So Little Time (sans Olsens)

I think this week especially is going to be an inner peace test. 

Here's what I have to do: 

1. 5-7 page paper due Wednesday

2. project for tv and childhood (HOPEFULLY not more than a few hours of work though... hopefully not a problem)

3. Some rough stuff for my final project for tv and childhood for Wednesday. 

4. I have to do an outline for this feature for screenwriting for Wednesday (God, Tuesday's gonna SUCK)

5. Probably for like... tomorrow I should do a scene outline and first 3 pages of another script for a class that I missed on Friday so that my TA can read it before next Friday. 

6. I NEED to send a revised script to the other people in my group for video production. In addition, I need to make a line script and some sort of set diagram and figure out what we need to shoot THIS COMING SATURDAY!!!!! and I don't even have any actors still... like... we MIGHT have one! O God! 

7. Plus I have some weird presentation for Thursday where I have to show some work and then talk about it... it has to take 20 minutes so I have to think of a movie or something to show. 

AAAAAND super importantly (and I can't even believe I'm admitting it), I have still done NOTHING in regards to this summer. NOTHING. I have not made a practice resume... I have not picked places to apply. I don't know where I'm going to live. I haven't looked for another job. THAT (meaning the entire summer extravaganza) is probably the dumbest thing of all. 

PLUS my roommate and I got in a tiff... and when I say "tiff" I mean a very anxiety-ridden, yelling (I know, right?) argument...  the casualties are a loss of the bunny (not to death... but she's being taken by someone else), and for me, a lot of anxiety about going to the bathroom. And general discomfort. 

PLUS I have to at least have PART of my Britney arrangement done by Sunday, which is actually a surprise. 

I obviously know that I'm going to survive. It just doesn't seem like there are enough hours in the day. PLUS, I can't even believe I'm admitting this either, but I just spent an hour and 17 minutes of my time watching a documentary about various people who add their creativity to Harry Potter... which was awesome, and recommended by Elena. I wrote down one quote that I from it because I thought it was so awesome. It was from one of the kids in Harry and the Potters (a CD that I did, in fact, own but is not on my iPod so... I don't know where it is). 

"My other band wrote a song from the perspective of a band playing in the pope's bedchambers. You know writing a song like 'don't give up hope, you're the pope... Like when you're down sometimes things get in your way like science, but you gotta lift up your staff even if it's heavy, and you know put on your hat, even if it's too big. You gotta be the pope.' You know... we wanted to inspire him."

Bob Dylan, Specifically.

Ok... not to be going back and forth on the matter... but I was reading my Bob Dylan interviews and here are some things I came across today: 

"I hung around college, but it's a cop-out from life, from experience....they're all just in it for the money and for resentment. They put in their time and they're going to get it back."

"Don't you understand? If you're smart, you just gotta keep going, you're just not going to stand still. Everyone else is going to die. I don't mean die. I mean, they are going to decay and go crazy. If I could help them, I would love to see them straightened out. But I know in my heart that it is impossible to straighten all these people out, because they are all so nine-to-five, and so involved with that life that it is impossible. I don't want nothing to do with it."

And here are some other things I've underlined on other days:

"...all the lies that people get told on their radios and in their newspapers. All you have to do is think for a minute. They're trying to take people's brains away. Which maybe has been done already. I hate to think it's been done. All the lies I consider poison."

"It's like, when somebody wants to tell me what the 'moral' thing is to do, I want them to show me. If they have anything to say about morals, I want to know what it is they do. Same with me. All I can do is show the people who ask me questions how I live. All I can do is be me. I can't tell them how to change things, because there's only one way to change things, and that's to cut yourself off from all the chains. That's hard for most people to do."

"He didn't have to use adjectives. He didn't really have to define what he was saying. He just said it. I can't do that yet, but that's what I want to be able to do."

"People talk about trying to change society. All I know is that so long as people stay so concerned about protecting their status and protecting what they have, ain't nothing going to be done."

"... They throw Shakespeare at some kid who can't read Shakespeare in high school, right? Who digs reading Hamlet, man? All they give you is Ivanhoe, Silas Marner, Tale of Two Cities-- and they keep you away from things you should do. You shouldn't even be there in school. You should find out from people. Dig! That's where it all starts. In the beginning-- like from 13 to 19-- that's where all the corruption is."

"Who cares about tomorrow and yesterday? People don't live there, they live now."

"Hey, when I left there, man, I knew one thing: I had to get out of there and not come back. Just from my sense I knew there was something more than Walt Disney movies. I was never turned on or off by money. I never considered the fact of money as really that important. I could always play the guitar, you dig, and make friends-- or fake friends. A lot of people do other things and get to eat and sleep that way. Lot of people do a lot of things just to get around. You can find cats who get very scared, right? Who get married and settle down. But, after somebody's got something and sees it all around him, so he doesn't have to sleep out in the cold at night, that's all. The only thing is he don't die. But is he happy? There's nowhere to go."

"I'm not about to go around changing anything. I don't like anybody to tell me what I have to do or believe, how I have to live. I just don't care."

