Thoughts

One of the dogs that I'm housesitting for has a little laceration on her foot and has to wear a cone, except when we're on a walk or when I feed her. This beautiful dog is so wonderful that despite the fact that the cone annoys her (bumping into walls, carefully aiming her face into the water supply, etc) and she casually tries to get it off, every time I go to put it back on her, she goes right in. Sometimes she'll move her head around lazily as if to subtly say "I'd rather not, really. (Sigh) Well, okay." It breaks my heart in HALF! It's like when someone's sick and they act like a war victim and you're just like "shut the fuck up! It's not THAT bad." But when someone is visibly sick and they don't bitch and they mask their struggle, I want to spoon feed them soup and rub their head and hum soothingly until they fall asleep.

I'm STRONGLY considering getting an ipod. I am pretty financially stable, and I think an ipod would improve the quality of my life. I considered calling my mom to double check that this is the right choice, but then I remembered that I'm an adult(ish). I don't know why I even considered it, but I guess in my mind buying an ipod seems like a big-money choice that I shouldn't make without consultation... like a car or something. But really, it's like buying a week of groceries if you were going to have a party on Friday... (the one I want is $167 -- I will have to double check that this is something I can buy used. I'm pretty sure it's fine)

I watched Flipped (directed by Rob Reiner). Lame. I know they were trying to do a Stand By Me/Now and Then situation -- young 50s/60s love from both perspectives and the main boy was CUTE (even though I think he's like... 15), but it was inCREDIBLY cliche. Almost unwatchably cliche.

This weekend I rewatched Finding Neverland. I own it but until Friday I had only seen it once and remembered not LOVING it. So I decided to play the sims and put in on, but about 15 minutes in, I realized I would have to give the movie my full attention. Johnny Depp does an EXCELLENT Scottish accent (at least in my ears) and he and Winslet are wonderful. Also, the boy who plays Peter (August Rush, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory) was MUCH better than I remembered. There was something I didn't like, though. I think it was how blatant some of the moments were. Everyone was forgiven. No one was angry. There were sound-bite phrases of advice that contained the word "dreams" too often. I didn't hate it and I've been CRAVING to see it again since. I will further explore.

Also, I promptly bought the book Peter Pan, which really is INCREDIBLE. It's MUCH cooler than you might think. Then I fantasized about aging with an obsession with Peter Pan... having collectible editions etc. But I'm pretty sure I couldn't become that person. If I have a copy of the book, I don't think I'd ever care to have ANOTHER copy of it. But I could see myself absorbing incarnations of the story. Disney Peter Pan (have), Peter Pan (2003) (have), book (have), Hook (have), Finding Neverland (have) . I don't have the broadway version because the lady in the one I've seen scares me (in a purely superficial way and I'm ashamed. She's really... muscular). The Mary Martin version (don't have, and only vaguely remember). Biographies on J.M. Barrie. We'll see. I couldn't read Peter Pan in Scarlett. It will need to come HIGHLY recommended for me to dive into that. I have zero faith.

After I finished my Peter Pan extravaganza, I ended up staying up WAAAY past my bedtime (this is now rare) and was forced to rise at 8am because my next housesitting job forgot to lock the door when they left and were paranoid. When I got to the house, I was pretty awake, but feeling the shakiness of 3 hours of sleep. I ended up rewatching A Simple Twist of Fate (Steve Martin) and crying for like... the whole thing. It's not even a SUPER sad movie. A little sad, but certainly not worth the dehydration it caused. You always feel a movie harder when you have a touch of exhaustion. If it's time for your monthlies, even better.

This Post Took Me 3 Days to Write

Every day when I look at my blog (yes, every day), I'm infuriated that I let my last two entries be dream descriptions. Even I don't want to read them. Even III don't want to read them! Must remember!

ANYWAY, the main news is that as of last Friday (a week ago), I am COMPLETELY, back to back booked with housesitting until the end of SEPTEMBER!!!

Pros (3 different places, but these apply to all):

-get to live with dogs

-cable

-closer to work

-laundry (I may or may not have brought my actual sheets from home to launder at someone else's house)

-can loudly sing because neighbors can't ever hear (the only advantage of house ownership that I actively envy)

Cons (I guess it's complaining-- but only MIIIIIIIILDLY):

-Now that I LOVE my home, instead of experiencing the glory of being out of my annoying house, I experience frustration with things I have at my house that I either didn't think to bring or felt was inconvenient to bring (ie: lotion that doesn't close properly, pot stickers, popsicles etc).

-Different dog schedules can be MILDLY annoying. Some, for instance, wake me up earlier than I'd prefer.

