How great does Good Hair, the documentary by Chris Rock, look? Unfortunately, it came out October 9th and is now in zero theaters near me. LAME!

I decided to dress up as "Blythe watching the 'No Rain' video by Blind Melon," which I think was a success/no one really asked. I seem to always forget that in addition to me consistently bitching about holiday anxiety, I ALSO consistently have a great time during holidays and feel stupid that I bitched so much. Damnit!

I want to mention that my other costume ideas were "Business Blythe" or "Blythe in a skirt." Elena pointed out the narcissism of my only costume ideas being other forms of me.

Today at the Hillel, there was excessive throwing of challah (bread) in the trash from long distances. At one point, Pat threw challah at Doug while his hands were full of other things and this was the dialogue that took place:

Pat: You forgot to catch, son.

Doug: You forgot my hands were booked, son.

My hands were booked! What a great phrase! I can't comment on the "son" part, which is also hilarious, but... I don't think I could ever pull that part off... and I don't think anyone would argue with that presumption (what is the difference between "assumption" and "presumption?"). I would write a paper on it, maybe, if I was still in Linguistic Anthropology.

Also, I talked to Julia, who is from L.A., about my self-consciousness about my clothes. Julia assured me that Boston is way more judgmental and if I can survive here, I can certainly do it there. THAT is the first testimony that I really believe and makes me feel WAY better. My grandpa also said something along the lines of L.A. being more laid back and where my people are (the way I feel about Portland), but... what does he know? He's the most east coast man around.

Yes. I feel much better now that I've talked to Julia.

Lastly, let's just watch "No Rain." I just love it so much!!

L.A. Entry 2.0: Adding a Dash of Optimism

I realized, given my trouble sleeping and my anxiety, that I need to reassess my attitude towards L.A. Therefore I decided to make a series of new rules for myself:

1. I am going to try and stop discussing my anxiety so much. I feel like it's exacerbating the problem--just sending negative energy out.

1b. I'm going to try and focus way more on the fact that this is actually a very exciting thing to do. Change is scary, but in a much more real sense, being on the move is very relieving and fulfilling. Plus, I was frightened to come to Boston too, and that turned out SUPER SUPER SUPER awesome. So great.

2. I'm going to stop thinking of L.A. in terms of the rest of my life, and think of it ONLY in terms of the 3 1/2 months that I'm obligated there. MUCH less pressure. I have to remember that if I don't like it, I can EASILY try to use my new connections to find work in New York. Or I can hang with my family in Colorado for a while. OR I can go up to Portland (my secret dream location) and take the civil service exam and do some government work for a while. I'll start thinking about the future a month into my L.A. experience.

3. I have to have a little more perspective on how this simply isn't the most stressful experience in comparison with what other people do. A HUGE amount of my friends came to Boston from California and they are just fine. Plus my mom had a 2-year-old when she was my age (me). Plus, Natalya can go off to the Amazon or Ecuador or on a three month, cross country bike ride. Plus... there's always that kid who built the windmill in Africa.

4. I also have to remember that even though I'm afraid that L.A. people will judge me, I really like BU people in television... and they are going to make up a lot of the people that I hang out with. Plus, I really love Julia, Devon, and Corina and they are all from L.A. I need to stop thinking of them as exceptions-- maybe I am being excessively prejudiced as my mother suggested.

5. I bought and am going to read a recommended travel book about L.A. I think that will relieve some of my anxiety... make me feel a little more secure.

6. I am going to try and shut all of the thoughts down at night. Life, L.A. or not, seems surprisingly bleak at 4am.

Much better, right? Right.

I finally decided I could talk to my grandpa about L.A. (he called on Monday). Did it, and ... it was OKAY, except there were a lot of car issues that I hadn't really thought about. Buuuuut... I'm going to take it one problem at a time, and I'm not going to freak out anymore. AND I'm going to try to take as much advantage of Boston as I can while I'm still here-- which I think I'm doing well with.

Whew! DECIDING to return to optimism is sometimes the trickiest part.

Also, I think I've decided how I'm going to find my soulmate. I'm going to find a man that blogs as much as I do. We'll procrastinate together, talking indirectly through our own narcissistic mediums. That's the premise. Then we finally get together, but we end up writing too much about our hot sex in our blogs. But we shall overcome, presumably through a series of hilarious misunderstandings and complications. Then we can have a blog together... that will obviously be updated every 20 minutes. Cue romantic music swell.

Done.

Holiday Anxiety

Holiday anxiety.

I know I consistently bitch about holidays... but I can't help it. Too much anxiety. I have gift anxiety at Christmas (with a dose of middle class guilt and anti-family). I have obligation anxiety at Thanksgiving-- I don't really give a shit about the holiday, but dodging the obligation is tricky. I even get a little bit of birthday anxiety. No Easter anxiety though... no one cares about that holiday... at most you get a surprise package of chocolate. New Years is okay too.