"It's just absurd for people to sit around being offended by their own meaninglessness, so that they have to force everything else to come into the hole with them, and die trying."

Two notes: 

1. That's obviously not ALL  he talks about... I picked those carefully out of 100 pages of interviews. AAAAND he's not THAT aggressive monumentally... but since they ARE interviews, that's the nature of the beast. There is obviously going to be frustration. 

2. I think this is one of the first times that I've been more concrete about why he speaks to me. Although, like I said, this isn't all he is. 

ALSO, I wrote this out (/am currently writing this) at work. So, my boss called me into to do something and her and this other School of Education professor and she were talking about this her friend's son. Apparently, he went to Florida for spring break/ his 25 birthday (I'm not sure why he was doing spring break at 25... maybe he's a teacher too). I guess when he went down to the beach to get his sunglasses, he was shot and died. Obviously extremely unfortunate. So my boss, in sympathy, says "all you can think of is WHY did he have to go back and get those sunglasses?!" And the professor says "WHY did she even let him go?! I won't let my kid go for anywhere for spring break. 'You're not going anywhere. You're coming home.' Why didn't she make him stay and get a job?" And my boss says "true."

WHAT THE FUCK!!!??

If my mom did that, I would slap her right across the face. My mom would NOT do that. 

Also, as a side note, I have been having SUPER scary dreams all week! Like the screaming kind. Last night, in my dream, I was at/having (not sure) a party in a swimming pool, and everyone was drunk and high and then while I was laughing in the pool with my all clothes on and everything, I turn over and a girl, who I know in life but won't name, was half-floating on a pool toy next to me, dead. Blue. Eyes open. 

Rough.

ONE LAST THING: The cover on the new Bob Dylan album is NOT two men making out. It's from Bruce Davidson's Brooklyn collection (and a tribute to Larry Brown because he used the same image as the cover of his book Big Bad Love (and I guess Bob Dylan loves him/ said he read everything the man's ever written)). Anyway, the person is the same girl from the rest of the photos. And I agree with Claire that it does NOT seem like the most comfortable way to make out in a car. 

ALTHOUGH here is ANOTHER thing Bob Dylan said in 1966: 

"Love and sex are things that really hang everybody up. When things aren't going right and you're really nobody, if you don't get laid in one way or another, you get mean, you know. You get cruel. Now, why in the world sex should force this is beyond me. I truthfully can tell you that male and female are not here to have sex, you know, that's not the purpose. I don't believe that that's God's will, that females have been created to that they can be a counterpart of man's urge.... Sex and love have nothing to do with female and male, and it might not be male and female. It might be female and female or it might be male and male. You can try to pretend that it doesn't happen, and you can make fun of it and be snide, but that's not really the rightful thing. I know, I know."

Some Relief

After I wrote the entry about being upset with my "entrapment," two things happened: 

1. I felt like a fool being melodramatic. I almost erased it twice. 

2. I went to a Chinese anthro lecture where I was reminded about what REAL entrapment is. During the tumultuous years ... somewhere between 1949 and 1967, those people were REALLY trapped. My professor told me a story about these Chinese peasants who tried to escape their village because they were STARVING. AAAAND in China you couldn't just get a train ticket because you need official government permission to leave where you are. SOOO these people got caught trying to leave. Their hands were put behind their back in the handcuff position... and then they were HUNG that way all day. Then they tried to escape again. They were hung that way AGAIN! Then they tried to escape AGAIN, this time with a baby! They succeeded. But, unfortunately, even when you get into the city you were shit out of luck. Even when there weren't food shortages, people were given food coupons for their food... that way the government could subsidize food and everyone gets what they need for very little (and if you really want more and can afford it, then you can buy more at a much higher price). SOOOO you only get food coupons from your place of work. AAAAAND your work also controls your housing.... and you can't get work unless you BELONG where you are. SOOOO all the peasants ended up being this illegal, begging population. 

AND ACTUALLY in this story, one of the local officials couldn't have babies so he basically bought these peasant's baby from them in exchange for papers so they could get a job. The baby was in the hospital for malnutrition for 4 months!!! AND THEN when the kid was 10, the reform happened in China and all the cadres (officials) were then made to work. So the wife of the cadre got into an accident in the factory because she'd never done anything other than... sit around. So her accident was so bad that she was bedridden for 6 months and then she died. And then the husband killed himself right afterwards. So the boy was 10 and all of these red guards (intense student communist activists (they're all communists though)) came and took over the house... so then the kid ended up being a red guard. This is a STUDENT that my professor had. I forget how he actually got to America... but it was some crazy fucking miracle!

Anyway... THAT's an example of being trapped. 

Does that nullify my feelings? No. But I think I have to redefine it to remember how lucky I am. Which, I'm pretty ashamed that I forgot... but I feel like I usually am pretty good about perspective. The real issue is that I semi know what I want... what I want to make sure I do... and I felt SCARED. And I was blaming society for that. Which is ESPECIALLY unfortunate because... we have a damn good society... especially with King Obama... but even without him it was and is pretty amazing. 

In other news... Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert are so important in my life... AND they are on spring break this week!! Yesterday Sonya and I simultaneously screamed from our respective rooms when we saw it was a rerun. 

