1 Jillion Things

About... 1 jillion-ish things to say. Let me list:

1. Old blog stuff

a. Christmas

So, I can't say I just STARTED re-reading and reformatting my old blogs, but I've been attacking the project with luster recently. On Christmas day, in particular, I got through January through May of my junior year. Which means that I spent most of Christmas day feeling EXTREMELY sorry for myself in the past. I can't say my nostalgia totally glosses over this period--I remember the pain. But reading it in my own words, every day, at all hours of the night. That was some TERRIBLE pain. Past Blythe was WAY fucking stronger than current Blythe is. And also, while throughout the past year, if not longer, I've been really worshipping my mother and trying to be as grateful as I can because I finally see what she gives me, I am pretty miffed at past-mom. I don't BLAME her per se, but some of the shit was pretty lame.

b. My sister.

I also realized that I started writing a blog in December of my sophomore year of high school, which is essentially where my sister is now! I decided to send her my blogs so that perhaps she can read them when she is miserable or happy or whatever and know exactly how I felt that day when I was her age (I really wrote almost every day).

I sent her December 10th through January 30th. I did this strategically for 2 reasons: 1) so she would care about it more. If I sent it to her in a clump, she might get overwhelmed by the length (I wrote 687 pages between 2003 and 2008 (size 9, single spaced. I'm a maniac. A self-obsessed maniac.)) and never read it OR read it all at once and it will go on the shelf with the rest of her books. I mean... this IS pretty neat. I don't care if I'm narcissistic. 2) I don't want to send her junior year yet. I distinctly remember (even before I read it) how much I loved sophomore year. I wasn't insecure about school or my friends and we were starting to hang out with boys (not in a sexy way, but in a regular way. I think that helps to even girls out, even if the boys we hung out with were... nothing like any group of boys I've ever met since then. In a semi-negative, definitely awkward, but okay way). But junior year. Nearly every entry is steeped with misery and panic and desperation. I think I'd rather her read them when she's actually in it... so she knows she's not alone. Or HOPEFULLY so she can be like "whoa, I'm not in THIS much pain. Jesus!"

Unfortunately, she didn't read my instructions and read the two months I sent her on Christmas morning and promptly asked me for more. I forgot that she's a heavy reader. I was also very flattered because I'm pretty aware that the audience for my new obsession (Past Blythe) is EXTREMELY narrow. I didn't give her more, but maybe I'll give her February soon.

Mostly, I really want it to inspire her to write a blog. A) so I can know more about her on a day to day basis. B) So she can nostalgically look back and glean the pleasure that I'm having right now... and the wisdom, weirdly. C) So when my brother is a sophomore on Christmas day, we can BOTH send him our blogs and then he can know how each of us felt. Unfortunately, it's impossible to say whether he would care what his older sisters felt, whether he would actually read them or not (can't determine how much he likes to read because he's 12 now), and whether or not he would really relate at ALL because he's a boy. Still, the dream is there.

(Weirdly, it's likely that my sister will read all of the above.)

c. I know everything already, but I just forgot.

Some of the stuff I find is super weird. On July 10, 2005 I write "i really feel like if can get into boston universtiy that that may be the college i choose. I don't know... I just have a feeling." However, I chose BU through tears in December of 2005.

Also (this was from a cosmo quiz):

e) what's your dream vacation?_________________________________

e. im not sure im actually into the location that much. i know i specifically declined a week in mexico so that i could have more time with my friends. it defiantely isn't lazing about on the beach or something. i would say that i would love to repeat possibly my best trip ever which is LA with my best friend. universal studios and disney world and water world and a knight thing... and id like to go to epcot. yeah... i like theme parks MUCH better than the beach or seeing natural or historical sites. but i have to go with someone awesome. i also REALLY like road trips. id really want to drive there. id want to drive half way and then fly the rest of the way because i love flying too. that would be the best.

