Thanksgiving Adventure

Okay, as always I DID enjoy my break. At least it doesn't ever go the other way around where I'm super excited and it always turns out shitty. This is definitely the better tradition.

The bus ride home was slightly on the rough side. I decided to go with the red eye on Tuesday and although I got in line at exactly midnight for my 1am bus, the bus didn't arrive until 2am and we didn't leave until nearly 2:30am. But... I wasn't terribly surprised because it was Thanksgiving weekend. Since I have more to talk about in this entry, I won't address my pillow issue or my mysterious unquenchable thirst at length. For the NY to PA bus, something huge hit the windshield. We had to pull over and the police came and we had to get into another bus blah blah blah. The whole shabang took over an hour and a half, but it was ok because I slept the most while the bus was stopped. Then I took the bus home, picked up a slice of pizza for my mom, brother, and me, and talked to my mom for about a minute before I passed out for an hour. I woke up again later, but I ended up going to bed at 7pm. I woke at 5:40am, watched two episodes of Always Sunny in Philadelphia, and went back to sleep until 10:40am.

We all made the Thanksgiving feast. Even though it was just my family, we insisted on making appetizers-- spinach and artichoke dip!!! And while eating said dip, we all played monopoly! (except my mom, because she doesn't really like board games)!!! And I won!! And we played until bankruptcy! EXCELLENT!

Then, before the turkey was done, my mom took me out to drive for the first time since I took my test... marking my 16th day of driving ever. I couldn't remember which peddle was gas and which was the brake, which I took as a terrible sign. But... it turned out fine. I thought my mom was going to have to drive me to a parking lot so I could remember how to turn, but she didn't. I pulled out of our driveway and rode around our neighborhood just fine.

Thanksgiving is hilarious because it took us about 8 hours to make and about 15 minutes to eat before we were ready to die. We had turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, yams, rolls, and cranberry sauce. After dinner, my mom and I went driving again. This time we tackled highways and Philadelphia. Scary, but pretty okay. Then we played monopoly AGAIN, and my brother won this time. Although, when he was taking the last of my sister's money slowly, he tried to give some back to her because he felt so bad about taking everything from her. We told him he had to take the money because we weren't going to let his conscience off the hook, and he started to cry because he felt so bad! Cute.

The next day we registered my car. Then I watched a little bit of The Nanny Diaries, which was exactly like The Devil Wears Prada except, according to the 45 minutes I watched, less good. I guess that's not my official take on it though. Can't judge a movie in 45 minutes.

Then I drove around on my own for the first time EVER! What I learned... nay... what I reiterated to myself, was that I only know about 3 miles of my town in one direction from my house... which is fine when you walk, but scary when you drive. I drove to Claire's house. Then I drove to Sarah's house. Then I drove to other Claire's house. That was the extent of my knowledge. I got lost when I tried to drive past other Claire's house, and had a panic attack until I found familiar roads again... and I'm convinced that that was a miracle.

Later I WALKED to Claire's house and the five of us (Claire, Natalya, Claire, and Sarah) went out to dinner. Then we went to a bar because a friend told us to meet him there. He's a year older than us and told him that his friends were having an impromptu reunion. That was false. It was the 2005 five-year class reunion!! While it was interesting seeing the people from the year ahead of us (lots of weight gain, not that I judge), it was mostly scary and I kept my head down for a lot of it. Since there was a cover charge, we kind of had an obligation to stay for a bit, but we left around 11. Then we went down and essentially crashed a get together of some boys two years younger than us. That was nice... also a little awkward. Mostly, I went home with a supreme blast-from-the-past feeling.

Next day: Picked Elena up in Philadelphia. Stocked up on food. Drove the ENTIRE WAY TO BOSTON!! I wasn't even terribly nervous for most of it. The worst part was probably being in Boston. We were supposed to get off at exit 20 but the exits went from 18 to 22.... wtf. Buuuut I did some amazingly aggressive driving! What I learned was that the driving is so INSANE that it doesn't really matter what you do because people are merging all over the land anyway!

So it took about 9.5 hours and about $35 for gas and more for tolls. Plus I only peed 3 times. Amazing.

Things I need for my solo trip in 23 days:

1. Water bottle with a pop cap so I can open and close it on my own.

2. Tape converter thing to plug my ipod into the car (so I don't have to listen to Christmas music and the Dirty Dancing soundtrack on cassette-- left my my grandpa!)