ALSO, a few weeks ago, my boss told me that I could come into work whenever I want when I asked her to move back a shift for a lecture. Now... that obviously makes sense because... she's not even there when I come in. I just go into a room and chill entirely by myself for my entire shift. SOOO NOW instead of waking up at 8:30am on Mondays and Tuesdays, I can wake up... whenever I want. It's PRETTY nice... but now I'm just awake even LESS during the day! It's making me pretty lazy. 

ALSO I STILL HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING FOR SCHOOL. 

BUUUUT I have done a good job with the guitar...

Ok... my goal was to have everything done by April 1st. So here is what I need to do.. probs even before that!

1. I need to meet with my TV and childhood group, watch 4 more kids' shows for my analysis and wrap up that project. 

2. I need to figure out what to do about this movie. I'm a little upset because I feel like a LOOOOT of the weight is on my shoulders and ... I feel a LITTLE uncomfortable delegating because I'm not sure if my group is going to think their part is more difficult. What we need to do is actually NAIL the actors and the times... and I need to storyboard, write a line script, write the actual script (which is already done) and make a set diagram. Now, I would like to make THEM to the actor stuff... but I don't know if they'll be upset... but I feel like I'm already responsible for all of the written stuff AND the actual set which is going to be "built" in my basement. BUUUUUT I NEEEEEED to make this happen ASAP!!! And even though it is totally my fault because I haven't been doing that much so far... they've done NOTHING... like... I just wrote the script... but ... they have literally done zero for our project. I'm not angry yet... only concerned. But I can feel the anger getting ready. 

3. I have a paper for Chinese anthro due next Wednesday. That's hopefully going to be the weekend. It's only 7 pages. 

4. RESUME! THIS WEEKEND, BLYTHE!

I might be screwed.

My Future is Clear

Well Bazaar Magazine's horoscope for me this month said:

"Adventures and long distance interests are a must on the menu, and you will be eager to expand your knowledge of the world. Privately, there are intense moments when truths about a significant other emerge, helping you heal or move on. An inspiring life event may prompt you to courageously and willingly commit to a new cause."

All problems solved. What a lucky month!

Album Cover Mystery

 Bob Dylan's new album is coming out in April. This is the cover. What is this picture of? To me it looks like two guys making out... which doesn't SEEM too Bob Dylan-y... and also, I feel I'm predisposed to see man-lovin' in an image... so I need some other interpretations. 

In other news, I got me a guitar and I found me a great site to learn how to play. BUUUT I need a pick! It's such a small thing to prevent me from playing right now. I can put my hands in the right places right now, though. BUUUT I can't tell if it's right because I keep missing strings when I strum with no pick. Whatever though... I'm on a role. 

I rented this movie that Bob Dylan stars in and co-wrote called Masked and Anonymous. John Goodman, Val Kilmer, Luke Wilson, Penelope Cruz, and Jessica Lange are all in it. Gotta say though... it's not very good at all. It's hard to watch though because it's kind of like... a weird preachy plot and then there are all of these monologues spouting semi-cryptic, broad wisdom about animals and people's lack of freedom and morality... which is OFTEN stuff that is in his songs... but it just sounds pretentious and silly in a film. I want to say that those thoughts and words are not for the medium of film... but on the other hand, who am I to dictate what should and should not be in a film or a song? BUUUT I know that I'm questioning my ideas because Bob Dylan is in it.. and I want to understand and appreciate everything he does because... I'm quite invested in him. Whatever... it's not that big of a deal though. 

Also, I never mentioned this, but I'm also OBSESSED with Pete Seeger. Not in the same way as Bob Dylan because Pete Seeger is just a saint-humanitarian that's INFINITELY admirable but equally unrelatable. I rented this documentary on him called The Power of Song... and it was very powerful. That was the day I decided to learn how to play guitar. 

On the school front... I didn't really do anything this week. I don't even care. I probably will in the next few days. 

...

I keep going through bursts of distress. I don't know how to not be melodramatic about it... and I'm simultaneously embarrassed and weirdly pleased. What I'm worried about is being trapped. I'm worried that I follow too many rules and that I'm just being corralled into a system and I'm going to feel like I never lived. Which I KNOOOW is melodramatic. But it's also, to all my knowledge and feelings, true. And what I'm even MORE worried about is that the feeling is going to go away. That I'm going to lose interest in these feelings. 

So for a while I've been trying to decide what I want to do... and it's almost funny how difficult it is to think about. I would think "okay... I want to go to New Orleans, learn how to play the guitar, get a shitty apartment maybe... get a job chopping wood or waitressing or... some job I can't even imagine and see where that takes me... but I'll have to graduate first... I don't want to be stuck without a degree..." which is TRUE but also EXACTLY what I'm talking about... not being able to escape... because I'm scared. I mentioned the issue to my grandpa, and after appreciating what I had to say, and he told me to join the peace corps or something after I graduate. And I was like great, perfect. And then I realized that that's just ANOTHER organization (if I do join... I'm going to feel shitty about this entry (LOOK AT HOW I JUST DID IT AGAIN-- wanting to escape but planning for when I come back)).