-In many cases, I have no internet access and limited phone service. As I always say, this is bittersweet. I would say I peaked in bitterness last time when I couldn't figure out how to order a pizza without internet. I miraculously found a phone book, but without google maps, I couldn't tell which places were within a 3 mile radius (that's the pizza radius, right?). I never succeeded on this mission.

-Since all of this is more long term, I have to find an ideal grocery store and gas station.

-Fish arrangements (ie: the reason ALL pets are inconvenient)

In other news, I watched several episodes of Melissa and Joey a couple of nights ago. It's actually a real treat. I feel completely nostalgic, but the references are current. This is the joy of cable-- there is no way I'd go through the trouble to find Melissa and Joey online, but I'll take it if it's in front of my face.

Part 1 of my bridesmaid dress came in the mail. Now I know the fabric and what it will look like (I saw a picture before, but it was on my cell phone and it was a picture from the magazine). Also, I started fantasizing about my speech... assuming I get to do a speech...

I got an awesome gift for my sister Indigo. I'm bringing in the bucks and feel confident about my financial ability to rent a car.

Things to do:

1. Talk to my dad about the arrangements. Mostly ask him if I can stay with him.

2. Actually buy tickets and reserve car.

3. I'm pretty sure I can get this other REALLY awesome thing for my sister, if only I have the balls to ask.

Got $25 to Amazon from my bank!

I'm feeling pretty good. Although housesitting for so long makes feel like you can't really plan. Like... I CAN go to the beach but I can't leave the dogs for more than 5 hours. Not that I ever go anyway, but I can't plan on it. I don't know, it makes me feel my mortality. 1/6 of the year has past since I turned 23. 1/3 by the time I finish housesitting. Bah bah bah.

But mostly money!

Another Dream

ANOTHER night of vivid dreams.

Part 1. I think there was a whole story line about staying at someones house where we had to care for an unidentified old man... but I don't really remember. But then my mom took like... 20 different decks of cards that I guess had sentimental value to me, and stacked them, loose, on a piece of cardboard and then set it afloat in a lake. I was furious because there was no way I was going to get all of my cards back, but when I went into the water, there were all of these people there and it turned out to be a Stephen Colbert performance for my birthday.

Part 2. I was in a hospital/grocery store. People were shopping in the really cramped grocery store but there were also people in hospital gowns by the elevator. I was shopping with my cart, but had a really hard time getting passed the people. I abandoned my cart and went to the vending machine where the boy I went on a date with a few months ago was. He said "hi" to me, but I couldn't remember his name and I felt bad. Then I saw my friend Saralyn, but she seemed harder and angrier than usual. She said she was irritated by west coast people, and I deduced that she had just visited upstate New York (where she's from) and had been hardened by it.

Part 3. I'm by a pool at either sunrise or sunset and I see spilt kidney beans on the bottom of the pool. I'm trying to decide if someone threw up, or just spilled beans, but as I continue to stare, they become a shining, golden color. It gets completely dark and the dark water near the golden part starts swirling and it's impossible for me to take my eyes away. I think I'm being hypnotized. Then I wake up.

Some dreams

All money procured! PLUS, and I don't want to count my eggs before they've hatched, I got ANOTHER housesitting gig for 2 weeks. Elation. I'm buying new clothes this weekend. It's happening. It's been a full year since I bought clothes that weren't emergency clothes. I will not feel guilty.

Going to dinner with a college friend tonight (Elisa). She asked to go to my favorite restaurant and thus I had to decide what my favorite restaurant is. I finally landed on Granville. Now it's official, I guess.

I had two nights of memorable dreams. I do know that no one cares about dreams except the person who had the dream, so this is for posterity.

The first was a sexy-ish dream with Josh Meyers (8th season of That 70s Show. I don't care. I love that character (also brother of Seth Meyers)). Although I was competing with two other women for his attentions, which was frustrating. I'm pretty sure I woke up winning.

Last night I had a dream that 3 people died. The first one was like... a chef or someone that I didn't know. The second one was an autistic boy named Bob from high school. The third one was Elena (my friend and former roommate). I had to get rid of all of the bodies (although I don't specifically remember the first two). I hadn't killed any of these people, and they were already pre-bagged in my room. I wasn't doing something wrong, but I was trying to avoid people because I didn't want to talk about it. With Elena, I already knew the drill. I just had to get her downstairs and to the water. Everyone was in the cafeteria on the first floor eating lunch and they asked me to join and I told them I would soon. I definitely had a half hour lunch and continuously looked at my watch, although I don't recall it ever moving (the big hand was always on the 3, so I always had 15 minutes to go). I dragged Elena, in a white plastic bag, out of my room (which was white, and hotel-like) and to the elevator without meeting anyone. However, on my way outside, I ran into either Mandy or Ali (twins from high school) (I think they kept changing throughout the dream) and when they started talking I fell to my knees, sobbing and choking over Elena. Then I woke up.