Things I learned in general:

1. All lady talk radio personalities sound exactly the same.

2. Elena and I can only name like... 21 U.S. Presidents.

3. My brother's new youtube site. Please enjoy this Matt-classic.

When I got home, I watched Splash, which I rented from Netflix. I don't know how BAD the movie is, but Daryl Hannah isn't a great actress and it is just pretty dated. Whatever. But it compelled me to watch Sleepless in Seattle because of the young Tom Hanks and the fact that it has a lady radio personality that sounds the same as every other one.

Anyway, I used to not like Sleepless in Seattle that much, but I think I was resentful because that would never happen. This time I decided... well OBVIOUSLY that could never happen... most romantic comedies couldn't but they just aren't so obviously fanciful. Plus, Jurassic Park could never happen either. And what's the point of movies if not to make our fanciful dreams come true? Anyway, I liked it this time. Plus, it's the second movie that I can think of where the girl gets the man of her dreams when it seems like... EXTREMELY unlikely, mostly because they've never met, the other one being Sixteen Candles.

So... now I have to write a paper. Lame.

Also, I want to see It's Complicated. I just do.

Bitch Fest Before Take-off

Everything is just a big mess! Actually, everything is pretty much solved, but only after tremendous emotional breakdowns on my part. Yes I'm being dramatic, but I don't care. I really don't. Plus, the real trauma (the act of driving for 6 hours when I'm pretty sure I don't actually know HOW to drive), is still in the future. Plus, the secondary trauma of being with my family-- also in the future.

Honest to god, if turkey wasn't also in the future...

But I would like to give some shout outs to my emotional stabilizers:

1. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia. HILAAAARIOUS!!!! I've been watching the show regularly for a while, but only after watching the older episodes online have I discovered its true miraculousness. HILARIOUS!

2. Naps. Never underestimate the escapism power of sleep.

3. Singing during commercials. My dad told me once that he thinks your body craves vibrations and that's why you feel better when you sing. I'm gonna go with that.

4. Bridget Jones.

5. Caller ID. I'm not necessarily proud, but I would like to reflect on much needed time to concoct answers given to us by the miracle of caller ID.

6. Soda.

A Brief Thanksgiving Sentiment

I actually just think Thanksgiving is a mean holiday. This is based on how I feel right now, middle of the night, pre-turkey.

I may change my mind in post...

Lots of Caps Today

Today was berNARDed (that's a replacement word for it's less PC, but seemingly necessary to my vocabulary, rhyming counterpart)!!!! Seriously.

So last night I was procrastinating, yadda yadda. So I decided to start the second half of my script after Colbert last night, which is fine because I pretty much always do that. So I turn on my computer and I notice...

IT'S NOT CHARGING!! So I play with the charger for a bit. Then I try turning the computer on and off. I figure it's the charger's fault because it's lit up green, which shouldn't happen unless it's already plugged into the computer and the computer is charged... neither of which are the case.

Finally, I have a HEART ATTACK! It's 12:30am, the library is going to close at 2am. Plus, even if it didn't, I needed to use the program that was on my computer-- you can't download onto a school computer. Plus, the program I was using was a trial version of Final Draft-- I'm not going to go into the reasoning behind this because it's probably boring... but the point is that it's only on my computer AND it sucks because when I print it out, it leaves a watermark behind because I haven't paid for the program (I don't think I'm being too cheap but it's $79!!).

Regardless, I text Amanda because I KNOW she has a mac and PRAY that she's awake because I only have 57 minutes left on my computer. She is and I basically run to her place-- and bless her heart because she was clearly half-asleep when I got there. Anyway, I set up shop in her common room and I see that HER CHARGER ISN'T WORKING ON MY COMPUTER EITHER! Clearly the my charger AND my computer are dead! Buuuuut now it says that I have 2 hours and 40 minutes (which sometimes happens, where the remaining battery time is inaccurate). So I decide to just stay out in Stuvi, where Amanda lives (about a 12 minute walk away), and finish my thing. Miraculously I DO finish before the computer dies-- it is now down to 15 minutes. I walk home at about 4am.

When I wake up later at 9am, I remember what happened and want to cry. I have a paper due at midnight on Friday, which isn't a huge deal, but it does suck when you can't do something at home. More importantly, I have to make this script happen before the final one is due... the one I was working on was only the second half of a rough draft-- still a lot of my grade though. I even briefly act pissy about it to Elena in the morning.

But, then I went to health care sociology and we watched a video in which a billion jillion people were in pain or dying. I was like "I GET it, universe! Okay okay, my own personal computer not charging is HARDLY something to freak out about in the grand scheme of things." Jesus Herbert Christ! The universe almost NEVER lets me wallow in self pity.