What I mean to say, is that no one I've ever met has regretted their decision to run away from home or do a shit-ton of drugs or quit school or spend all their money and move to Europe. People don't regret that because it's life and they lived it. Some people die that way... but who cares? People have BIG regrets when they spend 20 years in school and end up in the "job of their dreams" and ... then what? People regret never breaking away.

  

Also, I'm 20 years old and I literally have nothing to show for myself... not to show other people... but I can't even think of anything that I think is great just for me. Nothing but talk. And even the learning that I do never means anything to me. I forget everything that I can't relate to something bigger, anything that I can't use in my thoughts later. 

I'm sad because I'm pretty sure that I'm not actually going to gain anything from my last year of college. I'm antsy. I want to stop. I had this experience and now I have to ride it out with $25,000 more debt and another whole year or else it was just a waste... which is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. I'm sad because this is the age... the age when you're idealistic and you can do something about it. That's why the best revolutions happen when 20 year olds take action. That's how we got out of Vietnam. That's how China became communists. 

If Natalya was going to leave school now, travel around and see what she could do, I bet I might go with her. I didn't get it as much a year ago. What hurts me more though, is that I don't seem to be able to do it on my own. 

But hopefully, today I'm going to buy a guitar. It's a cop out... a symbol of how I REALLY want to be able to be brave and free... but at least I can do SOMETHING that I want to do. I don't have to be afraid of that. 

Note: Sometimes when I read my blogs (or other people's) I can read the passion in them. This one is a hallow echo. I don't know if anyone else can read that but I HAVE to make the clarification because I feel strange and stupid writing so dramatically about something that IS so much in my control... and yet feels so out of my control. BUT this is important to me... and I know that I didn't express it well. I just need that to be noted... I'm not joking. I AM worried. And I know, also, that saying it doesn't mean anything at all. It's on the same level as thinking it and it's only one step above NOT thinking it.  I'm going to have to do something about it. That will be the leap. And I hope I start taking these steps soon. I hope I don't forget. 

Weird Celeb Dream

Last night I had a dream where I went to mass with my family. My brother wasn't sitting with the rest of them, he sat in a different pew across the aisle so I went to sit with him. He sat on the opposite end of the pew and I didn't want to cross over people to get to him, so I went around and on the way something weird happened with my pants so I took them off. When I got to the other side of the pew, these twin girls who were dressed like they got their first communion were sitting in the seat, talking to my brother. So I decided to just sit in the empty back pew alone, not wearing any pants, but I was wearing a long button down shirt. Then I look over at my family and they're sitting with Paul Rudd and B. J. Novak. They all wave at me, and my mom turns to Novak and explains why I'm not wearing pants. 

Then Paul Rudd and I go to chat with David Letterman and Rudd and I are talking about Jay Leno with Letterman and I felt like a total kiss-ass telling Letterman that I only watch his show. Then to prove it, I was going to tell him what guests he had last night, but I couldn't remember so instead I told him how I love when he has the wild animal guy on and then I did an impression of the way Jungle Jack Hanna talks to Dave. 

Then David Letterman stops laughing for a minute and goes "Do you ever feel like you're in the calm of a storm?" I turn to Paul Rudd and then I wake up. 

Gotta say, that was a better celebrity dream than when I dreamt that Candace Cameron was my writing teacher or the time I dreamt I talked to Molly Ringwald on a plane about The Secret Life of an American Teenager. Both of those were absolute wastes of having celebrities in your dreams. I guess this one actually wasn't THAT much better. Marginally. 

My Brother and Me

A conversation between my brother, me, and another kid on Matt's youtube page.

Blythe: A work of cinematic genius.

Matthew: i know im awsum

CrazyAwsumScreamoEmo: umm bitch? that is my way of spelling awsum, so spankey, off my turf

They do, in fact, call my brother "Spankey."

Stupid School

I don't know about anyone else... but today when I woke up I was like "FUUUUUUUCK!!" 

I don't want to start school again! 

I don't know why but it seemed SUPER unfortunate this morning. 

BUUUUT I am seeing Britney tonight!!!

My Brother Got a Video Camera

I've done nothing but watch videos all day, I think. BUUUUT my brother got a video camera for his 11th birthday yesterday. This is what he came up with:

When Beasts Attack

and

Large

(the Mark Lard character is my brother and the commenter is my cousin Jerry (my brother's actual name is Matthew, btw))

They're like... 30 seconds each... if that encourages you to watch them more. 

Best Explanation of the Credit Crisis

I'M SORRY BUT THIS ONE IS NECESSARY!!

It's like... the best explanation I've ever seen!!!

SOMEDAY THE BOB DYLAN STUFF WILL STOP (And It Will Be Sad)

Ok, I KNOW I'm bombarding with videos... but I just saw this commercial on TBS and I was like... is the world just always talking to me? Isn't it funny when you're obsessed with something and it's everywhere? I know that it always WAS everywhere and I just didn't care. 

I'll try to post less videos, but this one is short at least. 

(I wonder if maybe he's promoting for something... I HOPE SO!)