Meaningless Accomplishments

This weekend was one of meaningless accomplishments (I may be the only one who cares...):

1. Finished my book, This Much I Know Is True by Wally Lamb. It was excellent. Afterwards, I tried to look through the other books that I mysteriously own and found that ALL of those books are schizophrenia-related. One novel (the one I read) and two medical-y books. Naturally, I started having elaborate fantasies about myself being schizophrenic and my alter ego buying these books to prepare me for when my regular self learns about my illness. Although, by reading the Wally Lamb book, I know that that isn't how schizophrenia works. The fantasies, none-the-less, persist.

2. Started arranging "Head Over Heels" for Corina and my (so far fictional) a cappella group. It wasn't monumental progress, but breaking ground is the most important step.

3. Bought a new string for my favorite necklace. Again, not huge, but it's been months and months since the moment I decided the string was too frayed to risk wearing and the moment I got the new string. Considered buying a coloring book AGAIN, but suppressed the urge and instead...

4. Tried to paint again. I've been working on this same damn Bob Dylan/Suze Rotolo painting for probably a year. More than. Maybe two years. Every time I work on it it looks like I've done nothing. I'm thinking of abandoning it and/or starting a new painting to get reinvigorated and going back to this one in time. I feel like it's when you're reading a boring-ish book and you don't want to start a new book until you've completed said book. And then you end up not reading for like... 3 months straight. I should just do a face. This painting I'm doing now has too much scenery for me. I'm a much lazier painter than this.

5. Watched the movie Unmade Beds. It's not REALLY an accomplishment, but I enjoyed it. I feel like Natalya would really like it and intend to recommend it to her next time we speak.

6. Finally watched the finale of season 4 of Skins (UK). I had some sort of block against that last episode and halted Corina and my progress for several months. 4-6 months, I would guess. It was a pretty disappointing episode, but at least we got through it. I don't even know why I refused to watch it for so long.

7. Watched a couple of old episodes of Bored to Death. It was pretty good. They were 3 "for your consideration" episodes from a year or two ago. One episode had Jenny Slate from the abortion rom-com "Obvious Child." If you haven't seen it, I HIGHLY recommend. I've seen it like... 4 times and I just LOVE it. And thus love her (you may also know her as the recent SNL addition who said "fuck" on her first episode-- I'm not sure if she's still a cast member and don't care enough to check). I don't like Bored to Death enough to recommend, but I would watch it if I had cable and nothing else to watch.

If you want something to watch, go with Wilfred!! Hulu. I already list it in my short list of shows I actually watch, which is huge (only in my mind). Also, I may accidentally going through movies looking for Elijah Wood, who I'm accidentally in love with (I do know what "accidentally" means). I will not watch Lord of the Rings and I'll DEFINITELY not watch Everything is Illuminated again. Puh!

8. Taught Corina to play gin. In the moment, I felt like I'd never been more excited in my life. I LOVE playing cards and have often fantasized about roommates who will at least indulge me. Corina seems to like it and won the first game 124 to 4. Terrible with the trash talk, though. My grandpa would be disappointed with her on that. Or teach her REAL quick how to effectively criticize a cut of the deck or prophecize incredible failure.

9. Asked my boss for the Monday after the wedding off. That trip will be a real adventure. My grandma is making a dress-prototype out of muslin. I'm going to try and get an autographed headshot of my sister's favorite actress that I happen to know. Figure out where I'm staying. If I'm getting a rental car.

And it will mark the first time I've stepped out of California in almost 2 years. I never went this long without leaving Boston. I'm not sure I ever went this long without leaving Pennsylvania. Crazy. But slightly irrelevant, I guess.

Feeding my fish has become a lesson in patience. One of the fish will gobble everything up on sight (Chair Beverage), but the other fish will hold a piece of food in her mouth and swim around with it for a while before finally eating it (Ladder Phoenix). Thus, I have to wait until Ladder eats her food before I can put more in the bowl. Otherwise, Chair will eat like... 5x more food than Ladder. The fact that I'm willing to do this--NOT let Darwinism inflict it's wrath upon Ladder-- shows that I'm growing, surely.

Bills, Books, Movies

Sometimes when I haven't written a post in a while, they come out super super crappy. I just deleted 3 separate drafts from the past week that I was forced to abandon because even I'M not interested in reading them (and I think it goes without saying (saying it) that I'm my own biggest fan...). So let's just see where this goes... (under-hyping).

