Only Movies

I watched so many movies this weekend as I was under the weather. To be honest, not so much physically but mentally. I just couldn't bare it so I gave myself a sick day. I do what I want...

Ones I'd already seen:

John Tucker Must Die - Why is Penn Badgley not more famous yet? I have already read the script to a GREAT movie for him.

The Girl Next Door - Rewatched to double check that this movie not a hidden gem and I didn't realize it before. It's not really, but Emile plays it with such sincerity that it's definitely better than average.

Trainspotting - I mean... it's a fave.

Sweet Home Alabama - Just fine.

New:

Bright Star - the clear winner. I'm still winding down from that one.

Alice in Wonderland (Burton version) - Didn't love it. The most compelling part was that I KIIIND of wanted Alice and the Mad Hatter to make out... similar to my feelings towards Dorothy and the Scarecrow... I'm marginally ashamed...

Pay it Forward - I thought the ending was extremely cheap. Plus, I can't really take Helen Hunt's characters anymore. She nails the abrupt, good-mom thing, but it annoys me now. Also, the music during the Haley and Kevin scenes reminded me simultaneously of The Sixth Sense and American Beauty music.

The Duchess - They needed to develop her feelings for the future prime minister more. I should have been SOBBING but... I didn't really care. I was DEFINITELY frustrated with her marriage though. I probably won't watch that one again.

Bright Star

Oscar noms. All predictable, except Inception for Best Picture (at least for ME that wasn't predictable). I didn't realize it was so quality. The only thing I want to say at this moment is that even though I LOOOVE Annette Benning, I'm going to be pissed if Natalie Portman doesn't win Best Actress for Black Swan. The Kids are Alright was FIIIINE, but I see no justifiable reason to believe that Annette's performance came even CLOSE to the achievement that Natalie made. Sure, she should have gotten an Oscar on her work in the past, but that makes her deserve a Lifetime Achievement award, not an Oscar for a regular performance.

AAAANYWAY

I watched Amadeus for the first time in a WHILE and... my god that movie is spectacular! I wanted to watch it again last night, but... I felt like I couldn't justify re-watching the same 3 hour movie twice in two days. Maybe in a week.

Which is why I chose to watch Bright Star with Ben Whishaw, an absolute chameleon. It was about John Keats and... it was spectacular. Thank you Netflix, as always, for knowing me so well. It made me kind of lament that we no longer wait until marriage to have sex. I RARELY feel that way.

As with many many many movies, it was sacred and afterward I wrote in my diary, "Every single time I watch a great movie, I think to myself, 'God I love movies so much. This movie is still in my right now, influencing my every thought and feeling. I'm walking different. If someone knew me as well as I know me, they would be able to hear this movie in my speech. When will I watch this again? When will I feel this way again?'"

Then I went outside to take a walk and stopped at some snails that have been frequenting an area near my house. I love watching them because at a quick glance, they're stationary, but upon closer examination, they are always moving. I just think they must have such limited experiences because they go so slow, but it must be so awesome every time they approach something new. Like... to anthropomorphize them, one that just reached dirt after spending so much time on concrete might be totally present in the new sensation of dirt.

Then I went into the alley where lemons from a nearby lemon tree often fall. One was on the ground and I tossed it to myself for a while before I threw it as hard as I could and ran after it. It broke and I drank some of the juice before throwing it again.

Then I took off my shoes to experience the concrete as I walked home and I went inside and got some incense and my book and looked at the stars and remembered the infinite universe.

If uninterrupted, the 20-40 minutes after watching a movie can make you (me) feel so present. I'm so grateful.

I started to watch Leaving Los Vegas with Nick Cage and Elizabeth Shue, but I abandoned it halfway through.

Today I went to the library and tried to appreciate poetry with my new John Keats eyes with mild success. I liked this one:

To Hope

When by my solitary hearth I sit,

And hateful thoughts unwrap my soul in gloom;

When no fair dreams before my "mind's eye" flit,

And the bare heath of life presents no bloom;

Sweet Hope, ethereal balm upon me shed,

And wave thy silver pinions o'er my head!