Economic Woes

SO I've been going a little nuts over the economy because I do NOT UNDERSTAND!! I watched THIS INTERVIEW with Jon Stewart and Jim Cramer three times and I got so frustrated because I don't want to be a fool. I called my grandpa, but he didn't see it yet. Plus it was before I got really frustrated by my lack of knowledge. But tomorrow I'm talking to him again at 6pm. I also called Elana but she wasn't around. Then I called my mom and she KIIIIND of knew... but then she gave me to Ernie.. and him and I got lost in talking about how America doesn't manufacture anything anymore. So NOW I'm looking up "401K" on wikipedia. I will continue my search tonight, hopefully. 

ALSO, I was just watching Rachel Maddow and she said that there was a 400% increase online for comedy central because of the debate! And in some press conference the press asked if OBAMA watched the debate and the representative or whatever said Obama intended to but the guy wasn't sure if he did... but the guy who was answering the questions DID watch it and enjoyed it. 

If anyone who reads this (all 3 of you) know who I can call about my economic questions, let me know. Or something I could read? I would just like some summary. Maybe a wikipedia-like-page about why our economy failed.

 (that is a joke... as obviously if that existed... everyone would know about it). 

Ugh, the Resentment Grows

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!

Stupid fucking movie!!

Spring Break, Self Definition, and Obviously a Little Love for Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, Bob Dylan

Good spring break. 

I saw Confessions of a Shopaholic with my mom... which... well I have to say that movie perception for me is like... 20% my mood... like... I'll definitely dislike a bad movie and love a great movie... ... but I have a 20% mood-margin-of-error (MMOE... if you will). ANYWAY, I haven't been liking romantic comedies recently... but I thought this one was pretty good. It COULD have been a more accepting mood... but I will hold that it was definitely better than He's Just Not That Into You. 

First of all, Isla Fischer is funny. 

Also, even though I feel like I would USUALLY think that being a shopaholic is the stupidest thing I've ever heard of... they convinced me. I really thought it was an issue for her... and they rooted the issue in a way that wasn't brilliant... but it satisfied me.

ALSO, I thought it was a nice, light-hearted comment on our current national (and international) economic situation. Plus... it TRIED to discourage useless spending... and it did KIND OF encourage thrift shopping... which I appreciated... It was appealing to the high-fashion seekers and trying to tell them that they don't need that stuff. I appreciated it. 

It WAS a little long though... I could feel the 90 minute mark (which I often can) and I was like "I'm done! Wrap it up!"

Then I saw Claire... and we did the usual... came up with a movement and a secret language (Vaginknee) (I'm writing it for posterity... it's my blog). Applebees. Ya know. Knowing that Claire, Claire, Natalya, and Sarah are all going to be in PA this summer STRONGLY encourages me to try harder to get an internship in New York. And Elana (I think!)!

Then I went to New York. We tried and failed to do a number of things including seeing Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, who I hold is not a wonderful late night talk show host... but whatever. We also thought about seeing a show on broadway but nothing was so interesting that it was worth the $60+ ... although there is a show called Blithe Spirit. We DID have some delicious Cuban food. 

Then we went to the Television and Film museum and watched an episode of Clarissa Explains it All (she wore some AWESOME clothes) and an episode of The Mickey Mouse Club where Britney showed the audience about Louisiana. It was AWESOME! Then we watched this thing about women in comedy that was made in the very early 90s. It was okay... but it was a pretty stale place. Plus there was a BU alum who graduated in 2000 who worked there... and he had a film and television degree. I was like... oh ... hmm..

Then we ate again... got some thai at the place where they shot the beginning of Garden State. That was good. 

Then we saw the movie Phoebe in Wonderland... which I thought was very great. Elle Fanning was wonderful... there was this one scene where she was crying with her mom (Felicity Huffman) because she didn't understand what was happening... and I was like "this is REAL!" It was unbelievable... to me. Also it dealt with a lot of VERY contemporary issues in a very contemporary way. It ALSO was a little draggy... but it was hard for me to pick out parts that they could lose. 

Then we stayed at Amanda's and watched The Birdcage with Robin Williams, Nathan Lane, and Hank Azaria which was super cute. 

The next day we went to Madam Tussaud's Wax Museum. I have to say it was $35 and totally worth it. There are like one jillion celebrities... which is obviously just fun. But also they have a scary house thing that was cheap but scared me a lot. AND they had the underwater Planet Earth in 3D that also had those special effects like water spraying on you and bubbles and vibrating chairs and stuff. I thought it was GREAT!

Then we got lunch, including going to Red Lobster to get cheddar bay biscuits, which has been Kevin and my dream for a while. 