But obviously on Halloween I get costume anxiety. In theory it seems super fun to dress up! When you've got a really clever idea and you've been gathering props for the whole month, nothing is better than showing it off. But MOST of the time, I don't think about it. And then the week before Halloween, you want to go to the parties but you'll look like an idiot if you aren't dressed up/ you're a party pooper. Ugh. Then you either have to come up with with something lame OOOR come up with something clever that's super low maintenance. I just want to put on a skirt and call myself "Blythe who gives a shit," but I think it's too negative for festivities.

I decided to start labeling the blog posts... but actually it's WAY less fun than I thought. I pretty much have movies and TV in every single blog... and I can't put every single movie that I mention or review. That's too many labels... and if I only use the label once, what's the point? Plus, sometimes I only put one line about something. Is that worth a label? Plus... I don't think I'm going to go back and label all of my 300+ blogs. We'll see. I'll go with it for now, but I don't think it'll last.

In other news, This Is It got really great reviews! Bittersweet just like The Dark Knight. Speaking of which, Heath Ledger's other movie, The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus, is coming out soon. What if it's so good that Heath Ledger wins ANOTHER Oscar? I bet he would be the first actor to win two Oscars post-mortem. At the very least, he might be the first actor to win an Oscar for two consecutive years post-mortem. Maybe it would be even MORE of a bummer, though. If the movie is ANY good it'll probably just be a huge bummer, regardless of any Oscars involved.

Not One of My Better Entries...

I forgot to mention this yesterday, but WTF on the Pope front. If you haven't heard/read, there is a lot of dissent in the Anglican community over the Anglicans allowing women and openly gay clergy. Soooo the Catholics have decided to allow the Anglicans who don't want gays and women in high places to join Catholic priesthood while keeping some of their Anglican-ness, INCLUDING their ability to be married!! W.T.F. I honestly never thought they'd allow married priests, and certainly not so soon. But way to fuck it up by doing it because they want to welcome (more) sexists and homophobes. Lame lame SUPER lame! Here's an article from the Huffington Post.

ANYWAY, last night I had a LOT of trouble sleeping, which usually isn't the case for me. But it SUPER sucks when it just won't happen and you're calculating the hours of sleep you have left and what you can get out of the next day so you can have a snooze.... fine. In the past. BUUUT in addition to that, I've had two successive dreams about tarantulas.

The first one was that my friend Amanda was coming out of a door to tell me a story and she mentioned that she had a tarantula. I freaked out and told her not to come out, but she did anyway and put the spider in my hand. I freaked out and threw the spider into a room. But before I could close the door, the spider SHOT back and me and was freaking out and crawling frantically all over my body. I screamed at Amanda and kept trying to get the tarantula off, but she smiled and kept telling me the story.

THEN, during my nap today, I dreamt about my "step brothers" and either another sister by my father or Indigo as a baby. Really hard to say. While this dream was pretty complex, at the end of the dream, I went into Cole's bedroom and he had a tarantula loose in there. I freaked out, obviously, but I also remembered my Amanda dream IN this dream. In the dream I wanted to call Amanda to tell her that my Amanda-tarantula dream was a premonition for the current encounter with a tarantula.

I THINK I'm a little stressed... and I THINK I know why....

(L.A. L.A. L.A. L.A. L.A. L.A. L.A. L.A. L.A.)

Yesterday I found an application on my laptop called FRONT ROW, which... may do other things, but what captured me was it's ability to show me movie trailers! Oh HELL yes! I'm not going to list all the movies I want to see because I'm pretty sure I was using this application for like... an hour last night. But ... be prepared for when I can't resist anymore. Also, perhaps you should look into this application. Seriously... I almost died.

Actually, there is one that I must mention. Apparently they've decided to make what seems to be another For Richer or Poorer, but with Hugh Grant and Sarah Jessica Parker as the leads (as opposed to Kirstie Alley and Tim Allen). It's called Did You Hear About the Morgans? and it takes place in Wyoming instead of Amish country. LAME!

PUMPED about Toy Story 3 though...

LASTLY, one of my previous anthro professors comes into the hillel pretty regularly and today I told her that I am officially an anthro minor. COINCIDENTALLY, for the first time, she attempted to give me a tip. Shameless.

Small Triumphs

Officially accepted L.A. Back out west I go, even if I'm shoved... or pulled there by a tractor (I know the phrase is actually "tractor beam," but I changed it so that it implies my resistance rather than L.A.'s irresistibility. Maybe I should've gone with different wording... but it's my blog).

I slept about a BILLION hours this weekend. Miraculously, it put me in an excellent mood instead of a groggy one. I must've needed it.