Whene'er I wander, at the fall of night,

Where woven boughs shut out the moon's bright ray,

Should sad Despondency my musings fright,

And frown, to drive fair Cheerfulness away,

Peep with the moonbeams through the leafy roof,

And keep that fiend Despondence far aloof!

Should Disappointment, parent of Despair,

Strive for her son to seize my careless heart;

When, like a cloud, he sits upon the air,

Preparing on his spell-bound prey to dart;

Chase him away, sweet Hope, with visage bright,

And fright him as the morning frightens night!

Whene'er the fate of those I hold most dear

Tells to my fearful breast a tale of sorrow,

O bright-eyed Hope, my morbid fancy cheer;

Let me awhile thy sweetest comforts borrow:

Thy heaven-born radiance around me shed,

And wave thy silver pinions o'er my head!

Should e'er unhappy love my bosom pain,

From cruel parents, or relentless fair;

O let me think it is not quite in vain

To sigh out sonnets to the midnight air!

Sweet Hope, ethereal balm upon me shed,

And wave thy silver pinions o'er my head!

In the long vista of the years to roll,

Let me not see our country's honour fade:

O let me see our land retain her soul,

Her pride, her freedom; and not freedom's shade.

From thy bright eyes unusual brightness shed--

Beneath thy pinions canopy my head!

Let me not see the patriot's high bequest,

Great Liberty! how great in plain attire!

With the base purple of a court oppress'd,

Bowing her head, and ready to expire:

But let me see thee stoop from heaven on wings

That fill the skies with silver glitterings!

And as, in sparkling majesty, a star

Gilds the bright summit of some gloomy cloud;

Brightening the half veil'd face of heaven afar:

So, when dark thoughts my boding spirit shroud,

Sweet Hope, celestial influence round me shed,

Waving thy silver pinions o'er my head!

From Jan. 26

This is from Jan. 26, but my internet wasn't working then.

They do NOT play enough Bob Dylan on the radio. When I have ANY disposable income at all, I REALLY want an ipod. I haven't had a working ipod in... months and months and months. I listen to my talk radio in the morning, but at night I listen to music-radio and I have heard "Maybe I'm Amazed," "Stairway to Heaven," "Somebody to Love," and the occasional Doors song too many times. And these are the songs that I really like. More BD please!

That being said, I went to the Apple store with Amanda for the first time in a while and EVERYTHING was touch screen. It made me feel sick the way facebook made me feel when I first used it. It took me months to be able to use it for longer than 15 minutes without getting nervous and frustrated. I'm not archaic, but I'm slow-ish to adjust and embrace.

Also, I know I barely talk about my job at all (on here. Kevin gets an ear full), but for posterity, I want to note that I do NOT dread going to work, which is kind of a miracle. Every morning I wake up (and not even too late because I miraculously start work at 9:30am. Can't complain about that!) and I first think "Crap! I have to be alive again." But even before I finish my shower, I feel perfectly content about going to work. I appreciate that.

On a related note, my boss is really a great boss. She is so kind to me, which is important, but also she gives me more responsibility incrementally, which is really good for my self esteem. I just wanted to make sure that I mention this because I'm grateful.

I think my fish is anorexic. I feed it but I've never seen it eat. Hootenanny ate right away (until the last week... wah-wah). Also, while I'm glad that Pavarotti Pizza-Pierogi has a plant, I think it makes him more of a recluse. Hootenanny adjusted to me quickly and we could just stare at each other for minutes at a time, and maybe that's because he had nowhere to hide. Pavarotti races behind the plant when I come close and I have to be very still and wait for him to emerge gradually.