THEN I took the bus and it turns out that I CAN read while in motion. I used to be able to and then I started getting SUPER sick from it... BUT I've been experimenting with it more and I've been PRETTY okay. It is a little uncomfortable... but I don't remember it ever being the most pleasant way to read.  ANYWAY, on the bus back I finished my Bob Dylan memoir, Chronicles, which, I thought was wonderful... but I'm obviously extremely biased. But, the best part for me was that the whole thing is five chapters... and it starts when he gets to New York and he talks talk much about his life before he gets to NY when he's like... 20 years old. And then it goes on about right before he got his record deal. Then it goes to how crazy his life got in the late 60s and how he just really wanted to protect his family and everyone was trying to get him to be a revolutionary so he had to make some decisions to get people off his back because they were so crazy and violent. Then he talks in depth about an album that he made in the late 80s when he really tried to make a good record again... which was the most difficult chapter for me to understand... but I think I got the idea. I just had to read everything like... 8 times. And then at the end he goes back to leaving Minnesota and stuff... and it's much more in depth about his beginning... and I was so happy... I felt like he had taken me through the other stuff and NOW we're close enough that I can know about his growing up and stuff. Just a little bit though. I loved it. Although I think everyone did.. it's a national bestseller. 

Also, it's the second book I finished this semester... which says a lot for the book, I think. The other one was a school book, which is pretty miraculous... although I SHOULD HAVE finished several. But I wasn't able to get through Craig Ferguson or even David Sedaris... or these two Chinese anthro books that I also only read half of each... so ... I recommend. 

Then I got home and got excited for The Daily Show because Jon Stewart and Jim Cramer have been having a public tiff and Jim Cramer came on the show... it was a big deal. Now I THOUGHT it was going to be a little silly and whatever... which on some level it was because Jon Stewart is very level-headed and not abrasive. BUUUT he got MAD! Not in a crazy way... but in a very thoughtful way. Jim Cramer was just apologizing all over. It made me think several things: 

1. I want to to absolutely know what is happening. I was even more illuminated when they were talking (mostly on Jon's end...), but I was, at the same time, being made aware of how little I do know about the economic crisis. I would either like to take a course, or even more fun... have someone sit and talk to me about it. I'm going to definitely call my grandpa tomorrow if I remember. 

2. It makes Jon Stewart look... just heavenly. I hate to gush because... everyone loves him whatever... but it was so wonderful because as far as I can tell, he REALLY has the public interest at heart... like... absolutely 1000%, and he's super upset about what's going on because these people are investing their life savings into something and the corporations and the financial media are telling them that it's fine and great and then watching the corporations do bad things without checking up on them... and that's really... why they are there. I mean... it IS a social responsibility and even though The Daily Show is a comedy show, he KNOWS that he has a social responsibility to reveal things about everyone. AND he also said 2 things which I also really appreciated. a) That money is work. When you put money into something and then you get 20% more... something IS going on. 

Note: I KNOOOW I don't know anything about the stock market.. but THAT seems pretty obvious and it's definitely always confused me. To me it's always seemed like a safer lottery because how can money be coming from nowhere. I know that's pretty rich coming from me because... I don't invest anything and it's easy to ride the blame train when we already know it failed... but I do have to say that when Bush said that we should put our social security in the stock market, I remember being so confused. How could EVERYONE make money on the stock market? How is that a safe way to have money for your retirement... which isn't really something you can gamble? If someone wins, someone has to lose. If you get 20% more, isn't someone else getting 20% less?

and b) he said, at least twice, that it was unfortunate that Jim Cramer was made the face of CNBC's general issue. 

AND Jon Stewart never raised his voice. And When Jim Cramer kept saying that there was so much to change, I don't think Jon Stewart ripped his throat out... taking power when the other person gives in. I was just super impressed. SUPER impressed. And he ended it very nicely. 

ON A COMPLETELY SIDE ISSUE!!!

I have to mention that I've been having a really tough time with accidently categorizing myself... which I've ALWAYS done (and I really think... ya know... everyone does it) but it's getting so frustrating... because I feel like I find a pattern of things that I do... and maybe I only did something twice... and then I make the pronouncement (outloud or in my head) "I do _______." And the PROBLEM is that then I do things based on what I think IIII do. It's a vicious circle.

For instance, since the beginning of my obsession with Bob Dylan, I've been trying to reconcile myself in terms of what I know about him... and I keep thinking to myself that I'm not a musician and that's why, while I'm obsessed with his way of thinking and his passion for music... and just the things he idealizes and how he sees the world... I have a hard time getting it in terms of the music. And one of the ways that I prove this to myself is by saying "I don't listen to the lyrics of songs." Okay, fine. I usually don't. I probably know more than 500 songs extremely well (I'm sure I know more than that... but whatever, I'll under exaggerate because... I don't feel like spending time trying to approximate something like that)... and I'll bet that I don't think about the MEANING of 75% of them because I don't listen to lyrics. 

So what I've done here is say I don't listen to lyrics. Thus I do not have a musical mind. Thus I can't completely relate to Bob Dylan. 

But you know what. Why don't I just LISTEN to the lyrics! I can confidently say that that doesn't come naturally to me... but I don't know why I just leave it at that. How frustrating! And I do it ALL the time! Sometimes I'm talking to someone and they tell me something that happened to them and I tell them what I think and then I try to explain why I think that and I end up making a generalization about myself that I've never considered before. And if I don't realize I did it... it could just stick in my mind... and then I semi-subconsciously believe that thing about myself. 