Side note: I cried AGAIN in that health care class. STUPID LADY HORMONES!! Honestly, I regularly get pissed when people cry, so I'm being a real hypocrite by pointing out all of my emotional surges... but I really think my tear ducts are a bit hilariously out of control. The other night, at like... 3am, I was watching The Brady Bunch. In this episode, Bobby is obsessed with Jesse James because he doesn't quite see that Jesse James was a vicious killer villain. In the episode, Mike and Carol make Bobby talk to the son of a man who was killed by Jesse James. That night he has a dream that he's on a train-- and this is like... the worst set ever!-- with the rest of his family. Then Jesse James comes on and shoots the family. But it's The Brady Bunch so, I think the gun is just his fingers shaped like a gun, although I forget. But the shot sound is DEFINITELY just Jesse James saying "BANG BANG BANG." No sound effects. And then the whole family bloodlessly, hilariously, and dramatically fall over on each other as Bobby delivers a TERRIBLE performance of fake horror and tears. It SHOULD have been hilarious-- in fact it was. But tears ran down my face! REALLY, LADY HORMONES?! REALLY?! But back to my other tale...

Anyway, after class, I try to go to COM and see if any of the computers have a real version of Final Draft so that I don't have to hand in something with watermarks on it. I search for a while, but most of the labs have classes in them. So I decide to go to the dining hall for lunch and then come back at noon (my class is at 1pm). Well, I try the open labs and none of them have it. Finally I realize I should just ask someone. I do and it turns out none of our computers even have Final Draft-- ANNOYING!! They have photoshop!

But now I know that I'm going to have to pay for Final Draft, even though I still haven't put in my check for this week, so I only have $13 right now. Plus, if my computer has only 15 minutes of life left, where am I going to put this program?! It means, I'll have to get my computer fixed right away, but what if THEY charge me? So I had to pick up and deposit my check, and in the mean time see if my computer can be fixed for free. If it can't, have to fix computer when my check clears two days later. Then I have to spend $80 for Final Draft. Then I have to spend the rest of my money on my ticket home next week... which means that I can't go out to dinner or do anything fun. And I'll probably have to borrow money from my mom for gas for my trip. BAAAH!!

But, since I couldn't do anything about it before class, I decided to read for a half hour in front of my class (YES Bridget Jones!). Miraculously, a kid from my class was passing and reminded me that we don't even HAVE class today-- we have individual meetings!!! I felt AWEFUL because I don't think I'm usually that irresponsible... but we haven't had class in three weeks, so I forgive myself. Anyway, that means that I didn't have to be ready until 3:45pm instead of 1pm (thanks for the "W," Wolbers).

I go back home, thinking I'll just take a shower and then plan my actions. Before I do, I decide to use my last 15 minutes of computer time to look up the number for the Mac store and inquire about my problem-- maybe we could trouble shoot over the phone. It's possible. I open my computer to find...

I have nearly FIVE HOURS on it! What?! I decide that the computer could be misreading it, but I decide to start trying to rewrite the script in Word instead of Final Draft. Miraculously, the computer stays alive, depleting in charge and continually saying it's NOT charging... but at some point I see that there is no way it could not be charging. I worked for hours and hours last night... it would FOR SURE have run out of battery if it wasn't charging. I guess it's just trying to fool me!!! MAJOR CRISIS AVERTED!

Anyway, I continue doing the script in Word and it's working WAAAAAY better than I thought. Although, it would probably only take an hour to type a script in Final Draft, after three hours I was nearly done with it in Word (it's a margin and spacing issue). BUUUUUT, I couldn't finish the last four pages because I was going to have a heart attack about being late. I left about 35 minutes before my appointment to go and print.

So I get to the library, which is VERY close to where my appointment is, and go to print. WEEEELL my Mac Word doesn't exactly fit with the Windows Word-- REALLY annoying, always. So I have to reformat it a bit. About 10 minutes before I have to be at my appointment, I print, without the last four pages. I just tear them off the back of the script I wrote with the watermarks, assuming he'd be fine with it-- it IS a rough draft. Oh God though, even in memory, 10 minutes makes my heart race! So I go to print and... OBVIOUSLY it won't. OOOOBVIOUSLY! This is why I leave 4 hours early for plane rides. I go up to the desk and they say the server is down so I should wait a minute. Fine. I go back to my computer and refresh like crazy.

Now I'm down to 4 minutes before I have to be at my appointment. I'm already going to be a minute late. AAAAAHHH!!

Honestly, I HATE being late! But I REALLY HAAAAAATE being late with people that I respect and admire, like I do with this professor. PLUS, unbeknownst to him, he was a huge contributing factor to my release from my chick flick funk a few days ago! And I just KNOOOOW he's waiting for me because last time he wasn't running late at all-- in fact, I went in several minutes early. Oh God!

