Making My Last Year Easier

I got this email from my professor of the class I was most dreading... the class that I decided to take when I was still going through my "what would Bob Dylan do?" phase:

Greetings all, I hope it has been a happy and prosperous summer for everyone. This is just a subtle (OK --not so subtle) reminder to everyone that you should make sure you have a good grasp of both Homer's Odyssey and Joyce's Portrait of an Artist before classes begin. Ulysses is a wonderful novel, and a lot of fun, but it is also extremely difficult, and you will need to know both the Homer and Portrait to figure it out.  It is also a good idea to read through Joyce's Dubliners (a pretty easy read) as a lot characters in Ulysses appear there as well.  And, as you will have figured out, be forewarned that Ulysses is hard, so that the class will take some effort, although I will do my best go guide you through it. 

As in my earlier email, for Ulysses please get the Gabler edition (he's the editor) for ease of reference, but for the other works whatever edition is easiest for you to find is fine. 

Enjoy the rest of your summer, and very much looking forward to seeing you in the fall. 

All best, 

(Prof.) Stephanie Nelson

...

Obviously that's just not going to happen. I read the email and I was like "... fuck."

There are several things that bother me about this. 

1) I won't even have a CHANCE because there's no way I'm going to finish two books before the summer's over... Not because I couldn't but because I KNOW I wouldn't... and thus I would start OUT with anxiety which, in my opinion, is a crime.  

2) I consistently site the Odyssey as being a book that I know I would never read... a book that I would HAVE to spark note... a book that would turn me off with language so much that I couldn't go on... a book that makes me sad that I'm obviously not the most literary of people. I've never read it... but I use the Odyssey as my example with which to make these blanket statements. The point is, being asked to read it is bad enough... but the fact that I have to read this as BACKGROUND for a class.... Pshaaa!

3) Another thing that I want to say about old literature is that you aren't really ALLOWED to criticize it. Or... if you do you're like the most pretentious prick in the land. Even with the greatest movies... the most prestigious ones... you're still allowed to say SOMETHING. Citizen Kane is the most boring fucking movie ever (I've never seen it, but so I've heard). I hate the way Casablanca ends (I don't really... but it's a valid opinion). 

4) I know I'm just justifying myself here... but the other thing about classics is that I never remember them... which is annoying as shit because I'd like to have gained something from the torture. For instance, I'm almost positive I actually read The Great Gatsby in 11th grade. I'm pretty sure I didn't sparknote it (as opposed to Jane Eyre, which I absolutely DID sparknote). I don't remember SHIT about The Great Gatsby. I don't remember the characters. I feel like it took place in the 20s. That's it. I KNOW I read Animal Farm, which is a pretty memorable tale, and all I remember was that the pigs were evil and they sent the nice horse to the glue factory. And I promise I actually read them. Word for word. And I'm pretty sure I can remember other books clearly... but boring books. Nay. But I'll tell you, I bet I remember, almost scene for scene about 80% of the movies I've seen in my entire life... and I've seen a LOT of movies. What I'm saying is that if someone quizzed me on intricate details of every American movie that was ever made and someone quizzed me on every book that III'VE ever read... I bet I'd do better on the first one. 

What I'm saying is... I'll wait for a spicy new version of Ulysses, the movie. 

(Although, that last bit was a joke. Books, in my opinion, don't regularly become very great movies.... or if they do... they don't match up completely with the book. AAAALSO, I do wholeheartedly believe that reading a really great book is more satisfying than watching even the best movie... or for me it is. AAAnd my favorite book, probably aside from Harry Potter... which I can't help, is A Tree Grows in Brooklyn... and I'm pretty sure that's considered to be a classic. So there, you go. Contradictions, contradictions.)

Also, I want to mention that the professor seemed like a perfectly nice and fun and enthusiastic lady. Too bad I can't summon the interest in her topic. Also I like that she ended the email with "all best." I would like to write enough casual emails to have a little tag. My dad always ends his cards and emails (at least the ones he gives to me) with "big love." I LOVE that one. Big love.

ANYWAY ANYWAY

After reading the email I went online and tried to find a new class to fulfill my writing/literature requirement... the last of my requirements. I chose "literature and art of film." HEEELL YEAH!! The only thing that worries me is that maybe there was some reason I didn't pick this to begin with. I guess I'll have to double check, but I'm almost 1000% positive that it fits the requirement.