We got a new chef at the hillel for Saturdays. I met him two Saturdays ago briefly-- he's tall, about 45ish, and has Vince Vaughn's voice exactly--it's weird. ANYWAY, this week I saw him and he hugged me, which made me feel really weird and uncomfortable. But then he gave me a cookie... so my attitude changed. By the end we were essentially in love and he gave me 6 rolls of challah, 2 tomatoes, a little tupperware of roast beef, one with potato salad, and one with watermelon, AND 6 baby pumpkins for decoration. Awesome!

I talked to my mom before accepting L.A. and I told her that one of my biggest concerns is that they are going to judge me about how I dress, even though I am for sure buying new clothes. Still... said clothes are certainly not going to be the epitome of chic. My mom told me that I was being prejudiced and that people from L.A. are not different than people here. To which I replied that they absolutely ARE different. I told her that to say they weren't is like when people suggest that you can't tell if men are gay or not because a straight man can be super flamboyant and a gay man could be... not. But really, even though there are always exceptions, to say that there aren't patterns is to be turning a blind eye completely. Yes of course there are many kinds of people in L.A.... but there is also an L.A. culture that isn't the same as northeast culture-- to say they are generally the same is wrong. Then she got pissed and told me that I was prejudiced about gay people. Ugh.

In other news, I chose High Fidelity as my Best Buy movie. I'm pleased with the choice. I think I needed it. It was PRETTY fun choosing, but they don't have a terrific movie selection at Best Buy-- only a half an aisle for ALL of their comedy and drama films. They used to have an entire aisle. Lame. Although I REALLY wanted Being John Malkovich. I was not at all surprised that they didn't have Amelie, though.

Also, when I was little I used to watch this live action version of Snow White that I was obsessed with. About two years ago I REALLY tried to find out what it was but I couldn't. I asked about it on yahoo answers and someone gave me a title of a german film that seemed like it might be the one, but I could only find one picture so I couldn't be sure.

For whatever reason, I tried to find it again today. I went back to the yahoo answers (which told me I last posted a question two years ago-- that's how I know) and got the title and looked it up. Now there are MANY postings of the movie. I found some pictures. I found a trailer. I even found a site that had the entire film that I could watch... but it didn't seem to work on a mac. Regardless, I'm so amused because it was totally dubbed in English and I guess I never noticed as a child. Also... it's like... the worst production quality ever. But it was SUPER neat seeing and hearing it again. It was veeeery nostalgic to hear the wicked witch's theme song and feel more fear than I would have if I was just seeing this incredibly lame movie for the first time. If you'd like to see what I'm talking about, here's the trailer. The movie was made in 1955 and I have NO idea why I had a tape of it or why it was clearly one of my most frequently watched movies as a child. Here's a picture:

I kind of want to paint it...

ANYWAY, I need(ed?) to come up with a story for The Big Bang Theory. I basically came up with the whole thing in... not that long (although it HAS been floating in my mind for a while). I'm SHOCKED because I thought it would be harder than The Office, given that I'm not QUITE as intimately familiar with The Big Bang Theory as I am with The Office. Turns out... that's not really the factor. The Big Bang Theory only has about 10 scenes per half hour, whereas The Office has...

40!!

Plus... The Office really is much more intricate... and has many more people to incorporate. This, of course, is assuming my Big Bang Theory idea is any good... Hope so.

YES. MORE.

I NEED TO SAY that I just essentially finished That '70s Show. The ending SUCKS! All I can think about is how Dawson's Creek definitely bested That '70s Show in terms of endings. And Dawson's Creek is usually mysterious because it bests no show... and yet I still love it (except best kissing-- Good lord, Joshua Jackson!). Anyway, take THAT That '70s Show!

ALSO I decided that I HAD to own Love Me If You Dare. HAD TO! So I went on amazon.com and the cheapest copy was like... $30!! which I can't pay even if I NEED a movie. So I decided to check ebay, which I've never used before. I found it for $16! Done. I knooooow I shouldn't buy movies, but everyone knows it's my heart's desire and I really haven't bought any movies in a long time! "But you DID buy 2 books and a concert ticket AND a standup comedy ticket, Ms. Blythe..."

Fine! I love myself! I want me to be happy! Is that a crime!? Get off my back!

You know who else wants me to seek happiness in movie shopping? Best Buy. Hours after I bought my movie, I got a ticket from the Best Buy rewards club for a free $10, on which it says that it can be used like cash. It only took me 3 years of membership, but I got $10. Regardless, I get to buy ANOTHER movie tomorrow!!! WHOOOOOO!!

I'm seriously considering High Fidelity or Being John Malkovich. Or Amelie if they have it. Tomorrow's going to be heaven!

What we've learned today is that I apparently need three separate blog posts in about 12 hours. I need a post per every 4 hours.