American Skins is lame. I'm terribly terribly biased, but I'm pretty sure I'm right about this. That being said (I'm so self-conscious about that clarification after watching the episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm in which they comment on the expression, "having said that." Damn your hysterical hyper-criticism, Larry David!), I'm committed to watching it every Monday with Corina until it's conclusion. I HAVE warmed (understatement) to UK Skins (or "real" Skins) season 3. It took me a while, but now I'm shocked every day that I don't go behind Corina's back to watch it faster. I'm clearly maturing, because I've never succeeded in waiting for others to watch a show in my life.

My book is great, but I BARELY read it because I'm now eating with the new assistant (I didn't eat lunch with the old new assistant). I'm not sad though, because this girl is pretty awesome. If you go by the High Fidelity theory that "it's about what you like, not what you are like," we're besties. She's my exact age, experienced Harry Potter the same way was me, knows about Marianna Palka and Good Dick and I AM I, remembered the TGIF show Teen Angel... and surely more things. Plus she's super nice and is chatty at all the right moments (a VERY hard balance to find, in my experience). Her name is Jasmine, for future reference.

Pavarotti Pizza-Pierogi

I went to Petco today, which I consider to be the poor man's zoo. I bought a new beta fish! I may have failed to mention that Hootenanny died. Actually, when I told my roommate, I mentioned that I thought the cause of death MIGHT be how cold he was. I didn't MEAN to imply that she wasn't heating the house properly, but that's what she got out of it. Then two days later, she left me a highlighted article about feeding beta fish with a note at the end telling me that it wasn't the temperature-- it was me starving it to death by only feeding it every couple of days. I thought she was taking defensiveness to an inappropriate level. The article said that you're supposed to feed them 3 times a day, although it conceded that the most common cause of death for beta fish is over feeding.

WELL, when I bought my new fish, on the side of the cup-thing it said that they are to be fed sparingly 2-3 times per week. I'm just not going to tell Davida about the fish. Problem solved.

By the way, I have named the new fish Pavarotti Pizza-Pierogi. I bought a fake plant for this one, which I think will calm his nerves.

I spent the day catching up on my shows, which is my prerogative and I feel no shame. Parenthood, The Office, 30 Rock, and Weeds. I didn't totally realize that Weeds ended a while ago and I only had one episode to watch. I hope it doesn't get cancelled because I want to know what happens next! I WANTED to watch Downton Abbey on PBS, but the stupid site kept kicking me off and I got frustrated.

I know I said that I was over reading my old blog... but turns out I lied. Buuuuuut in the age old tradition that I learned from every TV show I've watched that goes beyond high school, the college years are WAAAAAY more boring!! This is largely due to the fact that I was paranoid about people reading it (parents, random school people) so I didn't write about parties or anything. Another problem was that I was much more into politics and kept posting articles. Also, I was way happier in early college, so the writing has less desperation and edge. Lame. Especially since I was using my blog reading as a way to pass the time while I'm waiting for my shows to load.

So my new book is called A Freewheelin' Time by Suze Rotolo, who is actually in the painting I'm doing of Bob Dylan. She was his girlfriend in the early 1960s. The book is actually about Greenwich Village in the early 60s, INCLUDING Bob Dylan. I don't think I would usually read a book by such a source, but this changed my mind:

"Dylan's public, his fans and followers, create him in their own image. They expect him to be who they interpret him to be. The very mention of his name invokes his myth and unleashes an insurmountable amount of minutiae about the meaning of every word he ever uttered, wrote, or sang.

As Bob Dylan's fame grew so far out of bounds, I felt I had secrets to keep. Though I kept my silence, I didn't relish being the custodian of such things. Time passes and the weight of secrets dissipates. Articles are written and biographies are churned out that trigger memories only because they are often far from the reality I knew. They tend to be lackluster yet fascinating in their fantasy. I acknowledge that memory is a fickle beast. Fragments of stories stride in and out: some leave traces, while others do not.

Secrets remain. Their traces go deep, and with all due respect I keep them my own. The only claim I make for writing a memoir of that time is that it may not be factual, but it is true."