My first bills started a-rolling in. $11 for electricity. Sounds good, but I'm concerned that it was only for a 21 day period. I guess it's fine, but I may unplug our TV during disuse and see what happens (I think I've counted 3 total times that we've used the TV. And we've only watched movies). Gas bill was an alarming $55 but it turns out, they added $25 for set up and $20 deposit, and then tax. So our actual bill was somewhere around $7-$8. Golden. Internet was, I surmise, $30. ANYWAY, it's for posterity. I used to list the details of my homework, remember? I can list bill details... ...

If all goes right, I will have made $1025 extra monies this month, which is huge!! None of that money is in my hands, but all the work has been done, so I think we're solid. I keep bragging about it because--and I hope I'm right about this--I am young and poor enough to not seem tactless. I'm dreaming about all of the things I can do with so much money! Pay my grandpa back! Get a new muffler! Get new clothes or maybe even a pair of shoes! Change my plates! Buy tickets to Colorado for the wedding! Turns out, I need more money... La-ame.

I'm reading a book called I Know This Much Is True by Wally Lamb. I have no idea why this book is in my possession. I found it during the moving process and can only assume I accidentally stole it from someone. Because I knew I wouldn't be willing to travel back to Burbank regularly, or find a library close by for the next several weeks (accurate prediction), I took a look at the book, saw it was an NY Times bestseller and didn't appear to be a mystery or biography of someone I've never heard of, and decided to dive right in.

GREAT choice. I'm really really enjoying it. Unfortunately, it's 900 pages long and not a recognizable title at all. What I'm saying is, I will never be able to share this book with anyone else. I will never be able to convince someone that IIII know to pick up a 900 page novel about a man and his schizophrenic identical twin. I feel so alone, like people I know who DON'T only read 12-20 books a year (and let's be real, half of those books I read I've read before (and half of THOSE are Harry Potter...)). People who REGULARLY read books that they can never talk about. But it is a real joy.

Discovered the miracle of frozen pot stickers.

Am strongly considering trying for a THIRD TIME to see Midnight in Paris tonight. I haven't decided if I'd rather eat soup and read. It's a tough call. I could ALSO go and see The Beginners with Ewan McGregor. I like the look of The Beginners more, but my gut tells me that Midnight in Paris is going to be a more moving experience. I'm seduced by it's popularity and mysteriousness. What is that movie about?? Regardless, I'm not inviting anyone. I maintain that movies are better to watch alone. ESPECIALLY in the theater. I haven't really said it so bluntly before, because I don't want people to stop inviting me to movies, but here is why it's better solo:

1. Impromptu. I like to decide at that moment, "I am going to see this movie NOW." Then I just go to the theater, get the next ticket, wait around if it's required, and enjoy the exact film I wanted at the exact time I wanted to see it. If I have to plan it, then maybe I'm not in the mood for that film on the actual day. I'm not saying it's the WORST to go to a movie when maybe you'd prefer a different movie or no movie at all. I'm just saying, impromptu is better.

2. No compromise.

In nearly all aspects of my life, I feel like I don't have a preference. Where are we going to eat? What is the itinerary for the day? Where do you want to sleep? I don't care, I don't care, I don't care. I've thought about it a lot, and I don't think I'm a pushover, per sé. I just get VERY uncomfortable when I can see that the person I'm with is visibly disappointed. When the person I'm with VISIBLY wanted burgers and we got Indian because they asked me what I want, THAT is what affects me. Not the food I'm eating.

Anyway, the point is that, in my narcissistic self-observation, I've noticed that the one opinion I DO have is on movies. And I can't help but be internally pissy if we're going to see a movie that doesn't seem worth $12.50 to me. I don't care if someone else is disappointed. On the subject of movies, my disappointment weighs in stronger than anyone else's on my care-o-meter.

(I believe this correlates to why if someone recommends a film to me, I will most likely take 6 months to watch it. How I spend my movie time is MY decision, with few exceptions.)

(note: I have to admit, though, that sometimes I will be internally pissy about a movie, only to come out being extremely grateful that someone dragged me.)

So... I think I've made it clear that I don't like to compromise with movies...

3. I can take the time to absorb the movie.

Not ALL movies need to be absorbed, but a lot do. And when I'm absorbing, I don't want to talk. The reason is, I don't like the pressure of stating an opinion that I haven't thought through, because then I have to back track later, or WORSE, I start to believe this spur-of-the-moment opinion is my ACTUAL opinion and then I have to defend it for life. Or until I watch the movie again and realize that I was being too harsh or too... praise-ful.

Anyway. Despite this, don't stop inviting me to movies. I do ALWAYS enjoy movies.

End.