Something a Little Funny (I Think)

Just a little flip book I made about potential and kinetic energy when I was in 7th grade (there were a few more pages of it, but you'll get the jist. I had a bit of an obsession going on at the time...)

+

In my phone if you type in "hah" in order to get "haha," this is the list of possibilities you get (in this order):

ha4

gage

hair

gain

haggis

ichthyologist

icier

hah

And you never get "haha" even though I probably use it most, whereas I probably have never said "ha4" and I KNOW I've never typed "ichthyologist."

Lame.

AAAAAAND I probably/... almost definitely? will be going to L.A., which wasn't too clear in my last post. I've already essentially told everyone and have been judging everyone's frowns to see if they're fake (that's right). So... beginning of the end.

...

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Dreams and Reality

The other night I had a VERY brief dream in which I was panicking about whether or not I would get into the L.A. program. So I was freaking out with worry that I wouldn't get in and then I open the email (and I DID reflect on the sadness of opening emails in my dreams) and I DID get in. But the wave of relief never came. I just continued my line of panic in another direction. But... despite the dream, I do feel like I've been getting braver. Sometimes I have waves of optimism. Which leads me to this:

I DID get into the L.A. program! I just found out today. Good lord.

Instead of talking about that, I'd rather mention that I am also INCREDIBLY likely going to graduate with a minor in Anthropology. When I say "incredibly likely" I mean... I'll have to actually die or get amnesia in the process of doing the paper work for it to not happen. So... that's cool, albeit a little useless. But... I also thought taking AP tests was useless when it was actually the opposite. So you never know what good can come from a minor in anthro. At the very least, it tells people that I'm a half-expert on humans.

I didn't watch any late night TV this week because The Daily Show and The Colbert Report were on hiatus for the week (it WAS torture, yes). So... it turns out that if I don't have the impetus of Jon Stewart, I don't need to spend the whole night with Letterman and Conan and Ferguson. Instead, I've essentially watched 3/4 of the entire series of That '70s Show, which is my 15-year-old sister's fave. It is pretty golden, but not enough for me to fall head first into obsession.

Bob Casey, our (PA's) junior senator, wrote me back (/his interns did). He's already for health reform but I did learn some stuff. In my first draft of this blog (yes... I may have drafts...), posted an excerpt from his reply, but then I realized that no one would read it. Basically, he mentioned a HELP committee bill, which I hadn't really heard of, that had a lot of great things INCLUDING a public option, although it said that it will NOT require everyone to have insurance. I thought all public option bills were killed though, so I need to do some research on what he's talking about.

Also, a while ago, I watched Citizen Kane, which I wasn't looking forward to because it seemed really Joni Mitchell. Well... I gotta say it was pretty great! It wasn't a snooze-fest like 2001: Space Odyssey or Lawrence of Arabia, both of which I actually couldn't finish because I was fighting unconsciousness... and lost.

Lastly, Claire frequently writes about a site called etsy.com, which is all handmade stuff. Well, the other night when I was writing faux journal entries in my notebook, I realized I should buy a new diary on that site.

ETSY.COM IS AMAZING!!/ I don't know how I'll ever EVER be able to choose!!!

I shall be frequently updating on this dilemma.

Also, I passed my 300 entries mark on this blog!!! Crazy.

ALSO, I ACCIDENTLY ERASED MY FREE CELL HISTORY!!!! I was REALLY upset before I decided that I was a little TOO attached to it, and erasing it is probably healthier in the long run. PLUS, it'll give me a chance to win more than just 59% percent... after I'd played SOOO much, there was basically no hope in improving my stats. If I go back to 59% though, we'll know that it's a very accurate representation of my free cell skills.

Shared Night Panic

Heavenly This American Life.

Today I listened to one about fear of sleeping. At the end, Ira Glass (the main guy) talked about how he always associates sleeping with death and he's always surprised that not everyone feels that way. Then he had a bunch of people say a few things about their nighttime panic attacks about death that are EXACTLY like mine. And III'M always surprised that everyone doesn't do that too. I've been having them since I was very very young, but I've discussed them with several people and a lot don't really know what I'm talking about.

Here's what some people on the show said:

"It's like a complete instant panic attack where I'm just clutching the sheets and going 'oh God, oh God, oh God, oh no.'"

"I'll just hang onto the bed and go 'no no no no no no no' and I'm just wanting to scream"

"There's something about being half-asleep specifically that causes the realization to actually take effect"

"When this wakes me up in the middle of the night it's because I'm right. It's going to happen."

"It's not an irrational fear. It's like you understand that you're mortal. That your life is going to be over at some point."

"I cry and I just get really sad and I try to breathe, I try to breathe real deeply and I just think 'there's nothing I can do.' The terror is overtaken by sadness. I just want it to not be true."