That coupled with things like this:

"Bobby had an impish charm that older women found endearing, though my mother was immune. He was aware of it and used it when he could. But in general he was shy around people. He had a habit of pumping the air with his knees, a kind of marching in place, whether standing or sitting--all jumpy. Onstage he did it in time to the music. He looked good, despite his floppy clothes. He had a natural charisma, and people paid attention to him.

At the height of his Woody Guthrie phase, he talked through his teeth and when he laughed he would toss back his head and make a cracking ha ha sound or a small ha, with fingers covering his mouth. His walk was a lurch in slow motion. He had a touch of arrogance, a good dose of paranoia, and a wonderful sense of the absurd."

I'm SO excited for this book! I love Bob Dylan SO much. I secretly believe that part of my love of the show Parenthood directly stems from them using Bob Dylan's "Forever Young" as the theme song.

Something kind of cool happened at work that I can't really talk about online (surprise surprise) so I'll cryptically write, for posterity, that I am KIND OF a manager.

ALSO, you can now check the stats on your own blog (I discovered this like... 2 weeks ago). But some stuff is super surprising. I'll tell you two surprising things.

1. EASILY my most popular blog post is the one titled "Emile Hirsch" from Sept. 20, 2009. Today alone it got 21 views. This week: 159 views. This month: 498 views. All time (or, as I suspect, since blogspot started keeping track): 1,811 views. I'm sad for the people who find my site, as it is CLEARLY not what they are looking for (preposition!).

2. This week I've gotten visitors from:

132 people from the US

32 from the Netherlands

30 from France

12 from the UK

9 from Argentina

6 from Germany

5 from Denmark

4 from Austria

4 from Belgium

Weird. I think it's safe to assume that most, if not all, of the people from foreign countries landed on my Emile Hirsch post. I think we've learned that if I wanted to make my blog a huge success, I'd have to list celebrities as the title to all of my blogs.

Posted later: Solved the mystery. The picture I used of him comes up really high on google images if you type in "Emile Hirsch into the wild." It is an excellent picture and I must've snagged it before it was taken down by whomever I stole it from because I can't see it anywhere else.

Amanda's Visit

Amanda's visit was spectacular. Considering Amanda's great love for New York City, I was concerned that she wouldn't like LA too much (she had similar concerns). However, after what seemed like MINUTES after she got off the plane up until the very end of the trip, she regularly proclaimed her love for the city and lamented having to return to cold cold New York.

To be fair, she came at the absolute most GORGEOUS time. 80 degree weather all the live-long day. No smog. She DID experience the traffic, which I was happy about because Natalya barely saw any and while I was pleased that we didn't waste a bunch of time, I was sad because I seemed like an exaggerator of traffic. I'm not an exaggerator of traffic.

So Amanda did some shopping at various places without me. We went to In N Out, which I continue to be unimpressed with. The burger is FINE, but that's all. It wouldn't even occur to me to write home about it. I admit I should stop bitching about it.

We went to Venice Beach and we saw STARFISH!! Right in the tide pools!! JILLIONS (12ish?) of them!!

It was awesome.

The other big event was the Getty Center, which was lovely.

We also saw The King's Speech, which I thought was glorious, especially Geoffrey Rush. And it was just in time to see Colin Firth win Best Actor in the Golden Globes. I actually DO have stuff to say about it, but since I saw it with Amanda, I'm not burning up with desire to express it right now.

I also picked out my next book, but until I check it out, I won't write about it because I kind of want to pick out some excerpts to write so you know why I want to read it so much. (Don't get excited)

And Some Optimism for Mental Recovery Post Ticket

In brighter news:

JASON RITTER IS COMING BACK TO PARENTHOOD! Just a few scenes in an episode, but GREAT news.

Also, weather is still spectacular.

Also, it's Friday. That's nice. And I'm pretty sure I'm off on MLKJ Day.