2. Christmas with Caroline.

So... Christmas was lovely. Although... well I pretty much knew that I would be reminded of the details closer to the date. What I told other people was happening was that Caroline would arrive at 2pm and would leave at 4am. What was ACTUALLY supposed to happen was that Caroline would arrive at 4pm and leave at 8am. What HAPPENED was Caroline arrived at 7:15pm and I dropped her off at 6am for her flight. The stroke of miracle was that I had, for whatever reason, not slept until 6am on Christmas eve (technically Christmas day-- maybe it was a throwback to excitement of yester-year). Thus I woke up late, thus I was pretty alive until 6am the following day.

To sum up:

I slept until 1pm.

I ate canned soup.

I went to Denny's twice.

It rained.

Caroline and I chatted and she looked through my scrapbooks.

We looked through apartment listings for me.

Caroline gave me the most DELICIOUS treat I've ever had with toffee and peanuts and almonds and chocolate. It was HEAVEN and the BEST part was that it didn't hurt my teeth. I ate them all within days. She also gave me some heavenly sourdough bread.

We played logic puzzles. I always forget that Caroline is super into puzzles-- both logic and the actual kind with pieces. It truly makes me like her even better.

We parted ways as she took her Air Canada (?) flight to Israel.

3. Sarah Silverman

I finished The Time Travelers Wife for the second time, and again desperately needed a new book. I kind of wanted a quick, sure thing so instead of taking suggestions, I decided to get The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. So when I get into the library (a mere 9 hours ago) all of the computers to look up books are out of order. So before I go to the front desk, I decide to look for The Bedwetter: Stories of Courage, Redemption, and Pee by Sarah Silverman. I have looked for that book every time I've been to the library. It ALWAYS says it's available and I never see it in the stacks. Honestly, I'd already given it up for lost, but I'm pretty sure I just wanted to look like I had some direction when I was in the library. I was pretty much just wandering and checking all of the computers... and then unfortunately re-checking them because of my ever-surprising lack of spacial orientation and recognition of inanimate objects and displays. What I'm saying is, after wandering around like a fool, I took off in the only direction I knew: the Sarah Silverman direction. But guys. Today it was THERE!! Miracle miracle miracle!!!

I am a third through it and it's HILARIOUS (obviously). The lady checking it out was a middle aged white woman (of the rare, kind/endearing variety) and giggled at the title and the fact that it was non-fiction. "I'll have to remember this book. Is she some sort of comedian?" In my mind, I told her that it was VERY unlikely that she would like it, but on the outside I told her that if she was around when I returned it, I would let her know how it went.

4. Woody Allen, Bette Davis, and a touch of Judy Garland.

Oh Netflix.

Hannah and Her Sisters: I LOVED it. I loved it so much that it made me reevaluate my entire opinion of Woody Allen. Maybe I wasn't ready for him before, but now I think that what I mistook to be pretension, primarily because of the lengthy dialogue, I now find to be perfect. I love that the camera angles are off... like sometimes, but rarely, someone is talking and they are completely obscured and I feel like it's real. I love how he doesn't flirt around with the beginning of the movie. He simply does VO of what's in his head. But it gets the point across because then you can see the discomfort in every action, and you can see the obliviousness of everyone else and you know EXACTLY how that feels.

So then I watched

Manhattan: Loved it. LOVED it.

And then:

Crimes and Misdemeanors: I really loved that too, although the plot was VERY similar to Match Point.

I would not ever date Woody Allen because he writes about infidelity in nearly ever movie I've seen of his...

It disturbs me that in Manhattan he dates a 17 year old (when he is 42) and then in Crimes he hangs out with his even younger niece all the time. In fact, it doesn't disturb me SO much, as I find is strange that he is willing to do that when there is the obvious connection to his marriage with his step daughter.

Woody Allen is very concerned about God (obviously-- which is part of the reason I loved Hannah and Her Sisters so much. His character perfectly describes the reason why I've been getting middle-of-the-night death panic attacks since I was 8 years old.) and, as part of that I guess, crime that gets off scot-free.