FINALLY the computer allows me to release the document to be printed. I run over to the counter, but the guy says it WASN'T released!!! He tells me to wait...

Ten to FIFTEEN MINUTES!

AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!

As I'm leaving, actually whisper "FUCK!" aloud, which... I'm pretty sure I've never done before. Right afterwards, I immediately start berating myself. This is my fault. I know to leave earlier. Community printers are NEVER reliable. I only have 3 minutes left so I decide to go with my watermarked paper. I actually get out of the library, ready to run, when I remember that I actually crossed out a full page of the watermarked paper. Like... there is a big X over a page because I just planned to attach the last four pages to the first part in Word.

Immediately see that a big X is worse than being late. I go back into the library, trying to get another computer. It's already the time of my appointment. I finally get to the computer and see that the computer has charged me and that the document is in my history. I go to the man at the printing station and tell him that I'm pretty sure it went through. I have some documents pending, but I really did release one. He goes over and sees that that is correct and gives me my document.

I RUUUUN to my appointment and I get there in 2 minutes, but I'm already almost 6 minutes late... which I KNOOOOOW I sound insane about this time thing, but our meeting is only 15 minutes long! I feel TEEEEERRRRIBLE!! I get up to the floor and...

HE'S STILL IN A MEETING! This time he's running late!!! And he continues to be in a meeting for another TEN MINUTES!!!!! I am SOOOOOO relieved that I chose to go back and wait for the paper instead of choosing the big X, watermarked version of the assignment.

I end up having the meeting with him, and he didn't care about the watermarks or anything... which, I really knew he wouldn't. I got a B+/A- on the first half of the script, which has watermarks on it. PLUUUUS, as it turns out, I just ASSUMED we were turning in a final draft of that script, but we're not. Although I really think/hope that I finish my script so I can use it as a spec script later. Plus, I kind of like it. But the point is, I DEFINITELY don't have to buy Final Draft. $80 saved. Plus the billions saved because my computer is not really broken, just quirky.

Anyway, as I was walking home, I realized that even though I had this terrible, eventful, super stressful day... nothing even happened at ALL!! If I had done NOTHING, my day would have been just fine. I just had like... 1000 false alarms.

And that's why my day was BERNARDED!!!

Take it Easy

After I had my chick flick, what-makes-Lloyd Dobler-so-unattainable!? freak-out (which unfortunately escalated to near tears with my roommate later... buuuh), I went to bed pretty miserable. But the next day in class, in an amazing and the-universe-really-must-look-out-for-me coincidence, we had what my professor called "the boisterous women" day during which we watched and discussed Murphy Brown, Designing Women, and Roseanne-- lovely, flawed, self-motivated, and generally.... a normal amount of happy (obviously "normal" is subjective). Even more importantly, my professor was in love with all of these women. So, I'll just find someone like him. Done. Freak out subsided.

Missed The Big Bang Theory last night because I was asleep... again! I don't think I've EVER caught that show during it's broadcast. For some reason I seem to regularly be asleep at 9:30pm on Mondays. Something is amiss.

Sometime last week I had to stay up all night for a paper (lame) and the next day I had to find a way to be alive during work. In addition to my first attempt with 5 Hour Energy (which cannot evaluate as I was a walking zombie without reliable opinions at the time ... which may actually be a reasonable evaluation in itself), I also decided to read Bridget Jones: Edge of Reason, which is my go-to book for when I need to laugh immediately (like when I have scary thoughts at 3am). I figured if I was laughing, I'd be awake. It worked miraculously except that I can't stop reading it, even though I've read it at LEAST 4 times before! Plluuuuus the flaw in reading the Bridget Jones' books is that she speaks in incomplete shorthand sentences because it's in diary form.... so I start THINKING in incomplete sentences. I skipped several words of this very blog entry and had to go back and complete the sentence. That book is HILARIOUS though. And it totally does keep me awake.

Speaking of which, I regularly fall asleep in my Art and Literature of Film class. I am convinced that it is because the class is right after lunch and it's weirdly hot and the seats are padded and cozy... and it's dark. Plus, honestly, some of the movies just aren't that fun to watch, even if they are pretty interesting in terms of innovation. Caffeine does not help. I've tried everything short of energy drinks, which I don't really want to be consuming twice a week.

Today I was, as always, sure that I would fall asleep, but I really wanted to see Rear Window. So instead of having only Winter Fresh gum, I also got Big Red for a little jolt if I felt the sleepy pocket nearing. Buuuut I didn't even need them because the movie was EXCELLENT! Maybe all Hitchcock movies are really great and I'm biased against them for some unexplained reason. In fact, I'm pretty sure this must be the case. Regardless, the movie was VEEERY energizing and I participated tons afterwards as a result. Which just goes to show that a good movie can cure the sleepy right up.