SO PISSED (About Something That Happened a While Ago)

I know I didn't mention it before, but I JUST paid a traffic violation I got for $475!!! Plus $10 processing fee. AND $65 more in a few days for traffic school to remove the point off my license. I didn't mention it before because I was in denial.

Why did I get this ticket? For not coming to a complete stop when I turned right on red! A turn that I make every FUCKING day and so I KNOW that the cars coming from my right have a left turn light right after my light turns red. And I got caught by the fucking camera that is on some of the lights here. I'm so pissed! I'm absolutely furious! I have been working on the side forEVER just to survive and I had to use the money I earned housesitting-- the money that finally brought me ahead!-- on the least dangerous moving violation in the world.

I guess the silver lining, if there is one, is that at least I had the money to pay it. But fuck!

On a side note, Amanda is here, but there isn't anything to reflect on yet.

Brief Update

It's been so long I can barely remember the movies I watched....

Well FIRST of all, I bought myself the gift of another DVD case. A HUGE one. And then, in an effort that I poorly masked (to myself) as organization for Amanda's arrival, I dumped out all of my movies onto my bed and spent 3.5 hours of the weekend sorting and arranging them to my liking. I felt like a millionaire counting her gold.

I used one of my free movie passes for BLACK SWAN. LOOOOOVED it. Natalie Portman NAILED it, and not just because she miraculously learned intense ballet, but she just NAILED the character and the character's transformation (physically and emotionally). It was AWESOME and I'm really glad I saw it by myself because it was one of those movies that you're still in, even after you leave. I have no recollection of driving home.

I hung out with a friend (a new LA friend-- Cassidy's girlfriend), Elena. We did a puzzle for a while (I'm convinced that I'd love puzzles if I only gave them a shot), ate with her family (heaven) and watched Masterpiece Theater-- Downtown Abbey. It was GREAT and I'm going back the Sunday after next. Maggie Smith, boyfriend from Stardust, and one of the guys from Notting Hill were in it.

Pilot season is making my job pretty fun. It's more busy, which I'm pretty sure is 50% of fun.

My Present Picture ladies got fully funded for a new film called I AM I. I want to quit my job and beg to work on it, but I know that that would be super stupid.

Caroline returned from Israel (good trip, except she got some stomach viruses) and we had some DELICIOUS burgers last night with Corina. I also briefly saw the apartment of her old baby sitter and it was like... the COOLEST apartment EVER! In the best location! Caroline also took the bus to Beverly Hills to have lunch with me. Super awesome.

Want more delicious burgers! Or maybe just supper. I'm hungry!

Self-Gratification

Impeccable weather again. In my personal Lovely Bones-esque heaven, it will be Los Angeles in January.

I had a massive failure with my personal calendar. Amanda is visiting next week, and I thought she was visiting on Jan. 24. Super lame. In fact, when she told me last night, I was certain it was a joke for a good 2 minutes. The good news is, obviously, that I'm getting a visit next week. A visit from one of my very very closest friends. I'm scared of Davida's reaction, but... she'll have to deal I guess.

Perfect timing for my 1-year LA anniversary, which I admit I'm obsessed with. I think it's because if I reflect on my year in Los Angeles in list format, I feel extremely accomplished, which is an unfortunately rare feeling for me. Let's list to make me feel good:

1. Moved, nay DROVE, to Los Angeles from Pennsylvania.

2. Worked in a production office.

3. Worked on a soap opera.

4. Graduated from college.

5. Found an apartment (perhaps not the most comfortable place in the land, but I'm not homeless nor am I the LEAST comfortable in the land).

6. Worked on two feature length films.

7. Worked on post production (one week, but still...)

8. Worked on a promo (2 days, but arguably the most I've ever worked in 2 days)

9. Got a full time job in talent representation.

10. Secured a comfortable number of friends.

It might be the most amazing year of my entire life. When I think of my failures and then look at this list, I no longer think I had any failures at all. Just a bit of room for improvement.

Back to Work

This week has been good (says I on Tuesday...)

