Nudey

Update I guess.

Christmas and the works was lovely. As always, I dreaded the family gatherings but they were just fine. The best part was my completely reinstated love for my cousin when she brought up how it's impossible to tell what you actually like verses what you FEEL you should like based on the kind of person you want to be. Yes. EXACTly! Plus the food.

After Christmas, my mother and I were going to go shopping, which clearly didn't sound fun at all. Instead, we didn't and it was a beautiful, lazy day. However, on the 27th I conceded that shopping could no longer be avoided. But it went pretty well. I didn't really get angry at all and mostly neither did my mother. Then we had pizza and wings. My mom makes excellent wings, although this time she put tomato paste in them which, I believe, was a bit of a mistake. But they were okay.

Then she took us to see Sherlock Holmes, which was FANTASTIC in my opinion. Although I was a bit amused because the main scene in the previews in which Rachel McAdams, in a corset, kicks Downey Jr.'s ass was not actually in the film. Buuuut I thought Jude Law and RDJ had GREAT chemistry!!! Plus... he's SO attractive (both, although I'm specifically referring to Robert Downey)!!! SOOOO much charisma!!! I just think, and I've said it a trillion times, that Robert Downey Jr. is THE actor. Truly. Also, I'm really glad this movie didn't come out that year that The Prestige and The Illusionist came out because I think it would have seriously hindered this movie's brilliance... although that isn't to say that it's exactly like those movies. If you see it, I think you'll understand what I mean.

After the movie, my mom slipped and fell on black ice. She was fine but pissed at me (?) so instead of discussing the film, we had to be silent for the trip home, presumably in mourning over the fact that water freezes (sorry for the poorly masked bitterness).

Then Claire, Claire, Sarah, Natalya and I went to Atlantic City. It was fun, although we learned that Atlantic City is a much more depressing place that we imagined. LOTS of scary homeless people. LOTS of dazed elderlies. We walked into the poker room, which was not glamourous but more like a bingo room with 50-year-old grungy, red-eyed men, and said men STARED at us in such a blatant way that I (we, I assume) had a very bodily need to escape. I realize that we were the only young girls there, but as a group we weren't looking too great at ALL. PLUS it was about 1pm. I just mean to say that you could expect it a little at night when you're dolled up and people are drunk, but this felt like we were walking into 24/7, fluorescent lighting, gang bang hell. We fled back to the outlet stores until evening.

Our room was pretty nice and we got some Chinese food. Then we went back down to the slot machines. Gotta say, playing slot machines is WAAAAY more boring that you would think. It's just pulling a lever over and over again as you watch your money go. And you HAVE to start with $5 in the machine, even though the machine I played only charged a nickel per pull. So essentially I was stuck pulling a machine 100 times. Plus, I won a few cents here and there so... I really pulled it about 170 times. BOOOORING. I was over it as soon as my $5 was up. Actually, to be more precise, I was clearly over it after $1 was up. I can't be positive but I think this was approximately our final money count:

Blythe: -$5

Natalya: -$5

Claire S: +$3

Claire C: +$18

Sarah: -$45 (wah wah)

This is another one of those times in which I feel like I could have almost predicted this outcome based on the level of inherent luck I believe each of us to have, just like how I feel when I watch celebrity Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? In my case, as I've said before, I think I have FAIR luck but not GREAT luck. I didn't win, but I didn't get sucked in and I learned a lesson about the non-fun of gambling. Nothing to complain about.

Anyway, then we went back to our room and chatted for hours, which was glorious and really the reason for going at all, in my opinion. The other notable detail of the trip for me was that I scored a pair of nudey torso salt and pepper shakers. $1 for the set, which I think was a steal.

I think I'll end on a strong, nudey note. (I love the word "nudey," although definitely more in speech than in print. Whisper it to yourself. Doesn't it feel good?)

Although actually just one more thing. I just watched Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, which was REALLY great. Another brilliant RDJ performance. Plus, it makes me reconsider Michelle Monaghan (Made of Honor) as... someone worth considering. Plus, you can't turn down that title. And I do love to watch Val Kilmer, although I also listened to the commentary right afterwards (to be honest, I've listened to MOST of the commentary but paused to write this) and I would for SURE not want to be friends with Val Kilmer. Although Downey was lovely.

And so HOT!!

Cheers

There was one casualty. Poor jade plant.

I didn't think about it and left it in the car over night. The big mama portion froze to death and leaked water (plant blood) from every joint. It felt like a thin carrot that had been in the refrigerator for a year.

Making your way in the world today takes everything you've got

Taking a break from all your worries sure would help a lot

Wouldn't you like to get away?

Sometimes you wanna go

Where everybody knows your name

And they're [kind of] glad you came

You wanna go where people see

[Coke for one twenty five]

You wanna go where everybody knows your name

You wanna go where [no one knows]

[Most use Purell, not wipes]

You wanna go where everybody knows your name

(outside Superfresh)

The Journey

Moving was tricky.

On Sunday I stayed up late because I was studying for my 9am exam (I think I got an A-). Whatever whatever. Then I had errands to run: sell back books ($54-miracle!), return library books, eat lunch, have tea with Cayla and Spiegs.

Another issue was the digging out of my vehicle. Katherine suggested I buy a shovel or look for a free one on craigslist. I neither wanted to spend the money nor the time, so when I came back from my errands, I planned on putting my stuff down and tackling the problem with only my hands and feet to help me. However, that's when I spotted my frying pan which, as it happens, is shaped like a small shovel.

Twenty minutes later, I return a little cold and embarrassed, but successful.

At this point I'm exHAUSTed but I stay up for another hour talking to Elena and Matt. At some point I lay down and pass out for an hour to be awoken by Elena leaving.

I have a grief panic attack for about 40 minutes, put on Love Actually, and try to BEGIN the packing. Interruptions came in the form of a 1.5 hour conversation with Kevin on the miracles of Avatar, a much needed pizza break, and good points in the movie. At around 2am I decided that sleep was more important since I was going to drive all day the next day.

Woke up at 8:15am with a lot of work ahead of me. At about 10am I decided to call ORL because even though I'd been saying I had to be out by noon, I thought I'd read that I had to turn in my keys by 1pm. The lady at the desk was clearly a middle aged white woman:

Blythe: Hi I'm moving out for good today and I wanted to double check the time I have to leave.

MAWW: Noon! You have to be out by noon! You should be ready by now!

Blythe: uh right.

Anyway, I DID return my keys 20 minutes early. It was just fine. Went to Campco. Used the last of my points. And I was off.

The playlist was fairly successful at first. Around 2pm I started getting tired but that passed. Happened again around 6pm. That was rough. It was an intense battle between the sleepy and the adrenaline made from the fear that I was going to die because of the sleepy. I contend that it was impossible to predict which tunes were going to help the evil side (the sleepy) and which would keep me alive. For instance, my carefully planned movie theme song portion of the list was a bust, whereas the Elvis section was surprisingly helpful. I actually think it was because Elvis sings low enough for me to sing along, while I had to just LISTEN to the theme songs because I couldn't hit any notes. The only real thing that pumped me up was knowing I was really close to home (which sadly happened at about the time I saw "Havertown" on the signs).

Got home around 8:30pm, chatted with my brother for a few minutes, and passed out. Although we did briefly discuss a new video that I might cameo in. Merry Christmas to me.

Now no one is here. My brother and sister had school today, if you can believe it.

Mr. Snow

BAAAAHH!!

Okay. First of all, snow happened, which everyone already knows blah blah.

Second-- I have only $87. ONE of my paychecks did not go through this week... I THINK I'm getting that money next Friday, but it's impossible to say. But... I THOUGHT I would have $187. It wouldn't matter because that's certainly enough money to get home. But I've never driven in snow before and I'm just CONVINCED that I'm going to get into an accident and only have $20 to spare... which wouldn't get me anywhere.

Now I AM going to return my books, but I'll probably just be left with more than half of my books and $5. That's what I've learned about returning books. I could also TRY to get my leftover loan money. Otherwise, I'm going to have to try ESPECIALLY hard to not get into an accident... which I'm PRETTY SURE I already do.

I also have to study for my 9am exam and clean and pack. Please do not underestimate the latter.

I WOULD like to do my laundry... but that's clearly not going to happen.

Gotta say, the snow IS lovely though. I was walking home last night and I felt very peaceful. Plus, it's much warmer now that it's snowing. AAAAAND apparently they turned the heat up to keep the pipes from freezing... which has made me feel incredibly cosy.

Of course, because I have no money... and WAY too many meals left, I have to get all of my meals from the dining hall. Thus I must choose between two evils-- being hungry or putting on clothes and walking through snow. I still have not decided.