Lastly, Claire posted a number of ways to get out of a funk including the idea to make a positive playlist. I JUST made a playlist for that very reason called Take it Easy (which doesn't actually include the song "Take it Easy") and I thought I'd share its contents:

1. "No Rain" by Blind Melon

2. "I Can See Clearly" by Johnny Nash

3. "What's Up" by 4 Non Blondes

4. "Here Comes the Sun" by The Beatles

5. "Give Me One Reason" by Tracy Chapman

6. "Rainy Day Women #12 & 35" by Bob Dylan

7. "I'll Be Your Baby Tonight" by Bob Dylan

8. "Penny & Me" by Hanson

9. "No Rain" by Blind Melon

A petite half hour of Take it Easy.

Chick Flicks

Chords recorded ALL DAY today! It was pretty fun for me because I brought Cruel Intentions and Say Anything just in CASE we decided to watch movies, which we have never done in the past. Well we watched BOTH!! Cruel Intentions was amazing as always, but watching Say Anything made me WAAAAAY happier than I thought it would. I love when you watch movies that you really love and then you realize you love them EVEN MORE than you remember!!! That's why The Princess Bride is my favorite movie. Every time I watch it I'm like "fuck! I LOOOVE this movie!" When I mentioned this to someone, about how you relove your most loved movies, the person was like "yes! Like August Rush!" Really? That's the first movie to come to mind when you think of the miracle of rewatching great movies? Unfortunately I don't remember who said it, but I am going to have to rewatch that movie and either understand what she means or judge her.

What I especially loved about Say Anything though was Lloyd's semi-frustration about people asking him what he wants to do. In one scene, he points out to his guidance counselor about how people say that they know what they want to do, but they really don't know... and he doesn't know what he wants to do, but at least he KNOWS that he doesn't know. And then he just goes to Europe with her! And I think that's GREAT and spontaneous and doesn't rely on plans that are made for plans sake! And he's simple and honest and... I was just so pleased! Plus, he has a dialogue with his sister about how she should just CHOOSE to be in a good mood. Honestly, I don't know if the movie was confirming my own ideas, or I GOT those ideas from Say Anything a long time ago but didn't realize it at the time.

Someone (Devon, who writes this great blog) pointed out that Lloyd just sets unrealistic expectations for women about how men should be, based on her reading of Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs (which I have also read-- funny but I essentially disagreed with the author on all points). After watching the movie though, I just don't underSTAND why it's unrealistic. He's not crazy smart or handsome or anything like that. He just cares about her and that's all it takes-- just caring (the word "caring" DOES make me cringe with feelings of cliche and meaninglessness, but... I need to use it here). But I think that a lot of it is on her too-- she doesn't demand too much or nag him or tell him what to like or wear or who to hang out with.

I mean, I have to assume that my argument on this point is basically proving that I'm incredibly disillusioned about what to expect from men because I watch a ton of movies. But I don't know why it's any less realistic than the dream of having a non-nagging, cooking, cleaning, gorgeous, sex-goddess lady... and I think that is a much more perpetuated "myth"... not to mention that I think women really think they need to be this way (or they aren't really women...) in a really real, deep-seated, unfortunate way.

Later I watched The Ugly Truth for the first time. It kind of seemed like they were trying to satisfy the new love of telling women exactly what men want (aforementioned sex-goddess ladies), but also trying to be less scary for women who don't exactly fit said criteria (at least ONE man will like you for who you are, the movie assures me). I think I should just stop watching these movies until I feel more confident about what kind of a woman I want to be... because mostly when I watch these new romantic comedies I just feel like I'm competing with Katherine Heigl and Jennifer Connelly figures, who, in a fucked-up turn of events, are basically failing at THEIR pursuit of happiness and sense of identity in these movies.

For the next week I'll probably be thinking about what I will take from this movie as truth (ugly or otherwise) and what I will take as sexist fallacy. Then I will wonder if I only think said information is fallacy because I'm living in delusion or denial. Then I'll get frustrated about whether there can possibly be truth. I'll probably have to come to the conclusion that even if women are being really oppressed, it is just the imperfect society we live in and I should just try to work with what I have-- after all, how can I be livid about societal standards of the sexes when people are starving and dying from wars and we can't even agree on saving our world from global warming. And then I'll think, if everyone thought this way, how would we have conquered slavery or women's rights to vote or work or gotten medicare or welfare or unions or social security? And then I'll admire the fact that even though it sometimes (often?) it seems like people are generally selfish, it really is amazing that we, as humans, have become so organized that we reached a point where even some people can feel fairly secure-- kind of an anomaly in the animal kingdom, right? And we're constantly fighting for more security for everyone. That's AMAZING! And I'm so lucky that I can be one of those people who doesn't have to worry about dying or even really suffering on a day to day basis (or really ever). And when you look at it from that perspective, how can you be upset society expects you to do a little more than you really feel comfortable doing or that you have a consistent feeling of inadequacy. But on the other hand, if we can overcome slavery and women's rights to vote and unions and medicare and social security, why can't I neglect my eye brows?