I was also in the mood for some Bette Davis:

I watched Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? It was a LITTLE fun because I know that Bette Davis and Joan Crawford loathed each other and Bette Davis was known for being a huge bitch and Joan Crawford was known for being nice, but then LATER people think of her as being a psycho because of her daughter's memoir and then the movie (Mommie Dearest). But mostly I hated it because they kept doing close-ups of everyone for reactions that were too long and too fake to be tolerated. Plus it was too one-sided. Mostly though, I didn't realize that it was going to be so thriller-y. I thought it was going to be more tragic than scary. It wasn't.

All About Eve. I DID enjoy that one. I just thought it was unique in that Bette was kind of arrogant and suspecting and whatever but she was also endearing and right and she really turned out just fine anyway. Like.. there was resentment, but she really got what she wanted anyway. So... it was neat. Plus, Kevin told me it's similar to Black Swan. Good news.

And then I guess I needed Judy Garland so I watched A Star is Born. I watched half and then I talked to Kevin and I told him how it was silly because I didn't think she died during the making of the film (and I was right) but for 5-ish minutes they have scenes where it is just dialogue and still shots. And those are punctuated by driving shots or exteriors of buildings and stuff. It's very weird and I don't know why they did that. She also sings like... a 12 minute song in which a montage of stuff happens on very VERY cheap sets. It's EXTREMELY bizarre. But actually, the second half (it's like... 3 hours long!!) is really awesome and WAAAAY more tragic than I would have thought.

My favorite part is that Judy is singing with an orchestra and then she goes over to her boyfriend who is a declining star and an alcoholic and they are talking to each other to the side while the orchestra is performing music-only bits of the song. You don't hear what they say but the producer lowers a microphone into their conversation, unbeknownst to them. And then when they do the playback, you hear that he is proposing and she says "no" but all in a flirty way. And she says he drinks too much and asks if he would stop for her and he says she's not worth it, all giggly and they're fine and everything. So they hear it back with everyone. I just like it because... I hate when intimate moments are public. I don't understand why that's a romantic comedy standard because as soon as it's public, it's a show. And that's insincere. I guess it's because you can say anything to someone in privacy but you wouldn't say something so strong in front of witnesses unless you really mean it. But... I don't think it's necessary because I think a good movie should be able to build in some trust. But either way, this kind of crossed both hurdles. And MORE importantly, she agrees to marry him because "that's too public of a proposal to not say yes to" (I guess that's another reason for the public declarations). But... it's just neat that she WAS able to for see problems, but the circumstance caused her change her mind.

Very good movie though. Really liked it by the end.

Lastly, I also I have to mention: Corina and I stopped at Borders the other day because we were awkwardly an hour early to Devon's party. I saw both a Nightmare Before Christmas AND an Office monopoly game!!! It took so much will power, POSSIBLY divine power, to make me not buy it. If I had anyone, ANYONE I knew who would play with me even once every 3 months I would have bought it... and also I would marry them. It might actually have to be 2 other people because monopoly is pretty rough with only 2. A marri'age a trois.

Double lastly, for posterity purposes I just want to note that I keep a diary, mostly for extreme cases of unhappiness and confusion. I obviously keep a blog. I talked to Kevin for two hours every day. Yet I also starting writing a document on my computer which is TO Kevin, but not completely. Like... it's stuff that I don't REALLY know if I want him to read because it gets kind of weird. Well... I started writing a similar one to Natalya. Which is, honestly, even more weird because I don't understand why I can't just write those things to imaginary Kevin if no one is reading it anyway.

And this isn't a too-much-time-on-my-hands situation, because I have ... really not anymore time than I ever have. I know it's politically incorrect, but I just keep waiting for the schizophrenia. I mean, on top of Superfresh Blythe... I just feel like I'm splitting my thoughts into too many pieces...