Pressing Business

So the other day I made a rough draft of the monster travel playlist I'm so excited about! However, there were a few unexpected things to consider:

1. 9.5 hours is NOT that long. While trying to anticipate what I would want to hear after every given song, I realized that there is no room for comedy interference. After all, it's not every day that you get to listen to every song that no one else will ever want to hear with you. That being said, I may have miscalculated how much music I can listen to at one time. It's really impossible to say.

2. There is a good chance the trip will only take around 7 hours-- that's the amount of time it takes normal people to make the journey. In fact, Rachael was aiming for 6 hours. But there is an equally good chance that it will take the 9.5 hours that it took last time. Therefore, I have to decide what music can be sacrificed-- what music will I NOT be sad I missed if it only takes 7 hours. Conversely, if it takes 9.5 hours, that last 2.5 hours are going to be my sleepiest, bored-est time of the trip. Therefore, the last few hours have to be to be exciting but sacrifice-able. Is that even possible?!

3. I still can't sing at all-- it's been two weeks and I still sound like death. The entire playlist will have to be altered if I can't sing by Tuesday. LOTS of music will just bum me out if I can't sing along.

As with the internet, I wonder how living would be without ipods. What if I had to choose CDs??!!! What if I had to rely on the radio!!??

What? Did you think I'd talk about finals? Na-HAY. I got bigger fish to fry.

Snippets of My Escape

I have, in no way, recovered. In fact, I am absolutely worse. I forget what my real voice sounds like. I am exceedingly resentful of the $50 non-cures, although I recognize that it's in the past. Puh!

I had to go to the Hillel today even though there are no classes. Expecting even less activity than usual, I brought Me Talk Pretty One Day by David Sedaris which I've been rereading merrily, AAND Ella Enchanted. I succumbed and read the latter. So, with a final looming on Thursday and another on Monday, I read and finished a children's book in.... 4 or 5 hours? And I took a 4 or 5 hour nap. I need to revise "all I can do is read a book to stay awake" to "all I can do is read a book, then fall asleep-- why choose between pleasures?" The book was delectable though. I kind of want to watch the movie, which I've never seen before. But I equally want to preserve the book in my head. When I gave the book to my sister a while ago, I thought I was bestowing a rare and heavenly gift upon her. She told me she thought it was "okay" and I judge her. I judge her so hard.

In other news, my L.A. trip has again devolved to uncertainty. My grandmother is now coming on the trip, and as a result, my mother says she might not come. Now I just want to go alone. I am the most over it ever.

I am ALSO over goodbyes. If Natalya was here, I would have the confidence to depart with a healthy "see ya" like I did in high school. Alone it seems thoughtless. With a partner, it's just quirky.

Motivation

I don't think there are enough songs that speak to a lack of motivation. If only there was something MORE fun than rewatching Sex and the City. I think that's why I love "No Rain" so much.

"Blythe, can you write entries that DON'T have to do with the same damn television shows and the occasional lengthy fawn over 'No Rain'?!"

"No inner-Blythe, I cannot. And that's the problem."

Honestly though:

Ooooo-oo-oo-oo-oo, oo-oo-oo-oo
All I can say is that my life is pretty plain
I like watching the puddles gather rain

And all I can do is just pour some tea for two
And speak my point of view
But it's not sane, it's not sane

I just want someone to say to me oh, oh, oh, oh
I'll always be there when you wake, yea-ah
You know I'd like to keep my cheeks dry today
So stay with me and I'll have it made

And I don't understand why I sleep all day
And I start to complain that there's no rain
And all I can do is read a book to stay awake
And it rips my life away, but it's a great escape
Escape......escape......escape......

ANYWAY, I really love watching celebrity Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? on youtube. I think it's because you can ALMOST predict exactly what's going to happen based on the level of luck that I image that particular celebrity to have. For instance, Ben Stiller got stumped on the question for $250,000. The question was about what, exactly, a loofa is. He ended up doing 50/50 AND asking his mother, but was VERY skeptical about the answer... but he had great odds. His mother thought it was the same thing as he did and there were only TWO answers on the board. Over MUCH hesitation, he went for it and lost. I don't REAAAALLY believe in magic or a general level of luck, but I really think if it was Jennifer Aniston, she would have won. That's just how I view the luck of Aniston vs. Stiller.

This weekend represented the EXACT amount of luck I think I have, which is a lot, but not the pinnacle. Which is damn good. I'm not complaining. I started to explain why I think this, but it came out sounding really lame. Instead I'll just say that I thanked my quite-lucky, although not pinnacle-lucky, stars that I won't have any sad memories about this part of the semester.

Mission accomplished.

MOTIVATION!!!!! COME TO ME!!!!! PLEEEEAAAASSEEE!!!!

People starving, people abused, the downfall of our consumerist society... I know I know I know!!!!

4:46AM

I think that what I will learn from this year is that I just shouldn't do every single thing that I want whenever I want. I think this is going to be my year of id. Now if only I could LEARN the lesson!! I think I need to make some goals. In FACT, if I want to be completely honest about it, I decided to make a list of goals about two weeks ago. While the list has YET to be made, whenever I am struck with shame over how I'm spending my time I think to myself "this will go on the list." I imagine I will make the ACTUAL list while I'm trying to write a paper due Monday. Actually, if we're going to be honest, I'll probably THINK I should at LEAST make the list while I'm procrastinating, but I'll actually be watching Craig Ferguson interviewing Russell Brand on youtube for the forty-millionth time.

I'm DEFINITELY going to learn some sort of lesson about this EVENTUALLY. But... maybe later. Maybe in a few months. HOPEFULLY before I hit 25. That seems like a great goal.

I'll put it on the list.

Dooped by the RN

Caught myself a cold. Actually it happened a while ago (LIKELY the Tuesday/Wednesday before Thanksgiving, when I sucked in heavy doses of air from strangers during my 13 hours of public transport), but it hasn't really been an issue until recently when I lost my voice on Sunday. And it was only SLIGHTLY better on Monday. And it wasn't much different today. And I only care because my LAST Chords concert is on Friday and I'll be DEVASTATED if I can't sing in it. DEVASTATED!!

Thus, I conceded to go to the doctor. I don't typically think of myself as being afraid of the doctor, but I KNOW I'm not taking good care of myself, and I don't like having to be really honest about what I put my poor body through. I don't sleep "right." I don't eat "right." I sit in my room in the cold for hours and hours... not "right." I ran out of my advanced inhaler about... 1.5 years ago and haven't pursued a new one... and I just ran out of my run-of-the-mill inhaler... and wasn't fully planning on getting a new one of those either. Not "right" (and you obviously know that my quotations are implying my denial). I don't even wear a jacket. I don't even OWN a jacket (although I really DO believe that that's fine-- I'm quite toasty in my duel-sweatshirt-action). There may or may not be other unhealthy things that I omit because I'm REALLY in denial.

ANYWAY, I decided to go to the doctor because my desire to sing outweighed my fear of being scolded. It wasn't TERRIBLE. Although I think it's because after we had a tiff over me not owning a thermometer and not refilling some inhalers, I told my doctor essentially everything I wrote in the previous paragraph (hopefully I omitted some of it, but I blacked out and have no idea what my exact words were).

Turns out I have some sort of lingering post-nasal drip (wha?) and I was prescribed a variety of crap. As I was swiping my credit card for my near-$50 purchase of cures, I felt an incredible sense of resentment. After all, there's no guarantee that I'll be able to sing on Friday, and my illness is going to fade EVENTUALLY if I take nothing at all. Lame.

I had BETTER be able to sing on Friday or I will not only be broke and devastated-- I'll be PISSED! What am I supposed to do with an entire bottle of saline nasal spray?

In other news, I watched Mulholland Drive today. I'm SOOOO glad I got to watch it in my film class, because otherwise I'd just think it was obnoxious. But after we discussed it for an hour, I sort of thought it was brilliant. Although... not enough to watch it again, probably (and when I say that I mean not until 3 years from now when I'll NEED to watch it again).

Last week I was alls about the Christmas. We listened to some tunes on the way back from Thanksgiving. Then I watched You've Got Mail (I REALLY like that movie and resent that people don't appreciate it because it's a romantic comedy. Just like Runaway Bride-- not enough credit for those films, I think). Then The Family Stone. But then I promptly forgot about the holidays when I rediscovered sims and Sex and the City. Gotta get back on the wagon, or shall I say SLEIGH!

Plus I have to start thinking (worrying) about gifts.

Maybe I'll just wait until I have lungs of steel again.

Are we not having any Christmas-themed movies this season? Am I forgetting one? Not that I'm complaining... just wondering.

