What I especially loved about Say Anything though was Lloyd's semi-frustration about people asking him what he wants to do. In one scene, he points out to his guidance counselor about how people say that they know what they want to do, but they really don't know... and he doesn't know what he wants to do, but at least he KNOWS that he doesn't know. And then he just goes to Europe with her! And I think that's GREAT and spontaneous and doesn't rely on plans that are made for plans sake! And he's simple and honest and... I was just so pleased! Plus, he has a dialogue with his sister about how she should just CHOOSE to be in a good mood. Honestly, I don't know if the movie was confirming my own ideas, or I GOT those ideas from Say Anything a long time ago but didn't realize it at the time.
Someone (Devon, who writes this great blog) pointed out that Lloyd just sets unrealistic expectations for women about how men should be, based on her reading of Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs (which I have also read-- funny but I essentially disagreed with the author on all points). After watching the movie though, I just don't underSTAND why it's unrealistic. He's not crazy smart or handsome or anything like that. He just cares about her and that's all it takes-- just caring (the word "caring" DOES make me cringe with feelings of cliche and meaninglessness, but... I need to use it here). But I think that a lot of it is on her too-- she doesn't demand too much or nag him or tell him what to like or wear or who to hang out with.
I mean, I have to assume that my argument on this point is basically proving that I'm incredibly disillusioned about what to expect from men because I watch a ton of movies. But I don't know why it's any less realistic than the dream of having a non-nagging, cooking, cleaning, gorgeous, sex-goddess lady... and I think that is a much more perpetuated "myth"... not to mention that I think women really think they need to be this way (or they aren't really women...) in a really real, deep-seated, unfortunate way.
Later I watched The Ugly Truth for the first time. It kind of seemed like they were trying to satisfy the new love of telling women exactly what men want (aforementioned sex-goddess ladies), but also trying to be less scary for women who don't exactly fit said criteria (at least ONE man will like you for who you are, the movie assures me). I think I should just stop watching these movies until I feel more confident about what kind of a woman I want to be... because mostly when I watch these new romantic comedies I just feel like I'm competing with Katherine Heigl and Jennifer Connelly figures, who, in a fucked-up turn of events, are basically failing at THEIR pursuit of happiness and sense of identity in these movies.
For the next week I'll probably be thinking about what I will take from this movie as truth (ugly or otherwise) and what I will take as sexist fallacy. Then I will wonder if I only think said information is fallacy because I'm living in delusion or denial. Then I'll get frustrated about whether there can possibly be truth. I'll probably have to come to the conclusion that even if women are being really oppressed, it is just the imperfect society we live in and I should just try to work with what I have-- after all, how can I be livid about societal standards of the sexes when people are starving and dying from wars and we can't even agree on saving our world from global warming. And then I'll think, if everyone thought this way, how would we have conquered slavery or women's rights to vote or work or gotten medicare or welfare or unions or social security? And then I'll admire the fact that even though it sometimes (often?) it seems like people are generally selfish, it really is amazing that we, as humans, have become so organized that we reached a point where even some people can feel fairly secure-- kind of an anomaly in the animal kingdom, right? And we're constantly fighting for more security for everyone. That's AMAZING! And I'm so lucky that I can be one of those people who doesn't have to worry about dying or even really suffering on a day to day basis (or really ever). And when you look at it from that perspective, how can you be upset society expects you to do a little more than you really feel comfortable doing or that you have a consistent feeling of inadequacy. But on the other hand, if we can overcome slavery and women's rights to vote and unions and medicare and social security, why can't I neglect my eye brows?
Honestly, you can have this discussion with yourself forEVER cycling through anger, sadness, anxiety, and guilt for... as long as your attention lasts. And given the self-obsessed nature of this inner conversation, your attention can probably last a WHILE.
CLEEEEEAAAARLY I need to become more self-aware and self confident before I watch this most recent batch of chick flicks. Say Anything is gold, though.
1 comment:
I think it is really silly, and kind of sexist, to say that women shouldn't expect much from guys. I think we expect a LOT from women, and a lot of things that simply aren't all possible (to be a mother AND wife, to be a wife AND a successful worker, to be beautiful AND smart, etc.). And on the other hand, many people seem to give men a free pass to act like overgrown kids, who can't be expected to talk about their feelings or be nice to their girlfriends. And you're right, I don't think Lloyd is amazing or too perfect - he's just a good guy, which is what we should expect from a boyfriend!
Post a Comment