunglasses ($3) and Claire and I bought skulls. Then we got happy hour margaritas and chips and dip and headed home.

-Granville dinner again.

-Went to pick up Sarah from the airport. Sarah's flight was unfortunately delayed by a couple of hours. We knew about this ahead of time, but that didn't stop me from overestimating how early we had to leave by a full hour. Thus, we spent some treasured time in the local grocery store parking lot playing kill/marry/fuck-- a favorite past time with friends from high school.

-Picked up Sarah, gleefully, from the airport.

Saturday:

-Went to breakfast with Elana's friend and her friend's brother.

-Went to the mall on Hollywood Blvd. and walked the streets a bit. I got some new shoes-- necessary given the large hole at the bottom of my existing ones. I was having ankle issues from avoiding the burn of pavement on my sole. I think they look like badass ballerina slippers. Like... if Fonzie was a ballerino.

-Claire was stricken with the symptoms of her sun poisoning in the parking lot of Veggie Grill. Bummer.

-Chateau Marmont. No celebrity sightings, but it was delicious. It kind of reminded me when Claire and I went to Princeton and we suddenly felt like idiots. I felt very aware of how poor and unfamous I am, by nature of the location.

-Then we went to the decidedly cheaper Cabo Cantina for DELICIOUS margaritas.

- I assume for the sake of bar hopping, we also went to some other bar. Then back home.

Sunday:

-Due to aforementioned sun poisoning, it was decided that Claire should take a break from the outdoors. Elana and Sarah went to Venice for Sarah's first time.

-Claire and I bought some sandwiches, soup, pickles and a variety pack of gushers/fruit by the foot/fruit roll ups and watched Freaks and Geeks. It was heavenly. Perfect.

-Elana and Sarah returned and we all went to Hamburger Mary's to play drag queen bingo. All but Elana had calamari salad and we all felt it was a little unpleasant-- too fried.

-Claire won a pedicure something (?) in bingo!

-Went back to the hotel and watched POSSIBLY a third of Cruel Intentions before we fell asleep.

Monday:

-Sadly dropped Sarah off at the airport.

-Claire and Elana and I ate at Denny's.

-I took them to the Getty museum (closed), around Downtown LA (dirty with an abundance of piñatas, which we were not in the market for), around Chinatown -- we never left the car.

-We finally decided on a movie, but Midnight in Paris only had crappy seats, as did Everything Must Go. This is the SECOND time I've tried and failed to see Midnight in Paris, which only makes me want to see it more.

-Claire decided to buy Freaks and Geeks at the Barnes and Noble but they were sold out. They directed us to the Barnes and Noble at The Grove, a challenge we accepted.

-But unfortunately, the Landmark Barnes and Noble is a liar and we found no Freaks or Geeks at The Grove. Good eats, though, so it was okay.

-Then we watched more Freaks and Geeks, ate Greek food in Downtown Burbank, and returned for more Freaks and Geeks.

Tuesday:

-9.5 hours of torture (I hope it's clear that the derogatory feelings reflect my desire to be with Claire and Elana and not a dislike for my job. I do like my job.) for me. Warner Bros. studio tour for Elana and Claire (Friends set, Ellen set, other sets that didn't make me as jealous as the first two). Fortunately, they ate at Subway and Chipotle, so no reason for jealousy on the food front.

-returned to Granville again.

The entire trip, Elana wished she could see Ian Harding from Pretty Little Liars. The fact that I remember his name so distinctly, I think reveals the volume in which is name was mentioned. Another pattern during the trip was a team effort between Claire and Elana in which Claire would wish for something and Elana would make it come true with magic. This worked with Converse sneakers, parking spaces, and winning bingo. To my knowledge, every wish made my Claire was fulfilled with Elana's "dreamcatcher" magic. And Elana intended to use this power to meet Ian Harding from Pretty Little Liars. In dream fashion, the actor who played the CHARACTER "Ian" on Pretty Little Liars, Ryan Merriman (of Smart House fame ("jump, jump, the house is jumping")) came into the restaurant. Elana spotted him with a keen eye and I proceeded to manhandle and yell at Elana until she got up to take a picture with him (interesting (to me) note: I have NEVER had the ability to get a picture with a celebrity since I've been here, yet I physically insisted that Elana do it). Claire watched the transaction with great anxiety. When we returned to our table, all 6 of our knees quaking, we looked at Elana's camera only to discover that it's batteries died just after the flash and just before the picture could register. No picture. Claire and I convinced Elana with success? that it's better this way. A MUCH more blog-worthy story, which is all the matters ultimately. The entire scenario begs the question of whether or not Claire and Elana have this dreamcatcher power when they're in PA (question literally and seriously begged by a nearly convinced Claire).

-Then 1.5 more episodes of Freaks and Geeks, followed by a teary departure (on my part, at least-- sitting in my car, searching my life for meaning without Claire and Elana and Sarah (and Natalya and Claire)).

Soundtrack of the trip:

"Fuck You" - Cee Lo Green

"Rolling in the Deep" - Adele

"Gold Digger" - Kanye West

Notes:

-The weather was gorgeous. It always is, but having guests reminds me of how much I love it.

-Never cleaned my room. They never saw it, although Claire saw the horse.

-I am crazy tan. My boss commented on it two days in a row to joyous beaming on my part.

-No one visits me without a stop at drag queen bingo from here on out.

-Margaritas!