What's Happening?

Today I was watching Sex and the City (and playing the sims... buuuuu Huuhh!) and in one episode Miranda was finding consolation for her life by eating cheap cake and watching The Daily Show. Twas a little too close to home.

HER solution was to get a vibrator.

Deck the Halls

One of these things is not like the other...

Some Reflection

Well I WOULD go on and on about the absurdity of 68 degrees in December, but as everyone experienced that, I feel I should move on.

But seriously....

So the end of the semester is coming at warp speed. Things are getting too scary to put off-- although I'm still doing it... so I'm in a constant state of self-inflicted panic. I'm also having random surges of fear about never seeing people again. Awkward when it happens as I'm walking down the street and suddenly I get the uncontrollable frowny face before you cry.

ANYWAY ANYWAY, on the upside, I've realized that I need to make a 10 hour playlist for my solo trip back home. This is the only thing that I'm NOT procrastinating on. I think the trick is going to be predicting, not the music and comedy that I want on the playlist, but rather the order in which I'm going to want to hear it. For instance, at what point am I going to want to listen to the entire soundtrack of The Nightmare Before Christmas? Is that going to be a pumped-for-the-trip first few hours sort of a listen ... or is that the 7th hour when I'm crazy from the redundancy and solitude of my task. Hard to say... but I LOVE thinking about it. In fact, if you see me walking down the street, brow furrowed in deep thought, you can safely guess that I'm thinking about my playlist order. Expect updates on this matter.

Today, as I was preparing to go to work (putting on the second sweatshirt-- unforeseeable mistake), I realized that I was going to finish my other Bridget Jones and I needed a new book. Suddenly I felt compelled to read Ella Enchanted again, even though it's a child's book. So I dug through all of my stuff to get the book, but when I finally found it, I just couldn't BEAR to think of reading it in public. Too embarrassing. Especially since it is SUPER tattered from multiple, MULTIPLE readings-- some parts were, in fact, memorized in their hay day. I picked up The Perks of Being a Wallflower, because at this point I was running late (/5 minutes early, which in my mind is late)... but then I decided not to start it because I JUST read it in September... so it really seems far too soon.

In regards to this, two things occurred me:

1. I need a new book. But I want a funny one... or one that's so compelling that I'll read it easily... and I don't know who to ask for a recommendation. That's your cue, readers! (imaginary readers?)

2. How come I can wear the same goddamn thing every single day, but I can't bear to read a child's book in front of others-- especially when odds are, no one is going to see what I'm reading anyway! Self-illuminating experience.

Also, I was looking up pictures of Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake (procrastinating) and... I think we are VERY ready for them to do a collaborative song. It would be the next "Single Ladies" in popularity, I think. So.... let's make that happen.

Thanksgiving Adventure

Okay, as always I DID enjoy my break. At least it doesn't ever go the other way around where I'm super excited and it always turns out shitty. This is definitely the better tradition.

The bus ride home was slightly on the rough side. I decided to go with the red eye on Tuesday and although I got in line at exactly midnight for my 1am bus, the bus didn't arrive until 2am and we didn't leave until nearly 2:30am. But... I wasn't terribly surprised because it was Thanksgiving weekend. Since I have more to talk about in this entry, I won't address my pillow issue or my mysterious unquenchable thirst at length. For the NY to PA bus, something huge hit the windshield. We had to pull over and the police came and we had to get into another bus blah blah blah. The whole shabang took over an hour and a half, but it was ok because I slept the most while the bus was stopped. Then I took the bus home, picked up a slice of pizza for my mom, brother, and me, and talked to my mom for about a minute before I passed out for an hour. I woke up again later, but I ended up going to bed at 7pm. I woke at 5:40am, watched two episodes of Always Sunny in Philadelphia, and went back to sleep until 10:40am.

We all made the Thanksgiving feast. Even though it was just my family, we insisted on making appetizers-- spinach and artichoke dip!!! And while eating said dip, we all played monopoly! (except my mom, because she doesn't really like board games)!!! And I won!! And we played until bankruptcy! EXCELLENT!

Then, before the turkey was done, my mom took me out to drive for the first time since I took my test... marking my 16th day of driving ever. I couldn't remember which peddle was gas and which was the brake, which I took as a terrible sign. But... it turned out fine. I thought my mom was going to have to drive me to a parking lot so I could remember how to turn, but she didn't. I pulled out of our driveway and rode around our neighborhood just fine.

Thanksgiving is hilarious because it took us about 8 hours to make and about 15 minutes to eat before we were ready to die. We had turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, yams, rolls, and cranberry sauce. After dinner, my mom and I went driving again. This time we tackled highways and Philadelphia. Scary, but pretty okay. Then we played monopoly AGAIN, and my brother won this time. Although, when he was taking the last of my sister's money slowly, he tried to give some back to her because he felt so bad about taking everything from her. We told him he had to take the money because we weren't going to let his conscience off the hook, and he started to cry because he felt so bad! Cute.

The next day we registered my car. Then I watched a little bit of The Nanny Diaries, which was exactly like The Devil Wears Prada except, according to the 45 minutes I watched, less good. I guess that's not my official take on it though. Can't judge a movie in 45 minutes.

Then I drove around on my own for the first time EVER! What I learned... nay... what I reiterated to myself, was that I only know about 3 miles of my town in one direction from my house... which is fine when you walk, but scary when you drive. I drove to Claire's house. Then I drove to Sarah's house. Then I drove to other Claire's house. That was the extent of my knowledge. I got lost when I tried to drive past other Claire's house, and had a panic attack until I found familiar roads again... and I'm convinced that that was a miracle.

Later I WALKED to Claire's house and the five of us (Claire, Natalya, Claire, and Sarah) went out to dinner. Then we went to a bar because a friend told us to meet him there. He's a year older than us and told him that his friends were having an impromptu reunion. That was false. It was the 2005 five-year class reunion!! While it was interesting seeing the people from the year ahead of us (lots of weight gain, not that I judge), it was mostly scary and I kept my head down for a lot of it. Since there was a cover charge, we kind of had an obligation to stay for a bit, but we left around 11. Then we went down and essentially crashed a get together of some boys two years younger than us. That was nice... also a little awkward. Mostly, I went home with a supreme blast-from-the-past feeling.

Next day: Picked Elena up in Philadelphia. Stocked up on food. Drove the ENTIRE WAY TO BOSTON!! I wasn't even terribly nervous for most of it. The worst part was probably being in Boston. We were supposed to get off at exit 20 but the exits went from 18 to 22.... wtf. Buuuut I did some amazingly aggressive driving! What I learned was that the driving is so INSANE that it doesn't really matter what you do because people are merging all over the land anyway!

So it took about 9.5 hours and about $35 for gas and more for tolls. Plus I only peed 3 times. Amazing.

Things I need for my solo trip in 23 days:

1. Water bottle with a pop cap so I can open and close it on my own.

2. Tape converter thing to plug my ipod into the car (so I don't have to listen to Christmas music and the Dirty Dancing soundtrack on cassette-- left my my grandpa!)

Things I learned in general:

1. All lady talk radio personalities sound exactly the same.

2. Elena and I can only name like... 21 U.S. Presidents.

3. My brother's new youtube site. Please enjoy this Matt-classic.

When I got home, I watched Splash, which I rented from Netflix. I don't know how BAD the movie is, but Daryl Hannah isn't a great actress and it is just pretty dated. Whatever. But it compelled me to watch Sleepless in Seattle because of the young Tom Hanks and the fact that it has a lady radio personality that sounds the same as every other one.

Anyway, I used to not like Sleepless in Seattle that much, but I think I was resentful because that would never happen. This time I decided... well OBVIOUSLY that could never happen... most romantic comedies couldn't but they just aren't so obviously fanciful. Plus, Jurassic Park could never happen either. And what's the point of movies if not to make our fanciful dreams come true? Anyway, I liked it this time. Plus, it's the second movie that I can think of where the girl gets the man of her dreams when it seems like... EXTREMELY unlikely, mostly because they've never met, the other one being Sixteen Candles.

So... now I have to write a paper. Lame.

Also, I want to see It's Complicated. I just do.

Bitch Fest Before Take-off

Everything is just a big mess! Actually, everything is pretty much solved, but only after tremendous emotional breakdowns on my part. Yes I'm being dramatic, but I don't care. I really don't. Plus, the real trauma (the act of driving for 6 hours when I'm pretty sure I don't actually know HOW to drive), is still in the future. Plus, the secondary trauma of being with my family-- also in the future.

Honest to god, if turkey wasn't also in the future...