Honestly, you can have this discussion with yourself forEVER cycling through anger, sadness, anxiety, and guilt for... as long as your attention lasts. And given the self-obsessed nature of this inner conversation, your attention can probably last a WHILE.

CLEEEEEAAAARLY I need to become more self-aware and self confident before I watch this most recent batch of chick flicks. Say Anything is gold, though.

Crap!!

WASHINGTON (AP) -- Military officials say the Army psychiatrist accused of killing 13 and wounding 29 in last week's shooting rampage at his military post in Texas will face 13 charges of premeditated murder under the military's legal system. The decision makes him eligible for the death penalty if convicted.

What the FUCK!

Let us summon a series of movies where the people you trust MOST in the world end up being deranged psychopaths! I mean first the priests, then the astronauts, then the army PSYCHIATRISTS?! I'm waiting for my mom, Obama, and Jon Stewart to sneak attack me from behind!

Clearly This Isn't Really It

Saw Michael Jackson's This Is It today.

First of all, it was really awesome. It was pretty much just footage, not really from a point of view-- mostly subtle editing, except for a few places. They hit pretty much every really famous song, and like EVERYONE says, it is a really cool insight into how involved Michael is (was... wah wah) in the process of making his music and his concerts. Maybe (/definitely) it's because I'm not a dancer, but how do they remember all of those moves??!! Even though I know it's not true, when I watch Michael performing, I always kind of feel like he just makes shit up as he goes and everyone else has to just follow him because... he's heaven. But... that's SUPER false. Also, I like when people give notes like "let it simmer" or "it needs more booty." Actually, I'll qualify that statement by saying that I like hearing people give those kinds of notes to OTHER people. If it were me receiving that order, I'd start to cry because I have no idea what "more booty" in a song sounds like.

Another thing: I always feel like Michael lived (wah wah) in a cave and wasn't really aware of the outside world. But he DOES add a lot of new technology and stuff-- he doesn't just keep going with what he already did before. That's pretty dedicated. ALSO, I feel like most people would just yell out orders-- even high school choreographers, in my experience, just freak out when things aren't exactly right. But Michael pretty calmly gives notes and doesn't really shout. If I were working for him, I feel like I wouldn't be scared of him so much as worried that I was inadequate (which I absolutely WOULD be) and worried that I was ruining his genius. Also, it really seems like everyone was so obsessed with him that no one would be like "I can't BELIEVE we have to do ______" behind his back. I bet they'd be like "wow, we're doing ____? That is GENIUS!"

Obviously I'm sad that he's dead... but seeing as I never knew him personally, I really feel like in his case, he's going to be around FOREVER a la Elvis... but even more so because there is soooooo much more footage of him. At the very beginning of the film, it says that the movie was made from like... a jillion hours of footage that was being made for Michael's personal archives. HOW MUCH MORE SHIT IS IN HIS PERSONAL ARCHIVES?!!

I bet in 3, 4, 5 years they are going to have a much more elaborate documentary of Michael with archive footage from before. And then after that, like... 15 years from now, there will be ANOTHER documentary that has a more removed spin on Michael's effect on the world. I mean, before the movie they had a preview of a new documentary of the rest of the Jackson family. PLUUUS, I bet they'll put out a JIIIIIIILLION more of his albums like they do with Biggie and Tupac. Plus, one of his kids will probably write a book... or get into some trouble or... become famous. Then THEY'LL get a documentary. We can only hope. Maybe they'll make a part 2 of that biopic that they always air on VH1 (or at least they used to before that network started to blow-- although I heard that they are bringing back Behind the Music, which is gold because that's how I know so much about TLC and Gloria Estefan). That movie only goes up until the time Michael got burned in a pyrotechnics malfunction during the filming of a Pepsi commercial... and I'm pretty sure that was in the late 80s or early 90s.

I'm just saying... he's not really dead in terms of MY media-only relationship with him.

