1. I am going to try and stop discussing my anxiety so much. I feel like it's exacerbating the problem--just sending negative energy out.
1b. I'm going to try and focus way more on the fact that this is actually a very exciting thing to do. Change is scary, but in a much more real sense, being on the move is very relieving and fulfilling. Plus, I was frightened to come to Boston too, and that turned out SUPER SUPER SUPER awesome. So great.
2. I'm going to stop thinking of L.A. in terms of the rest of my life, and think of it ONLY in terms of the 3 1/2 months that I'm obligated there. MUCH less pressure. I have to remember that if I don't like it, I can EASILY try to use my new connections to find work in New York. Or I can hang with my family in Colorado for a while. OR I can go up to Portland (my secret dream location) and take the civil service exam and do some government work for a while. I'll start thinking about the future a month into my L.A. experience.
3. I have to have a little more perspective on how this simply isn't the most stressful experience in comparison with what other people do. A HUGE amount of my friends came to Boston from California and they are just fine. Plus my mom had a 2-year-old when she was my age (me). Plus, Natalya can go off to the Amazon or Ecuador or on a three month, cross country bike ride. Plus... there's always that kid who built the windmill in Africa.
4. I also have to remember that even though I'm afraid that L.A. people will judge me, I really like BU people in television... and they are going to make up a lot of the people that I hang out with. Plus, I really love Julia, Devon, and Corina and they are all from L.A. I need to stop thinking of them as exceptions-- maybe I am being excessively prejudiced as my mother suggested.
5. I bought and am going to read a recommended travel book about L.A. I think that will relieve some of my anxiety... make me feel a little more secure.
6. I am going to try and shut all of the thoughts down at night. Life, L.A. or not, seems surprisingly bleak at 4am.
Much better, right? Right.
I finally decided I could talk to my grandpa about L.A. (he called on Monday). Did it, and ... it was OKAY, except there were a lot of car issues that I hadn't really thought about. Buuuuut... I'm going to take it one problem at a time, and I'm not going to freak out anymore. AND I'm going to try to take as much advantage of Boston as I can while I'm still here-- which I think I'm doing well with.
Whew! DECIDING to return to optimism is sometimes the trickiest part.
Also, I think I've decided how I'm going to find my soulmate. I'm going to find a man that blogs as much as I do. We'll procrastinate together, talking indirectly through our own narcissistic mediums. That's the premise. Then we finally get together, but we end up writing too much about our hot sex in our blogs. But we shall overcome, presumably through a series of hilarious misunderstandings and complications. Then we can have a blog together... that will obviously be updated every 20 minutes. Cue romantic music swell.
Done.
2 comments:
It IS really hard to be optimistic, but making the DECISION to be does help I think. I know this is really not comparable, but I am having sooo much trouble dealing with my thesis, just because I keep avoiding it. But when I actually sit down to work on it, I feel so much better! And it's not that bad! So... I think I just need to change my mindset, and think of it differently. But... we'll see if I can.
In any case, I bet LA will be awesome!!
I always secretly imagine that you and Corey will decide to come to L.A. too. It's comforting, even if it never happens (but I hope it does!). And I absolutely DO think a thesis is comparable in terms of stress.
ALSO you responded before I even finished editing the blog. Very prompt!!! But I added a whole piece about my future soulmate that you missed! You're going to need to know this information for when you're writing my wedding toast.
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