There's no reason for it to feel better to hear other people describe my exact experiences... but it kind of does. Here's a poem by Philip Larkin about it:

Aubade I work all day, and get half-drunk at night. Waking at four to soundless dark, I stare. In time the curtain-edges will grow light. Till then I see what's really always there: Unresting death, a whole day nearer now, Making all thought impossible but how And where and when I shall myself die. Arid interrogation: yet the dread Of dying, and being dead, Flashes afresh to hold and horrify. The mind blanks at the glare. Not in remorse - The good not done, the love not given, time Torn off unused - nor wretchedly because An only life can take so long to climb Clear of its wrong beginnings, and may never; But at the total emptiness for ever, The sure extinction that we travel to And shall be lost in always. Not to be here, Not to be anywhere, And soon; nothing more terrible, nothing more true. This is a special way of being afraid No trick dispels. Religion used to try, That vast, moth-eaten musical brocade Created to pretend we never die, And specious stuff that says No rational being Can fear a thing it will not feel, not seeing That this is what we fear - no sight, no sound, No touch or taste or smell, nothing to think with, Nothing to love or link with, The anasthetic from which none come round. And so it stays just on the edge of vision, A small, unfocused blur, a standing chill That slows each impulse down to indecision. Most things may never happen: this one will, And realisation of it rages out In furnace-fear when we are caught without People or drink. Courage is no good: It means not scaring others. Being brave Lets no one off the grave. Death is no different whined at than withstood. Slowly light strengthens, and the room takes shape. It stands plain as a wardrobe, what we know, Have always known, know that we can't escape, Yet can't accept. One side will have to go. Meanwhile telephones crouch, getting ready to ring In locked-up offices, and all the uncaring Intricate rented world begins to rouse. The sky is white as clay, with no sun. Work has to be done. Postmen like doctors go from house to house.

Reinstating the Movie Section

First of all, in case you didn't understand my previous definition of "Joni Mitchell," here is a concrete example. This beer is the most Joni Mitchell beer I've ever seen!

You see, it could be very great. Who knows? (actually I do... and it was pretty fine) BUT it looks unBELIEVably boring! Would you pick this out of a lineup of beers? Nay. In the same way that you wouldn't jump to take a class on colonial times in a lineup of history classes. COULD be good, but SEEMS too boring. It's Joni Mitchell!

ANYWAY I saw two movies this weekend. Yes, after my well-over-a-month movie (in the theater) drought, I am finally going to start catching up.

MOVIE SECTION

1. Where the Wild Things Are-- Obviously getting a lot of hype. I thought it was VERY well done in terms of making a largely plotless book into a movie with a very discernible plot but, impressively, not compromising the integrity of the book. It was also visually stunning. BUUUUT I think the BEST part of the movie was that it was, I'm pretty sure, the BEST portrayal of a child and a child's world EVER! Or at least the best I've seen.

You know how most movies that have children in it take the "kids say the darndest things" approach? What I mean is that they treat children like idiots to the world, not in a mean way but in a way that doesn't match with my experiences being a child and being with children. But children really DO observe the world and have an understanding of things. They just aren't jaded by experience like we are because they haven't experienced the redundancies in life. They can still make connections that we can't see. They still see possibilities whereas we jump ahead to outcomes because we've seen it all before. ANYWAY, the point is that this movie REALLY captured that. And it REALLY captured the way children live in the moment so much where they can be having a blast and then the next SECOND they're crying or they're scared. It really got the energy (the child is ALWAYS running around) and the disregard for danger that children have. It got what I think is the exact level of sympathy and compassion that children have-- self-focused but just STARTING to understand and care about how other people feel. Plus all the monsters had very distinct, child personalities that were VERY true to life, I thought. And all of the monsters and Max had incredibly complex and real types of relationships.

-- SLIGHT SLIGHT SLIGHT SPOILER NEXT! (although it's not like you haven't read it...)!!--

Max doesn't even hug every monster when he leaves... even monsters that are nice... because a kid wouldn't.

--SPOILER COMPLETE--

Plus, Max's plans were child like. His relationship with his mom and sister were amazing. The way he reacts to everything was perfect. I really TRULY thought this movie is unmatched as far as insight into children. I could go on and on and on about all of the child real-ness! AMAZING!

Now, I did think that the ending was a LITTLE abrupt, but I didn't really mind. If they had drawn it out or made him too sad about leaving the world, it might have cancelled out some of the amazing child-realness (I can't think of another word). Also my friend Franki said that she was a little disappointed that the monsters weren't as carnal and beastly as they were in the book--instead they were just a little sad and frustrated with the world and their relationships (mirroring Max's sadness from life). That didn't bother me though.

BUUUUUT visually the movie was amazing!! And the child reminded me of Joseph Gordon Levitt... except maybe a better actor than Levitt was at that age.

So... I recommend.

