Bright Star

Oscar noms. All predictable, except Inception for Best Picture (at least for ME that wasn't predictable). I didn't realize it was so quality. The only thing I want to say at this moment is that even though I LOOOVE Annette Benning, I'm going to be pissed if Natalie Portman doesn't win Best Actress for Black Swan. The Kids are Alright was FIIIINE, but I see no justifiable reason to believe that Annette's performance came even CLOSE to the achievement that Natalie made. Sure, she should have gotten an Oscar on her work in the past, but that makes her deserve a Lifetime Achievement award, not an Oscar for a regular performance.

AAAANYWAY

I watched Amadeus for the first time in a WHILE and... my god that movie is spectacular! I wanted to watch it again last night, but... I felt like I couldn't justify re-watching the same 3 hour movie twice in two days. Maybe in a week.

Which is why I chose to watch Bright Star with Ben Whishaw, an absolute chameleon. It was about John Keats and... it was spectacular. Thank you Netflix, as always, for knowing me so well. It made me kind of lament that we no longer wait until marriage to have sex. I RARELY feel that way.

As with many many many movies, it was sacred and afterward I wrote in my diary, "Every single time I watch a great movie, I think to myself, 'God I love movies so much. This movie is still in my right now, influencing my every thought and feeling. I'm walking different. If someone knew me as well as I know me, they would be able to hear this movie in my speech. When will I watch this again? When will I feel this way again?'"

Then I went outside to take a walk and stopped at some snails that have been frequenting an area near my house. I love watching them because at a quick glance, they're stationary, but upon closer examination, they are always moving. I just think they must have such limited experiences because they go so slow, but it must be so awesome every time they approach something new. Like... to anthropomorphize them, one that just reached dirt after spending so much time on concrete might be totally present in the new sensation of dirt.

Then I went into the alley where lemons from a nearby lemon tree often fall. One was on the ground and I tossed it to myself for a while before I threw it as hard as I could and ran after it. It broke and I drank some of the juice before throwing it again.

Then I took off my shoes to experience the concrete as I walked home and I went inside and got some incense and my book and looked at the stars and remembered the infinite universe.

If uninterrupted, the 20-40 minutes after watching a movie can make you (me) feel so present. I'm so grateful.

I started to watch Leaving Los Vegas with Nick Cage and Elizabeth Shue, but I abandoned it halfway through.

Today I went to the library and tried to appreciate poetry with my new John Keats eyes with mild success. I liked this one:

To Hope

When by my solitary hearth I sit,

And hateful thoughts unwrap my soul in gloom;

When no fair dreams before my "mind's eye" flit,

And the bare heath of life presents no bloom;

Sweet Hope, ethereal balm upon me shed,

And wave thy silver pinions o'er my head!

Whene'er I wander, at the fall of night,

Where woven boughs shut out the moon's bright ray,

Should sad Despondency my musings fright,

And frown, to drive fair Cheerfulness away,

Peep with the moonbeams through the leafy roof,

And keep that fiend Despondence far aloof!

Should Disappointment, parent of Despair,

Strive for her son to seize my careless heart;

When, like a cloud, he sits upon the air,

Preparing on his spell-bound prey to dart;

Chase him away, sweet Hope, with visage bright,

And fright him as the morning frightens night!

Whene'er the fate of those I hold most dear

Tells to my fearful breast a tale of sorrow,

O bright-eyed Hope, my morbid fancy cheer;

Let me awhile thy sweetest comforts borrow:

Thy heaven-born radiance around me shed,

And wave thy silver pinions o'er my head!

Should e'er unhappy love my bosom pain,

From cruel parents, or relentless fair;

O let me think it is not quite in vain

To sigh out sonnets to the midnight air!

Sweet Hope, ethereal balm upon me shed,

And wave thy silver pinions o'er my head!

In the long vista of the years to roll,

Let me not see our country's honour fade:

O let me see our land retain her soul,

Her pride, her freedom; and not freedom's shade.

From thy bright eyes unusual brightness shed--

Beneath thy pinions canopy my head!

Let me not see the patriot's high bequest,

Great Liberty! how great in plain attire!

With the base purple of a court oppress'd,

Bowing her head, and ready to expire:

But let me see thee stoop from heaven on wings

That fill the skies with silver glitterings!

And as, in sparkling majesty, a star

Gilds the bright summit of some gloomy cloud;

Brightening the half veil'd face of heaven afar:

So, when dark thoughts my boding spirit shroud,

Sweet Hope, celestial influence round me shed,

Waving thy silver pinions o'er my head!