I Welcome You to a Brief Procrastination

I don't know where everyone else is, but I know that I've reached the point, as I do every SINGLE semester without fail, where I am in a constant state of catching up. Fortunately, after nearly 16 years of this, somewhere in my mind I know that everything will be fine. Starting a paper at 2am, missing a class or two, completely neglecting what I'm choosing to call the "preventative care" for the only class that doesn't have many concrete due dates-- save that pain for the big catch up, or "major invasive surgery," in December. Today I cried TWICE... for almost no reason at all (both were in class in response to videos--lame)!

There are two things in the back of my mind:

1. I vaguely hope that I can keep my body in good enough shape (mostly sleep-wise) so that I'm not too susceptible to illness-- a worry for which I completely blame the media.

More importantly, 2. I can't believe I will almost never have to go through this part of life again. Sure there is next semester, although I kind of believe that classes aren't going to be as emphasized in L.A., a luxury that not everyone will get (in fact, I can't even be sure that that will be true for me... I just kind of assume...). I just can't believe that these ups and downs, this cycle of my life which has been happening forEVER is going to calm into a drone.

At 2am, when I'm starting a paper, it's a kind of relieving thought. But... weird.

Tranny Weekend

I think it's important to note that it was actually tranny weekend for me (and some others). Not only did we catch The Donkey Show... we also saw the BU production of The Rocky Horror Picture Show. AMAZING!

The Donkey Show

Photo documentation of The Donkey Show, which was described as an interpretation of A Midsummer Night's Dream by people dancing to '70s music in the middle of a dance floor.

Here we are before leaving (it was blurry so I altered it... and then I decided to go all the way and make it sepia):

What I didn't realize from the description was that the show is VERY '70s and QUITE in drag.

And had a lot of glittery, Chippendale-like interactive dancers-- a benefit of which Ari took full advantage.

And involved a lot of... MINIMAL clothing.

After the show there was a dance-party... in which there were many old people. Look at this couple getting down! How pleased would you be if you were 70 years old and your husband still took you to dance drag shows? (/ever took you to drag shows in the first place-- I'm pretty sure that's love) AWESOME.

Then Ari decided to dance with them-- AMAZING!

Then she danced with... a man or woman? Looked like a man to me, but had a fake mustache. Let's just say the person had moves.

Then Ari and Spiegs went onstage-- Becca and I decided not to join them in fear of being touched.

But the plan backfired when this man put his arm around me and insisted that we take a picture together.

Meanwhile, Ari convinced a man in mesh to let her borrow his fro wig. They danced, presumably in celebration of this transaction.

The best part, which went too fast for me to snap, was that as we exited, Ari danced with the fake 'stache guy again AND the old man again-- it was like a recap of her nights' partners. It was hilarious.

In conclusion, I enjoyed myself, but I definitely think I'm going to enjoy it much more in retrospect.

Just a Little Somethin'

I LOVE This American Life! I know I say it every time, but... I just can't emphasize it enough. I was studying for my health care sociology test and at 3am I took a break. Apparently delirious from caffeine, I EMAILED my health care professor a lengthy email about why she should listen to This American Life!! I can't even BELIEVE I did that. I checked my email the next morning, to which she quite rightly replied with:

Thanks, that sounds interesting.

AG

Which I have interpreted as "Ooook... thanks..."

Anyway, in the This American Life that I listened to yesterday, there was a segment on someone who came from Amish country and did his Rumspringa (when they get to go into the outside world at 16) and decided not to return to the Amish... although about 90% of people do. I've known about this for... a while but I always used to think that it seemed ridiculous to ever return after you've left that society. Now, I don't even know exactly why I thought that. I don't know why you would trade a safe place where you do a normal amount of work (good for your body) that is guaranteed, and you're safe and connected to your family and community. You eat home grown food, make your own clothes, live sustainably and don't really have to worry as much about the economy and cutting down and feeling guilty. All of that traded away for what? Greed and solitude and cell phones and overworking (whilst often underproducing) and aforementioned guilt.

I know this doesn't SEEM related, but I hate sleep (greatly dislike). I mean... I love it, obviously. But I'm pretty sure that a lot of people would agree that it's a villain in their lives. It's unpredictable. It completely controls me. I try to suppress it with caffeine but it ALWAYS wins. And when it does, I completely embrace it. When I can't sleep for a night, it ruins EVERYTHING for a while-- I'm cranky and everything is colored in a different, negative, frustrated light. Sometimes I'm so tired that sleep becomes my ONLY goal, like yesterday when I napped for 7 hours (yes, SEVEN). It makes me not do things that would be really fun, like hang out with my friends. It's a ticking bomb when assignments are due.