But I would like to give some shout outs to my emotional stabilizers:

1. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. HILAAAARIOUS!!!! I've been watching the show regularly for a while, but only after watching the older episodes online have I discovered its true miraculousness. HILARIOUS!

2. Naps. Never underestimate the escapism power of sleep.

3. Singing during commercials. My dad told me once that he thinks your body craves vibrations and that's why you feel better when you sing. I'm gonna go with that.

4. Bridget Jones.

5. Caller ID. I'm not necessarily proud, but I would like to reflect on much needed time to concoct answers given to us by the miracle of caller ID.

6. Soda.

A Brief Thanksgiving Sentiment

I actually just think Thanksgiving is a mean holiday. This is based on how I feel right now, middle of the night, pre-turkey.

I may change my mind in post...

Lots of Caps Today

Today was berNARDed (that's a replacement word for it's less PC, but seemingly necessary to my vocabulary, rhyming counterpart)!!!! Seriously.

So last night I was procrastinating, yadda yadda. So I decided to start the second half of my script after Colbert last night, which is fine because I pretty much always do that. So I turn on my computer and I notice...

IT'S NOT CHARGING!! So I play with the charger for a bit. Then I try turning the computer on and off. I figure it's the charger's fault because it's lit up green, which shouldn't happen unless it's already plugged into the computer and the computer is charged... neither of which are the case.

Finally, I have a HEART ATTACK! It's 12:30am, the library is going to close at 2am. Plus, even if it didn't, I needed to use the program that was on my computer-- you can't download onto a school computer. Plus, the program I was using was a trial version of Final Draft-- I'm not going to go into the reasoning behind this because it's probably boring... but the point is that it's only on my computer AND it sucks because when I print it out, it leaves a watermark behind because I haven't paid for the program (I don't think I'm being too cheap but it's $79!!).

Regardless, I text Amanda because I KNOW she has a mac and PRAY that she's awake because I only have 57 minutes left on my computer. She is and I basically run to her place-- and bless her heart because she was clearly half-asleep when I got there. Anyway, I set up shop in her common room and I see that HER CHARGER ISN'T WORKING ON MY COMPUTER EITHER! Clearly the my charger AND my computer are dead! Buuuuut now it says that I have 2 hours and 40 minutes (which sometimes happens, where the remaining battery time is inaccurate). So I decide to just stay out in Stuvi, where Amanda lives (about a 12 minute walk away), and finish my thing. Miraculously I DO finish before the computer dies-- it is now down to 15 minutes. I walk home at about 4am.

When I wake up later at 9am, I remember what happened and want to cry. I have a paper due at midnight on Friday, which isn't a huge deal, but it does suck when you can't do something at home. More importantly, I have to make this script happen before the final one is due... the one I was working on was only the second half of a rough draft-- still a lot of my grade though. I even briefly act pissy about it to Elena in the morning.

But, then I went to health care sociology and we watched a video in which a billion jillion people were in pain or dying. I was like "I GET it, universe! Okay okay, my own personal computer not charging is HARDLY something to freak out about in the grand scheme of things." Jesus Herbert Christ! The universe almost NEVER lets me wallow in self pity.

Side note: I cried AGAIN in that health care class. STUPID LADY HORMONES!! Honestly, I regularly get pissed when people cry, so I'm being a real hypocrite by pointing out all of my emotional surges... but I really think my tear ducts are a bit hilariously out of control. The other night, at like... 3am, I was watching The Brady Bunch. In this episode, Bobby is obsessed with Jesse James because he doesn't quite see that Jesse James was a vicious killer villain. In the episode, Mike and Carol make Bobby talk to the son of a man who was killed by Jesse James. That night he has a dream that he's on a train-- and this is like... the worst set ever!-- with the rest of his family. Then Jesse James comes on and shoots the family. But it's The Brady Bunch so, I think the gun is just his fingers shaped like a gun, although I forget. But the shot sound is DEFINITELY just Jesse James saying "BANG BANG BANG." No sound effects. And then the whole family bloodlessly, hilariously, and dramatically fall over on each other as Bobby delivers a TERRIBLE performance of fake horror and tears. It SHOULD have been hilarious-- in fact it was. But tears ran down my face! REALLY, LADY HORMONES?! REALLY?! But back to my other tale...

Anyway, after class, I try to go to COM and see if any of the computers have a real version of Final Draft so that I don't have to hand in something with watermarks on it. I search for a while, but most of the labs have classes in them. So I decide to go to the dining hall for lunch and then come back at noon (my class is at 1pm). Well, I try the open labs and none of them have it. Finally I realize I should just ask someone. I do and it turns out none of our computers even have Final Draft-- ANNOYING!! They have photoshop!

But now I know that I'm going to have to pay for Final Draft, even though I still haven't put in my check for this week, so I only have $13 right now. Plus, if my computer has only 15 minutes of life left, where am I going to put this program?! It means, I'll have to get my computer fixed right away, but what if THEY charge me? So I had to pick up and deposit my check, and in the mean time see if my computer can be fixed for free. If it can't, have to fix computer when my check clears two days later. Then I have to spend $80 for Final Draft. Then I have to spend the rest of my money on my ticket home next week... which means that I can't go out to dinner or do anything fun. And I'll probably have to borrow money from my mom for gas for my trip. BAAAH!!

But, since I couldn't do anything about it before class, I decided to read for a half hour in front of my class (YES Bridget Jones!). Miraculously, a kid from my class was passing and reminded me that we don't even HAVE class today-- we have individual meetings!!! I felt AWEFUL because I don't think I'm usually that irresponsible... but we haven't had class in three weeks, so I forgive myself. Anyway, that means that I didn't have to be ready until 3:45pm instead of 1pm (thanks for the "W," Wolbers).

I go back home, thinking I'll just take a shower and then plan my actions. Before I do, I decide to use my last 15 minutes of computer time to look up the number for the Mac store and inquire about my problem-- maybe we could trouble shoot over the phone. It's possible. I open my computer to find...

I have nearly FIVE HOURS on it! What?! I decide that the computer could be misreading it, but I decide to start trying to rewrite the script in Word instead of Final Draft. Miraculously, the computer stays alive, depleting in charge and continually saying it's NOT charging... but at some point I see that there is no way it could not be charging. I worked for hours and hours last night... it would FOR SURE have run out of battery if it wasn't charging. I guess it's just trying to fool me!!! MAJOR CRISIS AVERTED!

Anyway, I continue doing the script in Word and it's working WAAAAAY better than I thought. Although, it would probably only take an hour to type a script in Final Draft, after three hours I was nearly done with it in Word (it's a margin and spacing issue). BUUUUUT, I couldn't finish the last four pages because I was going to have a heart attack about being late. I left about 35 minutes before my appointment to go and print.

So I get to the library, which is VERY close to where my appointment is, and go to print. WEEEELL my Mac Word doesn't exactly fit with the Windows Word-- REALLY annoying, always. So I have to reformat it a bit. About 10 minutes before I have to be at my appointment, I print, without the last four pages. I just tear them off the back of the script I wrote with the watermarks, assuming he'd be fine with it-- it IS a rough draft. Oh God though, even in memory, 10 minutes makes my heart race! So I go to print and... OBVIOUSLY it won't. OOOOBVIOUSLY! This is why I leave 4 hours early for plane rides. I go up to the desk and they say the server is down so I should wait a minute. Fine. I go back to my computer and refresh like crazy.

Now I'm down to 4 minutes before I have to be at my appointment. I'm already going to be a minute late. AAAAAHHH!!

Honestly, I HATE being late! But I REALLY HAAAAAATE being late with people that I respect and admire, like I do with this professor. PLUS, unbeknownst to him, he was a huge contributing factor to my release from my chick flick funk a few days ago! And I just KNOOOOW he's waiting for me because last time he wasn't running late at all-- in fact, I went in several minutes early. Oh God!

FINALLY the computer allows me to release the document to be printed. I run over to the counter, but the guy says it WASN'T released!!! He tells me to wait...

Ten to FIFTEEN MINUTES!

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!

As I'm leaving, actually whisper "FUCK!" aloud, which... I'm pretty sure I've never done before. Right afterwards, I immediately start berating myself. This is my fault. I know to leave earlier. Community printers are NEVER reliable. I only have 3 minutes left so I decide to go with my watermarked paper. I actually get out of the library, ready to run, when I remember that I actually crossed out a full page of the watermarked paper. Like... there is a big X over a page because I just planned to attach the last four pages to the first part in Word.

Immediately see that a big X is worse than being late. I go back into the library, trying to get another computer. It's already the time of my appointment. I finally get to the computer and see that the computer has charged me and that the document is in my history. I go to the man at the printing station and tell him that I'm pretty sure it went through. I have some documents pending, but I really did release one. He goes over and sees that that is correct and gives me my document.