First of all, let me show you these dogs that I've been watching.

Pula and Lobster.

I took this picture shortly after reflecting on the fact that they could easily kill me, but I fully trust that they won't. But... I'm basically sleeping with wolves here. I'm a daredevil (although after reliving an anecdote about Lobby daintily avoiding stepping on the moist grass, my actions didn't seem so high-risk).

I am LOVING the weather. It's sunny and light-jacket-y. But more importantly, it makes me feel warm and nostalgic which I attribute to it being the exact weather I experienced when I first moved here. Not surprising since my 1-year anniversary with Los Angeles is next Tuesday.

Also, I was given a WONDERFUL treat at work yesterday. I don't feel comfortable sharing exactly what it was, but I'll cryptically write "Emmy Consideration" so that I know what I'm talking about when I read this 5 years from now.

Tonight is my last night in heaven (with the dogs and the cable... and the freedom to be on the phone INDOORS. Miracle...). Lame. Plus it means I have to clean, although it's not like I destroyed the place. And they have a dish washer, so I'm in the clear.

Corina introduced the BRILLIANT prospect of us moving into a new apartment together. Joy of joys. Plus, Corina has an EXCELLENT film and book collection. Together we shant even need library cards and netflix subscriptions, although... we'll keep both options obviously.

MOVIES:

When You're Strange: Johnny Depp narrated documentary of The Doors. It was fine, except I already watched The Doors and read No One Here Gets Out Alive and... this documentary barely included Pamela at all and it didn't really include the interesting details. I mean... not JUST the negative details, but even the neat ones like doing peyote in the desert. Not even him coming across the dead Native Americans as a child. Not even getting a blow job during recording. I think the reason is that the other Doors members heavily contributed. Killer soundtrack though (obviously if you love The Doors... which I do!). And all the footage was real, which was cool.

Mallrats: Hilarious! I REALLY loved it. It made me LOVE Jason Lee in a way I never have before. And obviously hot guy (Jeremy London (Claire is right- He and Jason London are indistinguishable!)). To me, Kevin Smith is the Woody Allen of the mid to late 90s. I stand by that. Funny, arguably pointless rhetoric. Low-ish production value. Stylistic without effect. Cult following.

The Princess and the Frog: Music was good. Prince was LAME. He was a half-assed character because he kind of loved music and fun, but I didn't know where they were going with that. I mean, I know most Disney princes are one-dimensional, but Prince Naveen had WAY more screen time than most princes. Tiana was good though. Although half-way through I was like "are they saying that.... you SHOULDN'T only work hard, but allow yourself to wish too? And have fun?" I don't hate that message, but it seemed a little off for Disney. Hated the alligator. Loved the firefly. Shmena on the Shadow Man, loved Mama Odie and her snake (phallic implications obvious). It was extremely hit or miss for me. I'm too spoiled by the never failing genius of Pixar that I've grown accustomed to.

I also watched a couple episodes of Strangers with Candy, obviously because of my love for Stephen Colbert and Amy Sedaris... and by default Paul Dinello since they, in my mind, come in three. Don't love it. It's got the essence of funny, but if I'm not addicted after 3 episodes, I'm not going to be.

WORK GOAL (excellent progress): I am going to watch the reels of each of our clients and try to think of as many actors that remind me of each client. I want this done by Monday. (This is obviously a personal goal and not an order. Otherwise, it wouldn't be goal, it would be an assignment.)

Lastly, my dad has been writing a blog, which I'm not going to share here because I want to respect his privacy. He's been in Thailand and India most recently. This is a 3 month trip and he an Asiana sound like they are being very bohemian and spiritual (which, to be fair, they already are well above average in both of those areas). Anyway, the best part is that my dad updates CONSTANTLY. I haven't known what's going on with my dad on a day to day basis... ever. It's beautiful. I pretend that due to our genetic connection, I can channel his zen through thought waves. I think it's working because I do feel a little more zen. Plus, out of every trip I've EVER heard of anyone going on, I'm most jealous of this one. If I got to choose wherever I wanted to go in the world, I would pick India. I'll take the dysentery (although Dad has mentioned no illness yet). I want the food. I want to learn about the only religion that I might understand. Elephants. Bright colors. Music. Yeah, that would be excellent.