The reason this relates to the Amish is because I bet they don't have this problem. If you were a farmer (not that they all are, but still), you can have your alone time all day, being physical. When you come in, you spend the rest of the evening with your family. At sun down, nothing else to do, so you sleep. But we are seduced by bajillions of fun things, which I know is my fault and that I need to resist. But we also have tons of work during the day, and tons of extra work at night. And we don't even deal with family. I could be over simplifying this, or idealizing the Amish... but it seems like a more relaxed and safe way to live and that's what I desire.

In other news, Amanda told me that on Law and Order they talked about this drug that would stop entirely people's addiction to coke and/or heroin in like 24 or 48 hours, thereby saving people from the fatality of withdrawal. However it's illegal in America because drug companies won't fund it for being tested by the FDA because it wouldn't make them money both because they couldn't patent it and because there is more money to be made on longer treatments. The drug is real and it's called Ibogaine.

In much happier news, I bought a hat from a guy on the street. It's GREEAT! Also, Rocky Horror Picture Show tonight, Chords charity concert tomorrow, and then Donkey Show on Saturday.

Continued Research

To follow up on my interest in Chris Rock's Good Hair documentary, I decided to look up Tyra Banks' opinion on the matter-- I vaguely remember her having a natural hair day where she and others took off their wigs. Anyway, she had an entire show on the subject, semi-inspired by Chris Rock's documentary and it was SUPER enlightening. I didn't realize how intense hair was for black women. It's SUPER sad because the chemicals burn. And little girls have terrible self-esteem-- other kids made fun of them. One five-year-old was obsessed with a Hannah Montana wig, not because she loved Hannah Montana, but because she thought it made her look pretty. One woman went back to her natural hair and her mom won't introduce her to people as her daughter because she just "doesn't look like my daughter anymore." One lady was relaxing her THREE-year-old daughter's hair-- and that shit is super painful and TERRIBLE for your hair! Plus, they spend like, a JILLION dollars on all of the stuff! And the extensions! And it's so time consuming!

On Tyra, they said that historically, women with looser hair were way more likely to be freed and have better jobs and stuff because it was a sign of being the offspring of the slave owner, and the trend stayed.

I just really didn't realize any of this. I kind of feel like a douche because I always feel so sorry for myself and other women because of how much maintenance is required, even for the most low maintenance girls, just so that we don't look like complete monsters-- whereas, someone is going to be attracted to a guy no matter how little he does to himself. I just didn't know that black women had SO MUCH more pressure than we do. I don't do SHIT to my hair. Plus, I learned in health care sociology that black women are WAY more likely to give birth to a baby with low birth weight and black men AND women have a lower life expectancy, regardless of education or wealth (which is usually the determining factor), just because of the constant pressures of racism-- the stress releases chemicals into your body, and because it doesn't stop, it takes a huge toll on their health.

Anyway, if you want to watch the special, here is the link to the first part.

In other news, I have so much to do this week, and I didn't even realize it. I think it'll be okay, because it's mostly not academic-- it's just about finding time.

I watched Donnie Darko for the second time on Halloween. The first time I watched it was with Pat, and we were painting and chatting at the time (which I hardly ever do during a movie I haven't seen) and so I attributed my lack of understanding to that. Turns out, it's straight up confusing. I guess I'm going to have to watch it again, and I shall as I both own it, and think Jake Gyllenhaal is super attractive.

Also, I am currently rediscovering the miracle of The Dangerous Lives of Alter Boys. I always consider it to be my least favorite of a trio of movies, the other two being Imaginary Heroes and Igby Goes Down (which, to be clear, is not widely considered to be a trio). But now I see that I really can't rate them in terms of favorites. The movie really is the shit! They all are! Plus, Jena Malone-- she might not be my FAVORITE actress ever, but there is something to be said for the fact that she's in the BEST MOVIES EVER! Seriously. Into the Wild, Saved!, The United States of Leland, The Dangerous Lives of Alter Boys... plus Stepmom, which is pretty good, Life as a House, which isn't GREAT but has HUUUGE merits (of which Jena Malone takes huge part), Donnie Darko, which... is still up in the air for me, and I can't forget Pride and Prejudice, the Knightley version, which... in comparison with the 6-hour BBC version is INCREDIBLY all-encompassing of the story without being too rushed... a miracle that I don't fully understand.

But seriously, The Secret Lives of Alter Boys-- I need to remember to not underestimate this movie again.

That is all.

Update: All of the Malone talk made me need to see an interview (except let's be honest-- this is going to turn into a JILLION interviews) and I would TOTALLY want to be her friend! She seems like the fucking SHIT! Which shouldn't surprise me, given her aforementioned movie choices.