I RUUUUN to my appointment and I get there in 2 minutes, but I'm already almost 6 minutes late... which I KNOOOOOW I sound insane about this time thing, but our meeting is only 15 minutes long! I feel TEEEEERRRRIBLE!! I get up to the floor and...

HE'S STILL IN A MEETING! This time he's running late!!! And he continues to be in a meeting for another TEN MINUTES!!!!! I am SOOOOOO relieved that I chose to go back and wait for the paper instead of choosing the big X, watermarked version of the assignment.

I end up having the meeting with him, and he didn't care about the watermarks or anything... which, I really knew he wouldn't. I got a B+/A- on the first half of the script, which has watermarks on it. PLUUUUS, as it turns out, I just ASSUMED we were turning in a final draft of that script, but we're not. Although I really think/hope that I finish my script so I can use it as a spec script later. Plus, I kind of like it. But the point is, I DEFINITELY don't have to buy Final Draft. $80 saved. Plus the billions saved because my computer is not really broken, just quirky.

Anyway, as I was walking home, I realized that even though I had this terrible, eventful, super stressful day... nothing even happened at ALL!! If I had done NOTHING, my day would have been just fine. I just had like... 1000 false alarms.

And that's why my day was BERNARDED!!!

Take it Easy

After I had my chick flick, what-makes-Lloyd Dobler-so-unattainable!? freak-out (which unfortunately escalated to near tears with my roommate later... buuuh), I went to bed pretty miserable. But the next day in class, in an amazing and the-universe-really-must-look-out-for-me coincidence, we had what my professor called "the boisterous women" day during which we watched and discussed Murphy Brown, Designing Women, and Roseanne-- lovely, flawed, self-motivated, and generally.... a normal amount of happy (obviously "normal" is subjective). Even more importantly, my professor was in love with all of these women. So, I'll just find someone like him. Done. Freak out subsided.

Missed The Big Bang Theory last night because I was asleep... again! I don't think I've EVER caught that show during it's broadcast. For some reason I seem to regularly be asleep at 9:30pm on Mondays. Something is amiss.

Sometime last week I had to stay up all night for a paper (lame) and the next day I had to find a way to be alive during work. In addition to my first attempt with 5 Hour Energy (which cannot evaluate as I was a walking zombie without reliable opinions at the time ... which may actually be a reasonable evaluation in itself), I also decided to read Bridget Jones: Edge of Reason, which is my go-to book for when I need to laugh immediately (like when I have scary thoughts at 3am). I figured if I was laughing, I'd be awake. It worked miraculously except that I can't stop reading it, even though I've read it at LEAST 4 times before! Plluuuuus the flaw in reading the Bridget Jones' books is that she speaks in incomplete shorthand sentences because it's in diary form.... so I start THINKING in incomplete sentences. I skipped several words of this very blog entry and had to go back and complete the sentence. That book is HILARIOUS though. And it totally does keep me awake.

Speaking of which, I regularly fall asleep in my Art and Literature of Film class. I am convinced that it is because the class is right after lunch and it's weirdly hot and the seats are padded and cozy... and it's dark. Plus, honestly, some of the movies just aren't that fun to watch, even if they are pretty interesting in terms of innovation. Caffeine does not help. I've tried everything short of energy drinks, which I don't really want to be consuming twice a week.

Today I was, as always, sure that I would fall asleep, but I really wanted to see Rear Window. So instead of having only Winter Fresh gum, I also got Big Red for a little jolt if I felt the sleepy pocket nearing. Buuuut I didn't even need them because the movie was EXCELLENT! Maybe all Hitchcock movies are really great and I'm biased against them for some unexplained reason. In fact, I'm pretty sure this must be the case. Regardless, the movie was VEEERY energizing and I participated tons afterwards as a result. Which just goes to show that a good movie can cure the sleepy right up.

Lastly, Claire posted a number of ways to get out of a funk including the idea to make a positive playlist. I JUST made a playlist for that very reason called Take it Easy (which doesn't actually include the song "Take it Easy") and I thought I'd share its contents:

1. "No Rain" by Blind Melon

2. "I Can See Clearly" by Johnny Nash

3. "What's Up" by 4 Non Blondes

4. "Here Comes the Sun" by The Beatles

5. "Give Me One Reason" by Tracy Chapman

6. "Rainy Day Women #12 & 35" by Bob Dylan

7. "I'll Be Your Baby Tonight" by Bob Dylan

8. "Penny & Me" by Hanson

9. "No Rain" by Blind Melon

A petite half hour of Take it Easy.

Chick Flicks

Chords recorded ALL DAY today! It was pretty fun for me because I brought Cruel Intentions and Say Anything just in CASE we decided to watch movies, which we have never done in the past. Well we watched BOTH!! Cruel Intentions was amazing as always, but watching Say Anything made me WAAAAAY happier than I thought it would. I love when you watch movies that you really love and then you realize you love them EVEN MORE than you remember!!! That's why The Princess Bride is my favorite movie. Every time I watch it I'm like "fuck! I LOOOVE this movie!" When I mentioned this to someone, about how you relove your most loved movies, the person was like "yes! Like August Rush!" Really? That's the first movie to come to mind when you think of the miracle of rewatching great movies? Unfortunately I don't remember who said it, but I am going to have to rewatch that movie and either understand what she means or judge her.

What I especially loved about Say Anything though was Lloyd's semi-frustration about people asking him what he wants to do. In one scene, he points out to his guidance counselor about how people say that they know what they want to do, but they really don't know... and he doesn't know what he wants to do, but at least he KNOWS that he doesn't know. And then he just goes to Europe with her! And I think that's GREAT and spontaneous and doesn't rely on plans that are made for plans sake! And he's simple and honest and... I was just so pleased! Plus, he has a dialogue with his sister about how she should just CHOOSE to be in a good mood. Honestly, I don't know if the movie was confirming my own ideas, or I GOT those ideas from Say Anything a long time ago but didn't realize it at the time.

Someone (Devon, who writes this great blog) pointed out that Lloyd just sets unrealistic expectations for women about how men should be, based on her reading of Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs (which I have also read-- funny but I essentially disagreed with the author on all points). After watching the movie though, I just don't underSTAND why it's unrealistic. He's not crazy smart or handsome or anything like that. He just cares about her and that's all it takes-- just caring (the word "caring" DOES make me cringe with feelings of cliche and meaninglessness, but... I need to use it here). But I think that a lot of it is on her too-- she doesn't demand too much or nag him or tell him what to like or wear or who to hang out with.

I mean, I have to assume that my argument on this point is basically proving that I'm incredibly disillusioned about what to expect from men because I watch a ton of movies. But I don't know why it's any less realistic than the dream of having a non-nagging, cooking, cleaning, gorgeous, sex-goddess lady... and I think that is a much more perpetuated "myth"... not to mention that I think women really think they need to be this way (or they aren't really women...) in a really real, deep-seated, unfortunate way.

Later I watched The Ugly Truth for the first time. It kind of seemed like they were trying to satisfy the new love of telling women exactly what men want (aforementioned sex-goddess ladies), but also trying to be less scary for women who don't exactly fit said criteria (at least ONE man will like you for who you are, the movie assures me). I think I should just stop watching these movies until I feel more confident about what kind of a woman I want to be... because mostly when I watch these new romantic comedies I just feel like I'm competing with Katherine Heigl and Jennifer Connelly figures, who, in a fucked-up turn of events, are basically failing at THEIR pursuit of happiness and sense of identity in these movies.

For the next week I'll probably be thinking about what I will take from this movie as truth (ugly or otherwise) and what I will take as sexist fallacy. Then I will wonder if I only think said information is fallacy because I'm living in delusion or denial. Then I'll get frustrated about whether there can possibly be truth. I'll probably have to come to the conclusion that even if women are being really oppressed, it is just the imperfect society we live in and I should just try to work with what I have-- after all, how can I be livid about societal standards of the sexes when people are starving and dying from wars and we can't even agree on saving our world from global warming. And then I'll think, if everyone thought this way, how would we have conquered slavery or women's rights to vote or work or gotten medicare or welfare or unions or social security? And then I'll admire the fact that even though it sometimes (often?) it seems like people are generally selfish, it really is amazing that we, as humans, have become so organized that we reached a point where even some people can feel fairly secure-- kind of an anomaly in the animal kingdom, right? And we're constantly fighting for more security for everyone. That's AMAZING! And I'm so lucky that I can be one of those people who doesn't have to worry about dying or even really suffering on a day to day basis (or really ever). And when you look at it from that perspective, how can you be upset society expects you to do a little more than you really feel comfortable doing or that you have a consistent feeling of inadequacy. But on the other hand, if we can overcome slavery and women's rights to vote and unions and medicare and social security, why can't I neglect my eye brows?

