My Spontaneous Fit

Last night WAS a really late night again. I stayed up until 7am, but I didn't even REALISE it was that late! But I have to say that I LOOOOOVE being up at night SOOOOOO MUCH!!! I theorize that MAYBE it's because the way I prefer to spend my time is a more balanced social vs. alone time schedule for me. Like... if you wake up at 3pm, then you only have to spend like... 7 hours with other people before you can legitimately turn in. BUUUT if you wake up at like 10am, you have to spend like... 12 hours with them. and if you wake up at 6am... then you probably STILL only have to spend 12 hours with them... but you're also RETARDED for liking 6am better on the waking up end instead of the STAYING up end. Lame. Anyway... that's probably not it at all... but it's a theory.

Today was mostly reading, playing guitar hero, and chilling with Claire and Sarah. I DID burn my Beatles CDs which was awesome. AND I'm doing my laundry right now! AND my mom and I ordered like... 8 books on amazon.com. It's true that it's WAY cheaper to do it that way. I saved like... $100 and now I wonder why I haven't been doing that the whole time. Things online just ARE cheaper!! My bus tickets were $22 less when I bought them online. Renting movies is cheaper with netflix. Newspapers are cheaper (/free). Books are cheaper. So there ya go.

Part B of the books story is that when I was ordering them I was like "man, these are never going to get to my apartment on time. I guess you don't use your books on the first day though (/I almost never use my books before like... finals)." And THEN I realised that school isn't starting for another 2 weeks!! I just keep forgeting because I'm going back to Boston, resting, and then starting PART 2 of my break!!!

Anyway, I did NOT buy my tickets to Boston online this time!! That's because today I woke up at 3pm as I said, and I had already put the books that were cheaper on amazon.com in my mom's cart. BUT when I woke up, she decided to go to the gym so I read for a while. When she came back I told her about the books, and she had a really hard time changing the shipping address because she insisted it was easier to place the order and THEN change the shipping address... which obviously doesn't make sense... but since she's paying I didn't feel that I could help her. After like a half hour, she got really upset and said they're going to be shipped to here. I told her that she should probably just cancel the order and we'll start again. SOOOO I had to go back online and pick out all the books again (which wasn't a big deal because I wrote all the books down on paper... it took like 5 minutes). Then my mom came BACK on and took like ... another half hour doing it the right way. After that, though, she was too frustrated to do the books from the BU Book Store, and she went to make dinner.
(added later: I particularly awkwardly switched tenses in my writing here... but I don't feel like going back and changing it... so just know that I know...)

Then I go upstairs to play guitar hero with my brother for like and hour. Then he gets tired and my sister replaces him. Claire texts me to go get dinner with her, but I tell her that I should probably spend my last dinner with the family and that I'd hang out with her later.

Ok, this is where my day gets RETARDED!! You can judge me all you want because I'm judging myself... but know that at no point did I think I was doing the right thing.

So we're playing guitar hero and my brother comes up and tells us to go get dinner when we finish the song, which was great since I was starving (as waking up at 3 pm does to me every day!!)!! So we're finishing the song and then Ernie gets pissed and yells at us to get downstairs... obviously my brother was giving us the end of the song and not the family. Ok... so I don't know what the issue was... but I'm obviously not used to people yelling at me or around me at all, so I instantly start bawling. Which is RETARDED since he obviously wasn't really THAT upset or even specifically upset with me. So I get downstairs, and I'm trying to cover up my tears because I know I'm being stupid. But Meredith asks me if I'm okay, and I couldn't take it so I go to the bathroom and start bawling. And I'm trying to think of things that will make me calm down so I can go back into the room... but my eyes are still red and reflecting off the light in the way that someone KNOWS you've been crying. And I knew it would be sooo awkward if everyone knew I was crying but no one knew why.

It ended up being TOO long and I heard everyone sit down and I decided I'd rather just not eat. Like... I could not control myself at ALL and kept bursting into tears. So I get into my room and I'm so upset because now I'm starving and stupid and I can't make myself stop. I finally start reading and like... 15 minutes into the meal, and I'd started to calm down, my mom calls me to tell me it's dinner time, which makes me start all over again because then I feel even STUPIDER realising that Ernie probably didn't even know that he WAS directing his yelling to me!! I called out to my mom that I was going to eat with Claire, and I knew she would be upset that I didn't eat with them on my last night. The whole thing was ridiculous.

So then I was planning on hanging out with Claire at 8pm, but she called me at 7:30ish and asked if I wanted her and Sarah to pick me up. I figured I was fine, and my face wasn't really red anymore, so I agreed. But after I hung up, I realized that we still didn't buy all of my books, I still hadn't looked up anything about my ticket or taking the subway in the morning, which I wanted to do REALLY early, AND I didn't even have enough money to take the bus... that being the biggest issue!!

So I go up to my mom, who is taking apart the roast chicken so that she can put it in tupperware for left overs, and I ask her if I'm still taking the bus in the morning. She says "yes." And I'm starving and I'm sad that she's probably not happy that I missed the meal and I'm still mad about the yelling and I'm nervous about the bus and the books and then Claire calls because they're at the door... and I start crying AGAIN!!! But there wasn't anything I could do about it. And my mom saw and gave me a weird look and I left and tried to be cool.

Luckily, Claire and Sarah are good about leaving you alone when you don't want to talk about things, and I was really embarrassed... because really... that whole story was SO STUPID!! Even at the TIME I knew I was being stupid. I felt way better like... 10 minutes into being with them. PLUS we looked at Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen's coffee table book that Claire bought, which was REALLY awesome! I LOVE them!! And we wrote our own Proust/Mary-Kate/Ashley questionaire, which I'll probably put in here after Claire sends it to me.

Also, I called my mom and she's going to bring me to the bus station around noon and pay for it. I WOULD just stay here for another day like I intended but I already told Katherine that I would come back.

After I left, Sarah took me to Superfresh because I was so hungry. I got spicy crab sushi and TWO fresh artichokes, which I just ate. Now I'm STUFFED!!!

It's so weird that I don't hear about other people having these physical ramifications when they're at home. I can't imagine that my home is that much worse than anyone elses. I would argue that it's pretty fine. And I don't think I love school like... infinitely more than other people... although I do like school a lot. I feel stupid that I keep having these fits... but I'm glad that I KNOW they won't happen when I get back. AND I know that I'll NEVER be tempted to stay at home.

Anyway, look forward to my usual positive self again tomorrow/the next day!!