The Invention of Lying-- I WAS really pumped about it because it was written, directed by, and starring Ricky Gervais, who is genius. Plus Tina Fey was in the previews. THEN I heard that my grandpa read mixed reviews, which included disappointment that Tina Fey was hardly in it at all. So I went in with shmena expectations. SO for the first... maybe 20 minutes of the movie, it was funny but a little much. Not only does no one lie, but they also blurt out everything that they're feeling right away. It was funny but after 3 minutes, I was over it. Although I must admit that that plot line is a brilliant way to get through exposition without seeming too contrived-- you knew where everyone stood right away. Although that's kind of the reason I got bored with it so quickly.

BUUUUUT then it got really good! Now reviews mentioned that there was a bit of a metaphor about god (again, reviews according to my grandpa as I don't typically read reviews and if I do, not until after I've seen the film)... but it was a HUGE, not even metaphor, about god. And obviously I can't know this, but I really don't know that you could enjoy the movie as much as I did without being an atheist. And what I really liked was that he introduced god into everyone's life, kind of on accident, and it kind of changed everything... but it also kind of didn't. It just sort of changed the purpose people had for being who they are. It was also a commentary on looks. And, of course, it was a commentary on love.

Basically, I thought it was pretty clever, but I thought it was even more honest. Ricky Gervais has great sincerity to him that is a little judgmental but is much more self-pitying and self-deprecating. For instance, Bill Maher constantly points out how everyone is stupid, but Ricky Gervais approaches the world in astonishment like "does everyone see this madness as clearly as I do?" coupled with "it's so unfortunate that I can see how crazy everything is but in the end I'm destined to walk and be judged as a chubby guy who's kind of funny." I hope you KIND OF understand what I mean... even though I see that my words aren't terribly clear.

Also, I don't know why the reviewer was upset by Tina Fey only being in it for a bit. It was obviously a cameo and there was no reason for her to be in more of it. Edward Norton, Philip Seymour Hoffman, AND Jason Bateman all made cameos as well... and they were all BRILLIANT!! I love when cameos are brilliant!!

Basically, all in all I didn't get too much insight from the movie, but it reflected, essentially, how I see the world... but in a funny and less depressing way. So... I liked it.

ALSO, I want to point out that both movies dealt with fantastical solutions to not major or abrupt crises, but general sadness and frustration with things that aren't anyone's fault but still suck. I don't know if this is, perhaps, a tone of the people... or if I seem to be gravitating to those movies... or if it's a coincidence.

A Little More Hanson and a Bit on Food

I just need to add that while it would have been nice to have someone with me at the concert to evaluate the opening bands-- Sherwood, Steel Train, and Hellogoodbye (all quality, but I particularly liked Steel Train), it was ultimately golden that no one was with me because then I didn't have to be ashamed as I danced and screamed (SCREAMED!) like a maniac, knowing all the words to semi-obscure Hanson songs... just like everyone else there. I need to point out that the entire audience sang EVERY WORD to "Crazy Beautiful" from their 3rd album (how many people in the ... normal? world even know Hanson has a third album? (and a 4th)...). I'm talking ALL VERSES. That's CRAZY! (/beautiful... heh)!

In other news, I'm nearly finished with the week of crazy. I have to write my reason for wanting to go to LA and a 3-5 page paper for health care sociology (which ISN'T a research paper... which I find strange and wonderful) and I'm academically in the clear. ALTHOUGH, I am unfortunately not gold on the readings anymore. C'est la vie. It the homework reading proficiency didn't seem likely to last forever.

Other things:

1. I lost my wallet this week. Well... not so much lost as dropped it and then had to go on a goose chase around campus to get it back. What's weird is a few hours before that I forgot my notebook at work and a few hours later, I left home without my keys. It was a forgetful/materials lost sort of 24-hours.

2. I made irish potato soup. Honestly the odds seemed stacked against me-- mostly of my own doing. All I knew was that I wanted irish potato soup like the kind I get at my favorite restaurant in PA (Maggie O'Neil's). I looked up 3 or 4 recipes and then did what I thought would be the least elaborate way to make the soup, which isn't too smart, especially considering my less-than-delicious cooking past. But miraculously, it was GREAT!!! Even Elena thought so (although her words may not have included "great," and she did concede that if it wasn't good, she would still tell me it was good... what I'm saying is that she isn't a reliable source ;) ).

3. Last week I had a salad week. One week of DEFINITELY getting the right amount of vegetables. I did enjoy it. The only problem (can I call it a problem?) is maintenance. I can't buy 2 weeks worth of vegetables because they'll go bad, so I have to go to the store almost every day to replace something that I finished up. Lame. I finally ran out of spinach two days ago. Thus endeth salad week.

Also, 30 Rock premiere tonight at 9:30pm after The Office on NBC!!!

Also, I'm seeing David Cross on Monday!!!

Hanson!

Hanson concert = HEAVEN!!