I even do it within conversations in my head. They're even harder to catch because they aren't fully formed things. Here are some examples of other ways that I've generalized myself. 

1. I like my movies to be dramas and my TV shows to be comedies. 

2. I drink coke (which I actually stopped saying because I realized that I don't want to have brand loyalty... that's how they GET YOU! (another generalization... I'll accept this one though because it's a thought out affirmation and not an unconscious generalization... fine line))

3. I don't like middle-aged women. 

4. I always dress the same. 

5. I understand movies more than music. 

6. For me, singing isn't an expression. 

7. I don't understand poetry. 

8. I only read about 5 books a year (very VERY untrue this year). 

I'm not saying these things aren't largely true.. but they don't HAVE to be... and thinking that these statements DEFINE me is LIMITING me... and I want to stop.

I WOULD conclude with the interview between Jon Stewart and Jim Cramer but it isn't up. BUUUUT Kevin and I were reminiscing about this episode of The Colbert Report last week with his doom bunker and... it was HILARIOUS! So I'll put that up instead. 

This is explaining about Glenn Beck's ridiculous future scenarios... it's makes the rest funny. 

This is the doom bunker part. You CAN just watch this part, but I think it's funnier with both.

Bob and Joan, Paint Style

Joan Baez and Bob Dylan...

I chose NOT to go home today... I slept until 2:30pm and then Pat and I painted and watched movies all day. It was a pretty nice, relaxing time. ALSO, I miss hanging out with Pat everyday. He is one of the easiest people to hang out with for 11 hours. Also his painting is a master piece that's like... 4 ft tall. We watched Donny Darko, Twister, and Titanic. Nice. 

Tomorrow I'll make my way home. 

ALSO, I had no idea it was daylight savings today. Good thing I have so many technologies to tell me what to do!

Vote for Corey

Claire's boyfriend, Corey, who goes to Washington College in Maryland, entered this video contest called "My WAC." If he wins, he gets $8,000, which he could then use to buy better video equipment. All he needs to win is have the highest rating on youtube which means he needs a jillion people to sign into their account, watch the video, and rate it really well (5 stars please). It would be awesome if anyone who reads this votes for him. 

I just have to mention that the editing on this is far superior to any editing I've ever done... damnit.

Watch and vote for Corey!

SPRING BREAK

SPRING BREAK!!!

I'm so happy!! I'm still not 1000% sure about what I want to do. POTENTIALLY I'll leave tomorrow. The plan I told my MOM was that I was going to leave Sunday, go to NY to visit Amanda and Kevin on Wednesday to Thursday and then come back for my brother's 11th birthday (Friday the 13th!). And if I came back, I might as well STAY until Sunday when Rachael could give me a free ride (although I'd obviously help with gas... but still less expensive and annoying than the bust).

Unfortunately, she caught me at an incredible moment of weakness. BUUUT I mustn't forget what ALWAYS happens when I go home... which is semi-misery punctuated with hanging out with friends (who will be quite busy) and brief moments of pleasure with my family. I'm not trying to be melodramatic... but it IS a pattern. PLUUUUS I REAAAALLY need to have some time to chill and CATCH UP ON SHIT! If I get too caught up in visiting and moping at home, I'm never going to get that.  

I need to 

1. Watch children's shows for this project. 

2. Do a rewrite on my video production 2 script. THEN I need to start thinking of everything I need (props, locations, actors), talk to my group about what we think we can get and what seems unlikely, make a production schedule, storyboard (time consuming!), make a shot script, make a set diagram... it's like ... the most INTENSE THING EVER! Plus, I should read the chapters of the book on directing. 

3. Resume draft. PLUS I have to make a concrete list of the places I want to apply to. 

4. TRY to do some Chinese anthro reading (93% on the midterm, btw!!!! HELLZ YEAH!). Plus, I need to start thinking about paper topics (yeah right!)!

Gotta say... that's not a TERRIBLE list. AND here's what I WANT to do:

1. Paint this picture of Bob Dylan. 

2. Finish my books on Bob Dylan. AND if I'm especially read-y... then I MIGHT just finish that Craig Ferguson book AND the David Sedaris book! Oh glory!

It's not an unmanageable list, I think. 

Anyway, I think I'll leave tomorrow or Sunday, follow the plan... but then instead of going back home on Thursday, I think I'll just go back to Boston. I bet my brother won't care if I'm home on his EXACT birthday. 

In OTHER news, this is the first part of my GRANDMA'S facebook message to me the other day! 

"I just find out about Craigs's List and it's in trouble. I thought it would be really cool, not for the sex stuff, but just to look for things I might need."

HAHAHAHAHA!!!

ALSO, it's a countdown to the Britney concert now. I was explaining to Amanda that I'm afraid listening to so much Bob Dylan has made me a little pretentious... Bob Dylan makes me really think... and he has these incredibly interesting messages that make me look at the world a little differently... and I MIGHT be understanding poetry better (I mean... MAYBE)... and I can relate to him (or I THINK I can) a lot of the time, AAAAND he's such an interesting character of a guy... and he imbeds this huge interest in people and history and changes and patterns and romantic ideals and heros. 