Also, I have decided that Little Children is OFFICIALLY in my now Top 7 films. So in no order:

-The Princess Bride

-Fight Club

-When Harry Met Sally

-Titanic

-Trainspotting

-Moulin Rouge

-Little Children

Slumdog Millionaire is the next contender.

Some GOALS!!

First, I know no one has money, but if you have ANY money, I think you should contribute to the funding of the film I Am I. Four of my favorite people in Los Angeles (and the world!) are working on it and I really want them to have money. It ends on Jan. 8 and if they don't get their goal money, they don't get any of it, which is super lame.

http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/2115598587/i-am-i-feature-film

Now the goals thus far:

1. Finish my painting.

2. Correspond with all those I've failed to correspond with. The glory of staying somewhere with almost no cell reception turns out to have been clever procrastination. I don't want to be a bitch about this, but I currently know too many people. Actually, more accurately, I'm ill-equipt to handle the relatively small amount of people I know.

3. Make self-maintainence more of a priority. I think it's subconsciously contributing to my feelings of being in limbo. I don't care about anything (not just appearance-wise, but monumentally) because I feel like I'm waiting to start my real life.

I know funds are low, but maybe I should invest in clothes again. My favorite shoes have become suede mush. And the only other shoes (non-sneakers) have a thick layer of mud in the bottom. Maybe I should stop cutting my own hair (I'm on an unfortunate 2-year streak) and figure out a method of fixing it instead of a quick brush, dry on my way to work (air style (a real bitch in the cold)), and a quick re-brush. I should not simply use regular soap for months if the official face soap is gone. Don't self-peel off nails when they get too long to type. Remove chipped nail polish. Control eyebrows.

Eating well and exercising will have to be a separate list (honestly, it likely won't be here because I'm not feeling quite as open about those changes).

4. I want to watch at LEAST one episode of every scripted show, save procedural dramas which... I'll never care about (likely).

5. Clean room.

When I was younger, once in a while I would smash my head against my hard, wooden bed frame. I just miscalculated how far away it was. Tears would come to my eyes immediately. It was awful. One day I realized I hadn't done that in like... 3 years. And now it's been... 8 years or something. I wonder if some day I'll realize that I just keep my room clean always.

(Just for... posterity I want to add that the day I realized I don't smash my head against the bed anymore, I cried. I don't like terminating things. Even really shitty, painful things apparently.)

New Years

Today I'm over reading my old blog. It's so funny when that happens... the other mentionable time being when I get obsessed with playing the sims. Like... they're both reclusive, embarrassing practices and NO ONE wants to hear my stories about them, but it's all I can think about so I just make everyone who likes me endure... Kevin is particularly good at enduring the sims stories, to his own detriment I think because I can go on for hours and hours... can and do.

Regardless, as all consuming as these activities can be, when I'm over it, I'm over it. There is no slow weening process. I don't cut down from 4 hours (unfortunately conservative estimate) to 2 to 1 to a couple of minutes here and there. I'm just done.

But before I was over it (this morning), I learned one final valuable lesson from the wise Blythe of 2005. I used to write down my goals. My small goals. My bigger goals. I was more committed to self-improvement. But the thing is, I accomplished nearly everything I wrote down. The menial example being that I've seen almost every single movie I've ever written down that I wanted to see. But I also did my homework (eh... I'll remember it that way) and got into college and moved to LA etc. etc. I really think it was the act of writing my goals down.