I LOVE Hanson!! I must remember that I should go to every Hanson concert available to me forever and ever!! I took some pictures... but there really wasn't any point as I have the internet and concert pictures turn out really lame--thus I tried to be more focused on being present--in the moment-- instead of on taking too many pictures. I would say that the two Hanson concerts I've been to are the top two concerts of my whole life EASILY! I cannot stress this enough! They're AWESOME!!!!!! This one was especially nice because it was so close that I could WALK home!! My life doesn't get any better. Actually though, to be a ball buster I will say that my life could be better if Hanson's documentary was available on netflix (I need to dream bigger...).

For your viewing pleasure:

(I know there is a miscellaneous lady in the picture, but this seemed like the most unbiased picture I could find that looks like how they look now).

Otherwise you can look at some pictures I actually took...

Not as good...

Also, if you're curious about why I would love them so much, I recommend taking a listen to "Penny and Me" or "Crazy Beautiful" (I didn't prescreen the videos... so they might be weird. Or they might be glorious. Hard to say.)

Good Start

Breaking News Alert

The New York Times

Senator Snowe, a Republican, Backs Health Care Bill

Senator Olympia J. Snowe of Maine indicated that she would support the Finance Committee Health care bill, although she withheld support for future versions of the legislation. She is the only Republican senator to have voiced support for the bill.

A Bunch of Warm and Fuzzies

I LOVE the onset of seasons!!!! I LOOOOVE when people are bundled in their fall-wear! I'm probably biased, but I think fall is ESPECIALLY nice in a college, Boston setting. Some majestic old trees against the red brownstone buildings. All the students look trendy with their scarves and hats and vibrant colors and sipping on their coffees and teas with rosy cheeks and noses. People inside pouring over books and slowly eating a cup of soup. I like that the darkness sets in before 6pm and the sun is up before I can even THINK about opening my eyes. I love fresh apples and hot apple cider. I love fall playlists on your ipod-- especially when you steal someone else's fall playlist and a lot of the songs are unfamiliar but distinctly fall!

I'm procrastinating... but I just want to say that the travel mug idea-- gold! If I put a tea bag into my cup in the morning, there is no shortage of places that will give me free hot water throughout the day! Plus, it's caffeine but it doesn't FEEL like a huge body-altering amount. It doesn't feel like it'll give you a crash... but hard to say.

A little bit ago, I decided I was over my standard lipton tea bag and went to get a chai latte instead. Well they didn't accept cards and I only had $3.50 when it cost $3.91 (which I think is pretty ridiculous, especially when I was supplying my own mug...). Anyway, the girl making the chai latte ended up giving it to me for free!! Actually, more correctly, she bought it for me with her own points! And she wouldn't even accept my $3.50 in cash! How incredibly kind!!!! I've decided that my $3.50 is going to have to go to a street performer or someone homeless or something.

Also, I know that it's hard to find time, but I have to SERIOUSLY recommend getting the free podcast to NPR's This American Life. It just makes you feel REALLY good! I know that listening to radio for an hour is kind of hard, and I don't know that I would do it if my job wasn't made for listening to the radio, but... seriously. It's amazing!

Lastly, I've shown this video to a bunch of people and so... if you're bored and want 7 minutes of ... warm and fuzzies, I would recommend watching this Jon Stewart interview of a boy from Africa who built a windmill using only a library book picture and things he found. It's very cute and funny.

The Seductive Powers of Bed, Bath, and Beyond

Big week, this week.

I'm not going to break it down day by day because I know that's always an especially boring read. But I will say that I have a TV comedy midterm paper and oral presentation, my supervisor appointment, my LA application, a paper for healthcare sociology, film studies midterm, a Chords concert to perform in, a Hanson concert to go to, a viewing of Citizen Kane during Chords rehearsal, and cupcakes to sell. PACKED. Maybe that's how your weeks regularly are... but umm... not for me.

So... lame. Also I bought season 5 of The Office (I do not judge myself) which has already arrived and is BEGGING me to watch it! AND I got the last of the David Sedaris books that I have not read (I thought I'd already done that, but to my blissful surprise I found one from 2005 that I missed). Then I got a book written by Amy AND David Sedaris which... I may wet my pants over! These haven't come in yet (more intervention from the heavens, I imagine), but I am going to be very surprised if they don't make their way to me before my academic coast is clear.

I feel pretty good because I'm choosing to see next week as my payment for the week of sloth that I just had. Not sloth like the summer, but I truly did very very little this past week.

Today I bought a travel mug. I've been thinking about it for a while but I really didn't want to get one that wasn't perfect. I've had travel mugs before but they never stuck in my life and I'm pretty sure it was mug design (the alternative theory being that I don't drink enough tea... although now I'm pretty sure that I do). I just really want one that isn't going to spill if I put it in my bag when there is only a few drops left. I really feel that this should be a main feature for travel mugs, yet you always find the ones that have spinning tops to open and close it but it never prevents liquid from coming out-- thus, in my opinion, nullifying the purpose of being able to "close" in the first place (harsh? Yes. ).