ANYWAY... then I look at Britney... and she's basically socializing women to be these objectified and provocative creatures... not to be weird about it. Anyway, I have to make sure that I look at her as an entertainer... because really Britney and Bob Dylan are not the same art at all. I told Amanda that it's like comparing novels and screenplays... they SEEM like they are similar... but if you judge them in the same same way... one is going to seem FAR inferior. But that is quite narrow minded. 

SO THERE!

Bob Dylan is a Gemini/Why Bother Reading This Anymore...

I know I have Bob Dylan word-vomit. This, too, shall pass (probs?).

BUT it occurred to me that I never looked him up in my birthday book. 

Now, I've gotten to the point (/I KIND OF always do this with people that I admire) where when I'm doing things, particularly Bob Dylan related, I ask myself whether, from what I know of Bob Dylan, he would like what I'm doing? For instance, I'm sure he would approve of me watching his movies... but I felt guilty when I looked up pictures of him and his family. He would DEFINITELY like me singing or arranging his songs or even adding to his songs that have particular meaning for me. He probably wouldn't appreciate me categorizing him (or myself) in any way, but he probably wouldn't mind the idea floating in my head... as long as it isn't put to words. He would DEFINITELY understand why I don't like to tell people where I'm going or why I'm afraid of routines. He would DEFINITELY want me to take a year off of school after I graduate. He 1000% would want me to read the paper and be as informed as possible. He would want me to go abroad. He probably wouldn't be too pleased that I ONLY listen to him, but he wouldn't be disturbed or surprised to know that he really speaks to me. And, to make this paragraph actually relate to what I was talking about, I think Bob Dylan would approve of me looking him up in the birthday book as he believes in psychics (and now I do... except I'm kidding... except I'm 20% NOT kidding)...

I mean... this is OBVIOUSLY if I was really close to Bob Dylan.... which I obviously know that I'm not. But sometimes, at least when I really admire someone, I like to see everything that I do through their eyes. And then if I feel inadequate, I like to change accordingly (although I don't always succeed... and when I do, I don't know how noticeable it is to everyone else... unless I take something up... like painting). But I think it's good to switch around the personal rubric every once in a while... reevaluate yourself... make sure you're on the track you want to be. 

ANYWAY, I looked Bob up in my birthday book ... well first of all he's a GEMINI LIKE ME... which is awesome. BUT the book wasn't that helpful because they obviously cited him as being a person born on that day... and the entire thing was EXACTLY like him... but they probably used him as part of their assessment... so in this case, I don't have that much faith. But they did describe him nicely. 

SNOW DAY and Mom's 25 Things

First of all... MIRACULOUS SNOW DAY!! I can't even believe it! The best part about working on campus is that everything the school does, the work does! I WANT TO GO SLEDDING AND DRINK HOT CHOCOLATE! When I was younger, I tried to calculate the perfect movie to watch during a snow day... but I never got it... although I remember considering Ferris Bueller's Day Off... except that movie doesn't exactly promote sleeping in,  casual sledding, and hot chocolate... and it made me feel guilty for not getting into more trouble. It's too bad the movie Snow Day was such shit... otherwise it would have been the frontrunner just for the title. 

Also, my mom wrote her 25 things on facebook and I thought it was really nice, so I'll put it up. Also, I didn't know a lot of it... like the chicken coup thing, for instance. 

1. My kids mean the world to me (Blythe,20;Meredith,14;Matthew,10)

2. If I could, I would move to a remote Greek Isle with my kids and never come back.
3. I love the sound of the ocean crashing against the rocks.
4. I wish the world had more love and less hate in it.
5. The Phillies rock, especially Chase Utley's butt, which is made of rock!
6. I love Mango margaritas and long beautiful sunsets.
7. I miss my Aunt Jackie- who died of breast cancer 1 1/2 years ago.
8. I love to take photographs of nature, the ocean and of course, my kids.
9. School is fun--I love learning new and interesting things.
10. Wish i could convince my kids of the same
11. I always try to keep my heart and mind wide open even though it means sometimes getting hurt in the process.
12. My motto is that life is what you make of it and its never too late.
13.I love concord grapes and would love to learn to make champagne (sparkling wine)
14. I drive a Prius and am very proud and happy about the gas preservation.
15. I recycle just about everything.
16. I'm going to incubate and hatch some real chickens, build a coup and raise them with some help from a friend who is a professional-- fresh eggs for life.
17. I'm so grateful for face book and all the people I have been able to reconnect with--I love you guys!
18. I'm new to mac and still trying to figure it out.
19. I'm considering a career change, thinking about becoming a counselor.
20. One of my patients named her baby after me.
21. The only things i watch on TV are crime shows and movies.
22. I thought Hugh Jackman rocked as host for the Oscars, though I would have watched even if he just read from the dictionary--love the accent!
23. My daughter Blythe has the most amazing singing voice which I like to think she inherited from me.
24. I love animals and all my animals are adopted from shelters and we volunteer at the same shelter.
25. I learned to play Mahjong from an old chinese woman( a patients grandmother) who said that I keep on losing and coming back for more which shows that I have good character.