Honestly, you can have this discussion with yourself forEVER cycling through anger, sadness, anxiety, and guilt for... as long as your attention lasts. And given the self-obsessed nature of this inner conversation, your attention can probably last a WHILE.

CLEEEEEAAAARLY I need to become more self-aware and self confident before I watch this most recent batch of chick flicks. Say Anything is gold, though.

Crap!!

WASHINGTON (AP) -- Military officials say the Army psychiatrist accused of killing 13 and wounding 29 in last week's shooting rampage at his military post in Texas will face 13 charges of premeditated murder under the military's legal system. The decision makes him eligible for the death penalty if convicted.

What the FUCK!

Let us summon a series of movies where the people you trust MOST in the world end up being deranged psychopaths! I mean first the priests, then the astronauts, then the army PSYCHIATRISTS?! I'm waiting for my mom, Obama, and Jon Stewart to sneak attack me from behind!

Clearly This Isn't Really It

Saw Michael Jackson's This Is It today.

First of all, it was really awesome. It was pretty much just footage, not really from a point of view-- mostly subtle editing, except for a few places. They hit pretty much every really famous song, and like EVERYONE says, it is a really cool insight into how involved Michael is (was... wah wah) in the process of making his music and his concerts. Maybe (/definitely) it's because I'm not a dancer, but how do they remember all of those moves??!! Even though I know it's not true, when I watch Michael performing, I always kind of feel like he just makes shit up as he goes and everyone else has to just follow him because... he's heaven. But... that's SUPER false. Also, I like when people give notes like "let it simmer" or "it needs more booty." Actually, I'll qualify that statement by saying that I like hearing people give those kinds of notes to OTHER people. If it were me receiving that order, I'd start to cry because I have no idea what "more booty" in a song sounds like.

Another thing: I always feel like Michael lived (wah wah) in a cave and wasn't really aware of the outside world. But he DOES add a lot of new technology and stuff-- he doesn't just keep going with what he already did before. That's pretty dedicated. ALSO, I feel like most people would just yell out orders-- even high school choreographers, in my experience, just freak out when things aren't exactly right. But Michael pretty calmly gives notes and doesn't really shout. If I were working for him, I feel like I wouldn't be scared of him so much as worried that I was inadequate (which I absolutely WOULD be) and worried that I was ruining his genius. Also, it really seems like everyone was so obsessed with him that no one would be like "I can't BELIEVE we have to do ______" behind his back. I bet they'd be like "wow, we're doing ____? That is GENIUS!"

Obviously I'm sad that he's dead... but seeing as I never knew him personally, I really feel like in his case, he's going to be around FOREVER a la Elvis... but even more so because there is soooooo much more footage of him. At the very beginning of the film, it says that the movie was made from like... a jillion hours of footage that was being made for Michael's personal archives. HOW MUCH MORE SHIT IS IN HIS PERSONAL ARCHIVES?!!

I bet in 3, 4, 5 years they are going to have a much more elaborate documentary of Michael with archive footage from before. And then after that, like... 15 years from now, there will be ANOTHER documentary that has a more removed spin on Michael's effect on the world. I mean, before the movie they had a preview of a new documentary of the rest of the Jackson family. PLUUUS, I bet they'll put out a JIIIIIIILLION more of his albums like they do with Biggie and Tupac. Plus, one of his kids will probably write a book... or get into some trouble or... become famous. Then THEY'LL get a documentary. We can only hope. Maybe they'll make a part 2 of that biopic that they always air on VH1 (or at least they used to before that network started to blow-- although I heard that they are bringing back Behind the Music, which is gold because that's how I know so much about TLC and Gloria Estefan). That movie only goes up until the time Michael got burned in a pyrotechnics malfunction during the filming of a Pepsi commercial... and I'm pretty sure that was in the late 80s or early 90s.

I'm just saying... he's not really dead in terms of MY media-only relationship with him.

I Welcome You to a Brief Procrastination

I don't know where everyone else is, but I know that I've reached the point, as I do every SINGLE semester without fail, where I am in a constant state of catching up. Fortunately, after nearly 16 years of this, somewhere in my mind I know that everything will be fine. Starting a paper at 2am, missing a class or two, completely neglecting what I'm choosing to call the "preventative care" for the only class that doesn't have many concrete due dates-- save that pain for the big catch up, or "major invasive surgery," in December. Today I cried TWICE... for almost no reason at all (both were in class in response to videos--lame)!

There are two things in the back of my mind:

1. I vaguely hope that I can keep my body in good enough shape (mostly sleep-wise) so that I'm not too susceptible to illness-- a worry for which I completely blame the media.

More importantly, 2. I can't believe I will almost never have to go through this part of life again. Sure there is next semester, although I kind of believe that classes aren't going to be as emphasized in L.A., a luxury that not everyone will get (in fact, I can't even be sure that that will be true for me... I just kind of assume...). I just can't believe that these ups and downs, this cycle of my life which has been happening forEVER is going to calm into a drone.

At 2am, when I'm starting a paper, it's a kind of relieving thought. But... weird.

Tranny Weekend

I think it's important to note that it was actually tranny weekend for me (and some others). Not only did we catch The Donkey Show... we also saw the BU production of The Rocky Horror Picture Show. AMAZING!

The Donkey Show

Photo documentation of The Donkey Show, which was described as an interpretation of A Midsummer Night's Dream by people dancing to '70s music in the middle of a dance floor.

Here we are before leaving (it was blurry so I altered it... and then I decided to go all the way and make it sepia):

What I didn't realize from the description was that the show is VERY '70s and QUITE in drag.

And had a lot of glittery, Chippendale-like interactive dancers-- a benefit of which Ari took full advantage.

And involved a lot of... MINIMAL clothing.

After the show there was a dance-party... in which there were many old people. Look at this couple getting down! How pleased would you be if you were 70 years old and your husband still took you to dance drag shows? (/ever took you to drag shows in the first place-- I'm pretty sure that's love) AWESOME.

Then Ari decided to dance with them-- AMAZING!

Then she danced with... a man or woman? Looked like a man to me, but had a fake mustache. Let's just say the person had moves.

Then Ari and Spiegs went onstage-- Becca and I decided not to join them in fear of being touched.

But the plan backfired when this man put his arm around me and insisted that we take a picture together.

Meanwhile, Ari convinced a man in mesh to let her borrow his fro wig. They danced, presumably in celebration of this transaction.

The best part, which went too fast for me to snap, was that as we exited, Ari danced with the fake 'stache guy again AND the old man again-- it was like a recap of her nights' partners. It was hilarious.

In conclusion, I enjoyed myself, but I definitely think I'm going to enjoy it much more in retrospect.

Just a Little Somethin'

I LOVE This American Life! I know I say it every time, but... I just can't emphasize it enough. I was studying for my health care sociology test and at 3am I took a break. Apparently delirious from caffeine, I EMAILED my health care professor a lengthy email about why she should listen to This American Life!! I can't even BELIEVE I did that. I checked my email the next morning, to which she quite rightly replied with:

Thanks, that sounds interesting.

AG

Which I have interpreted as "Ooook... thanks..."

Anyway, in the This American Life that I listened to yesterday, there was a segment on someone who came from Amish country and did his Rumspringa (when they get to go into the outside world at 16) and decided not to return to the Amish... although about 90% of people do. I've known about this for... a while but I always used to think that it seemed ridiculous to ever return after you've left that society. Now, I don't even know exactly why I thought that. I don't know why you would trade a safe place where you do a normal amount of work (good for your body) that is guaranteed, and you're safe and connected to your family and community. You eat home grown food, make your own clothes, live sustainably and don't really have to worry as much about the economy and cutting down and feeling guilty. All of that traded away for what? Greed and solitude and cell phones and overworking (whilst often underproducing) and aforementioned guilt.

I know this doesn't SEEM related, but I hate sleep (greatly dislike). I mean... I love it, obviously. But I'm pretty sure that a lot of people would agree that it's a villain in their lives. It's unpredictable. It completely controls me. I try to suppress it with caffeine but it ALWAYS wins. And when it does, I completely embrace it. When I can't sleep for a night, it ruins EVERYTHING for a while-- I'm cranky and everything is colored in a different, negative, frustrated light. Sometimes I'm so tired that sleep becomes my ONLY goal, like yesterday when I napped for 7 hours (yes, SEVEN). It makes me not do things that would be really fun, like hang out with my friends. It's a ticking bomb when assignments are due.