So I've been waiting on this for like 10 days and I finally went to Bed, Bath and Beyond and.... well I got one that DOESN'T prevent spilling! I was SEDUCED! I was seduced by it's green color and promise that it was made from recycled material and can be recycled later! When I got back, I tested it to see if it was spill proof... but I knew that it wasn't. Damnit. Plus, I got myself a metal water bottle... which was another act of seduction. I reuse my water bottles anyway, so I KIND OF didn't need to make the purchase, but at least this way I won't get plastic water bottle BPA cancer (/I probably already have it from soda... how increasingly fatalistic is this generation becoming with the ever growing knowledge that every single action we do is giving us cancer? I'd say limitlessly fatalistic, if I had to take a guess).

LA?

I don't usually read signs (life signs, that is. I can certainly stand to read a few "beware of dog" signs) and I don't technically believe in them either. BUUUUUT I'm getting signs that I should go to LA next semester:

1. ALLEGEDLY my grandpa is going to give me his car. WOW! I can't even believe it! My grandpa ALWAYS comes through for me! I feel like I'm abusing our relationship! Plus, this is the car I learned to drive on, and thus my day dreams of driving around LA are INFINITELY less terrifying now that a specific car is in place. Plus it alleviates money issues (that's actually the most important part).

2. I not only got the solo I wanted for Chords ("Right As Rain"), which is a miracle because everyone was so good!! but I also got the solo for "He Can Only Hold Her." The reason I take this as a sign is because these will officially be my last solos for the rest of my days in Chords (BAH!!) whether I stay the second semester or not--you can only have two solos at a time.

3. Today in class, the guy came through to encourage us to go to LA. I've seen his presentation at least twice before, and I'm obviously increasingly interested each time. He told us that it SIGNIFICANTLY increases your chances of getting a job after you graduate, ESPECIALLY if you go as a second semester senior. All you need to apply is a 3.0 or higher (done), $50, a short essay on why I want to go, and a recommendation from one professor (and I will NOT be afraid to ask Professor Loman, my TV comedy and TV comedy writing professor). AND it costs the same amount as going here (which I already knew).

3b. After class, I stopped to chat with Pat on my way out of COM. As I was leaving the building, the guy who did the presentation was also leaving the building and asked me where the SED building was. I told him and he asked if that's where I was going... and it was. So I walked with him to SED and we had a short chat about how I'm probably going to apply and him asking me if I was scared and me talking about driving. He was obviously very encouraging on the matter.

Those are pretty hefty signs, I think.

I was talking to my mom about how I was worried... which I HAVE to stop doing because there isn't a single thing someone can say to me about going to LA that isn't going to piss me off. A lot of people scold-ish me. They tell me that decisions HAVE to be made and that I need to get over it. My mother falls in this category. There are people who think I'm having a nervous breakdown and encourage me to not fall over and die over my decision. My grandpa did that. There are people that tell me what I want to hear. There are people that don't listen at all-- they just say something cliche and change the subject (I don't blame these people... but it IS annoying). I can't really blame any of these people because III know that I don't want to hear it. I don't want advice.

I think the biggest hinderance is that I'm so comfortable here. I don't want to be sappy about my home life, and hopefully I won't, but I think it's pretty clear that I don't take any pleasure being at my home or with my family. "Uncomfortable" is a mild term for how I feel in my home. Fine. But HERE I'm comfortable. I have goals here. I have friends. I can go home and relax... and even though I know it has to end no matter what, it's scary to think of deserting it before I absolutely have to. Because... if and when I leave, I don't have any safe haven anymore. All of my friends from here will become the equivalent of my friends in PA-- most of them will completely disappear out of my life and I'll still think about 2 or 3 of them.... but even then, they'll serve as a partner in nostalgia and maybe I'll keep ONE friend, maybe ONE person who I will actively think about and actively want to be with.

More importantly, I don't think I'll come back. Likely never to Boston again, and I already hardly go back to PA and I only live 7 hours away right now.

Of course, there are golden opportunities. If I go to LA, I am more likely to get the job of my dreams than if I take any other path. I may meet the most terrific people and be more comfortable there than ever before. Maybe my vacations will be to Colorado, and then I can cultivate more of a relationship with my dad. I'm closer to Seattle and Portland, my dream cities.

And the incredibly neutral truths:

1. I'm going to have to leave Boston anyway, so it might as well be for next semester when it's most beneficial to me.

2. I don't have regrets, but if I don't go, it might be one.

I'm getting pangs of sadness and I haven't even decided yet. Although... it kind of looks like I have...