So for the past couple of days, I've been thinking about how I really want to have a New Years resolution, a practice I've scoffed in the past, but I'm feeling kind of desperate. So I was thinking about all of the things that I should resolve to do, trying to carefully choose what I want out of this year and what problems I'm going to put off solving until next year (ie: this is not going to be the year I quit soda). But... being the lazy person that I can be, particularly in manners of self-improvement or self-imposed deadlines (I had to clarify for any current or future employers that may read this: I am SUPER reliable with outside-imposed deadlines), my New Years resolution was to simply write down my goals.

I have not written a single goal yet. And I unfortunately find this hilarious, so it may be a while yet before I do.

In other (film related) news:

I saw Paper Heart. I was EXTREMELY skeptical in the first 10 minutes of the film. I was pretty confident that I hated it. But then Michael Cera became more prominent and lured me in, as he never fails to do (I never saw Year One... so...). By the end I had to double check that it was, in fact, scripted. It wasn't a mockumentary, in the sense that it wasn't a farce. But EASILY the best part was that a large part of the plot included the fact that having cameras around made Michael and Charlyne too uncomfortable for their relationship to grow at all. That's just the WORST part about reality tv. I mean, I don't care if reality is meaningless or cheap or whatever. Entertainment is entertainment. But I personally can't get past the fact that I'm being tricked. Those aren't tender moments between those people. These aren't spontaneous events. Those are certainly not these people's real personality because there are cameras in front of them. With scripted shows, the camera is omniscient. Whatever is important, I see. That tender moment is real, at least between the characters.

I went on a brief mission of asking people if there was a camera in their car, would they act differently to themselves. Yes, obviously. But say there was a camera in your car for a whole year, but they were only going to look at 7 random days of footage, would you act differently for the whole year? I think I would. So... to me, not acknowledging the camera is a HUGE elephant in the room, and I feel like I'm being duped. And I don't like it.

ANYWAY ANYWAY.

I also watched Young Victoria. I enjoyed it equally to any such period film. Although upon examining the outfits closely (which I LOVED), I became very upset that I wasn't with Pat. I could just hear his voice in my head. I mean... all the hats. I'm just sad I'm not around him for him to become obsessed with and subsequently teach me about the Victorian Era.

Also, for whatever reason, while I was watching the film I thought "Victoria seems like a gemini." And she WAS! Cool.

I also watched Precious. Kevin summed it up nicely by saying that it is essentially the inspiration for AIDS panda (the game we made up in which each person adds another ailment to the AIDS panda ie: homeless AIDS panda. Then acne-covered, homeless AIDS panda etc.). Depressing and I bet I'll never watch it again. But very good and I'm glad I saw it. Also, it made me like Mariah Carey more.

I also watched A Streetcar Named Desire. I didn't love it, no. But Marlon Brando was HOT! He played a.... rotten character. The kind of man that reminds me of the best thing I can think of about our generation: the fact that the men are kind. Kind and more self-aware. And not macho. ANYWAY, regardless of my dislike of his character's personality, he came home in the movie with these tight, dirty, sweaty shirts and... I could NOT take my eyes off of him. It doesn't hurt that I've read all of his imdb quotes(well before I watched the movie) (I'd recommend) and he seemed SUPER awesome (he also made me accidentally hate John Wayne... but that's irrelevant).

Anyway, I didn't like it because Vivien Leigh was too over-the-top, which worked WAY better in Gone with the Wind. Also, I just didn't care about the plot. I just didn't care. I didn't really like a single character, so I was rooting for no one. Except obviously I was rooting for more Brando screen time, but that does not a good movie make... at least outside of the pornographic film world (which Kevin tells me has a large base in Miami. Just a fun fact.)

Also, non-movie related but I finished The Bedwetter: Stories of Courage, Redemption, and Pee by Sarah Silverman. Great, hilarious, fast read. I think the worst part about reading the autobiographies of comedians (and I've only read 3, to be fair) is that I already know a LOT of their past because... if I like them enough to read their book, I've already youtubed the CRAP out of them. But the GOOD thing is that... they're comedians so even if the information isn't new, it's still hilarious.

Ok, that's it.