The reason this relates to the Amish is because I bet they don't have this problem. If you were a farmer (not that they all are, but still), you can have your alone time all day, being physical. When you come in, you spend the rest of the evening with your family. At sun down, nothing else to do, so you sleep. But we are seduced by bajillions of fun things, which I know is my fault and that I need to resist. But we also have tons of work during the day, and tons of extra work at night. And we don't even deal with family. I could be over simplifying this, or idealizing the Amish... but it seems like a more relaxed and safe way to live and that's what I desire.

In other news, Amanda told me that on Law and Order they talked about this drug that would stop entirely people's addiction to coke and/or heroin in like 24 or 48 hours, thereby saving people from the fatality of withdrawal. However it's illegal in America because drug companies won't fund it for being tested by the FDA because it wouldn't make them money both because they couldn't patent it and because there is more money to be made on longer treatments. The drug is real and it's called Ibogaine.

In much happier news, I bought a hat from a guy on the street. It's GREEAT! Also, Rocky Horror Picture Show tonight, Chords charity concert tomorrow, and then Donkey Show on Saturday.

Continued Research

To follow up on my interest in Chris Rock's Good Hair documentary, I decided to look up Tyra Banks' opinion on the matter-- I vaguely remember her having a natural hair day where she and others took off their wigs. Anyway, she had an entire show on the subject, semi-inspired by Chris Rock's documentary and it was SUPER enlightening. I didn't realize how intense hair was for black women. It's SUPER sad because the chemicals burn. And little girls have terrible self-esteem-- other kids made fun of them. One five-year-old was obsessed with a Hannah Montana wig, not because she loved Hannah Montana, but because she thought it made her look pretty. One woman went back to her natural hair and her mom won't introduce her to people as her daughter because she just "doesn't look like my daughter anymore." One lady was relaxing her THREE-year-old daughter's hair-- and that shit is super painful and TERRIBLE for your hair! Plus, they spend like, a JILLION dollars on all of the stuff! And the extensions! And it's so time consuming!

On Tyra, they said that historically, women with looser hair were way more likely to be freed and have better jobs and stuff because it was a sign of being the offspring of the slave owner, and the trend stayed.

I just really didn't realize any of this. I kind of feel like a douche because I always feel so sorry for myself and other women because of how much maintenance is required, even for the most low maintenance girls, just so that we don't look like complete monsters-- whereas, someone is going to be attracted to a guy no matter how little he does to himself. I just didn't know that black women had SO MUCH more pressure than we do. I don't do SHIT to my hair. Plus, I learned in health care sociology that black women are WAY more likely to give birth to a baby with low birth weight and black men AND women have a lower life expectancy, regardless of education or wealth (which is usually the determining factor), just because of the constant pressures of racism-- the stress releases chemicals into your body, and because it doesn't stop, it takes a huge toll on their health.

Anyway, if you want to watch the special, here is the link to the first part.

In other news, I have so much to do this week, and I didn't even realize it. I think it'll be okay, because it's mostly not academic-- it's just about finding time.

I watched Donnie Darko for the second time on Halloween. The first time I watched it was with Pat, and we were painting and chatting at the time (which I hardly ever do during a movie I haven't seen) and so I attributed my lack of understanding to that. Turns out, it's straight up confusing. I guess I'm going to have to watch it again, and I shall as I both own it, and think Jake Gyllenhaal is super attractive.

Also, I am currently rediscovering the miracle of The Dangerous Lives of Alter Boys. I always consider it to be my least favorite of a trio of movies, the other two being Imaginary Heroes and Igby Goes Down (which, to be clear, is not widely considered to be a trio). But now I see that I really can't rate them in terms of favorites. The movie really is the shit! They all are! Plus, Jena Malone-- she might not be my FAVORITE actress ever, but there is something to be said for the fact that she's in the BEST MOVIES EVER! Seriously. Into the Wild, Saved!, The United States of Leland, The Dangerous Lives of Alter Boys... plus Stepmom, which is pretty good, Life as a House, which isn't GREAT but has HUUUGE merits (of which Jena Malone takes huge part), Donnie Darko, which... is still up in the air for me, and I can't forget Pride and Prejudice, the Knightley version, which... in comparison with the 6-hour BBC version is INCREDIBLY all-encompassing of the story without being too rushed... a miracle that I don't fully understand.

But seriously, The Secret Lives of Alter Boys-- I need to remember to not underestimate this movie again.

That is all.

Update: All of the Malone talk made me need to see an interview (except let's be honest-- this is going to turn into a JILLION interviews) and I would TOTALLY want to be her friend! She seems like the fucking SHIT! Which shouldn't surprise me, given her aforementioned movie choices.

How great does Good Hair, the documentary by Chris Rock, look? Unfortunately, it came out October 9th and is now in zero theaters near me. LAME!

I decided to dress up as "Blythe watching the 'No Rain' video by Blind Melon," which I think was a success/no one really asked. I seem to always forget that in addition to me consistently bitching about holiday anxiety, I ALSO consistently have a great time during holidays and feel stupid that I bitched so much. Damnit!

I want to mention that my other costume ideas were "Business Blythe" or "Blythe in a skirt." Elena pointed out the narcissism of my only costume ideas being other forms of me.

Today at the Hillel, there was excessive throwing of challah (bread) in the trash from long distances. At one point, Pat threw challah at Doug while his hands were full of other things and this was the dialogue that took place:

Pat: You forgot to catch, son.

Doug: You forgot my hands were booked, son.

My hands were booked! What a great phrase! I can't comment on the "son" part, which is also hilarious, but... I don't think I could ever pull that part off... and I don't think anyone would argue with that presumption (what is the difference between "assumption" and "presumption?"). I would write a paper on it, maybe, if I was still in Linguistic Anthropology.

Also, I talked to Julia, who is from L.A., about my self-consciousness about my clothes. Julia assured me that Boston is way more judgmental and if I can survive here, I can certainly do it there. THAT is the first testimony that I really believe and makes me feel WAY better. My grandpa also said something along the lines of L.A. being more laid back and where my people are (the way I feel about Portland), but... what does he know? He's the most east coast man around.

Yes. I feel much better now that I've talked to Julia.

Lastly, let's just watch "No Rain." I just love it so much!!

L.A. Entry 2.0: Adding a Dash of Optimism

I realized, given my trouble sleeping and my anxiety, that I need to reassess my attitude towards L.A. Therefore I decided to make a series of new rules for myself:

1. I am going to try and stop discussing my anxiety so much. I feel like it's exacerbating the problem--just sending negative energy out.

1b. I'm going to try and focus way more on the fact that this is actually a very exciting thing to do. Change is scary, but in a much more real sense, being on the move is very relieving and fulfilling. Plus, I was frightened to come to Boston too, and that turned out SUPER SUPER SUPER awesome. So great.

2. I'm going to stop thinking of L.A. in terms of the rest of my life, and think of it ONLY in terms of the 3 1/2 months that I'm obligated there. MUCH less pressure. I have to remember that if I don't like it, I can EASILY try to use my new connections to find work in New York. Or I can hang with my family in Colorado for a while. OR I can go up to Portland (my secret dream location) and take the civil service exam and do some government work for a while. I'll start thinking about the future a month into my L.A. experience.

3. I have to have a little more perspective on how this simply isn't the most stressful experience in comparison with what other people do. A HUGE amount of my friends came to Boston from California and they are just fine. Plus my mom had a 2-year-old when she was my age (me). Plus, Natalya can go off to the Amazon or Ecuador or on a three month, cross country bike ride. Plus... there's always that kid who built the windmill in Africa.

4. I also have to remember that even though I'm afraid that L.A. people will judge me, I really like BU people in television... and they are going to make up a lot of the people that I hang out with. Plus, I really love Julia, Devon, and Corina and they are all from L.A. I need to stop thinking of them as exceptions-- maybe I am being excessively prejudiced as my mother suggested.

5. I bought and am going to read a recommended travel book about L.A. I think that will relieve some of my anxiety... make me feel a little more secure.

6. I am going to try and shut all of the thoughts down at night. Life, L.A. or not, seems surprisingly bleak at 4am.

Much better, right? Right.

I finally decided I could talk to my grandpa about L.A. (he called on Monday). Did it, and ... it was OKAY, except there were a lot of car issues that I hadn't really thought about. Buuuuut... I'm going to take it one problem at a time, and I'm not going to freak out anymore. AND I'm going to try to take as much advantage of Boston as I can while I'm still here-- which I think I'm doing well with.

Whew! DECIDING to return to optimism is sometimes the trickiest part.

Also, I think I've decided how I'm going to find my soulmate. I'm going to find a man that blogs as much as I do. We'll procrastinate together, talking indirectly through our own narcissistic mediums. That's the premise. Then we finally get together, but we end up writing too much about our hot sex in our blogs. But we shall overcome, presumably through a series of hilarious misunderstandings and complications. Then we can have a blog together... that will obviously be updated every 20 minutes. Cue romantic music swell.

Done.

Holiday Anxiety

Holiday anxiety.

I know I consistently bitch about holidays... but I can't help it. Too much anxiety. I have gift anxiety at Christmas (with a dose of middle class guilt and anti-family). I have obligation anxiety at Thanksgiving-- I don't really give a shit about the holiday, but dodging the obligation is tricky. I even get a little bit of birthday anxiety. No Easter anxiety though... no one cares about that holiday... at most you get a surprise package of chocolate. New Years is okay too.

But obviously on Halloween I get costume anxiety. In theory it seems super fun to dress up! When you've got a really clever idea and you've been gathering props for the whole month, nothing is better than showing it off. But MOST of the time, I don't think about it. And then the week before Halloween, you want to go to the parties but you'll look like an idiot if you aren't dressed up/ you're a party pooper. Ugh. Then you either have to come up with with something lame OOOR come up with something clever that's super low maintenance. I just want to put on a skirt and call myself "Blythe who gives a shit," but I think it's too negative for festivities.

I decided to start labeling the blog posts... but actually it's WAY less fun than I thought. I pretty much have movies and TV in every single blog... and I can't put every single movie that I mention or review. That's too many labels... and if I only use the label once, what's the point? Plus, sometimes I only put one line about something. Is that worth a label? Plus... I don't think I'm going to go back and label all of my 300+ blogs. We'll see. I'll go with it for now, but I don't think it'll last.

In other news, This Is It got really great reviews! Bittersweet just like The Dark Knight. Speaking of which, Heath Ledger's other movie, The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus, is coming out soon. What if it's so good that Heath Ledger wins ANOTHER Oscar? I bet he would be the first actor to win two Oscars post-mortem. At the very least, he might be the first actor to win an Oscar for two consecutive years post-mortem. Maybe it would be even MORE of a bummer, though. If the movie is ANY good it'll probably just be a huge bummer, regardless of any Oscars involved.

Not One of My Better Entries...

I forgot to mention this yesterday, but WTF on the Pope front. If you haven't heard/read, there is a lot of dissent in the Anglican community over the Anglicans allowing women and openly gay clergy. Soooo the Catholics have decided to allow the Anglicans who don't want gays and women in high places to join Catholic priesthood while keeping some of their Anglican-ness, INCLUDING their ability to be married!! W.T.F. I honestly never thought they'd allow married priests, and certainly not so soon. But way to fuck it up by doing it because they want to welcome (more) sexists and homophobes. Lame lame SUPER lame! Here's an article from the Huffington Post.

ANYWAY, last night I had a LOT of trouble sleeping, which usually isn't the case for me. But it SUPER sucks when it just won't happen and you're calculating the hours of sleep you have left and what you can get out of the next day so you can have a snooze.... fine. In the past. BUUUT in addition to that, I've had two successive dreams about tarantulas.

The first one was that my friend Amanda was coming out of a door to tell me a story and she mentioned that she had a tarantula. I freaked out and told her not to come out, but she did anyway and put the spider in my hand. I freaked out and threw the spider into a room. But before I could close the door, the spider SHOT back and me and was freaking out and crawling frantically all over my body. I screamed at Amanda and kept trying to get the tarantula off, but she smiled and kept telling me the story.

THEN, during my nap today, I dreamt about my "step brothers" and either another sister by my father or Indigo as a baby. Really hard to say. While this dream was pretty complex, at the end of the dream, I went into Cole's bedroom and he had a tarantula loose in there. I freaked out, obviously, but I also remembered my Amanda dream IN this dream. In the dream I wanted to call Amanda to tell her that my Amanda-tarantula dream was a premonition for the current encounter with a tarantula.

I THINK I'm a little stressed... and I THINK I know why....

(L.A. L.A. L.A. L.A. L.A. L.A. L.A. L.A. L.A.)

Yesterday I found an application on my laptop called FRONT ROW, which... may do other things, but what captured me was it's ability to show me movie trailers! Oh HELL yes! I'm not going to list all the movies I want to see because I'm pretty sure I was using this application for like... an hour last night. But ... be prepared for when I can't resist anymore. Also, perhaps you should look into this application. Seriously... I almost died.

Actually, there is one that I must mention. Apparently they've decided to make what seems to be another For Richer or Poorer, but with Hugh Grant and Sarah Jessica Parker as the leads (as opposed to Kirstie Alley and Tim Allen). It's called Did You Hear About the Morgans? and it takes place in Wyoming instead of Amish country. LAME!

PUMPED about Toy Story 3 though...

LASTLY, one of my previous anthro professors comes into the hillel pretty regularly and today I told her that I am officially an anthro minor. COINCIDENTALLY, for the first time, she attempted to give me a tip. Shameless.

Small Triumphs

Officially accepted L.A. Back out west I go, even if I'm shoved... or pulled there by a tractor (I know the phrase is actually "tractor beam," but I changed it so that it implies my resistance rather than L.A.'s irresistibility. Maybe I should've gone with different wording... but it's my blog).

I slept about a BILLION hours this weekend. Miraculously, it put me in an excellent mood instead of a groggy one. I must've needed it.

We got a new chef at the hillel for Saturdays. I met him two Saturdays ago briefly-- he's tall, about 45ish, and has Vince Vaughn's voice exactly--it's weird. ANYWAY, this week I saw him and he hugged me, which made me feel really weird and uncomfortable. But then he gave me a cookie... so my attitude changed. By the end we were essentially in love and he gave me 6 rolls of challah, 2 tomatoes, a little tupperware of roast beef, one with potato salad, and one with watermelon, AND 6 baby pumpkins for decoration. Awesome!

I talked to my mom before accepting L.A. and I told her that one of my biggest concerns is that they are going to judge me about how I dress, even though I am for sure buying new clothes. Still... said clothes are certainly not going to be the epitome of chic. My mom told me that I was being prejudiced and that people from L.A. are not different than people here. To which I replied that they absolutely ARE different. I told her that to say they weren't is like when people suggest that you can't tell if men are gay or not because a straight man can be super flamboyant and a gay man could be... not. But really, even though there are always exceptions, to say that there aren't patterns is to be turning a blind eye completely. Yes of course there are many kinds of people in L.A.... but there is also an L.A. culture that isn't the same as northeast culture-- to say they are generally the same is wrong. Then she got pissed and told me that I was prejudiced about gay people. Ugh.

In other news, I chose High Fidelity as my Best Buy movie. I'm pleased with the choice. I think I needed it. It was PRETTY fun choosing, but they don't have a terrific movie selection at Best Buy-- only a half an aisle for ALL of their comedy and drama films. They used to have an entire aisle. Lame. Although I REALLY wanted Being John Malkovich. I was not at all surprised that they didn't have Amelie, though.

Also, when I was little I used to watch this live action version of Snow White that I was obsessed with. About two years ago I REALLY tried to find out what it was but I couldn't. I asked about it on yahoo answers and someone gave me a title of a german film that seemed like it might be the one, but I could only find one picture so I couldn't be sure.

For whatever reason, I tried to find it again today. I went back to the yahoo answers (which told me I last posted a question two years ago-- that's how I know) and got the title and looked it up. Now there are MANY postings of the movie. I found some pictures. I found a trailer. I even found a site that had the entire film that I could watch... but it didn't seem to work on a mac. Regardless, I'm so amused because it was totally dubbed in English and I guess I never noticed as a child. Also... it's like... the worst production quality ever. But it was SUPER neat seeing and hearing it again. It was veeeery nostalgic to hear the wicked witch's theme song and feel more fear than I would have if I was just seeing this incredibly lame movie for the first time. If you'd like to see what I'm talking about, here's the trailer. The movie was made in 1955 and I have NO idea why I had a tape of it or why it was clearly one of my most frequently watched movies as a child. Here's a picture:

I kind of want to paint it...

ANYWAY, I need(ed?) to come up with a story for The Big Bang Theory. I basically came up with the whole thing in... not that long (although it HAS been floating in my mind for a while). I'm SHOCKED because I thought it would be harder than The Office, given that I'm not QUITE as intimately familiar with The Big Bang Theory as I am with The Office. Turns out... that's not really the factor. The Big Bang Theory only has about 10 scenes per half hour, whereas The Office has...

40!!

Plus... The Office really is much more intricate... and has many more people to incorporate. This, of course, is assuming my Big Bang Theory idea is any good... Hope so.